RE: Collaring, and who choses who.

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RE: Collaring, and who choses who. - 12/4/2012 12:40:20 AM

RaspberryLemon

Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline

Certainly, at least for us, it was a mutual thing. And though his collaring me was just as dependent on my interest/agreement as it was dependent on his initiative, I do sort of view it as an action/decision by him where the passive way of saying "he collared me" sounds right for a few reasons:

It was he who did most of the "pursuing" in our relationship (initially he was the one to express interest in me, he was always the one initiating things going to the next level, taking charge, leading things, etc.) So, in that sense he did choose me because he was the one to pursue me after deciding "I will have her." I'm not and never have been one for taking the initiative in things like that. At the same time, I chose him because I accepted and reciprocated his advances.

And fundamentally, although I see the commitment of owner/pet as a completely mutual thing, he was the one taking ownership and possession of me. I belong to him. He owns me. To me, "he collared me" simply displays that concept of ownership.

Of course, I did not have to "earn" the right to be worthy of being owned by him any more than he had to "earn" the right to be worthy of owning me. Each of us earned this of the other by learning about each other, understanding each other, growing closer and deciding that yes, this is the person I want to be with indefinitely. Despite the structure of authority, we are equally as important to each other and the relationship. It is, in essence, a partnership, a team. It is merely the directional flow of power that is different.

So yes, it's definitely mutual to us. There was mutual growth and understanding that led up to it, and mutual agreement, feeling, and interest upon it, but the way it went down was that it was he who asked and I who accepted, and he who took ownership of me, so "he collared me" sounds fitting and natural when I say it. By the time he brought up making it "official," I already felt I belonged to him anyway.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 21

RE: Collaring, and who choses who. - 12/6/2012 8:28:31 AM

ClassAct2006

Posts: 318
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline

It's mutual. I don't go out on the streets happy to accept that the first man who claims me takes me....

("who chooses whom" by the way not who chooses who.... I only date them if they have good grammar.. acid test? Dative case is it? Brains in a man are so sexy)

(in reply to RaspberryLemon)

Post #: 22

RE: Collaring, and who choses who. - 12/6/2012 8:40:25 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ClassAct2006

It's mutual. I don't go out on the streets happy to accept that the first man who claims me takes me....

("who chooses whom" by the way not who chooses who.... I only date them if they have good grammar.. acid test? Dative case is it? Brains in a man are so sexy)

Yikes you're right, that title is shocking. I have an English degree too, would you believe?
My excuse is that I've been in bed sick all week- clearly I'm delirious with fever!

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to ClassAct2006)

Post #: 23

RE: Collaring, and who choses who. - 12/6/2012 9:30:03 AM

noellesdestiny

Posts: 94
Joined: 9/3/2012
Status: offline

It's individual to me.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 24

RE: Collaring, and who choses who. - 12/6/2012 3:38:34 PM

Slavetosteel

Posts: 6
Joined: 12/2/2012
Status: offline

my Goddess asked me if i was happy to be collared by her, which at the time yes i was, i entered into a contract of mutal consent i was even allowed to offer suggestions of collars and we chose the eternity titianium collar which i have never removed since it was fitted by my Goddess.
As i am now trying to find a relationship based 24/7 i have kept the collar untill i have found the one and then will be released into the care of my new keeper.
i was at the time blown away that i was asked if i wanted to be collared and even given time to decide if this was right for me and my vanilla side as it is quite a obious even to vanillas i have a collar fitted some have been shocked others say its your choice.

(in reply to noellesdestiny)

Post #: 25

RE: Collaring, and who choses who. - 12/6/2012 3:42:33 PM

CharmingKitty

Posts: 103
Joined: 6/2/2012
Status: offline

For "collaring" the concept, it's just that fantasy aspect.
The reality is both parties are deciding to participate in a d/s (or whatever) relationship.
One party may initiate and the other may go along, but a passive decision is still a decision.

Whether or not someone has been "collared" means little to me, especially since the term is thrown around so much.
In the case of LittleWonder I was a amused because I was going to say "collared" doesn't matter unless it's literal.
After reading her post I see it can be!
An actual collar really is just jewelry. And the same way a wedding ring can represent a marriage commitment
a collar or other such accessory can be a symbol of a bdsm commitment. Whether of love or submission or whatever.
One party "chooses" to collar the same way one "chooses" to present a ring.
Choosing to wear it is as much a mutual decision as accepting to wear an engagement ring.
(Keep in mind I am not comparing level of commitment or anything, just the wearing of a thing)

It also could be a symbol of hey-can-we-get-even-more-kinky for a progressing bdsm couple.

As for a "consideration" period, I can see how that can be exciting from a role play aspect.
As well as the practical benefit to seeing if a partnership will work out without emotional investment.
But I worry about it in practice, since jerks can just use it to keep a submissive at arms length.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 26

RE: Collaring, and who choses who. - 12/6/2012 7:27:41 PM

Karmastic

Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline

some people really like rituals, and this certainly is one by all measures. it can be good or bad, it just depends. i think just like "taking her hand in marriage", it implies, that s/he agreed. but i can see OP's point about the negative connotations.

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(in reply to CharmingKitty)

Post #: 27

RE: Collaring, and who choses who. - 12/6/2012 9:20:06 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

I told him I was allergic to collars lol.

But really, we just got to know each other and meshed, and evolved to M/s over time. I can't say we started "vanilla" because neither of us is naturally "vanilla" in romantic-type relationships. But I was very guarded and not very eager to submit to his word.

So, somewhere along the way, when our relationship was already mutually established, he walked up to me and put a collar around my neck. I suppose I knew it was coming. And whaddya know, I was not allergic after all.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to Karmastic)

Post #: 28

RE: Collaring, and who choses who. - 12/7/2012 3:47:05 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Slavetosteel

my Goddess asked me if i was happy to be collared by her, which at the time yes i was, i entered into a contract of mutal consent i was even allowed to offer suggestions of collars and we chose the eternity titianium collar which i have never removed since it was fitted by my Goddess.
As i am now trying to find a relationship based 24/7 i have kept the collar untill i have found the one and then will be released into the care of my new keeper.
i was at the time blown away that i was asked if i wanted to be collared and even given time to decide if this was right for me and my vanilla side as it is quite a obious even to vanillas i have a collar fitted some have been shocked others say its your choice.

At the risk of derailing my own thread, I'm really curious about your situation. So you already have a Mistress/Owner and wear her collar all the time, but are looking for a 24/7 D/s relationship? How will that work? Will your current relationship end when you find someone, or will she continue to have some power? Do you think that potential partners are put off by someone still having a control dynamic with you?

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Slavetosteel)

Post #: 29

RE: Collaring, and who choses who. - 12/7/2012 10:26:45 AM

thegreatetienne

Posts: 8
Joined: 12/4/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

I have been with my Master for over 3 years.
I am not "collared".

However, I have always seen the "process" as a 2 way street.
Worthiness was an important part of becoming His; not just my being worthy to Him but the fact that He proved Himself worthy of owning me.

That's how I was with my dom....we were kind of dating for 6 months....was a very rocky 6 months then yesterday finally just came out and became D/s...we'll see though...if is really is the dom he claims to be.

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 30

RE: Collaring, and who choses who. - 12/7/2012 10:39:18 AM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thegreatetienne
That's how I was with my dom....we were kind of dating for 6 months....was a very rocky 6 months then yesterday finally just came out and became D/s...we'll see though...if is really is the dom he claims to be.

Uuuuuuuuuum you do realize a "rocky relationship" can't be fixed with kink glue & duct tape right?? I relationship already on bad footing IS NOT the time to start handing out whips & chains!!

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to thegreatetienne)

Post #: 31

RE: Collaring, and who choses who. - 12/10/2012 5:50:01 PM

FreeFromSin

Posts: 38
Joined: 8/3/2012
Status: offline

Oddly enough, as this may seem out of the norm, but the submissive or slave must Choose her/his Dom.

The Dom must be chosen.

So although he may put you under consideration or claim you immediately upon a first blind date...all of that is hogwash.

The submissive or the slave MUST tell him/her: Please Sir/Madam, please Own me! Have your wicked way with me.

I give myself to you.

(Not to be too dramatic, but this must be done to solidify the union).

_____________________________

The Cat's Meow.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 32

RE: Collaring, and who choses who. - 12/10/2012 9:02:45 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I dunno. Why does it have to be one or the other? Can't it be mutual? I mean when I met Master I think it was pretty mutual to us both that we wanted to be together for the long term. I didn't tell him, "I choose you Pickachu! (Sorry I couldn't resist ahaha)". It just happened organically just as when he collared me...I was looking at a bracelet, he bought it, put it on me and said "this is your collar" and I smiled and gave him a hug and kiss.

It takes two.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to FreeFromSin)

Post #: 33

RE: Collaring, and who choses who. - 12/10/2012 10:32:58 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

It takes two.

Exactly. We chose each other.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 34

RE: Collaring, and who choses who. - 12/11/2012 1:04:49 PM

DrakSoul

Posts: 10
Joined: 12/5/2012
Status: offline

Go with its a mutual decision if not you shouldnt be in a realtionship.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 35

RE: Collaring, and who choses who. - 12/12/2012 3:03:55 AM

CheeringGirl

Posts: 24
Joined: 5/15/2009
Status: offline

Personally, I think both the D and the s choose each other. When I go into the "consideration" period, it's not just me who's considering the submissive. S/he is considering me as well. When I collar someone, it's because we BOTH agree it's what we want. They have my collar, and I also wear a special necklace that shows I went thru the consideration and was chosen by my submissive. To me, submission isn't taken, it's given freely. To think that I could take that and own it appalls me. I'm not going to take a part of someone and not have it given to me willingly. That just leads to breakups and trust issues for all involved. Typically it takes a while to even get to the consideration part for me, and if a submissive waits that long, makes me all that more proud to call them mine, and have them call me theirs as well. With the submissive I recently broke up with, he chose me and I chose him. He wore my collar and I wore a necklace with a lock on it for him

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 36

RE: Collaring, and who choses who. - 12/12/2012 8:33:06 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

To me....

It takes at least two to walk on to the dance floor and It takes at least two to dance to the music

Now you can this alone. But somehow it just doesn't look right to me. Moving with the music is just better when you have others to do it with. Some one who chooses and wants to be be out on the floor and one who chooses and wants to dance with you.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 37

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