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Thinks that make Me go hmm? - 6/16/2006 2:01:06 PM

scratchingpost

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I was speaking with a Friend of Mine last night, We have had this conversation before, regarding WHY dom/mes send Their subs/slaves out looking for new play partners. His thought is that they are too lazy to do it Themselves, My position was that perhaps they wanted them to get along and keep each other company etc. Any other reasons?

What I dont get however is that I have come across heterosexual profiles looking for same sex play partners. If I were to have My sub or My slave look for a play partner for Me and My goal was compatability as a sexual partner wouldnt I have made it at least in the gender they are attracted to? If it is a forced bi thing then I would choose who I would have My toy play with and they wouldnt have a say in it just as they wouldnt have a say in thier sexuality if that makes any sense.,.

While I am at it can A/anyone explain forced bi? My sub and slave are both bi. W/we joke that you cant rape the willing. IF someone is BI then it is not forced and if it is NOT BI then how could that be pleasing to a Dom/me to sit and watch their sub be uncomfortable or completely getting nothing out of it whatsoever (to Me it lacks entertainment value when they are not getting into it)? (Note I am also being referred to lately as a Monte Hall Domme of lets make a deal and being far too generous with My toys... My toys are happy Im happy but other Dom/mes think I'm too easy going and consider their feelings and desires too much)

I will have toy make his first post in detail after his birthday to let you know if by Me giving him what he has asked for was too kind or if he should be more careful of what he wishes for > :-P

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RE: Thinks that make Me go hmm? - 6/16/2006 2:08:19 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: scratchingpost
. If I were to have My sub or My slave look for a play partner for Me and My goal was compatability as a sexual partner wouldnt I have made it at least in the gender they are attracted to?

Depends on what you want out of the scene.

quote:

While I am at it can A/anyone explain forced bi?

Forced bi is the same as any force play- it's play that, either in a game or in serious, the person would NOT choose to do IF given the choice and must be "forced" into it.

Everything we do is under the caveat of consent, including all force play.

As well, it is important to remember that sex is simply an act. Having sex does not in any way imply DESIRE to have sex. Agreeing to fuck someone else as a service or in obedience to your dom does not mean you are sexually attracted or desiring to ACTUALLY fuck that other person.

quote:

then how could that be pleasing to a Dom/me to sit and watch their sub be uncomfortable or completely getting nothing out of it whatsoever (to Me it lacks entertainment value when they are not getting into it)?

That's you. Some doms get HUGE kicks out of making their subs uncomfortable, and of watching them endure things, whether it's physically painful experiences, or emotionally painful ones.

It's just a different kink.

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RE: Thinks that make Me go hmm? - 6/16/2006 2:32:46 PM

TolerableCruelty

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Firstly... you have to describe "play partner".

Yes.. I think the actual "act" of BDSM is a sexual thing... on whatever level. It gets people off, whether it physically, spiritually, or mentally... it triggers that sexual response, and I've yet to find someone that can argue that point validly.

This is where it gets tricky.. because I'm using the taboo word... "true" (eek!)
If they are looking for a "play partner" as in strictly someone else to scene with.. then why not someone of the same sex ??
A "true" Sadist doesn't care what sex the person is... they just wish to inflict the pain and see the result of their actions... at least thats how I am. It doesn't mean I'm bi, or have any feelings of a sexual nature towards that particular individual... but I do enjoy the reactions I get from the actions I give. And yes, it does trip that trigger inside.

If you meant as far as having the sub look for same sex partners... I would agree with LA... because I enjoy the hell out of making girls squirm and be uncomfortable.. simply because I can. Not that I would "force" her to do anything sexual with someone else... just the simple process of screening would be enough to make some girls uncomfortable.

Luckily I don't have that problem, as beth is bi......

T.R.

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RE: Thinks that make Me go hmm? - 6/16/2006 2:37:46 PM

scratchingpost

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Very true LuckyAlbatross different kinks for different people. I never quite looked at that as a kink (it took Me a long time to accept armpit sex as one when I saw it on a checklist too) Each day though is a learning experience.

I wonder what part of it then makes them get off? Is it the power trip? Personally I dont understand the power trippy/ego thing, My subs submit to Me by choice and desire I dont force them to do anything. (Except call to let Me know they make it home safe after they leave)

I was slave for a long long time and became dominant by an odd set of circumstances and still growing into the part. (Its only been about 18 months that I have topped though years that I trained others) I am trying to understand the different mindsets and needs...I feel perhaps it will help Me better domme those in My care. My boy was actually the first I ever got excited to domme and the first and only I collared.

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RE: Thinks that make Me go hmm? - 6/16/2006 2:47:35 PM

BreakMeShakeMe

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OK LA... wanna make sure I understand this completely... because I've described this the same way before...I know i'm not actually Bi... I have been with women before.. only 1 time as a one on one.. and the chemistry wasn't there. At least not for me.
But also while I've been in scenes with other women.. when my dom or master had been present.. they said they could swear I was bi ...almost gay.
I can't say I find other women attractive... though there are some I have ... what I mean is I don't eye ball other gals like I do the men...LOL
So this is something that has made me go hmmmm a few times ..and I was wondering.. how you could explain this to me.. because no one else seems to be able to.. and my research keeps coming up blank on it.

Edited to add... my quoter hates me.. so i'll just ask.. instead of quote....lol

< Message edited by BreakMeShakeMe -- 6/16/2006 2:49:45 PM >

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RE: Thinks that make Me go hmm? - 6/16/2006 2:54:20 PM

sublace

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What makes me go hmmm is the sight of a big black cock that is hard as a rock and about to enter me!!! Now thats a big hmmm to me!!

sublace

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Post #: 6

RE: Thinks that make Me go hmm? - 6/16/2006 3:07:42 PM

Tamerofwild1s

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well to me the "making" the partner choose the play partner in a situation like this especially if listed as non BI .... tends to lead me to believe it was a pushing of a limit . creating the exploration of a part of thelifestyle that might not have been done if itweren't for the "push" of the Dominant

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A building get torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that it is true about everything - family, friends, feelings - but now I know that sometimes if love proves real, and two people are meant to be together, nothing can keep them apart ~

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RE: Thinks that make Me go hmm? - 6/16/2006 3:27:36 PM

LadiesBladewing

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TolerableCruelty

Yes.. I think the actual "act" of BDSM is a sexual thing... on whatever level. It gets people off, whether it physically, spiritually, or mentally... it triggers that sexual response, and I've yet to find someone that can argue that point validly.

This first part is somewhat off-topic, but it came up on this thread, so I'm going to address it -very- briefly here.

Unless one separates BDSM from D/s or M/S, saying the above is like saying "prayer is sexual", or "writing a screenplay is sexual" -- because for many in the D/s or M/s end of things, this is more like being a lay minister, priest(ess), or skilled artisan than it is about sex. How can I say this -- I can say this from having -lived- in service this way, both in a monastary and in a D/s household and now running a household that has the same foundations. Sex may be part of the service in one of these households, but where the above perspective sees all service as sex, individuals from the focus that tends to work out well with us, sex is viewed as a service.

Now, on to the OP's situation.

When we were larger, we occasionally had our Chatellaine or Butler screen possible servants for the household. The potential would be met, interviewed, conversed with, and all email contact or phone contact would be with our Chatellaine or Butler, until one of those two determined that this person really -was- a good fit for our situation. Then, we would be approached with a -very- full portfolio for that individual and a request would be made for us to interview him or her as a potential servant in the household. For us, this was effective use of our management-level servants (alpha servants in some households).

As far as choosing the gender-preference issue... that I can't answer. We are most often a mixed-gender household, so a servant could be any gender or a mix of genders, as long as the attitude was right.

Da'Avatar ZWD

www.klashaan.org

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RE: Thinks that make Me go hmm? - 6/16/2006 3:34:22 PM

scratchingpost

Posts: 231
Joined: 11/16/2005
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Da'Avatar
My querry is that more of a sexual nature though that is similar to how I was trained to top...A mixed house service not sexual oriented. My question is why do Dom/mes force heterosexuals...I dont get it. If I am watching My boy with another I want them to both be bi and hungry for each other...to Me it is more entertaining...Same is true with a girl. I want them to enjoy each other and in as such their softness and desire pleases Me

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www.misskittys-scratchingpost.com

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RE: Thinks that make Me go hmm? - 6/16/2006 3:50:01 PM

LadiesBladewing

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Which is the one part I really can't answer, since I've never really understood any of the "forced" things -- forced feminization, forced homosexual sex... I, also, enjoy things better when everyone -wants- to play! *smiles*

Good luck with your question. There are a lot of good folks here with a broad range of experiences.

Da'Avatar ZWD

www.klashaan.org

_____________________________

"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.
Bladewing Enclave

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RE: Thinks that make Me go hmm? - 6/16/2006 4:06:41 PM

scratchingpost

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I dont understand them either..Though I did enjoy a forced humilation scene once (toy asked for it chuckles) I guess its not forced when he asked but what I did was unexpected and rather silly...

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purrrs kitty
(=^.^=)
www.misskittys-scratchingpost.com

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Post #: 11

RE: Thinks that make Me go hmm? - 6/17/2006 8:04:05 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BreakMeShakeMe
what I mean is I don't eye ball other gals like I do the men...LOL
So this is something that has made me go hmmmm a few times ..and I was wondering.. how you could explain this to me.. because no one else seems to be able to.. and my research keeps coming up blank on it.

Edited to add... my quoter hates me.. so i'll just ask.. instead of quote....lol

I'm not sure what you are asking me to explain?

Are you bi? I have no idea. IMO if you desire to have intimate relationships with both males and females, you are bisexual.

I'm not sure why people think bi = willing to have sex with everyone because it doesn't. A bi person doesn't find EVERY woman or man attractive. A bisexual person can be just as happy living with ONE particular person for their entire lives.

And bisexual does not mean that you find every single person just as attractive as another. Or that you find every person attractive in the same way. Most bisexuals have a "spectrum" of attractiveness in which "Most of the time I'm attracted to men in this way and most of the time I'm attracted to women in this way" and those ways can be VERY different.

I know a great slave who identifies herself as lesbian, but she has a male master and they have sex together and enjoy it a lot.

How one identifies is very much a personal choice, and it can evolve greatly over time.

As well, just because a person consents to an act, doesn't mean they
a) really WANT that particular act at that particular time
or
b) don't also enjoy being pushed into doing it

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to BreakMeShakeMe)

Post #: 12

RE: Thinks that make Me go hmm? - 6/17/2006 8:43:19 PM

Tamerofwild1s

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LA ..... I can understand that .... in portion I hope I get this right here .. it's Saturday night and the beers all right but ... I have had a lesbian slave who wanted to serve me . it had absolutely nothing sexual to do at all ... it was about who we were and what we each brought to the table. she once asked what would happen if she did something wrong that would bring on discipline .. I simply told because of her sexuality I would have sex with her all night long till I was satiated ... she found that answer very stimulating but she to this day is a lesbian ... and still a good friend since it did not go any further .....

as to the OP ..... I know I have sent a girl looking for a sister to play with for 2 reasons .. she didn't want another sister .. so I was in fact pushing a limit of hers .... and 2 if she was to find someone to please my request of her . it would be someone she felt comfortable with having sex with. not only that sometimes it's easier for to submissive to communicate a play situation then it is for a Dom/me to intiate the action ....

_____________________________

A building get torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that it is true about everything - family, friends, feelings - but now I know that sometimes if love proves real, and two people are meant to be together, nothing can keep them apart ~

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: Thinks that make Me go hmm? - 6/17/2006 9:21:09 PM

CrescentLuna

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From: Upstate NY
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First part, it may simply be because one person is more comfortable seeking others out than the other, in various mediums. I'm the only one in my relationship with a profile on here - my bf uses myspace. I haven't found a "play partner" or more on here yet, butcha never know. We've found a few over MySpace. So, could be.

Nextly, it may be because they identify MORE as heterosexual, but want to experiment with a same sex partner - my bf, for example, I'd say is about 90% straight. The 10% is something of "certain men in certain situtions I could see myself with" but it is so narrow, for most intents and purposes he is straight. Myself, I'd guess at about 60% straight - I'm comfortable saying "bisexual."

I don't know so much about the "forced" thing - I think "forced" is a bit of a misnomer. To me, it may be something that you don't really like or would do for yourself, but you do to please your Master/Mistress. It isn't forced in the same sense of "oh my god this is really abusive to make me do this - someone call a deprogrammer!" you know?

(in reply to scratchingpost)

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RE: Thinks that make Me go hmm? - 6/17/2006 10:26:37 PM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
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quote:

ORIGINAL: scratchingpost

quote:

I was speaking with a Friend of Mine last night, We have had this conversation before, regarding WHY dom/mes send Their subs/slaves out looking for new play partners. His thought is that they are too lazy to do it Themselves, My position was that perhaps they wanted them to get along and keep each other company etc. Any other reasons?

I think that many dominants feel that their subs would be more comfortable finding another sub for their doms than for the doms to choose one for them. <shrugs> TKINMK <s>

quote:

While I am at it can A/anyone explain forced bi? My sub and slave are both bi. W/we joke that you cant rape the willing. IF someone is BI then it is not forced and if it is NOT BI then how could that be pleasing to a Dom/me to sit and watch their sub be uncomfortable or completely getting nothing out of it whatsoever (to Me it lacks entertainment value when they are not getting into it)? (Note I am also being referred to lately as a Monte Hall Domme of lets make a deal and being far too generous with My toys... My toys are happy Im happy but other Dom/mes think I'm too easy going and consider their feelings and desires too much)

This is easy. In my case, I love to direct <s> So my entertainment value may be for me to control what they do with each other. If I want to see my sub get sucked off by another guy, then I want to be the one to order it done.

quote:

I will have toy make his first post in detail after his birthday to let you know if by Me giving him what he has asked for was too kind or if he should be more careful of what he wishes for > :-P

I would love to read about it lol

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RE: Thinks that make Me go hmm? - 6/17/2006 10:33:11 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TolerableCruelty

Firstly... you have to describe "play partner".

Yes.. I think the actual "act" of BDSM is a sexual thing... on whatever level. It gets people off, whether it physically, spiritually, or mentally... it triggers that sexual response, and I've yet to find someone that can argue that point validly.

Your straight... Have you ever played with a Male.... If so.. where you sexually aroused playing with the Male?

I am straight... I have played with a Male on more that few occassions. I don't get sexually aroused from the experience. In fact my sadist sense gets into over drive. I don't play the male and then go and play a female to get my sexual release. In fact, after playing a male... my girls are likely to get even more of my sadistic drive. Sadism is not neccessarily a sexual pleasure... sometimes it's pleasure is based soley in the Power. Playing a male seperates the Power of sadism from the sexual arousal I gain from playing a female. I find because of my experience with playing with a Male... I have been able to seperate Sexual arousal of Sadism from the Power of Sadism when I play with females. It's not all about sexual pleasure, thou often it is.

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 6/17/2006 10:36:32 PM >

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Thinks that make Me go hmm? - 6/18/2006 12:57:16 AM

BreakMeShakeMe

Posts: 339
Joined: 6/6/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
I'm not sure what you are asking me to explain?

Are you bi? I have no idea. IMO if you desire to have intimate relationships with both males and females, you are bisexual.

I'm not sure why people think bi = willing to have sex with everyone because it doesn't. A bi person doesn't find EVERY woman or man attractive. A bisexual person can be just as happy living with ONE particular person for their entire lives.

And bisexual does not mean that you find every single person just as attractive as another. Or that you find every person attractive in the same way. Most bisexuals have a "spectrum" of attractiveness in which "Most of the time I'm attracted to men in this way and most of the time I'm attracted to women in this way" and those ways can be VERY different.

I know a great slave who identifies herself as lesbian, but she has a male master and they have sex together and enjoy it a lot.

How one identifies is very much a personal choice, and it can evolve greatly over time.

As well, just because a person consents to an act, doesn't mean they
a) really WANT that particular act at that particular time
or
b) don't also enjoy being pushed into doing it

Thank you LA...actually you answered my question quite clearly.

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do, Skill is knowing how to, Virtue is just doing it.

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Post #: 17

RE: Thinks that make Me go hmm? - 6/19/2006 11:00:58 PM

scratchingpost

Posts: 231
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

MOGA
grins that boy has NO clue what he has wished for chuckles....I enjoy playing a dark version of fantasy island lol....I will make sure to keep you informed....else he will when he recovers from it :)

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(=^.^=)
www.misskittys-scratchingpost.com

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RE: Thinks that make Me go hmm? - 6/20/2006 9:54:28 AM

Tamerofwild1s

Posts: 1765
Joined: 12/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: TolerableCruelty

Firstly... you have to describe "play partner".

Yes.. I think the actual "act" of BDSM is a sexual thing... on whatever level. It gets people off, whether it physically, spiritually, or mentally... it triggers that sexual response, and I've yet to find someone that can argue that point validly.

Your straight... Have you ever played with a Male.... If so.. where you sexually aroused playing with the Male?

I am straight... I have played with a Male on more that few occassions. I don't get sexually aroused from the experience. In fact my sadist sense gets into over drive. I don't play the male and then go and play a female to get my sexual release. In fact, after playing a male... my girls are likely to get even more of my sadistic drive. Sadism is not neccessarily a sexual pleasure... sometimes it's pleasure is based soley in the Power. Playing a male seperates the Power of sadism from the sexual arousal I gain from playing a female. I find because of my experience with playing with a Male... I have been able to seperate Sexual arousal of Sadism from the Power of Sadism when I play with females. It's not all about sexual pleasure, thou often it is.

Knight I am so glad to read this post ... recently I was approached my a male perameters he is gay . I am hetero ...... I was very un-nerved at first with his request to serve me and feel my sadism .. but now thanks to this post I find it a bit more understandable .. I have often refered to myself as an equal opportunity Sadist ... and your absolutely right . it is the power experienced in the sadism .... I responded back to him saying quite clearly that there would in no way be any sexuality involved as I don't carry those urges with men but that if he was still interested in experiencing my sadism to please respond .... now you have made things much clearer for me ... thank you again .... See we never stop learning in this lifestyle ...

_____________________________

A building get torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that it is true about everything - family, friends, feelings - but now I know that sometimes if love proves real, and two people are meant to be together, nothing can keep them apart ~

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 19

RE: Thinks that make Me go hmm? - 6/20/2006 10:21:01 AM

enthralled

Posts: 249
Joined: 9/13/2005
From: Nashville, Tn
Status: offline

quote:

recently I was approached my a male perameters he is gay . I am hetero ...... I was very un-nerved at first with his request to serve me and feel my sadism .. but now thanks to this post I find it a bit more understandable .. I have often refered to myself as an equal opportunity Sadist ... and your absolutely right . it is the power experienced in the sadism .... I responded back to him saying quite clearly that there would in no way be any sexuality involved as I don't carry those urges with men but that if he was still interested in experiencing my sadism to please respond .... now you have made things much clearer for me ... thank you again .... See we never stop learning in this lifestyle ...

YAY for you Tamerofwild1s!!!! I'm glad you got that!!

I have a beloved male sadist friend who had the same issues in playing with male masochists. Not only did he overcome the 'stigma' that (in his mind) if he played with a man, people would think him to be bi, but He learned that he thoroughly enjoyed those play times as he could generally play much rougher with men than he could with women thus bringing out some of his most sadistic traits!!

As for the question .... I would want to search for my own playmate.
I agree that many think bi= willing to lick anything put in front of them. I identify as being bi because theres been people that I've been attracted to regardless of gender ... not because of what's between thier legs.

~enthralled

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