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RE: ups and downs to being a dom - 11/29/2012 1:39:11 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		The leather chaps chaff, which makes things worse cuz you can never take them off.
That, and it's tough to scowl all the time.


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(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: ups and downs to being a dom - 11/29/2012 3:48:51 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'd say the wife finding out if she isn't really on board could be a real downer.


Even if a wife is on board, "discovering" the new sub is 2 years old when she finally agreed 6 months ago is an issue. Sneaking around never ends well

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Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: ups and downs to being a dom - 11/29/2012 7:15:15 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

The sub's list of demands which can be as long as your arm.


You keep mentioning this list...I'd like to see it.

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(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: ups and downs to being a dom - 11/30/2012 2:59:10 AM   
MistressZaraUK


Posts: 49
Joined: 11/4/2012
Status: offline 		Trying to get any sleep after an intense session. Damn you adrenaline lol

Zara

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: ups and downs to being a dom - 11/30/2012 5:14:01 AM   
hardsubmissive26


Posts: 2
Joined: 9/15/2012
Status: offline 		I think I am in a whole different league or market. I really need to get off this site and go to the local market where I can purchase slaves cheap. The downsides are many if you are dealing in REAL SLAVES. They have to be feed, watered, given exercise and instruction.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: ups and downs to being a dom - 11/30/2012 6:08:22 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		Yes, if you are in the market for human trafficking, you are indeed in the wrong place. The correct place for someone pursuing that interest might be, oh, I don't know, prison?


I thought your other post was going to be your first and last on this site?


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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: ups and downs to being a dom - 11/30/2012 6:45:26 AM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		Oh come on athena they aren't a weel twue newbie until they make a few mis-spelled posts with a foot stomp & flurish...uuuuuhhhh look at me!!! (Stomp) I'm leaving

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Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: ups and downs to being a dom - 11/30/2012 8:51:03 AM   
ClassAct2006


Posts: 318
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline 		You either are or you aren't so there is not much point in worrying about what if I had been born white or black or gay or straight or female or male.

Sometimes I wish I weren't submissive as it limits who can be suitable partners, but I cannot change how I seem to have been made.

What might someone not like if they are born dom? They will adore dominating because they are made that way. They might not like the fact they can only be happy with someone very submissive and they might find it harder to find a partner. Also a lot of women do quite like a man in charge not all will be happy to feel owned by him, to want him to hurt them in a good way, to be his submissive so it limits the choice of partner. I would have thought that was the main disadvantage. I don't think if you're really dom you have too much trouble with being the one who takes decisions. In fact if you want the sub to plan something just tell her to and she will. For me it is more the other way round - how nice it is with someone inherently dom when you hardly even have to describe how you are and what you need as you simply match him; whereas with someone not dom they have no idea and think you're either made or funny or weird.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: ups and downs to being a dom - 11/30/2012 12:56:01 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddytrace

So far I like the bdsm lifestyle , but what are the downfalls to being a dom?


Nothing.

Over all...........It's good to be ME.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to daddytrace)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: ups and downs to being a dom - 11/30/2012 3:16:20 PM   
CynthiaWVirginia


Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddytrace

So far I like the bdsm lifestyle , but what are the downfalls to being a dom?


When my needs take precedence over his intense wants/needs. He has a lot more energy than I do and my body has been through a lot this past year (almost died from dozens of blood clots in the lungs last year, yep, from birth control pills so that he wouldn't have to have a vasectomy), yada yada yada, so I wish I had the workaholic body I used to have when I was in my twenties and thirties. Bottom line, the D/s is 24/7 but the kink...is only when I'm in the mood for it, and by happy coincidence, my body happens to be up to it. (Yes, my tailbone re-broke yet again yesterday, as it's been doing every week these past twelve months. The doctor is looking into it, finally.) I don't like seeing his hunger raging, my own rushing up to meet it...but Domming myself and resting so that my own pain levels go down to something more manageable.

Another downfall is...not having "absolute power" within my relationship, lol. Sometimes the best thing I can do is warn of a family type train wreck and then sit back and help with aftercare. He/they learn better when I allow natural consequences to go into effect, instead of stepping in to lay down the law and prevent the entire thing from happening in the first place. It is less convenient for me, personally, but I don't want my actions to prevent something that really needs to happen so that everyone (but me, lol) can grow from it.

And finally, on the downs list...I won't indulge myself if something I want is emotionally toxic to my partner.

As for the ups, there are too many to list them all so I will just list a few.
1) Unlike my experiences in vanilla relationships, it's good to have at least one of us steering this ship and not just letting it drift until it lands into the rocks, yanno? I grew up among endless power struggles where people thought only about themselves and not about collateral damage. Unlike those who confuse being domineering with good leadership...I do know the difference. It's...good...being the boss.
2) There's peace and contentment for me...and an almost unnatural trust between the two of us. Phrases like "he's my other half" and "I know him like I know the back of my own hand" have meaning to me now.
3) The sensual perks...whenever I want and whatever I want. And non-sexual, non-sensual service. It does something for me when he brings me my hot tea exactly the way I like it when I am sitting at the computer, etc. I have him unbraid my hair so I can enjoy having it slowly brushed until his arm starts to ache before I have him finish it off by rebraiding it all over again. (It's not all about ass worship and face sitting. Not most of the time anyway.)

(in reply to daddytrace)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: ups and downs to being a dom - 11/30/2012 3:51:46 PM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

Other peoples expectations of how you should be.


Ditto on this one.............

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(in reply to MariaB)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: ups and downs to being a dom - 11/30/2012 4:41:40 PM   
PranksterBtch


Posts: 30
Joined: 10/15/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

Yes, if you are in the market for human trafficking, you are indeed in the wrong place. The correct place for someone pursuing that interest might be, oh, I don't know, prison?


I thought your other post was going to be your first and last on this site?


quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U
Oh come on athena they aren't a weel twue newbie until they make a few mis-spelled posts with a foot stomp & flurish...uuuuuhhhh look at me!!! (Stomp) I'm leaving


Still laughing ... ^^ thanks you two ^^ ... gotta love the long winded emotional dumping from twueee slaves ... haha.

I would say my two disappointments in the public bdsm lifestyle: Many Doms love to  start pissing contests with Dommes.   Also, Dommes get along wonderfully during parties/play, but we fail at maintaining any outside coalitions -- in my area anyway.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: ups and downs to being a dom - 11/30/2012 11:03:27 PM   
theSwan


Posts: 48
Joined: 11/12/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddytrace

So far I like the bdsm lifestyle , but what are the downfalls to being a dom?


Obviously everyone's lifestyle is different..
The major 'downfall' or downside that I feel is most significant (and easiest to express) in terms of being my Master.
Or in my expression of a relationship based on dominance and submission.
Is that everything is your fault, as the dominant.

You get to decide what happens. Therefore, the outcome is your fault.
Your submissive disobeys, you didn't inspire the obedience.
They fail in an attempt to follow your commands, you didn't train them well enough.
They fail to understand what would please you, you didn't communicate properly.
Your command lead to a place of disaster, you were incompetent.

If you elect to take the benefits of control, you take the detriments.

In this sense, a submissive could be seen like a car.
The car only fails if you fail to see errors in the original craftsmanship, fail to maintain it, or run it into a tree or let someone else slam into you.
Nothing is the car's fault.
But the car suffers, feels pain, and often takes the brunt of your anger, even if it is not to blame.

(in reply to daddytrace)
Profile   Post #: 33
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