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Anyone here run a public playspace? - 11/21/2012 7:56:29 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		There us a thread over on fet that has me apoplectic. Its over how they treat accusations of being a serious douchebag and up to rape. Basically, if the cops dont convict tge guy, hes a menber in good standing.

I was fucking shocked.

All these years I have railed against protectors...I may have to eat crow.
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RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? - 11/21/2012 8:09:37 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I own a huge old brick building that would be amazing for events but no, I haven't the patience to deal with the hassles.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? - 11/21/2012 8:48:02 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I owned a playspace years ago, they can be cesspits of drama. Doesnt have to be that way, my favorite playspace is Lair de Sade in Los Angeles. No DMs, no rules, but if you fuck up, the owner just runs your ass out, period.

Which means the drama queens and the douchebags go somewhere else.

And I would SO love to do a playspace again. High end but edgy, a touch gothy. Brick? Oh my!

< Message edited by SimplyMichael -- 11/21/2012 8:50:06 AM >

(in reply to LaTigresse)
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RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? - 11/21/2012 8:55:05 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Yeah, and that's partly why I've never considered it seriously. My tastes are considerably more high end than my budget.

Here in Iowa, in small towns with dead old downtowns, you can usually find some great old brick buildings for fabulous prices. The challenge is finding a sensible use for them. The one I have, has an old restaurant with all of the fixtures on the main floor, bar on the left half of the front. Upstairs is an apartment. Most end up being chopped up into inexpensive apartment rentals. Those buildings can also be mega money pits.

This is my current object of lust...Hotel Manning

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 11/21/2012 8:58:00 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? - 11/21/2012 9:04:08 AM   
SpiritedRadiance


Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline 		You have to see both sides.. I'm from Philly.. home of the drama queens the butt hurt and stupidity...


We have had several issues with non consent in the past year... We had several witch hunts in which my name was dragged into it because my opinion when asked was I can't form an opinion until I hear both sides of the story..... From that I was a rapist protector... And a drug addict and an alcoholic.....

People can and do lie about things... Some will make serious allegations about assault or rape because they were not collared or didn't get what they wanted...


I have a personal policy no court papers to.prove your side of it.... I'll form my.opinion based on fact
Otherwise I can say... You simply Michael did x to me me.. you held.me against my will and did....and you name is now run through the mud and trashed for no reason other then you didn't want to do a scene with me... Or we went on a date and had no chemistry....

I know you might think it a bit of a stretch but I've watched it happen in front of my own eyes here in Philly with several.close friends



_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? - 11/21/2012 9:12:14 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Which is why to me, I dont give a shit UNTIL a pattern emerges. You keep getting violated? Get counseling and develop boundaries and the skill to communicate them. You keep violating peoples limits? Ditto.

All to often, its a sad case of inexperience and tragic missunderstanding. However, when patterns emerge...

I would close up and end a group I ran if I was unable to force idiots out.

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)
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RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? - 11/21/2012 9:16:11 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Yeah, and that's partly why I've never considered it seriously. My tastes are considerably more high end than my budget.

Here in Iowa, in small towns with dead old downtowns, you can usually find some great old brick buildings for fabulous prices. The challenge is finding a sensible use for them. The one I have, has an old restaurant with all of the fixtures on the main floor, bar on the left half of the front. Upstairs is an apartment. Most end up being chopped up into inexpensive apartment rentals. Those buildings can also be mega money pits.

This is my current object of lust...Hotel Manning


I am sitting here in a cafe and there is a flyer fir a 600sf apt for $1500 a month, 3 bdrm houses are $350/600k ...byt not sure I coyld live in iowa. If I did, I would want enough land I could shoot off my back porch. Thats one of my requirements if I dont live in THE city.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
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RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? - 11/21/2012 9:37:34 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		That is why I live where I do.

I prefer coyotes, skunk, possum, pheasant, turkeys and deer as neighbours.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? - 11/21/2012 10:04:24 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Public meaning anybody can walk in off of the street, pay the door fee, and come in? No. Group play space? Kind of the two locations where I was elected to be on the board.

In My own best interest, I'm not going to ask where the thread is on Fet. It might make Me want to bitch slap somebody.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LaTigresse)
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RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? - 11/21/2012 10:04:46 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

That is why I live where I do.

I prefer coyotes, skunk, possum, pheasant, turkeys and deer as neighbours.


We have all that too. I have seen deer in Berkeley and there is a den of coyotes in Golden Gate park. But I know what you mean.

To me, country is where you can shoot and eat them, oh and bear.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
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RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? - 11/21/2012 10:06:59 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Public meaning anybody can walk in off of the street, pay the door fee, and come in? No. Group play space? Kind of the two locations where I was elected to be on the board.

In My own best interest, I'm not going to ask where the thread is on Fet. It might make Me want to bitch slap somebody.



Pretty much if you are smart and make sure the women you rape know you and kink was involved, the police wont even bother, and I guess neither will the "leaders". Fucking pathetic.

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? - 11/21/2012 10:18:26 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
There us a thread over on fet that has me apoplectic. Its over how they treat accusations of being a serious douchebag and up to rape. Basically, if the cops don't convict the guy, he's a member in good standing.

And here I am just having taken a pretty strong stance over a local incident where I said exactly, "I'm not in favor of the Monty Python Witch Trial" and I'm not in favor of kangaroo courts.

I was fucking shocked.

In truth I think there's a fine line here because the involvement of the "cops" is problematic nowadays even for the most privileged parts of society and kinksters don't qualify in that camp.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? - 11/21/2012 10:18:34 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		You know I'm going to look now, right?

People seem to forget what the board and/or leaders of a group are supposed to do. They are supposed to be working for the group. Part of that is providing a safe environment.

It is ironic that you created this thread. A lot of groups out there have that phrase in their rules/by-laws. "A member of good standing." Funny how many groups don't actually define what that means.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? - 11/21/2012 10:37:34 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
There us a thread over on fet that has me apoplectic. Its over how they treat accusations of being a serious douchebag and up to rape. Basically, if the cops don't convict the guy, he's a member in good standing.

And here I am just having taken a pretty strong stance over a local incident where I said exactly, "I'm not in favor of the Monty Python Witch Trial" and I'm not in favor of kangaroo courts.

I was fucking shocked.

In truth I think there's a fine line here because the involvement of the "cops" is problematic nowadays even for the most privileged parts of society and kinksters don't qualify in that camp.


Jeff, single incidents are sad but inevitably "he said, she said".

What they were discussing is despite a PATTERN emerging, they would STILL refuse to act.



(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? - 11/21/2012 12:54:55 PM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Pretty much if you are smart and make sure the women you rape know you and kink was involved, the police wont even bother, and I guess neither will the "leaders". Fucking pathetic.


Are kink related rapes less vigorously prosecuted over there?

I'm just asking because, around these parts, if there is questionable consent, you're roast; what you relate, if I read it right, seems odd to me.

IWYW,
— Aswad.


_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? - 11/21/2012 2:19:58 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		The lilone and her Ex ran a playspace for a long time. They quit because all the drama. Just too much BS for the effort

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to Aswad)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? - 11/21/2012 3:01:13 PM   
SpiritedRadiance


Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline 		Fr
Simplymichael.. do you know all parties involved? Their histories? Is someone involved.someone personally involved or.close to.you?

Round here someone says so and so did x to me.. and 15 girls come out of the wood work.. 10 to 14 of them having never met so.and so.. and.say you too? So and so did y to me..

It's why everyone I know has an over skepticism about someone who won't go to the cops... And round here rape is rape.regardless to wither or not bdsm is involved.. we have several cops in the scene and more who are kink friendly...

_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to Kana)
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RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? - 11/21/2012 4:02:07 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aswad
Are kink related rapes less vigorously prosecuted over there?

I'm just asking because, around these parts, if there is questionable consent, you're roast; what you relate, if I read it right, seems odd to me.

IWYW,
— Aswad.

Hello, Aswad. These are just a few thoughts of My own.

The first part to this is that we really don't know how many kink related rapes go unreported. This is usually part of the problem when it comes to how groups deal with this. I have to think that women don't press charges often enough. That can be because of feeling ashamed due to circumstances, especially kinky ones. It's very much like date rape with a kinky twist. "You invited him in/went to his place of your own accord."

Then, you have to deal with the DA (District Attorney). If there isn't a lot of physical evidence, some women get discouraged when they hear what kind of chance there is of a conviction. The longer that you wait to report, the less physical evidence there is, and that doesn't help your case. Wait a week? You may not even have a shot depending on the circumstances.

Third, it hasn't been that long here that the 'putting the victim on trial' method of defense has been prohibited. It used to be that a sexual assault victim could be completely humiliated in court because her sexual history would be paraded out, what kind of clothes she wore, and anything that could be used to blame the victim.

The whole thing is a hideous process. First, there is the rape. Then, a collecting of "physical" evidence, which is a semi-invasive medical gathering. Followed by an emotional legal upheaval that *may* actually make it to court *if* there is enough to follow through.

Please understand that these are just My thoughts based on limited observations and not statistics.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Aswad)
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RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? - 11/21/2012 4:38:12 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I owned a playspace years ago, they can be cesspits of drama. Doesnt have to be that way, my favorite playspace is Lair de Sade in Los Angeles. No DMs, no rules, but if you fuck up, the owner just runs your ass out, period.


The Lair has rules, but they're just common sense stuff like don't touch without consent, don't touch someone else's stuff, clean up the station after you're done, etc. I personally have seen Kane remove someone for touching one of my friend's without her consent. He's fantastic that way.

But, they will not interrupt a scene unless there's something major going on. In my memory I only remember one scene being shut down: It was a guy with a bullwhip in the front room. He was hitting other people that were behind him on his back swing.

Bottom line is that Kane thinks that if you're an adult you need to behave like one and take responsibility for yourself.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? - 11/21/2012 5:01:52 PM   
CynthiaWVirginia


Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

There us a thread over on fet that has me apoplectic. Its over how they treat accusations of being a serious douchebag and up to rape. Basically, if the cops dont convict tge guy, hes a menber in good standing.

I was fucking shocked.

All these years I have railed against protectors...I may have to eat crow.


Now you know why some of us have reluctantly stepped into the role of protector. It's necessary, particularly with some people and in areas where there are known predators that nobody can positively ID and blacklist. We have some doozies in my area, complete with a guy who takes women down some lonely country road and does a "put out or get out" thing, and another one who took a NEWBIE and waterboarded her in a hotel room in spite of her letting him know that this was a hard limit. He got scared and left her tied up for the maids to set free the next day. (With a safe caller, these fem subs would have been rescued a lot sooner and would have had a decent lifestyle friend helping them get over it, seeing to it too that they got whatever help they needed.)

I don't know about other people's areas, but a lot of chit goes on that cannot be prosecuted. The victim often just wants to recover and forget and move on, not prolong the nightmare. Some have an incredible ability to either take the blame onto themselves (as in "I shouldn't have been wearing that dress, makeup, met up with some guy from the internet" etc.), or else they have a horror of anyone else finding out about it. Most of you don't know how bitchy others are toward someone who has cried rape in the past...it's treated as a joke, like it's some manipulation tool she uses freely, or that she "was a hooker and the check bounced". Going to the police and doctor, etc., are often as traumatic, if not moreso, than the rape itself. Yes, I am speaking from firsthand experience.

We host parties. My first rule is "Don't be a dick." One of my fem sub friends alerted me recently about a Dom who wanted an invitation (yes, I do ask around to learn someone's rep before considering letting them come), about how ugly he got with her in the past. He didn't get an invite.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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