RE: What's the Big Deal about Bruises?

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RE: What's the Big Deal about Bruises? - 11/26/2012 11:10:38 PM

GothDaddyDom

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You don't have to feel that way Bambiboi. All you really have to do is try to understand both sides of the situation.

I was trained not to give buises. In fact I was trained to avoid them, almost at all costs. The reasoning given to me had to do with covering my ass. Legally. Bruises are evidence of physical violence and can be used against you in court by the authorities in charges of abuse and assault. Even if your submissive/play partner isn't the one filing charges. Remember, the Crown has discretion and can file charges without the victims concent. All it takes is one officer of the court that isn't kink-friendly or understanding to see or hear the wrong thing. BAM! You are in court and probably in jail. At the least you have a criminal record. For life.

But.....

I have come to understand the submissives side of it. As others here have said they can be badges of honour. They are shows of strength and courage. To go even deeper they are marks of ownership. The thing that submissives crave so much. Submissives want to be owned, possesed and they want to know it all the time. That's part of having a collar. Bruises are even better. They can be under clothing and they hurt for awhile. The submissive can walk around all day with a special connection/secret that connects them to their Dominant. At least thats how it's been explained to me by many of my girls.

So, I try harder to be understanding and give them their little enjoyment. Plus, I've found a way around the legal issues. So, now I feel comfortable deciding when and if I leave bruises.....

Even if I still feel, deep down, that they are inelegant and.....amaturish.....(Please don't vilify me for saying that)

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RE: What's the Big Deal about Bruises? - 11/26/2012 11:11:58 PM

GothDaddyDom

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sorry, double posted

< Message edited by GothDaddyDom -- 11/26/2012 11:14:08 PM >

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RE: What's the Big Deal about Bruises? - 11/26/2012 11:36:05 PM

metamorfosis

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BambiBoi
If you like being bruised/showing bruises, why? Is it the appearance or the sensation?

I don't have a ton of experience, but yes, I like bruising because of the appearance. Sporting bruises makes me feel like a badass.

quote:

Do you foster an environment that encourages bruising?

What does that mean?

Pam

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RE: What's the Big Deal about Bruises? - 11/26/2012 11:43:20 PM

Rastimmipitwax

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quote:

ORIGINAL: metamorfosis

quote:

Do you foster an environment that encourages bruising?

What does that mean?

Pam

Coffee table too close to sofa, etc.

< Message edited by Rastimmipitwax -- 11/26/2012 11:44:08 PM >

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RE: What's the Big Deal about Bruises? - 11/26/2012 11:49:21 PM

absolutchocolat

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i bruise and scar really, really easily so i'm not a fan of markings left on my body. i don't like leaving permanent scars, but red welts that go away aren't so bad. as a top, i'm always careful not to bruise or cause permanent markings, just as a courtesy and that's how i learned to inflict pain. i think the memories of flogging a sub or using wax are hot enough without leaving marks.

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RE: What's the Big Deal about Bruises? - 11/27/2012 12:01:12 AM

Doomkittie

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I love marks and bruises. I love how they feel as they heal, they aren't painful they send me back to where I got them from. It takes me about 2 weeks to heal up from a good scene. It has been far too long since one of those.

As for others other than my Dom, as I don't have one right now I have a friend who gives me a going over. It is different than a scene as it is just a working over, she does leave marks and bruises for me, what fun would she get otherwise

DK

< Message edited by Doomkittie -- 11/27/2012 12:02:22 AM >

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RE: What's the Big Deal about Bruises? - 11/27/2012 1:41:54 AM

RaspberryLemon

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My Master is not a sadist and I am not a masochist...so conventional "bruises" don't happen often during our intimate activities because he never intends to cause any pain, damage, or injury of any sort. Sometimes my arm will bruise if he grabs it tightly enough, and he puts plenty of bite marks/"hickeys" on me, though. I do like those (he does too,) just because I like the idea of being "marked" by him. I like the idea that there is a physical mark on my body put there by him, like a tangible and bodily memento of my belonging to him. A mark of ownership.

Unintentional bruises happen often to me when I bang my shins into things accidentally or other such things. I don't like the pain/tenderness of bruises, but aside from that I don't really mind them either way because I don't pay attention to them and they go away pretty quickly. For someone who views intentional bruises the same way I view "marks" from him though, I can understand why they might be a bit disappointed that they don't bruise easy. Honestly, how easy/difficult it is for me to bruise isn't something I care about.

As for soreness, bruises, scrapes, or other "ouchies" from exercise, strenuous physical activity, and/or rough and tumble fun like sparring practice or wrestling: I don't like the pain, tenderness, or "stiffness" that is caused by soreness, bruises, etc., but that feeling of soreness always gives me a feeling of accomplishment--that I've pushed myself and exerted myself and endured. And soreness usually comes after having a lot of fun, so there's that too, a reminder of fun recently had.

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RE: What's the Big Deal about Bruises? - 11/27/2012 3:55:01 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GothDaddyDom

You don't have to feel that way Bambiboi. All you really have to do is try to understand both sides of the situation.

I was trained not to give buises. In fact I was trained to avoid them, almost at all costs. The reasoning given to me had to do with covering my ass. Legally. Bruises are evidence of physical violence and can be used against you in court by the authorities in charges of abuse and assault. Even if your submissive/play partner isn't the one filing charges. Remember, the Crown has discretion and can file charges without the victims concent. All it takes is one officer of the court that isn't kink-friendly or understanding to see or hear the wrong thing. BAM! You are in court and probably in jail. At the least you have a criminal record. For life.

But.....

Whilst I would not advise you to change your personal policy on this (better safe than sorry etc) I just thought I'd mention that the scenario of ending up in prison because of BDSM when the submissive doesn't make the complaint is extremely rare and unlikely in the UK.

Your typical assault case will rest on a few key pieces of evidence - the victim's statement (which is missing if the sub won't complain), witness statements (most BDSM being done in private or surrounded by other kinksters, so not likely to be forthcoming), crime scene photos (I don't know about you but my house looks just as tidy after we play, this tends to be in cases where the house gets smashed up), photos of injuries (which the victim can refuse), medical reports (which can be got without the victim's consent but is harder), forensic evidence (only really relevant in a rape with the victim's consent or if you're covered in her blood) and lastly any other statements (such as a police officer saying 'when I saw the woman she had a black eye' or the sister saying 'my sister told me her boyfriend hit her'). These last statements being worth the least.

So, in most cases there is very little evidence. This is especially true if the 'victim' opts to say 'I think someone is mistaken' instead of 'yes he beats me but I like it'.

The crown prosecution service decides whether to prosecute based on two things- a realistic chance of conviction, and public interest. In most cases there is no realistic chance of a conviction. In other cases there is no public interest to push for this.

So yes, it is possible to get in trouble, but unlikely. Very unlikely when we are just talking bruising - more likely when we're dealing with injuries requiring hospital treatment because there's more evidence and more perceived danger to the public. I've only seen a tiny number of assault convictions without victim cooperation and none had any hint of consensual bdsm. And at least two of those cases probably would have been thrown out at court, but the accused decided against getting a solicitor and accepted a caution as a matter of convenience, meaning they did get a record.

I am not a lawyer, the above is not legal advice etc etc. I wish I didn't have experience of this, but there you go.

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