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How a Dom really feels - 11/21/2012 12:30:54 PM   
subTori1


Posts: 4
Joined: 11/6/2012
Status: offline 		I'm fairly new to the lifestyle.
About two weeks ago, I met a Dom through this site. We chated, emailed and spoke on the phones a couple of times. Just last week I meet him in person. He's a really nice guy and fun to talk with. At the end of the night he didn't kiss me, just gave me a hug. I thought was nice of him but I did feel a little insecure for not getting kiss (at least on the cheek).
After that, he really doesn't spend time to talk to me or make contact with me anymore. If I send him a message he response and it short. He says he wants to meet with me again and he doesn't want to have multiple subs.
I want to talk to him about this but since it's so new, I don't want to come off as too needy and could end up pushing him away.
I'm feeling really insecure about this.

Any advise, need some help

Thanks
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How a Dom really feels - 11/21/2012 12:33:54 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Did you feel any chemistry between the two of you, tori?

Chemistry is just as important in BDSM relationships.

Him being dom doesn't have a thing to do with it. If I had to guess, I'd say he's just not that into you, but you haven't given us much info.



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Profile   Post #: 2
RE: How a Dom really feels - 11/21/2012 12:38:53 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Thank you, CP!

My guess? He doesn't really feel chemistry with you, but until he finds the chick that he feels chemistry with, you will do.


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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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Profile   Post #: 3
RE: How a Dom really feels - 11/21/2012 12:41:19 PM   
SacredDepravity


Posts: 270
Joined: 8/6/2012
Status: offline 		Life is busy and I don't take quiet or short responses as negative. I also have to say, gentleman behavior is nothing to be put off by. It seems he wants to know you more and that may be why only a hug. It will go where it goes. Talk to people and meet and greet as appropriate until it clicks with the right someone. I wouldn't expect too much from anyone in the next few weeks. The holidays are a busy time and new people tend to fall to the bottom of the list. It may not be what is desired, but it may be what is practical or necessary.

SD

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Profile   Post #: 4
RE: How a Dom really feels - 11/21/2012 1:03:16 PM   
subTori1


Posts: 4
Joined: 11/6/2012
Status: offline 		We spent about 2 hours talking and laughing. I felt like we had chemistry and getting along great. He did tell me that he enjoyed the evening and he wants to see me again.
I think you're right (I have been thinking the same thing), he might still be looking and just keeping me around until then.
I did like the fact he was acting like such a gentleman but also surprised by it.
I will try not to expect too much but I can't seem to stop letting my insecurities get the best of me.

Should I try talking to him about this or just keep quiet?

Thanks for the advise ladies

(in reply to SacredDepravity)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: How a Dom really feels - 11/21/2012 1:07:35 PM   
SacredDepravity


Posts: 270
Joined: 8/6/2012
Status: offline 		Do what's best for you, but you risk either way. His response should give you more information about his intent and the type of person he is.

As an aside, I am sad that any gal ever finds respectful behavior from a man to be surprising. I will say that OP is not alone in being surprised by such, however.

SD

(in reply to subTori1)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: How a Dom really feels - 11/21/2012 1:20:09 PM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		I think both LP and CP are depressingly jaded
and jumping to conclusions, but who knows...
Just be yourself and the most you can do is hope
he likes you, try to keep positive and don't let
your insecurities get the better of you.

Good luck,
-Aries

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530 DAYS

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Profile   Post #: 7
RE: How a Dom really feels - 11/21/2012 1:26:53 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subTori1

I'm fairly new to the lifestyle.
About two weeks ago, I met a Dom through this site. We chated, emailed and spoke on the phones a couple of times. Just last week I meet him in person. He's a really nice guy and fun to talk with. At the end of the night he didn't kiss me, just gave me a hug. I thought was nice of him but I did feel a little insecure for not getting kiss (at least on the cheek).
After that, he really doesn't spend time to talk to me or make contact with me anymore. If I send him a message he response and it short. He says he wants to meet with me again and he doesn't want to have multiple subs.
I want to talk to him about this but since it's so new, I don't want to come off as too needy and could end up pushing him away.
I'm feeling really insecure about this.

Any advise, need some help

Thanks


The bit I bolded tells me.........he didn't dislike you, he just isn't that into you. But.......submissive females being in short supply for guys, he isn't going to tell you to bugger off either. Just keeping you on the line. In case.

Because, if he was really interested, he wouldn't be blowing you off like that. He'd be talking to you to plan the next meeting.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 11/21/2012 1:30:37 PM >

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Profile   Post #: 8
RE: How a Dom really feels - 11/21/2012 1:30:41 PM   
seekingOwnertoo


Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subTori1

I thought was nice of him but I did feel a little insecure for not getting kiss (at least on the cheek) .....

After that, he really doesn't spend time to talk to me or make contact with me anymore.




Hey Tori,

While I am NOT a Dom ... I am a Man ...

He is not into you ... and is just being polite.

Look for someone else ....


(in reply to subTori1)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How a Dom really feels - 11/21/2012 1:46:50 PM   
subTori1


Posts: 4
Joined: 11/6/2012
Status: offline 		Thanks

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Profile   Post #: 10
RE: How a Dom really feels - 11/21/2012 1:55:45 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Put the big gal panties on and ask him straight up.
If you're still not satisfied with his response...well, that's an answer in itself.
Though I do gotta ask-has he met many women off of the net before? Does he have a lot of experience?
If he hasn't, he might be a little gunshy, not wanting to come on too fast and ruin what might be a good thing.

Guys get twisty too, and despite what The Twue Doms say, even dominate (heeheehee)men can bet the nervous nellie heebie jeebies and be unsure how to act. Especially if they've been reading all these horror stories from women about guys who come on too fast/too hard

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Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How a Dom really feels - 11/21/2012 2:18:48 PM   
absolutchocolat


Posts: 1392
Status: offline 		ask him what he thinks about you, and if he's interesting in pursuing a relationship with you. direct and honest is the best approach -- we're all all adults here...no need to be coy or shy.

i'm with kana...be straight up about it, because he could be asking himself the same questions.

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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How a Dom really feels - 11/21/2012 2:30:27 PM   
subTori1


Posts: 4
Joined: 11/6/2012
Status: offline 		Thanks everyone.
I will come out and just ask him and see where it goes from there.

(in reply to absolutchocolat)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How a Dom really feels - 11/21/2012 2:56:03 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subTori1

After that, he really doesn't spend time to talk to me or make contact with me anymore. If I send him a message he response and it short.


That is your answer right there.

You're reaching out to him.

He is not reaching out to you.


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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: How a Dom really feels - 11/21/2012 7:05:44 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		He's not that into you. if he were, he'd be showing you in no uncertain terms what he wanted. If you are having to guess, then he's not invested in things. A man who wants something generally shows that, and takes charge of getting it. Would you really want someone around that is doing things the way he is doing with being half in and half out? Don't you want someone who shows you upfront that he desires your company rather than letting you chase him?

I'm sorry, this one just didn't work out and that's ok, there will be someone else that matches you better and lets you know you are important to him, rather than passively toying around with keeping you in the picture as filler and not the main course.

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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: How a Dom really feels - 11/21/2012 10:56:04 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		You only had one date. You're not in a relationship. Yeah, he might not be into you and just keeping you around or it could be he's been burnt before too. Go out on a second date. See where it goes. Him not kissing you isn't that big a deal. Could be he just wants to wait and see where it goes. Who knows. Why take it all so seriously after only one date?


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Everything has changed

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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: How a Dom really feels - 11/22/2012 10:18:27 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		I would not have kissed you either upon a first meeting. Sure, that may mean he's not that into you or it may mean that like me, he doesn't offer up such gestures casually.

Regarding him not expressing as much urgency for a follow-up meeting as you I don't know what to make of that. Again, it could be that he is just not that into you. And there's some reason to believe that. Honestly, when people have met someone who rocks their world it tends to take a front-seat in their lives. But what's also true is that this is some sort of long distance relationship. You have no real idea what demands the rest of his life is placing on him.

Overall I think it's important to remember that so far this relationship is nothing. It's one meeting which may lead there. Try not to get too invested in it too quickly. I'd advise you to be forthright with him but I'd also advise you to find a hobby or something so you can just chill. He will either make some affirmative motion or not in whatever timeline you deem appropriate. In the mean time you are still "on the market". You are not "under consideration" or any other such ridiculousness.

Good luck.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: How a Dom really feels - 11/22/2012 10:29:45 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Kana is trying to teach you to be clear and open. Good skills and I would do it for the experience.

However, if the level of communication FELL after meeting you...he just isnt into you.

So, another life lesson might be to ask him to be HONEST about what turned him off.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: How a Dom really feels - 11/22/2012 10:58:24 AM   
PrincessDonna11


Posts: 289
Joined: 8/7/2011
Status: offline 		Dont push but continue YOUR search also.......you would be suprised what a lil competition will do...lol

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: How a Dom really feels - 11/22/2012 6:11:03 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Mirror his level (lack) of communication and see if/how long it takes him to contact you. That will give you a good picture of what's going on with him.

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“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
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Profile   Post #: 20
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