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A relationship that is heavily sub/dom, but also very w... - 11/28/2012 11:18:41 AM

Genobee

Posts: 28
Joined: 11/7/2010
Status: offline

Hello Mistresses of CollarMe forums.

I made this thread in hopes of seeing how many, if any, of you have had a successful relationship that had strong emphasis on submission and domination, but was done so in a way that it was both 24/7, or more so, natural for both people, and very warm and loving and happy most of the time.

Let me elaborate a bit though as that can be taken a few ways.
Natural as in, you don't engage into dom or sub mode, but are just being yourself and having a soothing, steady flow with one another.

Warm and loving and happy as in, very emotional with cute voices and playful demeanor, things very cuddly and close knit between each other.
From another angle, without lower tones being utilized or purely seductive ones, but more...higher "cute" tones for voice prevalence.
Also, lots of smothering of the body without a lot of force, or I suppose, dominant physical gestures being done in a more cuddly and snuggly way.

Hopefully that paints a somewhat clearer picture of what I'm asking.
Maybe if I explain why I'm asking, that it will help as well.

I mostly hear about relationships that the sub/dom part of them are more like a kinky past time.
And while happening, very aggressive tones and range of force behind movements are used.

Which, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that as any couple should engage in what works for them, but, I want to hear about relationships that utilized more of what I was describing just now, as I believe that's more of what I'm looking for.

Or in other words, I want to hear about where it was successful and to see how prevalent it is to at least some extent.
Perhaps to get a somewhat better idea of how many dominant females may potentially be out there who would also enjoy or have enjoyed that kind of relationship. :3

Sorry if my explanation to this all is slightly on the lengthy side; I just am trying to be clear in what I'm seeking in this thread. > w <;
I also apologize if it is still a bit vague. It's a bit hard for me to grasp the right words to paint this picture with due to the nature of what I'm trying to describe.
Thank you in advance for taking the time to read this opening post though, and please know that I will appreciate your feedback.

< Message edited by Genobee -- 11/28/2012 11:25:13 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: A relationship that is heavily sub/dom, but also ve... - 11/28/2012 12:12:21 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Since you are asking for an overall picture, I'm guessing that you want the comparison as well.

We don't start and stop the Domme/sub thing. It's part of who we are all of the time. That doesn't prevent warmth and affection. However, the authority dynamic is always in place.

The only cutesy voices that you'll hear come out of Me are generally for My grandchildren or the cats. (Shaddup, all of ya.) My boy isn't a little, so that eliminates that.

I don't know if that answers your question or not. The original isn't very clear.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Genobee)

Post #: 2

RE: A relationship that is heavily sub/dom, but also ve... - 11/28/2012 12:26:01 PM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
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Most of the BDSM relationships I know of (and I know a sizable number of folks in kinky relationships) are love relationships with a D/s or M/s dynamic incorporated as part of the foundation or core.

Just like in real life, if you are going to spend time with someone, give or wear their collar, you sort of need to at least like them first and most people I know desire to love their partner as well.

Do believe the porn that is out there - Dominant Women who are lifestyle do not generally pick up the lowly worm to be their chosen partner, and they generally do not despise them. The male submissives I know are strong, confident, capable people who choose their path, and are active participants in their own lives, and the lives of their Dominant. :)

As for the cuddly and stuff - that will vary by couple and by individual. I know hardcore sadists who love to cuddle...at the right moment. Not a whole lot of cutesy in my experience, but there is almost always love and affection.

Does that help to answer your question?

< Message edited by OttersSwim -- 11/28/2012 12:28:03 PM >

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to Genobee)

Post #: 3

RE: A relationship that is heavily sub/dom, but also ve... - 11/28/2012 12:34:55 PM

Genobee

Posts: 28
Joined: 11/7/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Since you are asking for an overall picture, I'm guessing that you want the comparison as well.

We don't start and stop the Domme/sub thing. It's part of who we are all of the time. That doesn't prevent warmth and affection. However, the authority dynamic is always in place.

The only cutesy voices that you'll hear come out of Me are generally for My grandchildren or the cats. (Shaddup, all of ya.) My boy isn't a little, so that eliminates that.

I don't know if that answers your question or not. The original isn't very clear.

Like I said, it is kind of hard to put the type of dominant/submissive relationship into the clearest of words since it can only truly be described by words that have variable meanings depending on the beholder.

What I was referring to though is that I mostly hear about dom/sub relationships where the people involved aren't always dominant or always submissive, and that when they are, the dominant is very stern and cold in a sense.
In contrast, I'm attempting to seek out how many dom/sub relationships are 24/7 and very naturally so, with the dominant being more cute, and happy, and cuddly in who they are and what they do.

Maybe in franker words, are there relationships that are 24/7 where the dominant is more warm and bubbly in how she dominates?
Like, are there relationships with dommes who are both dominant at all times, in a natural sense, who have more bubbly, uplifty personalities that are expressed in her acts of dominating.
In-which, the sub would be kind of a puppy-ish (lack of a better word) in response as he/she submits under her.

Forgive me if those descriptions seem redundant, I just am trying to put different sets of words together to better narrow down what I'm referring to. u w u;

< Message edited by Genobee -- 11/28/2012 12:35:20 PM >

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 4

RE: A relationship that is heavily sub/dom, but also ve... - 11/28/2012 12:44:29 PM

Genobee

Posts: 28
Joined: 11/7/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

Most of the BDSM relationships I know of (and I know a sizable number of folks in kinky relationships) are love relationships with a D/s or M/s dynamic incorporated as part of the foundation or core.

Just like in real life, if you are going to spend time with someone, give or wear their collar, you sort of need to at least like them first and most people I know desire to love their partner as well.

Do believe the porn that is out there - Dominant Women who are lifestyle do not generally pick up the lowly worm to be their chosen partner, and they generally do not despise them. The male submissives I know are strong, confident, capable people who choose their path, and are active participants in their own lives, and the lives of their Dominant. :)

As for the cuddly and stuff - that will vary by couple and by individual. I know hardcore sadists who love to cuddle...at the right moment. Not a whole lot of cutesy in my experience, but there is almost always love and affection.

Does that help to answer your question?

I wish my experiences could say the same. Maybe it's the area or the social outlets I meet those in, but I have a hard time finding those who are 24/7 and naturally dom/sub. :/
It's nice to hear that your experiences differ though.

I wouldn't really prefer to express what I'm referring to as sadist/masochist. I'm more so aiming at the Enjoys serving/obeying, worshiping, and committing||Enjoys being worshiped, given into/controlling, and committed to crowd of sub/dom couples. If that makes more sense.

I suppose it does help in a way. I do still wish to see though if there are more relationships with dommes that are more bubbly and cutesy in how they stride who enjoy a puppy-ish, loyal, worshiper and servant though to be entwined with. :3

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Post #: 5

RE: A relationship that is heavily sub/dom, but also ve... - 11/28/2012 1:08:27 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

Not a mistress, but I am the dominant in a 24/7 relationship and what I can say is this-the reason that it's a 24/7 relationship, the reason that it's gone on for so long, IS because it's warm and loving, yet authoritarian simultaneously.
She surrendered because she trusted me. She trusted me because she loved me. Which happened because I loved her, cared for her, built a structure where she could be free to be who and what she was with absolute faith that she would be in the best hands possible

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to Genobee)

Post #: 6

RE: A relationship that is heavily sub/dom, but also ve... - 11/28/2012 1:20:36 PM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

Yea, bubbly and cutesy will certainly depend on the person, but those words are not dominant characteristics I see in most of the D-Type women I know. They are pretty much to a one loving and affectionate with their partner and their friends.

Now, as to your concept of:

Enjoys serving/obeying, worshiping, and committing||Enjoys being worshiped, given into/controlling, and committed to...

I have to say absolutely I see that in many relationships, including my own. We have a blast in everything from BDSM play to gardening to cleaning out the garage to making dinner. :)

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to Genobee)

Post #: 7

RE: A relationship that is heavily sub/dom, but also ve... - 11/28/2012 1:24:07 PM

VioletViolence

Posts: 169
Joined: 1/30/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Genobee

Maybe in franker words, are there relationships that are 24/7 where the dominant is more warm and bubbly in how she dominates?
Like, are there relationships with dommes who are both dominant at all times, in a natural sense, who have more bubbly, uplifty personalities that are expressed in her acts of dominating.
In-which, the sub would be kind of a puppy-ish (lack of a better word) in response as he/she submits under her.

This is pretty much exactly how I envision my eventual D/s relationship to be. I'm not cold and cruel, I'm quite nice and playful, I just also happen to be a bit of a sadist and I get off on being in control. Unfortunately there aren't many images out there of this sort of D/s dynamic, but there's starting to be and that's awesome.

(in reply to Genobee)

Post #: 8

RE: A relationship that is heavily sub/dom, but also ve... - 11/28/2012 1:28:29 PM

absolutchocolat

Posts: 1392
Status: offline

i'm one of those "warm and bubbly" types. being a domme isn't about a particular personality type, it's about being in control. control doesn't always equate with stern and sadistic.

(in reply to Genobee)

Post #: 9

RE: A relationship that is heavily sub/dom, but also ve... - 11/28/2012 2:02:43 PM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

Its entirely possible to find what it is you are looking for. You just have to find the right one who shares your view. My dominance is always there, but I dont feel the need to have the "Domme" switch in the ON position all the time. I do things sometimes like joke around, maybe even laugh, cry when I experience something sad, etc. I never felt that I had to give up the things that make me the human being I am just to be the dominant woman that I am. Its what works for me. Im always the one in charge and things get done my way whether Im in "Domme" mode or Im being my normal goofy self. If a person can get on board with that, we'll get along famously

Taking dominant or submissive out of the equation, we are all people. On the one end some of us tend to be more cold and clinical, while on the other end are people who are light and bubbly. The rest of us fall somewhere along that spectrum. Its just a matter of finding someone who is in your general zip code as far as where you fall on the spectrum. It doesnt always have to be dark and sinister. Unless you and your partner like dark and sinister.

(in reply to Genobee)

Post #: 10

RE: A relationship that is heavily sub/dom, but also ve... - 11/28/2012 3:14:47 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Genobee

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Since you are asking for an overall picture, I'm guessing that you want the comparison as well.

We don't start and stop the Domme/sub thing. It's part of who we are all of the time. That doesn't prevent warmth and affection. However, the authority dynamic is always in place.

The only cutesy voices that you'll hear come out of Me are generally for My grandchildren or the cats. (Shaddup, all of ya.) My boy isn't a little, so that eliminates that.

I don't know if that answers your question or not. The original isn't very clear.

Like I said, it is kind of hard to put the type of dominant/submissive relationship into the clearest of words since it can only truly be described by words that have variable meanings depending on the beholder.

What I was referring to though is that I mostly hear about dom/sub relationships where the people involved aren't always dominant or always submissive, and that when they are, the dominant is very stern and cold in a sense.
In contrast, I'm attempting to seek out how many dom/sub relationships are 24/7 and very naturally so, with the dominant being more cute, and happy, and cuddly in who they are and what they do.

Maybe in franker words, are there relationships that are 24/7 where the dominant is more warm and bubbly in how she dominates?
Like, are there relationships with dommes who are both dominant at all times, in a natural sense, who have more bubbly, uplifty personalities that are expressed in her acts of dominating.
In-which, the sub would be kind of a puppy-ish (lack of a better word) in response as he/she submits under her.

Forgive me if those descriptions seem redundant, I just am trying to put different sets of words together to better narrow down what I'm referring to. u w u;

Sweetie you've just had one of the edgiest hard core poly bitches on this board tell you she sweet talks kittens [snort] should cover just about everyone in between!!

Seriously queen of whips googly talking kittens just made every personal reference was going to make about hand holding, bringing lunch on a hard day & them drawing my bath & wash my hair go flying out the window

LP at least now I understand why you were once referred to as kitten with a whip!

< Message edited by theRose4U -- 11/28/2012 3:21:46 PM >

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to Genobee)

Post #: 11

RE: A relationship that is heavily sub/dom, but also ve... - 11/29/2012 6:31:32 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I knew somebody was going to get Me for that shit. Thanks Rose!

In the spirit of honesty, when it comes to something cute or My cat or some other silly thing where it's something where I'll react that way, I tend to say, "yeah, big, bad, sadist is fussing over <fill in the blank here>".

However, I don't really consider My personality cutesy or bubbly. So, while I'm not cold, you certainly couldn't confuse Me for a giggly teenager. I'm affectionate, but bubbly isn't My style.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 12

RE: A relationship that is heavily sub/dom, but also ve... - 11/29/2012 6:59:35 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

FR:

Himself is not a 'bubbly' personality, his emotions tend to be well contained (though he can be sexually passionate), which means he's less demonstrative than many. This doesn't mean he's not warm, or loving, or kind, he is all of those things.

People are all different, whether they be dom or sub. Personally, I don't understand where the assumption that doms are not (or should not be) warm or loving or compassionate comes from. Anyone with any experience with real life couples knows this is not true.

Now, I have seen new dominants who are learning control behave in a very overly controlled manner when it came to their emotions. The good ones learn to overcome this tendency and relax into their dominance.

_____________________________

(in reply to LadyPact)

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RE: A relationship that is heavily sub/dom, but also ve... - 11/29/2012 8:01:29 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim
Just like in real life, if you are going to spend time with someone, give or wear their collar, you sort of need to at least like them first and most people I know desire to love their partner as well.

I have to admit I was thinking along those lines. His description sounded perfectly clear and exactly like Carol & I. Granted, I'm a male dom, but it's hard to believe that female dommes are THAT different than males.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Post #: 14

RE: A relationship that is heavily sub/dom, but also ve... - 11/29/2012 8:04:23 AM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I knew somebody was going to get Me for that shit. Thanks Rose!.

No prob LP. This big bad Domme dressed my doberman like a giant alligator for halloween & not only took photos but shared them on facebook for his friends amusement!!
Lovingly refer to him as retardo mantlebahn...what he has in style he seriously lacks in brains

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 15

RE: A relationship that is heavily sub/dom, but also ve... - 11/29/2012 12:15:54 PM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

Rose beat Me to it, I would absolutely LOVE to hear LP talk cute to the kittens lol. :)

And I like what AbsoluteChocolate had to say about the demeanor of being dominant. I would say that is the type of relationship we all have over here. We are the dominant ones and they are His slaves. (one is a little, the other is not) And there is an overflow of love and warmth, but there is an understood role of everyone. They have been here for 5 years and the other for 3 or 4 years. So I would call that successful.

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Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
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Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 16

RE: A relationship that is heavily sub/dom, but also ve... - 11/29/2012 12:23:56 PM

SnowRanger

Posts: 503
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Sinsinnati
Status: offline

Hello A/all,

Just over a year ago, I would have told you that I was in such a relationship. We had a moderately strong D/s component and there was warmth and affection between us. At least I thought so.

Our time was short, and inspite of the pain and sense of loss that I feel; I consider it a success.

Respectfully,
Mike
The Fabulous SnowRanger

_____________________________

You can't help where you were born; and, you may not have much to say about where you die; but, you can and you should try to pass the days in between as a good man.
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(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 17

RE: A relationship that is heavily sub/dom, but also ve... - 11/29/2012 12:34:11 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

If you switch genders you have described a relationship I have had with a Dominant man. We were first and foremost in a loving relationship based on D/s, with the stern, meaner types of things reserved for the bedroom (or other occasions) and not always there either. We really never fit a D/s role play type of thing, I'm sure you'd never know were were Dominant and submissive as we were always very kind, light hearted, and affectionate with each other.

(in reply to Genobee)

Post #: 18

RE: A relationship that is heavily sub/dom, but also ve... - 11/29/2012 1:57:37 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

Well, we don't act in a couple of ways you describe it, OP, but yes my Chael and I have a very loving relationship.

We've been married a bit over 15 years and he became submissive to me roughly 5 years ago (I say roughly as we didn't plan it, it just shifted that way naturally over time). I'm very much in charge and have final say over everything (though I don't exercise it often unless it's something serious like the rearranging of our finances that I'm doing right now). He is very service oriented: waiting on me, tidying the house, running errands, massages, etc).

We're terribly mushy on each other. Like right now I'm using my laptop laying in bed rather than my ipad in the livingroom... he's come in and curled up in bed next to me just so he can be close. We cuddle up almost every night. Are practically joined at the hip at home or when going out to local events. I sometimes get danced with and dipped or randomly hugged in places like the super-market. Lots of kisses. Date nights. And so on.

_____________________________

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(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 19

RE: A relationship that is heavily sub/dom, but also ve... - 12/2/2012 9:14:40 AM

Genobee

Posts: 28
Joined: 11/7/2010
Status: offline

Thank you all for your replies. It very much helps to hear answers from different and unique perspectives on this inquiry.
It seems like several of you have something very similar to what I described, and gives me a sense of relief to see that what I have hope for is a possibility.

You see, it's easy to be overwhelmed with doubt when faced with how difficult it can be to even find people who can somewhat understand one's self, let alone someone so compatible that one could complete one another in companionship.
My self-developed culture and desires from that culture set me apart from most people I meet in the sense that we have such different desires and expectations in a relationship.
I'd imagine this is true simply by being sub or dom by default, but only pushed further when there are less cultural differences of more lighter things.

I realize it's good for both small and big things to fit well together in a romantic union between individuals, especially when desiring something that blossoms greatly to withstand the test of time...
I can only hope that if a core part of submission and domination can and has been established face to face with others, that is desirable for my own hopes in relationship, that as unlikely as it is statistically in my mind, that it is still stands as something possible.

Reading over this post, I may have drifted slightly, but I believe it's mostly relevant. I thank you again everyone; please, feel free to keep replying as the thread is open if you desire to add more to this topic. It is one that continues to be better addressed with each new reply. :3

(in reply to RumpusParable)

Post #: 20

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