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Humble grasshopper seeks wisdom from mighty dragons - 12/8/2012 5:22:12 PM   
Teios


Posts: 5
Joined: 12/1/2012
From: Chicago
Status: offline 		Hey, first post! (oh yeah I found a proxy that lets me through my schools internet blocker!)

So I'm new to the D/s relationship lifestyle. A few months ago I said 'screw it, I'm just going to do it'. Bdsm has long been a fantasy for me and now I'm taking steps to make it into a reality. I've decided to start with an online relationship, to kind of get my feet wet with. A few months ago, on another site, I answered an ad with a submissive woman seeking a Dom. So far we've kept it just a friendship. Not a real D/s relationship.

She's a shy girl who was looking for a way to to 'break out of her shell' and so I've been trying to help her on and off for a few months. She feels like a shut-in, not experiencing life. So been giving her easy tasks, like kiss 10 people's hand in a day. Something to make her more adventurous. However, I want to start taking this friendship and turn it into a D/s relationship. I've touched the subject, but she's nervous. I'm struggling because I want to start taking the steps, but I'm afraid it will scare her off.

What suggestions does the community have?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Humble grasshopper seeks wisdom from mighty dragons - 12/8/2012 5:25:34 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Teios

So been giving her easy tasks, like kiss 10 people's hand in a day.



Germs!!!!!!!!!!!!

(in reply to Teios)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Humble grasshopper seeks wisdom from mighty dragons - 12/8/2012 5:33:30 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		What's her reason for wanting to be a sub? is it the trust factor? Does she like to please? Does spanking and bondage make her wet? Is she interested in sex but not willing to take initiative?

What's your reason for wanting to be a Dom?

And what the hell about kissing ten people's hands in one day? If someone asked to kiss my hand, Id think it was creepy. As well as Baroana's thought about germs. I suspect she may be lying to you about accomplishing this task.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Humble grasshopper seeks wisdom from mighty dragons - 12/8/2012 5:38:30 PM   
KyttynTheMynx


Posts: 4880
Joined: 5/10/2006
From: Moosecrotch, Va
Status: offline 		A doctor's visit is my suggestion. Ugh. Do you know how many people wipe their ass, and then walk RIGHT PAST the sink, and out the door?

Serious suggestion...Start picking things that are the least likely to wind her up with something nasty in her system. Start with daily journaling or emails. You want her to break out of her shell? Have her do some small talk with 2-3 people X days a week, for 30 seconds. Up it as she becomes comfortable. But for the love of god, NO KISSING WEIRD HANDS!

*shudders*

_____________________________

Hibbie's Hottie

The next time you think I give a fuck, remember the 3 F's... Unless you are Feeding me, Financing me, or Fucking me, I don't give a fuck!!

"Kyttyn: The Other White Meat!" - DRH

10 Miles of Hot Chocolate Lovin'.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Humble grasshopper seeks wisdom from mighty dragons - 12/8/2012 6:10:11 PM   
MAINEiacMISTRESS


Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KyttynTheMynx

A doctor's visit is my suggestion. Ugh. Do you know how many people wipe their ass, and then walk RIGHT PAST the sink, and out the door?

Serious suggestion...Start picking things that are the least likely to wind her up with something nasty in her system. Start with daily journaling or emails. You want her to break out of her shell? Have her do some small talk with 2-3 people X days a week, for 30 seconds. Up it as she becomes comfortable. But for the love of god, NO KISSING WEIRD HANDS!

*shudders*


I was in a movie theater bathroom when the popcorn attendent came in and used the stall next to mine...after she wiped and pulled up her pants, she walked right out the door and went back behind the counter. I followed, and right in front of the entire line of customers AND the manager I told her in a firm voice, "You didn't wash your hands after you used the toilet. Now go back in there and WASH THEM before you come out here to handle all these people's food."
The manager was like "Wha--?!" and then scurried to get everyone's popcorn while the popcorn girl ran to the bathroom red-faced to wash her hands.
Jesus that GROSSES ME OUT.

(in reply to KyttynTheMynx)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Humble grasshopper seeks wisdom from mighty dragons - 12/8/2012 7:26:58 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		The best suggestion is sit down and talk. Find out what her reservations are and see if the two of you can make a situation where you both get what you like.

There is a TNG group in San Diego and there are a couple of submissive female discussion groups. Just getting out and seeing that many people that have D/s relationships actually have pretty normal relationships to the public eye, may give her what she needs.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 12/8/2012 7:32:18 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to MAINEiacMISTRESS)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Humble grasshopper seeks wisdom from mighty dragons - 12/8/2012 8:27:58 PM   
theSwan


Posts: 48
Joined: 11/12/2012
Status: offline 		All pre-mentioned germaphobia aside, I think something like 'kiss ten people's hands' is not a bad ice-breaker for someone who is afraid to interact with their world.
I think it's actually kind of adorable.
If someone kissed my hand today, it would be something I would talk about in a positive fashion for the next few days.

I assume she's a smart enough girl to stay away from people who smell funny or clearly appear to be ill and the human immune system is a miraculous thing.
A lot of people would jump at the opportunity to steal a kiss from an attractive man/woman at a club if the chemistry was right.
Or accept a hug from a child.
We shake hands with clients and colleagues.
Which are easily as prone to make anyone sick.

--

My question to you would be - What are the reasons she has expressed she is nervous?
That nervousness could be an excuse that she really isn't interested in moving forward with you.
It could be a fear of what being a submissive to someone or a submissive to you could be like.
A general worry about what being in a relationship with you may be like.
A fear of drastic change.

Without knowing why she is nervous.
We cannot know what you are struggling against.
Thus cannot advice for or against any steps.

(in reply to Teios)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Humble grasshopper seeks wisdom from mighty dragons - 12/9/2012 6:58:51 AM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		FR~

Goals that would actually hellp her would be more like 'join a sport/activity group of some kind, stick with it for one month'.
Or start 10 conversations wiith people in line-ups at the store while waiting. (Purposefully picking the longest liineup makes it easy).

Either you want to help her, or you want to take advantage of her, don't do both.

(in reply to theSwan)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Humble grasshopper seeks wisdom from mighty dragons - 12/9/2012 7:55:52 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

So far we've kept it just a friendship. Not a real D/s relationship.

This is the problem. This, right here.
Is a friendship what you want? If so, great, then be friends.
But if not, if you want a bound interaction, grab the reins, seize control, do some actual, ooooh, I dunno, domination.
Now, I know this is tough, and kinda goes against most societal training we've had, and also internal fears about losing someone just met, but damnitall, she came to you seeking to be dominating, so just freaking do it.
Sack up and take control.
This might sound harsh, but trust me here-I can't tell you how many women I've talked with who are like, "Why doesn't he take charge? Why doesn't he go further?"
Which is just an awful thing to do to a sub. She came to you wanting something. You sold her a bill of goods saying you could deliver. But when push comes to shove, you're waffling.
And no gal likes that, much less a sub/slave.
Not to mention that you are currently sending mixed messages-are you a friend, are you interested in a relationship? Are you a dominant or do you need permission from her to do anything?
So this is my feedback, if it's what you want, take control of her yourself. Don't have her kissing strangers hands. Have her kissing your hand, and your cock, and your ass.
And that's all there is to it.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to ProlificNeeds)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Humble grasshopper seeks wisdom from mighty dragons - 12/9/2012 8:34:36 AM   
TieMeInKnottss


Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline 		I have to agree with Kana about "you sold her a bill of goods". She is not a girl you met at a church fundraiser and you don't know if she is wiling to cross that line....She was clearly looking for a Dom and you offered her services as a Dom (whether they be sexual or non-sexual). I have hit this a couple of times with men who say they are Doms, will agree with what you want and need, but then soon as you want to get started....revert to weak, vanilla stuff. Nothing is more frustrating to me. If I want a guy to recite poetry or gently woo me...I will go on Match.com or Eharmony. Dammit. I want a man to spank my ass, force feed me his cock or pull my hair and you have agreed to that!!! THEN DO IT!! Good Lord, I am in a pissy mood today!

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Humble grasshopper seeks wisdom from mighty dragons - 12/9/2012 8:49:32 AM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana


quote:

ORIGINAL: Teios

So been giving her easy tasks, like kiss 10 people's hand in a day.



Germs!!!!!!!!!!!!

Forcing kink on nillas!! This is just freaking weird, imposes kink on innocents & subjects her to ridicule...not what i would call helpful to a wall flower.

My suggestion is BOTH OF YOU get out to a real live munch. Meet real breathing kinksters & have them explain to you why involving innocents in what we do is frowned upon.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Humble grasshopper seeks wisdom from mighty dragons - 12/9/2012 10:07:58 AM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

quote:

So far we've kept it just a friendship. Not a real D/s relationship.

This is the problem. This, right here.
Is a friendship what you want? If so, great, then be friends.
But if not, if you want a bound interaction, grab the reins, seize control, do some actual, ooooh, I dunno, domination.
Now, I know this is tough, and kinda goes against most societal training we've had, and also internal fears about losing someone just met, but damnitall, she came to you seeking to be dominating, so just freaking do it.
Sack up and take control.
This might sound harsh, but trust me here-I can't tell you how many women I've talked with who are like, "Why doesn't he take charge? Why doesn't he go further?"
Which is just an awful thing to do to a sub. She came to you wanting something. You sold her a bill of goods saying you could deliver. But when push comes to shove, you're waffling.
And no gal likes that, much less a sub/slave.
Not to mention that you are currently sending mixed messages-are you a friend, are you interested in a relationship? Are you a dominant or do you need permission from her to do anything?
So this is my feedback, if it's what you want, take control of her yourself. Don't have her kissing strangers hands. Have her kissing your hand, and your cock, and your ass.
And that's all there is to it.


This. Very much.

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Humble grasshopper seeks wisdom from mighty dragons - 12/9/2012 10:30:28 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

She is not a girl you met at a church fundraiser


Actually, consider the University he goes to, it very well could have been a church fundraiser.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Humble grasshopper seeks wisdom from mighty dragons - 12/9/2012 12:17:21 PM   
TieMeInKnottss


Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

She is not a girl you met at a church fundraiser


Actually, consider the University he goes to, it very well could have been a church fundraiser.



He stated he met her on another BDSM site...to me that means she was looking for a Dom... Below is the quote from his post that gave me the impression she is not interested in vanilla.

...I've decided to start with an online relationship, to kind of get my feet wet with. A few months ago, on another site, I answered an ad with a submissive woman seeking a Dom. So far we've kept it just a friendship. Not a real D/s relationship.

< Message edited by TieMeInKnottss -- 12/9/2012 12:23:34 PM >

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Humble grasshopper seeks wisdom from mighty dragons - 12/9/2012 12:32:14 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		"Snarky trolling Dom"..."Thinks this is morally wrong". Kana nailed it! This is a bait & switch, she asked for kink...he gives her non-consentual chivalry.

Based on the age of the profile, 50 shades is his porn

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Humble grasshopper seeks wisdom from mighty dragons - 12/9/2012 12:37:34 PM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		Yep, what Kana said...sack up.

And good luck!!

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Humble grasshopper seeks wisdom from mighty dragons - 12/9/2012 1:21:54 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

She is not a girl you met at a church fundraiser


Actually, consider the University he goes to, it very well could have been a church fundraiser.



He stated he met her on another BDSM site...to me that means she was looking for a Dom... Below is the quote from his post that gave me the impression she is not interested in vanilla.

...I've decided to start with an online relationship, to kind of get my feet wet with. A few months ago, on another site, I answered an ad with a submissive woman seeking a Dom. So far we've kept it just a friendship. Not a real D/s relationship.



I was joking because I know the University he goes to......

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Humble grasshopper seeks wisdom from mighty dragons - 12/9/2012 3:27:44 PM   
Teios


Posts: 5
Joined: 12/1/2012
From: Chicago
Status: offline 		Wow... first we have super aids and germaphobia.

Than we have blatant attacking on my character. Wow, okay never mind. You people are so helpful!

I mean I ask for simply advice and you assume the worst.

If this keeps up I'm just going to have to start Trolling the shit out of this site.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Humble grasshopper seeks wisdom from mighty dragons - 12/9/2012 4:10:23 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Teios

Wow... first we have super aids and germaphobia.

Than we have blatant attacking on my character. Wow, okay never mind. You people are so helpful!

I mean I ask for simply advice and you assume the worst.

If this keeps up I'm just going to have to start Trolling the shit out of this site.


And that would help you how?

Quit whining and try to glean the helpfulness from the replies.

Doms aren't supposed to have eggshell-thin egos.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Teios)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Humble grasshopper seeks wisdom from mighty dragons - 12/9/2012 4:28:14 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Teios

but I'm afraid


That's the problem.

"Sack up", grasshopper.

(in reply to Teios)
Profile   Post #: 20
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