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RE: Just starting the journey - need advice - 12/7/2012 8:40:31 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

What you have to offer probably isn't special enough for women to overlook your marital status. You're new at this, you're older, and you're married. The ratio of men to women on this site means that women have their pick, they probably won't be too interested in your package. Why would a woman willingly take on a cheater when she has her pick of many others who are unencumbered and can give her all of their attention instead of the stray day/evening here and there?

The things BDSM'ers do require trust, I'd never let a liar and cheater near me because there is nothing there to build trust on, and I need to have that if you're going to be doing dangerous things to me. Kinky women don't necessarily have lower morals and aren't necessarily here for NSA free sex and bondage offered by so very many men. We can be pretty selective. I'd seriously try converting your wife to the kink side, pay a professional, or get a divorce.

(in reply to txstroker)

Post #: 21

RE: Just starting the journey - need advice - 12/7/2012 10:14:36 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

OP, reread your own post. Then read OsideGirls's post. You basically say that you've "read" about BDSM (which I assume is a euphemism for watching porn) and now you're ready to do it. You need a girl to play with, and expertise with whips and floggers. OsideGirl's post states that this is all about relationships, trust, and caring. AND being self-aware.

You're living in a fantasy world. You saw kinky porn and wanted to do it with your wife. She said no. At this point, you had three realistic options:

1. Try again with your wife, using a less direct approach. What are her fantasies? Could you help achieve them? Etc.
2. Ask her about trying another partner. You want to see if you're really a Dom. Would she be okay with you seeing a pro sub - no sex?
3. Divorce or separation.

You're somehow hoping to try for a side relationship without your wife finding out. Forget it. Bluntly speaking, you haven't impressed me as being capable of pulling this off.

So you have no experience, no availability for long dates, sleeping over, etc. Submissive women have better options. You're doing nothing more at this point than giving your wife reasons to suspect you and hurting your marriage. Although if you're willing to endanger your marriage over an idea you might be a Dom, I suspect the marriage is pretty frail anyway.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 22

RE: Just starting the journey - need advice - 12/7/2012 10:21:25 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Oh Christ, Steven. (Sorry) Please don't even talk about whips on this thread. You are going to give the OP delusions of grandeur.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 23

RE: Just starting the journey - need advice - 12/7/2012 10:39:06 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Oh Christ, Steven. (Sorry) Please don't even talk about whips on this thread. You are going to give the OP delusions of grandeur.

Crap. You're right. His post only mentioned floggers and bondage. I thought he already HAD delusions of learning whips.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 24

RE: Just starting the journey - need advice - 12/8/2012 6:51:51 AM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Oh Christ, Steven. (Sorry) Please don't even talk about whips on this thread. You are going to give the OP delusions of grandeur.

And realities of incarceration! Whip marks at the doc on un-partnered sub will raise most of the flags available. Nothing says grounds to get everything like "hey honey can you come down to the jail with bail, I played whippy spanky with a woman I don't know, left marks & doc turned me in for assault"

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 25

RE: Just starting the journey - need advice - 12/8/2012 7:20:35 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

What you have to offer probably isn't special enough for women to overlook your marital status. You're new at this, you're older, and you're married. The ratio of men to women on this site means that women have their pick, they probably won't be too interested in your package. Why would a woman willingly take on a cheater when she has her pick of many others who are unencumbered and can give her all of their attention instead of the stray day/evening here and there?

The things BDSM'ers do require trust, I'd never let a liar and cheater near me because there is nothing there to build trust on, and I need to have that if you're going to be doing dangerous things to me. Kinky women don't necessarily have lower morals and aren't necessarily here for NSA free sex and bondage offered by so very many men. We can be pretty selective. I'd seriously try converting your wife to the kink side, pay a professional, or get a divorce.

Those are your options. You may think you have more, but if you choose to cheat, the first two will be unavailable to you (your wife won't want to talk to you on any level and about anything except money, which brings us to the second option, since the cost of separation is such you won't be able to afford a pro) -- and eventually you will end up divorcing.

_____________________________

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 26

RE: Just starting the journey - need advice - 12/8/2012 8:23:51 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

And realities of incarceration! Whip marks at the doc on un-partnered sub will raise most of the flags available. Nothing says grounds to get everything like "hey honey can you come down to the jail with bail, I played whippy spanky with a woman I don't know, left marks & doc turned me in for assault"

What, only married subs are allowed to have whip marks?

_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 27

RE: Just starting the journey - need advice - 12/8/2012 8:42:07 AM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama
What, only married subs are allowed to have whip marks?

I was actually going for newbie never done this with a whip unsupervised first time "figuring it out" on a real breathing sub that has no problem taking sloppy left overs of a married guys life...probably no problem saying "my new boyfriend was learning to use a whip doc"
But hey he is looking for a crash test dummy & houston is beautiful this time of year

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 28

RE: Just starting the journey - need advice - 12/8/2012 8:50:50 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

~FR~

what's an 'oki'?

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 29

RE: Just starting the journey - need advice - 12/8/2012 9:52:49 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

That's the only question you had about this post, lol?

Maybe someone will be so kind as to translate it.

quote:

Grow some thick skin and treat 1% as real and the rest not so mucho - who should shown the ways of the knobkerrie and then hurled into a pool of magma with crocodiles with big smiley teeth the crocs are wearing tinfoil no continuity errors in my malarkey i says

Forums are oki - some good people inhabit them
Munches oki
clubs well hook up with some loons from the munch

Sites well all sites are full some nice real people other not so much

_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 30

RE: Just starting the journey - need advice - 12/8/2012 11:14:23 AM

graceadieu

Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

Why would a woman willingly take on a cheater when she has her pick of many others who are unencumbered and can give her all of their attention instead of the stray day/evening here and there?

Well, if she's also married and cheating and wants something discreet. I guess that would be his best bet, if he's not going to be honest with his wife.

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 31

RE: Just starting the journey - need advice - 12/8/2012 11:25:53 AM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: graceadieu

quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

Why would a woman willingly take on a cheater when she has her pick of many others who are unencumbered and can give her all of their attention instead of the stray day/evening here and there?

Well, if she's also married and cheating and wants something discreet. I guess that would be his best bet, if he's not going to be honest with his wife.

He still runs a risk of his wife finding out if her husband does. That would have to be a risk he wants to take though.

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM

(in reply to graceadieu)

Post #: 32

RE: Just starting the journey - need advice - 12/8/2012 11:44:07 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Yeah. Forget the doc. Figure out how to explain those marks to the spouse.

Seriously though, speaking as somebody who is married to another top, here is My perspective on the whole deal. MP didn't start in wiitwd until I came along. Do folks even know how difficult it is for a married, middle aged guy with *no* topping experience? Keep in mind, MP had things on his side that the OP doesn't have. One, MP's got a wife (Me) who knows and approves of him playing with others. He also had a damn good teacher (again, Me) to teach him the stuff that he needed to know. Believe it or not, that actually makes a difference.

Male tops just starting out don't have the same level of acceptance as female tops starting out. It's just how things are.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to searching4mysir)

Post #: 33

RE: Just starting the journey - need advice - 12/8/2012 11:47:35 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Male tops just starting out don't have the same level of acceptance as female tops starting out. It's just how things are.

And a married man cheating on his wife doesn't have the luxury of free time to go learn, either.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 34

RE: Just starting the journey - need advice - 12/8/2012 12:51:27 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Male tops just starting out don't have the same level of acceptance as female tops starting out. It's just how things are.
[/color]

Do you believe this is because new females starting out somehow got a better base skill set? Or that sub males are just so happy to be near a Domme (any domme) that becoming a crash test dummy isn't such an issue?

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 35

RE: Just starting the journey - need advice - 12/8/2012 2:20:30 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U
Do you believe this is because new females starting out somehow got a better base skill set? Or that sub males are just so happy to be near a Domme (any domme) that becoming a crash test dummy isn't such an issue?

Very much the latter, rather than the former. I *never* had a problem finding volunteers when I found My sadistic side. Even when I was still just learning, I never had an issue finding play partners.

It's the imbalance in numbers, really.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 36

RE: Just starting the journey - need advice - 12/8/2012 3:05:40 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

I've noticed that the OP hasn't come back. I'm guessing he didn't get the pat on the head that he was expecting.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 37

RE: Just starting the journey - need advice - 12/9/2012 4:06:07 PM

Toysinbabeland

Posts: 1693
Joined: 3/4/2012
From: the other end of Cx's leash
Status: offline

Grant your wife an equitable divorce.

_____________________________

*Smitten fox* that's all you need.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 38

RE: Just starting the journey - need advice - 12/9/2012 6:09:20 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Toysinbabeland

Grant your wife an equitable divorce.

Texas if she catches him in his extra-curricular travels she will be owning everything he has. He literally will be lucky to keep the shirt on his back.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to Toysinbabeland)

Post #: 39

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