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Have you always been this way? - 12/12/2012 9:48:30 AM

TwistedPfister

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Joined: 12/5/2012
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I'm feeling particularly lonely and twisted these days. Certainly I don't feel NORMAL. The wife has surely never gotten it, and I've really tried explaining it from as many different angles as I could. I've recommended books, etc., but actually, I'm not sure I understand it myself. I can remember having had submissive feelings as a very small child, even before having overtly sexual feelings. Wanting to give up control to the little girls, be bossed around. Was I BORN this way? Have you always been a domme in your heart? Or a sub?

Post #: 1

RE: Have you always been this way? - 12/12/2012 11:33:06 AM

SylvereApLeanan

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From: Hell
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The nature vs. nurture debate is an old and well-chewed chestnut. The answer is: there is no single, definitive answer. Arguments can be made for both sides or a combination of both. I'm partial to the idea that while dominance and submission are personality traits and you have more of one than the other, dominance/submission is also a spectrum and people can fall anywhere on it depending on where they are in life and with whom they're partnered. Very few fall at one extreme or the other but there are some who do.

In my personal case, I'm dominant because I can't submit. My brain is just not wired for it and I don't grasp the concept. I would rather be alone than submit to the authority of someone else in my personal relationships. For that matter, I don't even like being told what to do for a job but I've developed a minimal level of tolerance for it out of necessity. For that reason, I would say I'm dominant by nature and my upbringing reinforced it (despite my mother's best efforts to turn me into a submissive wife), but I will follow someone else's lead if I must or the person has more knowledge or experience than I do. I can't begin to speculate whether or not your history has contributed to your submissive desires. To be honest, I don't think it matters *why* you are the way you are. What matters is that you accept and are comfortable with yourself.

_____________________________

Sylverë
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(in reply to TwistedPfister)

Post #: 2

RE: Have you always been this way? - 12/12/2012 3:23:28 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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No, I don't feel that I was born this way. I am a later in life Dominant, which means I wasn't always interested in D/s or BDSM until after I was an adult, rather than like folks who have always felt this way. I'm also kink optional, which means I can take it or leave it. I don't consider it a requirement in a relationship.

Like Sylvere, I am not wired to submit in a personal relationship. It's not My personality type at all. I can be the person with authority in a relationship or I can be an equal, but I'd make a horrible submissive.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 3

RE: Have you always been this way? - 12/12/2012 3:40:49 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
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Yes, I've been this way since childhood and long, long before I knew there was a term for it.

(in reply to TwistedPfister)

Post #: 4

RE: Have you always been this way? - 12/12/2012 3:44:37 PM

CougarRick

Posts: 288
Joined: 5/5/2012
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I think I've felt like a sub deep down for a long time, but only recently started accepting it and am still having trouble with it. Part of it is that I look like an alpha male football jock, so it would probably look ridiculous for me to be someones sub. THis is a big part of why I come here, because I could never tell anybody I know or they would die of laughter

(in reply to TwistedPfister)

Post #: 5

RE: Have you always been this way? - 12/12/2012 8:27:18 PM

pinniped

Posts: 41
Joined: 9/14/2010
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Remembering ways I liked to play as a child, I certainly can see the roots of kink. We had a (really pretty stupid) game called "Statue Maker" where everyone spun around and then had to freeze in position when one person called out. Then that person would pick a role or activity suggested by the position you were in, and you had to act it out.

Or, I can remember playing games where I was a robot and friends got to 'control' me. And I remember playing at being a dog with a girl I knew as my owner. And I started getting excited at the idea of being tied up long before I knew much about sex.

Then again, this is 'ask a Mistress' so I suppose you weren't asking me. :) For what it's worth, one Dominant lady friend of mine has told me that when she was little, she enjoyed playing games where she was in charge, including making other kids be her dog. (Sadly though, no interest in making me her dog now. Ah, well.)

(in reply to CougarRick)

Post #: 6

RE: Have you always been this way? - 12/13/2012 8:44:04 AM

LittleMsMary

Posts: 63
Joined: 3/24/2012
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To echo what some other have said, for me I had an interest in the control/authority angle lonnnngg before I knew or understood anything about the sexual element of it. I just knew that I liked being in charge and that feeling gave me a rush. To me, that has always been more interesting than getting into all sorts of crazy toys/furniture or heavy play or whatever.

That doesn't mean that I'm "on" 24/7 or anything, and like almost everyone there are plenty of times I take direction from others (school and work for example) but I couldn't be in a relationship where I ceded a lot of authority or control, I'm just not built that way.

(in reply to pinniped)

Post #: 7

RE: Have you always been this way? - 12/13/2012 8:49:11 AM

LaTigresse

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Joined: 1/15/2006
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Yes and no.

I've always been the one that wants their way and believes they're right. I've always, in varying degrees, taken pleasure in other's pain.

I've not always been able to BE the one in charge, though often end up there regardless. I've often not been the one able to inflict that pain.

I didn't have a clue about D/s, M/s, or BDSM until very few years ago. It wasn't even a smooth transition. I had to get over the guilt that, in a specific relationship getting my way, being in charge, and even hurting someone was really......okay.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to TwistedPfister)

Post #: 8

RE: Have you always been this way? - 12/13/2012 9:35:17 AM

Kaiel

Posts: 748
Joined: 4/17/2007
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I have always been very dominant. As a child I was called bossy and possibly even bullied children in order to get My way. As I became an adult- I found kink and found My niche', so to speak. For Me, personally I can not be in a relationship where I am not the "head of the household". Additionally, kink is a must - albeit not all the time. But, the dynamic D/s must exist for Me.

_____________________________

I keep My expectations and thread counts high- "catitude"

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 9

RE: Have you always been this way? - 12/13/2012 9:50:37 AM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

I was always into authority and control long before any sexual component came into play. Once all came together, that was when my epiphany happened.

(in reply to TwistedPfister)

Post #: 10

RE: Have you always been this way? - 12/13/2012 10:27:12 AM

theRose4U

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Joined: 8/22/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CougarRick

I think I've felt like a sub deep down for a long time, but only recently started accepting it and am still having trouble with it. Part of it is that I look like an alpha male football jock, so it would probably look ridiculous for me to be someones sub. THis is a big part of why I come here, because I could never tell anybody I know or they would die of laughter

Umm big jock types & fortune 500 execs are a personal fave. They wouldn't laugh because in most cases of experience they fear their jobs or that you'd pop their head like a peanut!!
My poly was both...funniest part is no one could ever quite figure out which of us was in charge from the outside.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to CougarRick)

Post #: 11

RE: Have you always been this way? - 12/13/2012 10:34:27 AM

Kaiel

Posts: 748
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CougarRick

I think I've felt like a sub deep down for a long time, but only recently started accepting it and am still having trouble with it. Part of it is that I look like an alpha male football jock, so it would probably look ridiculous for me to be someones sub. THis is a big part of why I come here, because I could never tell anybody I know or they would die of laughter

My hubby/sub is a VP of a large corporation, he's a powerlifter and use to wrestle. he is BUFF...he is My sub. :-)

My other sub, is into sports and also very accomplished at work (owns his own business). A typical manly-man... he is a sub.

I think you might find yourself in good company.

< Message edited by Kaiel -- 12/13/2012 10:35:25 AM >

_____________________________

I keep My expectations and thread counts high- "catitude"

(in reply to CougarRick)

Post #: 12

RE: Have you always been this way? - 12/13/2012 11:37:36 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Indeed.......many of my 'he is an awesome guy that happens to be submissive within his relationship' list of guys, are successful, in charge, kind of people........outside of their personal relationship.

I happen to live with one. I guaranfuckintee, none of the soldiers that served under GD would even begin to imagine what our dynamic is really like. Twud blow their wittle minds.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Kaiel)

Post #: 13

RE: Have you always been this way? - 12/13/2012 4:05:41 PM

CougarRick

Posts: 288
Joined: 5/5/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

Umm big jock types & fortune 500 execs are a personal fave. They wouldn't laugh because in most cases of experience they fear their jobs or that you'd pop their head like a peanut!!
My poly was both...funniest part is no one could ever quite figure out which of us was in charge from the outside.

Well, I'm not a powerful excec, just a student. I'm glad to hear there are other large guys into weight lifting that are like this. I don't know how I would explain it to anyone in the real world.

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 14

RE: Have you always been this way? - 12/13/2012 4:07:05 PM

CougarRick

Posts: 288
Joined: 5/5/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaiel

I think you might find yourself in good company.

I hope so. I don't particularly like feeling like a freak LOL

(in reply to Kaiel)

Post #: 15

RE: Have you always been this way? - 12/13/2012 4:27:49 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

Same way my man did..."she's bossy & that melts my butter, any more stupid questions?" Funniest part is he had final say & both of us were dominant. Kept life interesting & made the softening in him that came with the 3rd so much nicer.

Personally I like LP' clip's answer: "yeah I like rough sex, get your own"
Rick I've had C level executives for companies you will study in school scrub my floors with a toothbrush, a horse tail butt plug & a smile. Football player that likes being spanked really isn't that big a deal after that is it? Go to a munch, use manners like with grandma "yes ma'am, please, thank you, may I get you a drink?" You will be fine

quote:

ORIGINAL: CougarRick

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

Umm big jock types & fortune 500 execs are a personal fave. They wouldn't laugh because in most cases of experience they fear their jobs or that you'd pop their head like a peanut!!
My poly was both...funniest part is no one could ever quite figure out which of us was in charge from the outside.

Well, I'm not a powerful excec, just a student. I'm glad to hear there are other large guys into weight lifting that are like this. I don't know how I would explain it to anyone in the real world.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to CougarRick)

Post #: 16

RE: Have you always been this way? - 12/13/2012 4:30:34 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

Oh honey, you haven't even started to discover EXACTLY how freaky you are!!!

quote:

ORIGINAL: CougarRick

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaiel
I think you might find yourself in good company.

I hope so. I don't particularly like feeling like a freak LOL

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to CougarRick)

Post #: 17

RE: Have you always been this way? - 12/13/2012 10:47:34 PM

VioletViolence

Posts: 169
Joined: 1/30/2012
Status: offline

When I look back *really* early, I can see inklings of my dommishness (I know that's not a word and no, I don't care) :P However in my case I repressed a lot of my personality in an attempt to be the dutiful daughter. Ended up causing some problems down the road, especially when I found the kink community and attempted to be the sub in a couple of my relationships. Absolute disaster. But these days I'm pretty comfortable with who I am and that the things that get me all tingly aren't "normal".

And CougarRick, I agree with the other ladies. Lots of Dommes like big, strong subs and especially ones who are intelligent, well spoken and have a good head on their shoulders. You're gonna do just fine.

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 18

RE: Have you always been this way? - 12/14/2012 7:24:19 AM

CougarRick

Posts: 288
Joined: 5/5/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

Same way my man did..."she's bossy & that melts my butter, any more stupid questions?" Funniest part is he had final say & both of us were dominant. Kept life interesting & made the softening in him that came with the 3rd so much nicer.

Personally I like LP' clip's answer: "yeah I like rough sex, get your own"
Rick I've had C level executives for companies you will study in school scrub my floors with a toothbrush, a horse tail butt plug & a smile. Football player that likes being spanked really isn't that big a deal after that is it? Go to a munch, use manners like with grandma "yes ma'am, please, thank you, may I get you a drink?" You will be fine

Great responses to awkward questions LOL. May I plagiarize them if ever asked in real life?

Anyway, thank you for the advice, I appreciate it.

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 19

RE: Have you always been this way? - 12/14/2012 7:25:38 AM

CougarRick

Posts: 288
Joined: 5/5/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

Oh honey, you haven't even started to discover EXACTLY how freaky you are!!!

I suspect that is definitely the case

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 20

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