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RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/30/2012 2:57:35 PM   
FemmeD76


Posts: 12
Joined: 11/10/2012
Status: offline 		Come on everyone, give the guy a break. He's come here for friendly advice, not to cop a caning from everyone.

Where's the sense of community spirit? I don't think he expected to get lots of sarcastic feedback.

There's nothing wrong with knowing what you want and being honest. Honest replies are great but you can sugar coat them a little surely?

(in reply to DomMeinCT)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/30/2012 3:59:59 PM   
frazzle


Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline 		Isnt it great,

His crime was wanting a slim female, i may not be one, but hell i have physical attributes im looking for in a partner.

(in reply to FemmeD76)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/30/2012 4:10:14 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FemmeD76
Where's the sense of community spirit?

I save it for the actual community, rather than a message board.


quote:

There's nothing wrong with knowing what you want and being honest. Honest replies are great but you can sugar coat them a little surely?
Not a thing wrong with knowing what a person wants. However, I'm not diminishing My integrity to sugar coat posts for random strangers.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to FemmeD76)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/30/2012 4:15:41 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
quote:

There's nothing wrong with knowing what you want and being honest. Honest replies are great but you can sugar coat them a little surely?
Not a thing wrong with knowing what a person wants. However, I'm not diminishing My integrity to sugar coat posts for random strangers.



...And this is why we love you!

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/30/2012 4:22:34 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Hi, Dirk.

First off, when you contact a woman on this site by private message, expect a 5%-10% response rate optimally.

With that out of the way, there is only one way that I would address a potential partner. I'll send her a message that captures my personality as best as possible. I'll let her know why I am writing her, and do my best to make sure she will write back.

I don't really care what she wants to hear as much as wanting to make sure that she gets to know what I'm like and I get to know what she's like.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/30/2012 4:32:32 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

There's nothing wrong with knowing what you want and being honest. Honest replies are great but you can sugar coat them a little surely?
Not a thing wrong with knowing what a person wants. However, I'm not diminishing My integrity to sugar coat posts for random strangers.




LP has nailed it.




_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/30/2012 5:11:07 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

" hi I read you profile and we seem to have some things in common. You're also very attractive do you care to chat a little?"


YAWN

Like others have said, you need to personalize it.

Unless you're my ex, who merely says "hi" and rests on his Dan Marino-like looks.

_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to Dirk4slaveRsub)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/30/2012 5:14:10 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Hi, Dirk.

First off, when you contact a woman on this site by private message, expect a 5%-10% response rate optimally.


I was flattered the first time you contacted me


_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/30/2012 5:18:11 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

If i contacted you... wouldn't it be flattering?


While you are attractive, you're not in the sit-up-in-my-chair-OMG-I-cant-believe-he-wrote-me category. The next time that happens, I'll remember that the last two times I got involved with super attractive men they turned out to meet the clinical definition of someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

_____________________________

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(in reply to Dirk4slaveRsub)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/30/2012 5:24:28 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

they turned out to meet the clinical definition of someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Would you happen to have that handy? Mobile link is less than ideal for me cutting/pasting.

Hell half my posts can't get a vowel & contration in same sentence :(

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/30/2012 5:34:35 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder#DSM-IV-TR_301.81

DSM-IV-TR 301.81

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders fourth edition, DSM IV-TR, a widely used manual for diagnosing mental disorders, defines narcissistic personality disorder (in Axis II Cluster B) as:[1]

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
2. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. Believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
4. Requires excessive admiration
5. Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
6. Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
7. Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
8. Is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
9. Shows arrogant, haughty behavior or attitudes.

_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/30/2012 6:27:44 PM   
littleone14


Posts: 185
Joined: 7/4/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dirk4slaveRsub

" hi I read you profile and we seem to have some things in common. You're also very attractive do you care to chat a little?"



If I received this I'd assume you hadn't read my profile and were just sending out a mass email. If you mentioned one or two of the things you think we had in common I'd know you were actually interested in ME and had actually read past the fact that I was a female sub, and I'd probably respond back.

(in reply to Dirk4slaveRsub)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/30/2012 8:10:14 PM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		Your a very handsome man!!!!!!

Your not shallow, just be you and I thought what
you wrote was great! A command, is what a sub
wants, the look into her eyes, how you direct her movememts!

Go and look for the list of what the greatest things a dom did to
some of the submissive!

Good luck ( all of the above counts but do not be a beast, just be you!

best regards

mons

(in reply to DomMeinCT)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/30/2012 10:45:03 PM   
theSwan


Posts: 48
Joined: 11/12/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dirk4slaveRsub

Ok... first off I don't have an issue with finding/dating girls that are 8+. I have even been contacted by a few on here. The reason for the post was to find out why the few people I contacted either never read my email or deleted it. I was not rude and did not treat them like porperty. I'm not sure why everyone thinks that I sent a cock pic and asked "what makes you wet?" I did not... I'm not "mr horny" and not just looking for sex. The messages I sent were like this... " hi I read you profile and we seem to have some things in common. You're also very attractive do you care to chat a little?" It was nothing rude. I get that you don't want a 1 liner, but do I really need to write a paragraph? I mean for all I know its a fake profile and I just spent 30min writing an email to a fat guy in a lazy boy. Most women on here that are 8+ don't have to search for a DOM. They have to many mesages to read already. I just wanted to know how to get their attention.

Also... I'm not here to insult anyone. I don't care what magazine you were in or what you do now. We all have our wants and no one should be judged for that. I may think its shallow to only want your slave/sub to wear diapers, but who am I to judge? I could read all your profiles an look at your pics and insult you, but I feel like I have better things to do with my time. What's the point of spreading negative karma? If you don't have anything positive to post.... why post it?

On how to attract women to read your messages ...

o Write more than one sentence, write no more than 1.5 paragraphs. I think four sentences is generally a sweet spot. Yes, you need to write more than one sentence. One sentence suggests no effort or understanding. At the same time, seven paragraphs can be too difficult to reply to, suggest desperation, or suggest copying and pasting. Notice that when you hover over a message in the Inbox, you can read the first few lines. Your goal is to fill up that space with something intriguing enough for someone to want or need to read the rest.

o Do not write, 'Hi, do you want to speak?' [ Or anything that equates to that. If they want to speak, you will both end up speaking. If they don't, they won't reply. This is a pointless filler statement. ]
o Do not write, 'Hi, I really liked () about your profile.' [ Or anything that equates to that. There is no response to this but 'Thank you' and no one receiving pages worth of messages will bother with that, typically. ]
o Do not write, 'You're really attractive.' [ Or anything that equates to that. Pretty women know they are attractive. Every single man tells them they are attractive. You become one of the masses this way. ]

o Do not expect your profile to do the work for you. The profile is checked if the interest is built. Attractive women sift through pages of messages constantly, there's no time to check every profile. Asking your profile to be checked means nothing.

o You said that you wrote something along the lines of 'we have some things in common'. Write what you have in common. If you both like hockey, a far better opening line is 'New York Rangers or Boston Bruins?' or some other statement that both demonstrates that you actually do share the interest. And gives you both something to talk about.

o Make your goal to be memorable. Humor is the easiest route to this - Write something charming and unexpected.

And there is more to add to this but I can't think of anything right this moment.
I want to add that I checked your profile, specifically because you mentioned everything being in it. And I wanted to see if 'everything' missed anything.

With later conversation, you should open into your interests and personality, since you don't have too much of that in your profile.
With the initial message, you should be entirely focused on separating yourself from everything other message in a positive way.

(in reply to Dirk4slaveRsub)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/30/2012 10:59:05 PM   
FemmeD76


Posts: 12
Joined: 11/10/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: FemmeD76
Where's the sense of community spirit?

I save it for the actual community, rather than a message board.


No offence, but it's a world wide community and I extend courtesy to all members of the BDSM community regardless of the fact I am a Domme and its online or offline.

quote:

There's nothing wrong with knowing what you want and being honest. Honest replies are great but you can sugar coat them a little surely?
Not a thing wrong with knowing what a person wants. However, I'm not diminishing My integrity to sugar coat posts for random strangers.


Okay, do you think you have to be nasty to every male to assert your position as a Domme and maintain your integrity? Come on, get real.


(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/30/2012 11:30:52 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FemmeD76
No offence, but it's a world wide community and I extend courtesy to all members of the BDSM community regardless of the fact I am a Domme and its online or offline.

And you are entitled to respond in any way that you wish, just as everybody else has their right to do so.


quote:

Okay, do you think you have to be nasty to every male to assert your position as a Domme and maintain your integrity? Come on, get real.
Not at all. I am emphasizing that a number of folks show up here asking what to put in their profile or how to attempt first contact with no more intent than to spit out whatever they think will give them an easy shot at chicks. Personally, I wouldn't care if the OP were male or female. If he doesn't know what to include in emails to get a response, we shouldn't necessarily feed him lines like Cyrano De Bergerac. A person of either gender who is a Dominant should know what he/she offers someone. Why on earth should people pat him on the head if he doesn't?





_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to FemmeD76)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/30/2012 11:46:53 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Sugar coat? On *this* message board?

I don't think so. We tend to be straight forward and honest in our responses, and most especially to those who need just exactly that, like the OP.

This can be a kind, compassionate, helpful board, I've seen it those types of responses to people with real problems.

The OP does not have a real problem, IMO. He wants to improve his chances of getting laid. Great, so do many people.

If we really wants to do that, he needs to learn what he's doing wrong. Many people have tried to tell him. He didn't like the advice and got all butthurt.

It's still good advice.



_____________________________



(in reply to FemmeD76)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/30/2012 11:47:11 PM   
FemmeD76


Posts: 12
Joined: 11/10/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: FemmeD76
No offence, but it's a world wide community and I extend courtesy to all members of the BDSM community regardless of the fact I am a Domme and its online or offline.

And you are entitled to respond in any way that you wish, just as everybody else has their right to do so.


quote:

Okay, do you think you have to be nasty to every male to assert your position as a Domme and maintain your integrity? Come on, get real.
Not at all. I am emphasizing that a number of folks show up here asking what to put in their profile or how to attempt first contact with no more intent than to spit out whatever they think will give them an easy shot at chicks. Personally, I wouldn't care if the OP were male or female. If he doesn't know what to include in emails to get a response, we shouldn't necessarily feed him lines like Cyrano De Bergerac. A person of either gender who is a Dominant should know what he/she offers someone. Why on earth should people pat him on the head if he doesn't?


Nicely cleared up. I'm not suggesting patting him on the head. Just a bit of mentoring maybe to make sure there is another great Dom out there benefiting from everyone's experience and for the benefit of his future sub :)
We all started somewhere and I'm grateful for the understanding and guidance I received when I first started on my journey into BDSM.

It's hard enough to not be accepted in the general community let alone be shunned here.


(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: what do you want to hear? - 12/1/2012 12:26:13 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		You might wanna try here if you want sugar coating.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to FemmeD76)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: what do you want to hear? - 12/1/2012 12:39:46 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FemmeD76
Nicely cleared up. I'm not suggesting patting him on the head. Just a bit of mentoring maybe to make sure there is another great Dom out there benefiting from everyone's experience and for the benefit of his future sub :)
We all started somewhere and I'm grateful for the understanding and guidance I received when I first started on my journey into BDSM.

It's hard enough to not be accepted in the general community let alone be shunned here.


I'm grateful for My guidance, too. Some of which was/were book titles and being told to read. I wouldn't have wanted everybody to kiss My ass by acting like a munch was a form of AA where the newcomer is the most important person in the room. I'm very much a self starter and I'm old fashioned enough that expressions like "pick yourself up by your bootstraps" are still very worthwhile.

If you would like to 'mentor' every person who signs up to a website, be My guest. Just, please, don't shovel them that nonsense about not being accepted by society. I happen to do just fine with that where My family, friends, and business associates are concerned.

I believe it would benefit the OP to understand that lifestyle folks are no different than other folks. Some people are going to want you to be grown and act like a person who has some kind of understanding about communication and relationships. Others are going to treat you like your common sense and abilities have gone straight through the window. I happen to be the former.

Please do feel free to be the latter and you can allow your expertise to flow forth. I am sure that you and your collared submissive will be great additions here. Perhaps it would be worthwhile to talk to the OP about how you met.


ETA - If you would like some help on how to trim quotes, I'll be more than happy to assist.



< Message edited by LadyPact -- 12/1/2012 12:41:07 AM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to FemmeD76)
Profile   Post #: 60
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