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RE: The Dom who wants to change you - 1/12/2013 7:10:22 PM   
sublori4sisters


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/12/2013
Status: offline 		I completely agree with just about every answer here. I am a far better person with Sir than I would have ever been alone. I owe him my life. It scares me what type of person I would have become if it not for him.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: The Dom who wants to change you - 1/12/2013 8:00:23 PM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TwistedChange

What about Doms who say 'if I find something I dont like' (meaning about you, as a sub) 'I'll change it to something I do like.' ..
I heard a Dom say this to a sub once, and have to wonder about the emotional impact of such a statement. How could she ever feel beautiful in his eyes if she fears him finding faults?


Did you think to ask the SUB being told this how they felt? Lol sometimes people say things in the ways they do because it's part of the fantasy script. Some people find it hotter than "I'll help break you of all your bad habits".

(in reply to TwistedChange)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: The Dom who wants to change you - 1/15/2013 7:11:44 AM   
Corgie


Posts: 1
Joined: 12/11/2012
Status: offline 		If the Dom wanted to change his sub to constantly walk on her hands instead of her feet, there could be some emotional impact! But what if he wanted to help her grow, not to just be a better person/sub but feel it inside her every being? Would the emotional impact not be worse if he told her “I don’t like this about you” and shouted NEXT!!! I may have it wrong but I am aware I have many faults and welcome guidance because I wouldn’t have these faults if I had it in me to correct them!

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: The Dom who wants to change you - 1/15/2013 8:28:43 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Corgie

If the Dom wanted to change his sub to constantly walk on her hands instead of her feet, there could be some emotional impact! But what if he wanted to help her grow, not to just be a better person/sub but feel it inside her every being? Would the emotional impact not be worse if he told her “I don’t like this about you” and shouted NEXT!!! I may have it wrong but I am aware I have many faults and welcome guidance because I wouldn’t have these faults if I had it in me to correct them!


And what makes him qualified to fix your faults?


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Corgie)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: The Dom who wants to change you - 1/15/2013 8:31:59 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Its all about the schlong girlie!!!

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: The Dom who wants to change you - 1/15/2013 9:35:47 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		There is this insecurity I will have if I hear about a dom who wants to change me.
I keep wondering what if he doesn't succeed?
I can't be what he wants?
I think along that lines, personally for me, it breeds alot of insecurity.

Of course the usual how they want you to dress and things like that, are minor things, easily done. But core personality?

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: The Dom who wants to change you - 1/15/2013 11:44:49 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
And what makes him qualified to fix your faults?

Off the top of my head?
- I have a generally deft touch when it comes to people.
- I know Carol really, really well.
- I have the advantage of an objective (or more objective than her anyway) viewpoint
- I know when something is "above my pay grade" and I don't hesitate to get help.
- I love the heck out of her

Those things seem to work out pretty well for me. That being said, your question is exactly the right question. And any sub pondering giving this sort of authority over to her master really ought to have an equally clear answer to that question.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: The Dom who wants to change you - 1/17/2013 6:47:36 PM   
theSwan


Posts: 48
Joined: 11/12/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TwistedChange

What about Doms who say 'if I find something I dont like' (meaning about you, as a sub) 'I'll change it to something I do like.' ..
I heard a Dom say this to a sub once, and have to wonder about the emotional impact of such a statement. How could she ever feel beautiful in his eyes if she fears him finding faults?


Doesn't it seem that someone would have to possess an unrealistic self-image to assume that, with no adaptation, that every trait about them is the absolute most pleasing it could be for any one person?

If a person's sense of beauty is dependent on every part of them being completely pleasing, then that fragile confidence is doomed to failure whenever they finally manage to look at the truth of themselves.
As if feeling they are only intelligent as long as they get every answer correct to every question they are ever presented.
And thus, rejecting someone who states that they will point out intellectual errors and provide proper answers.

The real question, as mentioned just above, is...
Do you want to be what your dominant finds most pleasing?
Is that the image you want to take upon yourself?
And do you trust that he can create that image?


< Message edited by theSwan -- 1/17/2013 6:49:20 PM >

(in reply to TwistedChange)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: The Dom who wants to change you - 1/17/2013 6:53:07 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
And what makes him qualified to fix your faults?

Off the top of my head?
- I have a generally deft touch when it comes to people.
- I know Carol really, really well.
- I have the advantage of an objective (or more objective than her anyway) viewpoint
- I know when something is "above my pay grade" and I don't hesitate to get help.
- I love the heck out of her

Those things seem to work out pretty well for me. That being said, your question is exactly the right question. And any sub pondering giving this sort of authority over to her master really ought to have an equally clear answer to that question.


I find the number of submissive women that are looking for a Dom to fix their problems to be amazing. We've dubbed them "cinderella subs".


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: The Dom who wants to change you - 1/17/2013 6:56:41 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
I find the number of submissive women that are looking for a Dom to fix their problems to be amazing. We've dubbed them "cinderella subs".

Well yes... and odds are zero I'd be looking for such a sub. :)

I just like to point out on threads like this that there ARE sensible answers to some of these questions.
It's kind of like "training" in my mind. The fact that the vast majority of BDSM training is a mockery of the word doesn't mean the concept itself is invalid.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: The Dom who wants to change you - 1/17/2013 7:03:05 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
I just like to point out on threads like this that there ARE sensible answers to some of these questions.


I agree. Basically, a common sense approach. Dominants are not omnipotent and submissives that treat them like they are, are really just doing a disservice to the Dominant and to themselves.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: The Dom who wants to change you - 1/19/2013 10:01:52 AM   
graceadieu


Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TwistedChange

What about Doms who say 'if I find something I dont like' (meaning about you, as a sub) 'I'll change it to something I do like.' ..
I heard a Dom say this to a sub once, and have to wonder about the emotional impact of such a statement. How could she ever feel beautiful in his eyes if she fears him finding faults?


Of course he's going to find faults. People aren't perfectly compatible right away. To me, there's something reassuring in knowing that I don't have to worry about whether I'm pleasing him and making his life better - if I'm not, he'll just tell me what to do differently and I do my best to do it and we're good. And sometimes I want to change something about my life, and generally he helps and supports me to do that. I just see it as part of the work of having a long-term successful relationship.

(in reply to TwistedChange)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: The Dom who wants to change you - 1/19/2013 10:03:55 AM   
Notsweet


Posts: 873
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline 		I am looking for a Master who wants me to have a tummy tuck, a facelift, and wants it so much that he'll pay for it.

(in reply to graceadieu)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: The Dom who wants to change you - 1/19/2013 10:48:14 AM   
Oneechan


Posts: 50
Joined: 8/31/2012
Status: offline 		i have to say that i think a sub changing to suit their dom is fine and in some cases, expected. If a dom wanted me to lose weight for them, or dye my hair black, i'd happily do that. there are limits though. like if a dom wants to cut your arms off because he has an amputee fetish, that's a nono :p

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: The Dom who wants to change you - 1/19/2013 5:33:54 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Is it bad that Master says one day he's going to cut off my arms so he can take them home with him so they can continue massaging him?

I keep telling him I don't think it will work but somehow, being all Master and everything, he'd just command them and they'll do his bidding probably.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Oneechan)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: The Dom who wants to change you - 1/21/2013 3:53:10 PM   
CougarRick


Posts: 288
Joined: 5/5/2012
Status: offline 		As a submissive, I would certainly be willing to change certain habits or quirks, and also be willing to give up on a greater degree of the decision making, but if a dominant lady expected me to change who I am then it would probably be a very short lived relationship

(in reply to TwistedChange)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: The Dom who wants to change you - 1/21/2013 3:54:12 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TwistedChange

What about Doms who say 'if I find something I dont like' (meaning about you, as a sub) 'I'll change it to something I do like.' ..
I heard a Dom say this to a sub once, and have to wonder about the emotional impact of such a statement. How could she ever feel beautiful in his eyes if she fears him finding faults?


Amazing....the differences between men and women.

(in reply to TwistedChange)
Profile   Post #: 97
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