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RE: Why I dislike mentoring - 11/23/2012 5:57:32 PM

SimplyMichael

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Aries,

THAT sort of intense one on one mentoring is great conceptually, the reality however tends to fall short, be ridled with one true way, and attract people I think should be sterilized rather than mentoring.

As for classes, I dont teach a "how to be dominant" class but I do teach one called "The vulnerable dominant" which centers around learning to be a whole person, not a one dimentional cartoon character. The other is tangentally related to being dominant. Its called "the art of topping" but its about connecting deeper play, hearing and understanding your partner better and how to create that hot chemistry that makes,your kiss hotter than,the other,guys best flogging. Skills that work well in any relationship.

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RE: Why I dislike mentoring - 11/23/2012 6:14:43 PM

ARIES83

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Have you got any online infos you could link?
I wouldn't mind reading the first one.

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RE: Why I dislike mentoring - 11/24/2012 11:45:22 AM

DesFIP

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Even the most well meaning mentor only really knows their own pov. Which is why when someone comes on here seeking, I've been known to say they have 50 or more answering questions in the forum giving them a lot more possible suggestions than just one.

With that said, I've had people write me asking if they can bounce ideas off me. I'm always thrilled to offer advice, I'm a mother so this comes naturally:)

But I can't warn them against every pitfall. And mainly I just ask questions about whether or not what they're doing is making them more happy or less.

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RE: Why I dislike mentoring - 11/24/2012 12:06:35 PM

BambiBoi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: cordeliasub
As a submissive, I would never be a mentor

Why not? I firmly believe that the best mentors are those of the same orientation. An experienced female sub mentoring a female sub is ideal.

*snipped for brevity*

I concur.

The problem is that a mentor is not a master to an apprentice. The end goal is to set the mentee free, capable to be on their own, not to continue one's legacy or join one. To do this, a mentor needs to encourage exposure, not in-house training.

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RE: Why I dislike mentoring - 11/24/2012 12:09:13 PM

chatterbox24

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I pretty much use this forum as a mentoring tool. Of course it can't replace one on one, but I just pick and chose what I find to be really good advice or a good mind set. Get ideas, and like to read about pitfalls to avoid. I have my favorite posters too, they dont even know who they are. THey give great rational level headed input which I appreciate and can learn from.

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RE: Why I dislike mentoring - 11/24/2012 1:17:43 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I love the CONCEPT of mentoring but in my experience the reality often sucks.

The root of the problem is twofold. Those most eager to volunteer are those who have the least business doing so. Couple that with those most in need often make the worst choices in.mentors and its a mess.

The other problem is most mentors are one trick ponies, they teach THEIR way, not seeing the mentee as an individual and helping them find their own path.

You want to learn and grow? Ask LOTS of people advice, seek multiple viewpoints. Watch people and find the ones whos actions match their words but dont seek one, seek out as many as you can find.

Go to a munch and watch everyone, learn from everyone, even uf all you learn is NOT THAT! That is still a valuable lesson. Read books even if you dont like them. Read forums like this one, with a grain of salt of course, lol!

I agree 100%.

It's some what ironic that one should be mentored on how one should mentor. And that one should be mentored on how to choose a mentor Neither of which occurs all that often in my experience

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RE: Why I dislike mentoring - 11/24/2012 1:20:29 PM

SimplyMichael

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And YOU good Sir are one of those from whom I have learned much.

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RE: Why I dislike mentoring - 11/24/2012 1:33:36 PM

Spiritedsub2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

I pretty much use this forum as a mentoring tool. Of course it can't replace one on one, but I just pick and chose what I find to be really good advice or a good mind set. Get ideas, and like to read about pitfalls to avoid. I have my favorite posters too, they dont even know who they are. THey give great rational level headed input which I appreciate and can learn from.

I do the same thing. And my list of favorite posters keeps growing! Damn that day job.

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RE: Why I dislike mentoring - 11/24/2012 5:08:55 PM

littlewonder

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I sure as hell people don't look at me as a mentor on here just because they email me and ask questions or look for advice. Don't run your life based on what I say because what I say is what works for me and mine. It might not work for you. I am as far from a mentor as possible. Just because I give answers to questions does not make me a mentor. It either makes me a friend or someone just giving advice and nothing more.

When I go to church, I don't see my pastor as a mentor. He's just someone who might have some good advice to give me depending on his experience. Just because he's a pastor though does not make him a mentor. Just because he runs workshops on faith still does not make him a mentor. It just makes him a guy with some advice to hand out to take it or leave it

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