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How was your first munch? - 11/17/2012 4:19:58 PM   
Nelee


Posts: 205
Joined: 11/15/2012
Status: offline 		I've seen quite a few posts here recently asking about munches, or what to be worried about.
I'm going to my first munch around the middle of December (I'm SO excited!), and I realize that, no matter HOW much I read on the topic, it'll never beat the cold, hard bitch slap of experience.

So, if I may ask, how was you guys first munch? Was it everything you expected it to be, or no? Did you stress a little bit too much? Was there anything that stood out for you, or did something specific keep you going back? Or was there an event that made you realize it wasn't for you?

I'm just looking for little things that I may not think of, or maybe unspoken etiquette on the entire meeting (other than the obvious).

Here's to hoping I don't make a fool of myself...
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RE: How was your first munch? - 11/17/2012 4:48:59 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		The first one I went to was just fine. It was about 10 people just hanging out, eating and gabbing.
As someone who ran them for years though, I would like to give you some tips.
* Understand that some munches are among people who have been together for a while and tend to focus on one another rather than a new member. This is more of a reflection of how they have bonded and not a rejection of those who are new to the group.
* Don't be afraid to speak up or ask questions.
* Keeping the above in mind, there is also a balance between speaking up and being overwhelming. I have found that a few people can seem either dull or off-putting by not paying attention to cues.
* Find someone who seems friendly and introduce yourself. It is often easier to transition into a group if you can make a small inroad.
* Be mindful of other patrons around you. Not all munches are private and sometimes you have to keep kink talk low around families or waitstaff.
* If you find the first munch was not to your liking, try and try again. Honestly I think people give up too soon.
If you can't have fun, then eat well!

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to Nelee)
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RE: How was your first munch? - 11/17/2012 4:51:08 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		I was lucky, my first two socials were in Orange County, CA and Los Angeles. Both socials were large and there were plenty of people. The OC social averaged between 40 and 60 people. The LA social would get around 200 during the summer months.

We had a SoCal chat room on AOL, so I felt like I knew many of the people before I went. I was actually introduced to Master at the OC social and we became friends very quickly.

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RE: How was your first munch? - 11/17/2012 5:52:52 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Nelee, I think you're making more of it than you should. I don't want you to feel let down after.

It's just people meeting in a restaurant. And talking. I expect for someone your age, it will seem like a pretty dull party.

The only suggestion I have for you is to move around. Spend half an hour or so sitting in one place, chatting with one group of people, and then move to another spot and chat with others. Try to make some good contacts, people who you like to talk with and feel comfortable with.

At this point, just get others' profile names so you can check the profiles out later, and contact them through the profiles if you wish.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: How was your first munch? - 11/18/2012 12:11:17 AM   
seekingreality


Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Nelee

I've seen quite a few posts here recently asking about munches, or what to be worried about.
I'm going to my first munch around the middle of December (I'm SO excited!), and I realize that, no matter HOW much I read on the topic, it'll never beat the cold, hard bitch slap of experience.

So, if I may ask, how was you guys first munch? Was it everything you expected it to be, or no? Did you stress a little bit too much? Was there anything that stood out for you, or did something specific keep you going back? Or was there an event that made you realize it wasn't for you?

I'm just looking for little things that I may not think of, or maybe unspoken etiquette on the entire meeting (other than the obvious).

Here's to hoping I don't make a fool of myself...


I consider a munch no different than a cocktail party. You talk to people. Some you'll like or find interesting; some you won't. It's not as big a deal as some people make it out to be. I'd say just temper your expectations, and look at it as a way to meet some people, but don't go into it expecting anything in particular. Like I said: think of it as a cocktail party

(in reply to Nelee)
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RE: How was your first munch? - 11/18/2012 12:30:21 AM   
metamorfosis


Posts: 1132
Status: offline 		Boring.

Pam

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RE: How was your first munch? - 11/18/2012 9:43:42 AM   
Thaz


Posts: 617
Joined: 4/28/2012
Status: offline 		Political.

My bad luck but the local scene had just imploded and the fallout was falling thick and heavy.

Still I met a few good folks there and at parties and the organisers did their level best to keep politics from ruining it all.

(in reply to metamorfosis)
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RE: How was your first munch? - 11/18/2012 10:50:38 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		This was almost 20 years ago but I was schocked, intimidates, repulsed, fascinated, etc.

My advice is join whatever online group, email list, etc, lurk for a bit, contact some people and if you,are nervous, that helps a lot.

Reality is, its just people...

(in reply to Thaz)
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RE: How was your first munch? - 11/18/2012 11:39:23 AM   
Nelee


Posts: 205
Joined: 11/15/2012
Status: offline 		Ah! Alrightie, I see! I guess I am making more of a deal than I should. :) Thank you guys. Hehe, hopefully mine isn't boring, or political! I've learned that whenever politics are brought up, I should just not speak on it. People get intensely heated on those things, and it's a quick way to make enemies or make people dislike you.

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Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How was your first munch? - 11/18/2012 12:25:35 PM   
needlesandpins


Posts: 3901
Status: offline 		my first was actually a swinging munch/social and made me realise just how picky i am, and how nervous i was about it all. it didn't get any better with the second one either, or the third for that matter. i learnt i am not a swinger. however, that was with my ex so the whole feel of everything was different.

these days i have different mind set about being around other people because of the person i would be there with. i also think that the fetish/bdsm setting would make it better too.

i hope you have a great time!

needles

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RE: How was your first munch? - 11/18/2012 2:07:08 PM   
UrNatalie


Posts: 45
Joined: 10/18/2012
Status: offline 		I met a couple great people and I think it's a success, :) I probably would meet more, but Sir and I were in a rush;)

It all depends on what your expectations and goals are. If you just want to hang out with kinksters, you'd be satisfied, because at that point looks don't matter. If you want to find somebody as a playmate or something more serious, then all depends on your taste and luck. Anyhow, it's always a pleasure to meet new interesting people.

< Message edited by UrNatalie -- 11/18/2012 2:13:31 PM >

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RE: How was your first munch? - 11/18/2012 2:13:11 PM   
81song


Posts: 293
Joined: 1/22/2005
Status: offline 		Gosh it was a while ago but I remember feeling so very nervous. But like some have said its just a bunch of folks eating and talking kink. Here in our local munch there are some very cool people and at times our munch can be a hoot.

(in reply to UrNatalie)
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RE: How was your first munch? - 11/18/2012 2:48:51 PM   
absolutchocolat


Posts: 1392
Status: offline 		my first kink event was a ropes demonstration, and i took my sub along so i wouldn't feel awkward. it was a pretty relaxed atmosphere. we chatted with others who were more experienced, bought some goodies, and enjoyed the show. i haven't gone to my local munch yet, but i'm on the e-mail list and it's a great resource for classes and other fun events in the area.

i think the key to enjoying yourself at any event -- kink or not -- is being yourself and socializing a bit. works for me :)

(in reply to Nelee)
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RE: How was your first munch? - 11/18/2012 4:28:50 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		It was at a pizza joint and most of the people looked like the dark pant and long trench coat kids who played Magic at the community college quad, except 20 years older and 200 pounds heavier. That and a bunch of biker looking leather folk with bad hygiene
Needless to say, I wasn't uber impressed

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RE: How was your first munch? - 11/18/2012 5:55:41 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		First munch I ever went to, I walked in and and it looked like a bunch of very large, older folk who had just left a Renaissance Faire, with the men in leather chaps on top of their jeans and women with boobs hanging out of much too small corsets. It felt like everyone was still playing Dungeons and Dragons. It took place in a family restaurant, not in a back room or anything and everyone was talking extremely loudly about their sex lives and girls bending over for swats and tons of male subs flitting from girl to girl to get something, anything at all, no matter if they were dommes, subs, switches, what-no.

I decided it was not for me and turned right around and went home.

That was my first one. I've been to at least 10 others since then, in other places I have traveled and lived over the years and none have been any different whatsoever. It was the same thing unfortunately.



< Message edited by littlewonder -- 11/18/2012 5:56:27 PM >

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RE: How was your first munch? - 11/18/2012 6:04:24 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		FR

Restaurant in Iowa City. I felt like I had nothing at all in common with anyone there. I won't describe their looks for fear of insulting anyone that might read it.

I just knew they were not my sort of crowd. There was much smoking (it was before that was illegal in IC) which turned me off. Much bad dress, bad hair, loud, mostly hetro M/f couples, some looking for unicorns, hoping I was one. And yeah, very Ren Fair looking mixed with The Matrix costume outcasts.

There is a dominant woman that belongs (or used to) to CM, that lives a few miles from me. We've both joined that crew for a gathering once, at different times. We are both pretty sure we will limit it to once.

_____________________________

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: How was your first munch? - 11/18/2012 6:42:09 PM   
Nelee


Posts: 205
Joined: 11/15/2012
Status: offline 		I'm hoping this munch isn't anything like that. I used to hang around with the "weeaboo" crowd in high school... Ever since I've gotten away with that, I have a dire fear of being in public with people who are loud about their sex lives and don't know when and where it's appropriate to dress in kink wear or not. I've talked to a few online, and they all seem very down to earth :) So I'm hoping I don't have to fear that. I wouldn't want high school all over again lol

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RE: How was your first munch? - 11/18/2012 8:33:29 PM   
BurntKitty


Posts: 3340
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: Here To Eternity.
Status: offline 		My first munch was about 6-ish years ago in a casual restaurant in South Fla. When I RSVP'd (RSVP-ed?) I let the organizer know I was new to the group. There were maybe 30 people there. I was introduced to many folks, and one person was "assigned" to be my FAQ person. I must have asked a gazillion questions. (I was new to the munch, not to BDSM.)

The munch has moved since. It's a lot closer to me & in a separate room of the bestest Asian Buffet & sushi bar in the County. At Sept's munch we had close to 100 folks. It's growing & still just a friendly & welcoming as ever.

I'll miss the friends I've made there.

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RE: How was your first munch? - 11/19/2012 1:18:28 AM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		It was Very small... Like 4 or 5 people. One was really nice to me and I came to like her as we shared the same kink community.

But the general experience? Terrible. I was very uncomfortable, tripping over my words, etc because the other main person there that seemed to be running it (I talked mainly with these two as the other people were quiet or doing other things) came off as a totally not friendly asshole... And sure enough, in sharing the local kink community in the future that impression definitely stayed and got stronger.

BUT! I still urge folks to take the leap and get out there. I've had great experiences being in the public scene. To include in that community... On continuing going to munches there I met a lot of great people and went to a lot of really fun get-togethers. It was worth it.

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Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

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RE: How was your first munch? - 11/19/2012 8:42:50 AM   
descrite


Posts: 459
Joined: 5/14/2012
Status: offline 		LaT nailed it. I will ditto.

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