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ORIGINAL: mnottertail

JohnWarren (although a dominant) was a college professor, a Marine Lieutenant in Viet Nam and not only wrote kinky how to books, but everyday vanilla stuff too.

Nobody flipped out.     

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Most adult people tend to follow basic precautionary measures in their personal life to ensure people don't take advantage of them. You don't leave home w/o locking your back door, and you don't allow strangers to know too much about your personal life until you've established some trust.

I'm not sure I understand why you think these basics should change just because you decide to pursue this lifestyle. You know, some might take your assumption that getting into BDSM increases your chances of having your sex life made public as quite disparaging to others who practice this lifestyle. And your implication that very special you have more to lose than the rest of us comes across as hugely self-centered.

Most of us don't want the details of our sex lives made public, and many could lose their jobs or family or children. You are not alone in that in the least.

So what is the real issue here? That you could be outed? Or that you could be outed as a submissive male?

Please take some time to answer that question for yourself. Because I get the feeling from your post that you have some inner things to resolve about being sub and being male. And unless and until you get those things resolved, you won't be in a good place to enter into *any* relationship, regardless of the dynamic.

You certainly won't be in a good place to attract high quality females who will respect your boundaries.

Remember, the best way to ensure relationship success is to be good relationship material. And that doesn't just mean financially well off and successful in your career, it means knowing who you are and what you want, and being good with that inside.

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ORIGINAL: ManWithFlamingPi

I created this profile just to ask this question, so please accept my apologies for the lack of personal information. You'll see why in a minute. I live in the U.S., not in the Virgin Islands, by the way.

I'm just about to be divorced. My marriage was 100% vanilla, and I don't have any sub experience by way of cheating. I'm looking forward to entering the world of BDSM and trying to find my dominant soulmate. Here's the problem: while not a household name, within my profession, I'm very well known. I have two Grammy awards. I tour the country, both as a musician and as a public speaker at colleges. I'm also a college professor. I have a Wikipedia page, etc. It takes very little info for someone to be able to Google me and figure out who I am once they have a little bit of basic info and know what city I'm from.

I believe that it would be detrimental to my career (mostly the college part) for me to be out as a submissive. Yet, I can't see getting to know anyone I'm looking to "date" (I don't even know what the terminology would be) without telling them who I am and what I do for a living. I am afraid of going to munches in my city. I am afraid of having a pic on any CM or Fetlife profile. Even if I start slowly, without a pic, at some point I will have to trust people, basically with my professional life. What if we have a couple of dates and they don't work out? Anyone I come into contact with could potentially ruin me.

I've always admired the bravery and confidence of those of you who post pictures and play publicly. Is this possible for someone like me? I just want to be happy this time around.

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ORIGINAL: DeaconStone

I am an artist, I'm working on a book, I have been in the entertainment industry... no grammy, but my opinion is if you make it a thing you are ashamed of then you will be ashamed of it. I'm proud to say I love two people, neither of which I am with. Both left me for their own reasons and both refuse to communicate which I find is hard for me to deal with at times. I practice transparency when it comes to my work, kink, heart, and just about everything. Honesty is the best policy. I believe in love, and I have no issue explaining my thoughts on love, sexual experimentation, or anything for that matter. While its true, brands have identities that try to maintain the middle ground, as a person, consumer, etc... I rather empower that which is honest to itself. I create art in that manner, and when I do...its about the art. I create games in that matter, and when I do its about the games. I am not work...work is work... I am a human being and as a result, I enjoy having freedoms. Freedom of choice, freedom of expression, freedom to be the person I wish to be, and love the people I wish to love. My freedoms don't limit others freedoms. I feel you are limiting yourself, but in doing so, you are empowering that which limits everyone in a way. Will some people act adversely if they discover your sexual interests? Perhaps...but in my opinion, there are plenty of others who would understand, and wouldn't you rather end up rallying those people together and empowering that?

Either way, each of us face our own choices in such matters. As an artist who creates, I time to time create kink work. I keep such work posted in the proper places because some things shouldn't mix together in the sense that children may come across it. Yet if some teenager were to look me up to see who I was beyond that art. I'd prefer that they discover that I am my own unique person, with my own interests, and while we all differ I rather they get the message that they should be brave and be who they are with integrity and passion. In that transparency I send the message that states in my opinion that I am an adult. I am who I am and do my best to be my best everyday and I have nothing to hide because ultimately whether I like to whip people, or masturbate with fruit, does not define who I am. These are not representations of my ethics, but rather activities that I may pursue for leisure, enjoyment, pleasure or lack there of... and there is nothing wrong with such when its safe, sane, and consensual.

That being said, I am a professional. I don't put such things to the forefront when they have no business being there. I don't introduce myself to people as some kinky master. If I'm meeting artists, I introduce myself as a fellow artist. If I'm meeting musicians, I point out the that I play many instruments and sometimes write my own songs for fun. Either way, I don't think you should be afraid to be who you are. If you are, you only empower fear and people who would only take negative action for such fear. My opinion is not always held by many but I put it out there regardless because its what I believe and I do so with hope for the best, and cautious of the worst.

Here is a shameless plug now for my humble artistic creations
If you like my art... press the like button and I'm fairly certain that your love of art will not reflect poorly in any way on who you are as a person :)
That being said, I hope no one who finds this is a crazy serial killer type or over-zealous religous people.
When those people approach me, I tend to have long conversations that leave them confused and bewildered that their preconceived notions were illusions that keep us apart rather then coming together...shrug...
I think that is funny. One world, one love, we are all its people. Empower the truth, create change, create, discover, grow, and communicate. Best of luck with your dilemma.

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I'd like to meet people and find out more about what I'm feeling. I'd like to find out how to be comfortable with who I am. I'd like to come out of this shell and maybe get a little support. I'm not sure how to do that and still protect myself.

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ORIGINAL: ManWithFlamingPi

I created this profile just to ask this question, so please accept my apologies for the lack of personal information. You'll see why in a minute. I live in the U.S., not in the Virgin Islands, by the way.

I'm just about to be divorced. My marriage was 100% vanilla, and I don't have any sub experience by way of cheating. I'm looking forward to entering the world of BDSM and trying to find my dominant soulmate. Here's the problem: while not a household name, within my profession, I'm very well known. I have two Grammy awards. I tour the country, both as a musician and as a public speaker at colleges. I'm also a college professor. I have a Wikipedia page, etc. It takes very little info for someone to be able to Google me and figure out who I am once they have a little bit of basic info and know what city I'm from.

I believe that it would be detrimental to my career (mostly the college part) for me to be out as a submissive. Yet, I can't see getting to know anyone I'm looking to "date" (I don't even know what the terminology would be) without telling them who I am and what I do for a living. I am afraid of going to munches in my city. I am afraid of having a pic on any CM or Fetlife profile. Even if I start slowly, without a pic, at some point I will have to trust people, basically with my professional life. What if we have a couple of dates and they don't work out? Anyone I come into contact with could potentially ruin me.

I've always admired the bravery and confidence of those of you who post pictures and play publicly. Is this possible for someone like me? I just want to be happy this time around.

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I'm just about to be divorced. My marriage was 100% vanilla, and I don't have any sub experience by way of cheating. I'm looking forward to entering the world of BDSM and trying to find my dominant soulmate.

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You're cheating...or considering it...ergo....you're slime....until you aren't.