Profile Problems (Full Version)

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JanMikal -> Profile Problems (12/4/2012 9:34:40 PM)

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I wonder if I could ask a favor from the community.

For some reason, I am having trouble getting those that I write to to respond to my messages. I am not sure if I am simply choosing the wrong people, or there is some other factor at work, which is the favor I am asking. I wonder if any of you would be so kind as to look over my profile and/or pictures, and tell me what you think, and what, perhaps, I am doing wrong.

When I send messages, I never, /ever/ begin with any variation of 'Hey, slut', nor do I ever try to give commands or orders at first (or even second or third) contact. I do my best to attempt to be treat others with courtesy and civility. So I can only imagine it must be my profile. If any of you would be so kind as to have a look, I would very much appreciate it if you would message me with your thoughts, and how I can improve my chances.

Thank you in advance,

JanMikal



absolutchocolat -> RE: Profile Problems (12/4/2012 9:49:19 PM)

1) take out any mentions of frauds, fakes, and scammers in your profile and journal.

2) take out the butt hurt rant about not getting replies. not everyone feels the need to respond to every message they receive, especially when us women tend to get scores of one-liners everyday.

3) elaborate on what you seek in your ideal partner and list interests and activities you enjoy in your vanilla life. there's little about your profile that makes me want to message you, because you don't talk about who you are, what motivates you, etc.

try that stuff and see if you get more replies.




JanMikal -> RE: Profile Problems (12/4/2012 9:52:19 PM)

Frankly, the 'butt hurt rant' was only added very recently. It actually was in response to the very dilemma that I find myself in now. And I did have a full profile, until I realized that it seemed to be rather a waste of time.



absolutchocolat -> RE: Profile Problems (12/4/2012 10:02:08 PM)

if you feel it's a waste of time, then by all means, ignore me.

i understand the frustration, but honestly, any site you join will have these issues -- fakes, phonies, time-wasters, people who don't read your profile, etc. finding a kinky partner is tough, and takes a lot of time and patience. good luck, in any case.



SeekingTrinity -> RE: Profile Problems (12/4/2012 10:02:34 PM)

Unfortunately there are no guarantees that we will get responses. Its just the nature of the beast on here and its one that you just have to accept, if you want the honest truth. Ive been on this site for a number of years (longer than you have been), both under the current profile I use and my individual profile that attracted my male partner to me. The search is arduous and can be frustrating. All I can say is to develop some patience and a willingness to wait. Frauds, fakes, and scammers are going to be here. It too is the nature of the beast.

I didnt really get a sense of who you were as a person. What things interest you outside of kink say quite a bit about character. There is nothing honestly in your profile that made you stand out in my eyes and make me want to either reply to a message you sent me or prompt me to send you one myself. I got the uber dom vibe from you if you want the honest truth. But nothing else to counteract that impression. Uber doms are kind of a huge PITA (pain in the ass) in my opinion because I always feel they try to talk a good game, but have absolutely ZERO to back it up. I also didnt get a sense of what it was you were looking for. Someone for play or an actual relationship?



JanMikal -> RE: Profile Problems (12/4/2012 10:06:29 PM)

I am not sure what you mean by 'uber dom'; I can only assume it is not a...complimentary term. I do understand and accept that not every message I send will be answered. I know that everyone has different tastes, and I may be too old, too blonde, too tall or too white (to name a few criteria) for many people. But /some/ response would be....a pleasant surprise.



tazzygirl -> RE: Profile Problems (12/4/2012 10:10:15 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: JanMikal

Frankly, the 'butt hurt rant' was only added very recently. It actually was in response to the very dilemma that I find myself in now. And I did have a full profile, until I realized that it seemed to be rather a waste of time.


so is the BBW rant. Many women will see that, and even if they are perfectly fit, will find that a complete turn off and pass you by.



JanMikal -> RE: Profile Problems (12/4/2012 10:11:20 PM)

If all you took from that rant was the section about 'BBW', then you completely missed the point.



FemmeD76 -> RE: Profile Problems (12/4/2012 10:13:40 PM)

Ok, I tried not to but I have to stick my beak in here. It's not your profile that's the problem. It's your journal! Your journal entries would be offensive to 99% of submissive females reading it and probably a significant number of others.

All you talk about is how messed up you think most subs and women are.

How messed up your ex wife was.

You don't mention much at all about what YOU bring to the table and what you are offering to a submissive female in your "care" (using that word loosely here).

From your profile it doesn't seem that you are really interested in BDSM. It looks pretty much like you are vanilla. If you honestly think that all submissives have problems because they want people to walk over them you are seriously mistaken. I strongly suggest going to a vanilla site because I don't think you will find what you are looking for here.

It's offensive to every submissive on here that you claim they are all "damaged".



JanMikal -> RE: Profile Problems (12/4/2012 10:18:44 PM)

Again...point missed. The point I was trying to make there was that no one, including (and especially myself) is perfect, and that is a GOOD thing. An excerpt:

There are some that would say that a woman who is submissive, or at least slavish, is, by definition, damaged. I don't know if I can agree with that, but I will say that a large number are. Often, traumatizing factors in someone's life and youth can combine to MAKE a submissive where there might not have been one before. But there ARE those that are naturally submissive. Dom/mes, you're going to have to get used to it. Many, if not MOST of submissives are going to have serious issues, probably related to their submissiveness. People that are willing to completely subsume themselves to someone else's will probably have some very deep-seated problems. Again...that's okay. We ALL have problems.

I do say that many or MOST are damaged...and they/we ARE. Find me ONE undamaged person, and I will shake your hand and give you my next 10 paychecks. People often (not always, but often, as I WROTE) gravitate to BDSM because of a less-than-ideal life. Not ALWAYS...I made that point, too. But you all seem to be missing the thrust of my entry.



LadyPact -> RE: Profile Problems (12/4/2012 10:19:45 PM)

There really isn't much of a profile there to give you an opinion on. While some women will tell you that they read the profile, the journal, and some forum posts when available, truth be told, that's a lot to read. Even more so when you consider just how many emails a female gets on this site.

The only thing I came away from your profile with was that I think you might have an interest in poly, but you really don't know much about it. The glance I took at your interest list and one journal entry told Me that you probably don't have any experience in it. The fact that you've got "girl(s)" that you use on your profile for what you are looking for isn't helping your case because it implies that you want poly, but don't necessarily say it outright or what experience you have with it.

You're 37 and specifically mention a target age of 25 for who you are looking for. (By the way, what you describe in that journal entry is not what most folks in the lifestyle call a unicorn.) Not a horrible age gap, but I'd kill it.

The profile itself is obviously a hatchet job, so I don't know why you are asking based on that. Nobody is going to respond to so little out there.

Here's what I really came on the thread to tell you. Generally, males only get a 5-10% response rate on internet sites. If you are getting about that range, it just means you are the average guy. If you are getting less than 5%, you need to change your profile to get some information out there and maybe think of changing the emails that you send. If you are going for chicks at least ten years younger than you, expect less than the 5% because they are flooded by guys their age and guys of every age wanting a young chick.

Best of luck to you.



Edited for typo.



tazzygirl -> RE: Profile Problems (12/4/2012 10:39:20 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: JanMikal

If all you took from that rant was the section about 'BBW', then you completely missed the point.


No, dear, thats not all I took from your profile. I found it amusing, actually. I was simply pointing out yet another problem with your thought process to be added to the list of others you will no doubt ignore. [8|]



JanMikal -> RE: Profile Problems (12/4/2012 10:49:39 PM)

I am actually rather interested in why it is that you think my thought process has problems. Am I wrong in stating that people need to get over themselves and admit to their flaws, rather than trying to convince the world that said flaws are merits? Am I mistaken that I believe that people are too easily offended and politically-correct? How, if you would be so good as to explain, is my thinking flawed?



tazzygirl -> RE: Profile Problems (12/4/2012 11:31:39 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: JanMikal

I am actually rather interested in why it is that you think my thought process has problems. Am I wrong in stating that people need to get over themselves and admit to their flaws, rather than trying to convince the world that said flaws are merits? Am I mistaken that I believe that people are too easily offended and politically-correct? How, if you would be so good as to explain, is my thinking flawed?


Are you denying the fact that some men actually prefer a BBW? and that your little rant has no place in this lifestyle? We are all entitled to our own wish list when it comes to partners. Myself, blonde haired and blue eyed men freak me out terrible... I want nothing to do with them. However, I wont berate them for having those attributes even though there are colored contact lenses and hair dye.

You dont like to be judged. Its obvious by your responses. Yet you have no problem judging others. Myself, I dont care about your "preferences". You have no ability to affect my life. My political correctness, or lack of, has no bearing upon your life. Why would you even care why someone is something YOU, personally, do not like? You dont like it. Simple enough to merely say "I want a woman who is height and weight proportional (or some such shit) and move on instead of beating the topic to death.

You speak of not liking to humiliate or degrade your partners.... your profile includes just that... and you see nothing wrong with that. Sorry, thats like talking out of both sides of your mouth. You dont like too... but you will on a profile on a kink site. Thats so not gonna go over well.

I especially love the part that starts with "Damaged.. bloody hell, where to start?" Why do you feel a need to "start"? Why start on anyone, which is exactly what you are doing. The fact that you believe a woman has to have " very deep-seated problems" to want to serve. That gave me the giggles.

Exactly how many women have you owned?



JanMikal -> RE: Profile Problems (12/4/2012 11:53:52 PM)

"Are you denying the fact that some men actually prefer a BBW?"

Not at all. In fact, an excerpt: ( I've also seen women who were 5'3 and somewhere near 300lbs. That's probably fat. if you're okay with that, fantastic. You may BE beautiful, at least to yourself or someone else. More power to you, and I truly, sincerely wish you all the best.) Nowhere did I say 'Fat women cannot be beautiful'. In fact, I said, right there, "...you may BE beautiful..." That doesn't exactly sound like a harsh judgment. I simply was expounding on the current society's obsession with being 'politically correct'. Why say 'hearing-impaired' when 'deaf' does as well? Why say 'African-American' when the large majority of black people in the USA are not from Africa, have never been to Africa, and probably will never go? And why invent a term like 'Big Beautiful Woman' when 'fat' is just as appropriate and much shorter and easier to say. Is the word 'fat' offensive or insulting?
From dictionary.com - Fat: having too much flabby tissue; corpulent; obese. Is this offensive to you? If so, I suggest you may be too easily offended.

As far as your question of 'Why would you even care why someone is something YOU, personally, do not like?', I submit to you: Why would anyone? Why do the religious rant on about atheists? Why do conservatives complain about liberals? Why do Christians and Muslims go to war? EVERYone makes statements about their preferences and interests. It's not unique to me. I am sure that you, at some point, have told someone 'I don't like XYZ', even if that person were NOT 'XYZ'. Why? Because you had a desire to make your position known, or clear. Everyone does it, it's part of the human experience. I just had the bad fortune to put mine in a forum where it could be attacked by those that deliberately take it out of context and miss the point in order to snark at me.

And in response to your belief that /I/ think that every woman has to have "very deep-seated problems' to want to serve, then again, I submit that you either did not read the entire post, and are (deliberately or otherwise) taking it out of context, or that you do not have total comprehension of what you do read. Another excerpt:

(There are some that would say that a woman who is submissive, or at least slavish, is, by definition, damaged. I don't know if I can agree with that, but I will say that a large number are. Often, traumatizing factors in someone's life and youth can combine to MAKE a submissive where there might not have been one before. But there ARE those that are naturally submissive)

Note: right there, I say that I don't know that I can agree with the idea that someone MUST be damaged to be a submissive. I ALSO say '...there ARE those that are naturally submissive'. So there you've got it plain and obviously wrong. Yes, MANY of the women I have met that are 'submissive' HAVE BEEN damaged. Do you submit that you are a perfect individual, with no trauma or bad history in your life? And psychological trauma CAN produce a woman (or man!) who has a deep need to serve or submit in order to be accepted - that is scientifically proven. But NOWHERE do I say that, to quote you, do I believe "...a woman has to have " very deep-seated problems" to want to serve." I say that "... People that are willing to completely subsume themselves to someone else's will probably have some very deep-seated problems..." Probably. Not definitely. Not everyone. There are no absolutes. Can you tell me that EVERY submissive is a healthy individual, psychologically speaking? No, you cannot. Because they are not. You speak in black and white, absolute terms, and thus are bound to be wrong at some point. I speak in possibilities, allowing for the chance of error, both in my statements and my information. I am willing to be proven wrong....you, clearly, are not, although I have just done a competent job in doing so.

I wish you a good evening.



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Profile Problems (12/5/2012 2:40:50 AM)

Ok you came here asking for advice then argued against every point that was made. You got defensive too. If you don't actually want to know what your target audience think, why bother asking? If a business does market research but decides to say 'consumers know nothing, so I'll ignore their opinions' they can expect to go bankrupt when everyone goes to the competitor who does offer what customers want.

My advice. Change nothing. Your profile will quickly screen out people who don't share your attitudes and save everyone time. You may not get many takers but the ones you get will be a good fit.



JanMikal -> RE: Profile Problems (12/5/2012 2:45:42 AM)

Good evening, Miss Athena.

My intention is not to argue against advice that is being given. In fact, I do not see any advice BEING given, save for 'take down the post'. And that is fine. I am not arguing that the post should stay up, necessarily. What I am taking exception with is that at least one person has completely misconstrued the post, and seems to be taking things from it that are not there. I am not entirely sure when this thread went from a request for advice to debating the merits and flaws of my journal post, but I am fairly sure that I did not take it there.



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Profile Problems (12/5/2012 3:01:56 AM)

The advice is that the journal hurts your chances.

If lots of people are misunderstanding, then you haven't communicated it well enough. Misunderstood or not, if people are put off by it, it's not helping. Ultimately you're trying to put a message across. If one person doesn't get it, it's them. If a whole thread full of people don't get it, then you haven't made it clear. No amount of arguing and clarifying here will stop people misinterpreting it on your profile.



freedomdwarf1 -> RE: Profile Problems (12/5/2012 4:25:15 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: JanMikal

"Are you denying the fact that some men actually prefer a BBW?"

Not at all. In fact, an excerpt: ( I've also seen women who were 5'3 and somewhere near 300lbs. That's probably fat. if you're okay with that, fantastic. You may BE beautiful, at least to yourself or someone else. More power to you, and I truly, sincerely wish you all the best.) Nowhere did I say 'Fat women cannot be beautiful'. In fact, I said, right there, "...you may BE beautiful..." That doesn't exactly sound like a harsh judgment. I simply was expounding on the current society's obsession with being 'politically correct'.

You are trying to cover a basic blunt insult with vaguely-veiled words.
What comes across is that you are being extremely RUDE, not PC.

quote:

ORIGINAL: JanMikal
Why say 'hearing-impaired' when 'deaf' does as well? Why say 'African-American' when the large majority of black people in the USA are not from Africa, have never been to Africa, and probably will never go? And why invent a term like 'Big Beautiful Woman' when 'fat' is just as appropriate and much shorter and easier to say. Is the word 'fat' offensive or insulting?
From dictionary.com - Fat: having too much flabby tissue; corpulent; obese. Is this offensive to you? If so, I suggest you may be too easily offended.

No, like the others, I would suggest that you stop using offensive language that many do not care for.
The dictionary may be correct in it's definition but that doesn't tell you that to use such a word directly constitutes being rude.

Eg:Main Entry:cunt
Pronunciation:*k*nt
Function:noun
Etymology:Middle English cunte; akin to Middle Low German kunte female pudenda
Date:14th century
The female genital organs; also : sexual intercourse with a woman.

Does it make it right to call a female a cunt just because they have the right bits??
Of course not!
The same goes for calling people fat.
It shows a complete and utter lack of sensitivity.

I'm not saying you can't mention that your preference is for people who are not leaning towards obesity or 'in height/weight proportion' but to harp on about it the way you do in your journal is insulting.

quote:

ORIGINAL: JanMikal
As far as your question of 'Why would you even care why someone is something YOU, personally, do not like?', I submit to you: Why would anyone? Why do the religious rant on about atheists? Why do conservatives complain about liberals? Why do Christians and Muslims go to war? EVERYone makes statements about their preferences and interests. It's not unique to me. I am sure that you, at some point, have told someone 'I don't like XYZ', even if that person were NOT 'XYZ'. Why? Because you had a desire to make your position known, or clear. Everyone does it, it's part of the human experience. I just had the bad fortune to put mine in a forum where it could be attacked by those that deliberately take it out of context and miss the point in order to snark at me.

And in response to your belief that /I/ think that every woman has to have "very deep-seated problems' to want to serve, then again, I submit that you either did not read the entire post, and are (deliberately or otherwise) taking it out of context, or that you do not have total comprehension of what you do read. Another excerpt:

(There are some that would say that a woman who is submissive, or at least slavish, is, by definition, damaged. I don't know if I can agree with that, but I will say that a large number are. Often, traumatizing factors in someone's life and youth can combine to MAKE a submissive where there might not have been one before. But there ARE those that are naturally submissive)

Note: right there, I say that I don't know that I can agree with the idea that someone MUST be damaged to be a submissive. I ALSO say '...there ARE those that are naturally submissive'. So there you've got it plain and obviously wrong. Yes, MANY of the women I have met that are 'submissive' HAVE BEEN damaged. Do you submit that you are a perfect individual, with no trauma or bad history in your life? And psychological trauma CAN produce a woman (or man!) who has a deep need to serve or submit in order to be accepted - that is scientifically proven. But NOWHERE do I say that, to quote you, do I believe "...a woman has to have " very deep-seated problems" to want to serve." I say that "... People that are willing to completely subsume themselves to someone else's will probably have some very deep-seated problems..." Probably. Not definitely. Not everyone. There are no absolutes. Can you tell me that EVERY submissive is a healthy individual, psychologically speaking? No, you cannot. Because they are not. You speak in black and white, absolute terms, and thus are bound to be wrong at some point. I speak in possibilities, allowing for the chance of error, both in my statements and my information. I am willing to be proven wrong....you, clearly, are not, although I have just done a competent job in doing so.

It is obvious, at least to me and a few others that have answered you, that you have no care about whether you refer to others in rude and disparaging terms and yet still expect courteous and polite responses??

I think you have hidden yourself under too many dictionaries and haven't a friggin clue about real life and what is rude and what is not.

I will re-iterate what others have said - your journal is extremely off-putting to say the least and extremely rude for many.
Clean it up, get rid of most of it, and make it presentable (by the world's definition, not yours), then you might get somewhere.




JanMikal -> RE: Profile Problems (12/5/2012 4:48:56 AM)

FreedomDwarf1,

I must wonder when it came about that making a true, factual, provable statement became an insult. If I said 'You are blonde' to a person with light hair...would that be an insult? What if I said to an octogenerian 'You are old'? Is that, in fact, offensive? Or if I told someone born in London, UK "You are British'? Would they have reason to be upset?

My original intent in that journal entry...if you would bother to read it in its entirety and get an over all sense of it instead of focusing on the bits that you don't like and harping on them, is that imperfection is GOOD, 'PCness' is BAD, and that the best way to be is HONEST. In your reply, you said '...suggest that you stop using offensive language that many do not care for...' So is the word 'deaf' now offensive? Is the term 'black' insulting for people of predominantly African descent?

Also, in your example, you're comparing apples and oranges; nowhere in the definition of 'cunt', at least in the bit you quoted, does is say that that particular word is used to refer to any woman in general. It says 'female sex organs' and 'sexual intercourse'. Have you never used the word 'cunt' to describe sexual organs? I have, and I think most here have as well; granted, I am generalizing, but I think I am safe in doing so. But the definition has no mention, again, at least the bit you quoted, that 'cunt' is used to refer to a woman. If your dictionary DOES include that word being used to refer to a woman, I would wager that right there in the print it has a notation like 'Vulgar' or 'Slang', denoting that the entry cited is not proper usage.

Judging from the responses I've garnered from my posting here, I feel, however, I must agree with you; apparently, I do have no 'friggin clue' what is and is not rude. Where I come from, honesty and truthfulness is not rude, it is simply...truthful. Granted, if I said to someone 'Hey, you're fat,' and MEANT it as an insult, if I were TRYING to upset someone, then certainly, it would be awful of me. But I was NOT doing so; I was making a point about political correctness and how it can lead one astray. And here is the odd thing; you claim I 'harp on about it' (and I assume you mean the 'fat' concept) in my journal. After looking through that journal AGAIN, I see that I turned the spotlight on that particular subject ONCE, in perhaps four or five sentences worth, in part of a three or four PAGE journal entry. I can't imagine that is a suitable definition of 'harping on about it'. Perhaps you should examine your own insecurities if THAT relatively small mention in a much larger entry is what grabs your attention so keenly.

As always, I truly wish you all the best.

JanMikal



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