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How to tell if a relationship is BDSM? - 11/27/2012 2:58:58 AM

annierose

Posts: 9
Joined: 4/4/2011
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How do you tell if a relationship is in the "lifestyle"? Some who have d/s relationships participate in the d/s community and others do not. The reason i ask this question is because i worked at a family owned business. The husband was the head of it and his wife would do the books. She was in around three days a week. It was a casual place so she would never be in "professional" attire but was usually dressed what I would classify as "respectable". Some days, though, she would come dressed in a too tight white blouse that would clearly show her bra. Other times it would be a short skirt. The office staff couldn't quite figure out why a woman in her late 40's would opt to dress well, like a slut sometimes. Could it be she had poor taste in clothes or perhaps there was a d/s relationship going on?..
This is the example I use to illustrate my question. Can one tell if a d/s relationship is going on that is not over?

Post #: 1

RE: How to tell if a relationship is BDSM? - 11/27/2012 3:11:08 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

OK, I'm trying really hard to be nice here.

If you weren't a part of this "relationship" in an intimate capacity, why in the fuck do you care? It's none of your business.

Did it change the profit margin of the balance sheet? Did you loose income because of the practice? Do you have any grounds for a sexual harassment according to federal or state guidelines?

Frankly, if you were My employee, I'd tell you to piss off until you had a legal claim. Fuckers like you wouldn't work for Me anyway.

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RE: How to tell if a relationship is BDSM? - 11/27/2012 3:15:40 AM

rhymeswithcupid

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Joined: 6/2/2012
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Ugh, what Lady Pact said. Seriously, what business is it of yours anyway?

Also ...

quote:

ORIGINAL: annierose

How do you tell if a relationship is in the "lifestyle"? Some who have d/s relationships participate in the d/s community and others do not. The reason i ask this question is because i worked at a family owned business. The husband was the head of it and his wife would do the books. She was in around three days a week. It was a casual place so she would never be in "professional" attire but was usually dressed what I would classify as "respectable". Some days, though, she would come dressed in a too tight white blouse that would clearly show her bra. Other times it would be a short skirt. The office staff couldn't quite figure out why a woman in her late 40's would opt to dress well, like a slut sometimes. Could it be she had poor taste in clothes or perhaps there was a d/s relationship going on?..
This is the example I use to illustrate my question. Can one tell if a d/s relationship is going on that is not over?

So, dominant men have poor taste in clothing?

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RE: How to tell if a relationship is BDSM? - 11/27/2012 3:24:47 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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No. The only way you can tell if someone is in a Dom/sub relationship is if they tell you that they are. You can go to a play party and watch someone whip their partner raw and it STILL doesn't mean they are in a D/s relationship.

Maybe she just had poor taste? Maybe she was deluding herself that those clothes fit her properly? Maybe she was excited by the prospect of people seeing her bra? Maybe her husband thought that was hot and so she did it for him - even none D/s people sometimes do sexy things for each other, remember? Maybe, despite being ancient in her late 40s, she likes to dress sexy because it makes her feel good.

Seems like pretty flimsy grounds to assume she's submissive.

For the record - we have a similar set up in that my husband manages our branch of the family business and I go in sometimes and work for him. We wouldn't dream of bringing kink to work (also, short skirts don't go well with steel toecapped boots). My parents are the owners, so if they are in town, we both answer to them. It doesn't mean we are submissive to them. If he's the boss of the business, I'd expect to see him taking charge and telling her what to do, even if they get home and she spends the evening bossing him around.

And yes, like the others said, it's nothing to do with you. I do understand the fun of speculating though. I think when we have our own kink behind closed doors it's easy to imagine it everywhere else.

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RE: How to tell if a relationship is BDSM? - 11/27/2012 3:39:14 AM

annierose

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Joined: 4/4/2011
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Sorry, didn't mean to be offensive to anyone. No, it is none of my business. And yes speculation can be fun. I guess my intent in asking the questions was more of determining a way to find out if some might be in the lifestyle in a smallish town without embarassing either myself or anyone else by asking if they are in the lifestyle.

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RE: How to tell if a relationship is BDSM? - 11/27/2012 3:49:49 AM

chatterbox24

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Oh my heavens! A lady in her 40's dressing sexy, FOR SHAME!

Don't be a silly gossip hound at the office. This question serves no purpose other then to start rumors about the people who provided your paycheck.

Maybe they also hang from chandliers at their home naked and swatted each others genitals too. Are you asking for binoculars for Xmas?

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RE: How to tell if a relationship is BDSM? - 11/27/2012 3:54:44 AM

JeffBC

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From: Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: annierose
I guess my intent in asking the questions was more of determining a way to find out if some might be in the lifestyle in a smallish town without embarassing either myself or anyone else by asking if they are in the lifestyle.

Probably not. You could certainly tell that I was in charge of my marriage. But how would you know if I self-identified as being "in the lifestyle"? Certainly the surface indicators you are talking about wouldn't work unless the wardrobe in question included an obvious collar and fetish wear.

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RE: How to tell if a relationship is BDSM? - 11/27/2012 4:49:13 AM

evesgrden

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The public would never be able to tell a thing about my lifestyle from the way I dress.

Bad taste doesn't mean you're kinky.

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RE: How to tell if a relationship is BDSM? - 11/27/2012 5:30:45 AM

DarkSteven

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A D/s relationship? Sounds more like she was feeling unappreciated at home and chose to flaunt herself.

There's more to kink than clothing.

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RE: How to tell if a relationship is BDSM? - 11/27/2012 6:07:30 AM

RemoteUser

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quote:

ORIGINAL: annierose

Sorry, didn't mean to be offensive to anyone. No, it is none of my business. And yes speculation can be fun. I guess my intent in asking the questions was more of determining a way to find out if some might be in the lifestyle in a smallish town without embarassing either myself or anyone else by asking if they are in the lifestyle.

You can have a conversation with someone and pick up cues without bluntly saying, "So, how do you feel about floggers and shibari...?"

I see what you're driving at; small town, don't want to out yourself, want to find a way to be discreet. That's a fairly common scenario. To tap into your local community, check online for munches and play parties; look for local toy stores. You can ask around anonymously (or at least discreetly enough that you don't have to worry overly). One other thing: if this is who you are, don't be ashamed of it. Don't advertise it, either, but don't let fear stop you from being who you are.

Best of luck.

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RE: How to tell if a relationship is BDSM? - 11/27/2012 9:49:01 AM

General

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Joined: 4/30/2004
Status: offline

Annierose, there is no need to apologize you we're not rude, you are simply curious. I agree that their relationship is none of your business however most of us are curious about things that are not our business I wonder those same things sometimes. To answer your question who knows if they are in the lifestyle or not but it is fun to speculate.

(in reply to RemoteUser)

Post #: 11

RE: How to tell if a relationship is BDSM? - 11/27/2012 12:19:25 PM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

Its one thing to be speculative as in "oh wow, I wonder if these people share the same interests in BDSM type stuff like I do," and its quite another to be an active member of a rumor mongering water cooler crew of coworkers all talking crap about someone because of the way they elect to dress and speculating about what the woman and her husband do behind closed doors. The simple answer is that its none of anyone else's business how people choose to live their lives.

On the other hand, I now apparently have something to add to my To Do list. Since Ill be turning 40 in a little less than a year, I must apparently purge my closet and dresser drawers of anything that could be considered sexy. So when the clothing police come to raid my home at 12:01am on the day of my birthday, do they break in all SWAT commando style or do they just politely knock? I just want to know if I have to have the windows all ordered ahead of time and get my house guy to measure my front door to replace it right away if the windows get smashed and the door gets hit with the battering ram. Will I be issued my old lady Cryptkeeper muumuu right then and there or do I have a few days to get my affairs in order before my sexiness is revoked due to my old age?

< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 11/27/2012 12:24:46 PM >

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RE: How to tell if a relationship is BDSM? - 11/27/2012 1:23:39 PM

kalikshama

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/ issues SeekingTrinity some flannel /

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RE: How to tell if a relationship is BDSM? - 11/27/2012 1:30:50 PM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
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Oooh, flannel!

Now I can definitely use some of that. Living in the Pacific Northwest, I get cold easy. And it will be a reminder of the old days during the Seattle grunge heyday when my "uniform" was flannel shirts and Doc Martens. Still wear the Docs lol

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Post #: 14

RE: How to tell if a relationship is BDSM? - 11/27/2012 2:45:18 PM

needlesandpins

Posts: 3901
Status: offline

ok, see that photo of me right there <<<<<<<< i'm 40

i think it's up to her how she dresses don't you? she certainly doesn't need your judgement one way or another.

just for the record, i look damn fine in a too tight white shirt.

i people watch and wonder how many are aliens. i'd have a harder time spotting if i was in a vanilla relationship these days. i don't care about anyone else.

get on with your job.

needles

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RE: How to tell if a relationship is BDSM? - 11/27/2012 2:48:57 PM

needlesandpins

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just to prove a point

Attachment (1)

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RE: How to tell if a relationship is BDSM? - 11/27/2012 2:51:00 PM

mnottertail

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Joined: 11/3/2004
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I dont know how you got my picture like that needles, but I am gonna report you for decent exposure.

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RE: How to tell if a relationship is BDSM? - 11/27/2012 2:59:25 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

No you wouldn't be able to tell.

When I go into work, there are days I wear pants suits, other days, long skirts, and some days I just liked wearing a short skirt and a tight short because I felt like feeling a little sexy for myself and I wasn't breaking any of the dress codes. Master never told me to dress that way. He rarely ever chooses my clothing for me. I did it for me. If someone thought I looked tacky or slutty, or whatever, never bothered me. Why would I care unless I was getting in trouble for the dress code? Yeah, I skirted the dress code from time to time but never once went over the line.

It's none of your business. Get over it and do your work while at work instead of gossiping and wondering about your boss's wife. It's unbecoming.

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RE: How to tell if a relationship is BDSM? - 11/27/2012 3:39:32 PM

freedomdwarf1

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Have you ever thought that she decided to dress like that because she is 'in charge' and dominant in the school mistress M'am type of way?
Or do you assume she's submissive because she was told to dress like that?

It's two sides of the same coin and you can interpret how she dresses in any way you like.
And we all know what "assume" can do!

Quite frankly, unless you are part of the dynamic, I'd be keeping my beak out of the feeding bag.
It really is none of your business.
Fantasize all you like - but keep it under your hat.

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Post #: 19

RE: How to tell if a relationship is BDSM? - 11/27/2012 6:56:13 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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Needles, you're quite lovely. Always have been.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to needlesandpins)

Post #: 20

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