He Won't Let Me Talk To Others (Full Version)

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TwistedChange -> He Won't Let Me Talk To Others (12/12/2012 9:57:36 AM)

So how many of you have been in the position where your Dom won't let you post on forums such as these? I fully suspect there will be some readers of this thread who won't be allowed to respond with their true feelings.

Why do you think your Dom stops you from doing it?

Has he told you it's to protect you?
Has he told you it's just a lesson in discipline?
Has he told you it would embarrass him?
Have you even been able to ask why he's prohibited it?

In the back of your mind have you thought ...
He doesn't trust me
He must be insecure and scared to lose me to another Dom

Or have you just accepted it as His will?

Anyway, for those who may have had those limitations imposed on them in the past, what are you thoughts on this?







OsideGirl -> RE: He Won't Let Me Talk To Others (12/12/2012 10:08:28 AM)

I've always viewed it as a red flag. Cutting off outside contact is something that is one of the signs of abuse.

I wouldn't have been interested in someone that didn't allow me to talk to others for whatever reason.

To protect me from what? I'm not naive, I have a modicum of common sense and enough brains to protect myself during a conversation.

I see no discipline in preventing someone from having discourse with another human being. It actually leads to problems socializing which means that it no longer is discipline but a neurosis.

If he thinks I my behavior out in public would embarrass him, then he needs to be with someone else because clearly I'm not the person for him.

I can ask Master anything. If a Dominant is unwilling to allow questions or explain how a decision was made, I'd view that as a red flag as well.




AthenaSurrenders -> RE: He Won't Let Me Talk To Others (12/12/2012 10:15:05 AM)

Oside already said exactly what I was going to say.

Denying contact with others is a big big warning sign. At best, it smacks of crippling insecurity. At worst, it points to trying to isolate a person so it's easier to abuse them. If I were being kind, I might say that a dom might stop a sub from socialising on BDSM discussion boards if they didn't want their inexperienced partner to figure out they have no idea what they are doing.



came4U -> RE: He Won't Let Me Talk To Others (12/12/2012 10:16:22 AM)

OP perhaps it can be as simple as him not wanting you to air your relationship 'issues' out on the public line...which you have just done so...lol lil late now.

maybe he wants you to figure out (via your submission and own thoughts/feelings) how to fix a problem between you or how to improve yourself (submission) without the guidance of total strangers (in a public net setting).
I wouldn't want a man who ran to forums for advice on how to deal with me either or how our sex life/relationship is going etc. I don't blame him one bit.

But, you asked why he would do so? That is something you'd have to ask him. Perhaps that is just what he wanted avoided--a lack of direct and private communication.



RedMagic1 -> RE: He Won't Let Me Talk To Others (12/12/2012 10:18:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwistedChange
So how many of you have been in the position where your Dom won't let you post on forums such as these?

If he's saying don't talk to real-life friends and family, I would be inclined to agree with OsideGirl that it's a red flag. However, not posting on message boards? That seems like a healthy and sane hard limit to me. If someone posted about a relationship I was in, I'd walk. And I don't post about any relationship I'm in either. What do you use message boards for? Are you private, adult and mature, or are you a cyber drama whore? That's a serious question, by the way. Do you have a tendency to gossip, or to complain about your current and past partners?



absolutchocolat -> RE: He Won't Let Me Talk To Others (12/12/2012 10:25:39 AM)

well, after reading the art & tammy show threads, i can see why prohibiting a sub from posting relationship stuff on here might be a good idea.

however, i'm inclined to agree with others on this -- any dom attempting to isolate you from family and friends is insecure. run like hell.



came4U -> RE: He Won't Let Me Talk To Others (12/12/2012 10:29:18 AM)

Yes, I agree, I don't think this has anything to do with people they know., so again I don't see why it is such a obstacle to not post. Like RedM said, it sounds healthy and sane to me also.

and absolute, I'm lost, what is Tammy and Art? a tv show?



TwistedChange -> RE: He Won't Let Me Talk To Others (12/12/2012 10:34:14 AM)

Oh ladies I totally agree with you all and I am not in a relationship at the moment but I wanted to raise this as a topic of discussion as I hear about it quite a lot from other subs. I wanted to raise awareness of this common 'order' so that subs can see that some Doms have some very strange motives.



OsideGirl -> RE: He Won't Let Me Talk To Others (12/12/2012 10:38:40 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: absolutchocolat

well, after reading the art & tammy show threads, i can see why prohibiting a sub from posting relationship stuff on here might be a good idea.


Here's the thing: I've got almost 8000 posts here. Have any of you ever seen me post anything about our relationship that aired our dirty laundry?

I post generalities about our relationship. But I have enough sense not discuss our problems, question his motives or discuss our sex life here....where the entire world could see it if they wanted to.

If you're with someone that you can't trust not to air your dirty laundry on a website.....then you need to re-think your choice in partners.



came4U -> RE: He Won't Let Me Talk To Others (12/12/2012 10:44:33 AM)

quote:

Oh ladies I totally agree with you all and I am not in a relationship at the moment but I wanted to raise this as a topic of discussion as I hear about it quite a lot from other subs. I wanted to raise awareness of this common 'order' so that subs can see that some Doms have some very strange motives.


Ahh peachy, a hypothetical question to enlighten others.

sigh, why do I fall for it every dayum time.



TwistedChange -> RE: He Won't Let Me Talk To Others (12/12/2012 10:45:52 AM)

OsideGirl speaks much sense in this debate.

She also has another point about trust, if you can't trust someone not to blab about the dirty details on a website, how can you trust them inside your head, or body, for that matter.



TwistedChange -> RE: He Won't Let Me Talk To Others (12/12/2012 10:47:16 AM)

came4U I believe it was my fault for not making myself clear :(

*spanks self for not being clear!*



littleone35 -> RE: He Won't Let Me Talk To Others (12/12/2012 10:52:08 AM)

There is only one person Master doe not want me to talk. This old play partner is hassleing me to go out wiht him and telling me mu relationship is all wrong, and Master does not want him bothering mee He is no in the least bit insecure he just dont want em bothered.. Other than that master lets me talk to whomever i wish. I like to talk to like minded folk and whe i was a newbe i learned a lot, i am stuill leaning been in lifesryle a while but have not stopped learning. Master knows he can trust me not to do or say anything tha would reflect badly on him. I don't tall everyone everything about our teationship because it is OUR relationship.


Matt;s littlone



OsideGirl -> RE: He Won't Let Me Talk To Others (12/12/2012 10:55:27 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

There is only one person Master doe not want me to talk. This old play partner is hassleing me to go out wiht him and telling me mu relationship is all wrong, and Master does not want him bothering mee


In this case Master wouldn't have to worry about someone bothering me. I'm perfectly capable of telling someone me to leave me alone and being effective about it.



absolutchocolat -> RE: He Won't Let Me Talk To Others (12/12/2012 10:56:29 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


Here's the thing: I've got almost 8000 posts here. Have any of you ever seen me post anything about our relationship that aired our dirty laundry?

I post generalities about our relationship. But I have enough sense not discuss our problems, question his motives or discuss our sex life here....where the entire world could see it if they wanted to.

If you're with someone that you can't trust not to air your dirty laundry on a website.....then you need to re-think your choice in partners.



the art & tammy reference was my lame attempt at humor. my mindset is that i don't post anything online that i wouldn't want my parents or loved ones to read...but of course, everyone doesn't subscribe to that mindset.

also, i think it would depend on what you consider "dirty laundry" as well. means different things to different folks.

oh yeah, here's the thread i was referencing, came4U: http://www.collarchat.com/m_3742544/mpage_1/tm.htm



TwistedChange -> RE: He Won't Let Me Talk To Others (12/12/2012 10:59:15 AM)

Masters should realise that his love can empower a sub/slave with the strength to tell other guys to bog off.



tazzygirl -> RE: He Won't Let Me Talk To Others (12/12/2012 11:05:07 AM)

quote:

and absolute, I'm lost, what is Tammy and Art? a tv show?


It was a Collar Me Drama series. Came on at various times. Always good for a bowl of popcorn and a pop (or drink, your preference). At different times, the actors would switch characters, so it was always with baited breath, and a little bit of trepidation, that we waited for the next episode.

Im sure if you look in the search feature, you will find some of the reruns. They are definitely .... interesting.



came4U -> RE: He Won't Let Me Talk To Others (12/12/2012 11:06:32 AM)

quote:

In this case Master wouldn't have to worry about someone bothering me. I'm perfectly capable of telling someone me to leave me alone and being effective about it.
Why can't there just be a 'like' button on here like on Facecrap. Cuz I like.

and absolut there someone goes again...there is a thread currently called WARNING and you are doing the same, if not similar as that topic and it is just plain wrongggg so I'm not even gonna go find out any outcome of that thread beyond the orig. post because some people just genuinely have problems (or not) that they need to discuss.

and
quote:

Masters should realise that his love can empower a sub/slave with the strength to tell other guys to bog off.
as far as love goes (don't know what love has to do with it) but stregnth of this scale would/should be instinctual (for most), if not, I'm saddened. Perhaps shocked, but def. sad. But considering the tactic used (as if he invented it lol) the guy bugged by trying to steer someone back to a relationship long dead. That type is bad news and easily dismissed as a troublemaker an a loser. Usually it is only dogs that go back to lick up their vomit, and frankly I figure once a relationship is over, that's it, it's overrr. Some of us don't need to be told to stop the conversation/any future run-ins with a dawwg.

and tazzy I must have missed it. whewww. but I did just shop and stock up on winter popcorn if it should re-occur.



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: He Won't Let Me Talk To Others (12/12/2012 11:07:35 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: TwistedChange

Masters should realise that his love can empower a sub/slave with the strength to tell other guys to bog off.


Honestly I was always able to tell guys where to go even without being empowered by someone else.



OsideGirl -> RE: He Won't Let Me Talk To Others (12/12/2012 11:11:27 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders


quote:

ORIGINAL: TwistedChange

Masters should realise that his love can empower a sub/slave with the strength to tell other guys to bog off.


Honestly I was always able to tell guys where to go even without being empowered by someone else.


Same here.



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