Is it not good to be a considerate Dom

Is it not good to be a considerate Dom (Full Version)

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oddlots347 -> Is it not good to be a considerate Dom (12/15/2012 6:48:49 AM)
I have always had manners and been polite. I find myself from time to time when a submissive is serving me say the occasional thank you or instead of saying "get me this" I might say "would you mind getting me this" is this an issue that I need to address and work on?

poise -> RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom (12/15/2012 6:53:28 AM)
I would think it depends on who it is you're saying it to. Whether the Mister asks nicely or not doesn't hinder my desire to serve him.

Jewelcrafter -> RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom (12/15/2012 7:06:49 AM)
I wouldn't see how being nice or considerate would be a problem. So you're nice when giving an order. It's still an order isn't it? And why nt praise a sub every now and again when s/he does a good job. Unless of course this breaks the scene.

TieMeInKnottss -> RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom (12/15/2012 8:05:25 AM)
In my opinion, you are more appealing than the guy who thinks he sounds more "Dom-like" because he calls women "sluts" or "bitch" and barks orders like "move" "get up"... I am one of the least experienced but, I view a great Dom or master the same way I would view a great general or boss-who wants to follow a bully or someone that alienates others? Just because someone is polite, appreciative of what is done for them or rarely lifts their voice does NOT make them weak or a wuss. On the contrary, I think it is indicative of someone who is comfortable being in charge, is not threatened by others power and knows how to control HIMSELF! Would you rather be the Saddam Hussein Dom or the Jesus Christ Dom (& I am probably going to Hell for that analogy)

DarkSteven -> RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom (12/15/2012 8:07:20 AM)
I prize manners and use them, and also expect my sub to as well. Edited to add: I don't consider it good or bad to do so. But it IS my preference.

littlewonder -> RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom (12/15/2012 8:45:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: oddlots347 I have always had manners and been polite. I find myself from time to time when a submissive is serving me say the occasional thank you or instead of saying "get me this" I might say "would you mind getting me this" is this an issue that I need to address and work on? Master is almost always polite. It's one of the things I like about him. Dom does not equal cold, impersonal and rude.

Inghammar -> RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom (12/15/2012 8:51:47 AM)
Don't 'fake the funk' and try to do what you think a better dom would do. It will make you feel silly.

xLaChienne -> RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom (12/15/2012 8:57:37 AM)
I say please and thank you to partners. I request, I don't need to demand. I lead, I don't need to dictate. What is "good" is to be consistent. Could you really adopt a persona that isn't natural to your personality to appease a potential sub? Is it an issue you think you need to work on? What happens if they say no or that yes, they would mind?

oddlots347 -> RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom (12/15/2012 9:08:03 AM)
I have not had any say no or they would mind yet. So, far all respect who I am and the role they take when they are with me.

xLaChienne -> RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom (12/15/2012 9:16:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: oddlots347 I have not had any say no or they would mind yet. So, far all respect who I am and the role they take when they are with me. Then what's the problem? ;)

OsideGirl -> RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom (12/15/2012 9:40:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder quote: ORIGINAL: oddlots347 I have always had manners and been polite. I find myself from time to time when a submissive is serving me say the occasional thank you or instead of saying "get me this" I might say "would you mind getting me this" is this an issue that I need to address and work on? Master is almost always polite. It's one of the things I like about him. Dom does not equal cold, impersonal and rude. Same with Master. He says "please" and "Thank you". He opens doors for me (although that's also a control thing). He treats store clerks and waitresses with respect. He's quiet spoken. He's an absolute gentleman, until he's not. There have been some submissives that have viewed that as not being Dominant. But, quite frankly if they think that the ideal Dominant is a domineering person...then we're not interested any way.

NuevaVida -> RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom (12/15/2012 9:55:06 AM)
Chiming in to agree with others. Be who you are, and you will attract the right compatible person for yourself. I love that the Mister is so polite. Doesn't change his authority on me in the slightest.

oddlots347 -> RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom (12/15/2012 10:00:48 AM)
I guess I am just concerned of how other people might view me, if they hear me being polite and I should not be.

theRose4U -> RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom (12/15/2012 10:11:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: oddlots347 I have not had any say no or they would mind yet. So, far all respect who I am and the role they take when they are with me. Lol funny how that happens when we are in charge

kalikshama -> RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom (12/15/2012 10:11:53 AM)
I had a great play partner who was an uber-gentleman outside the bedroom and also said "Please" quite a bit during pony play, then beat me and did naughty things to me. I loved it! IOW - polite is good (except in porn.)

theRose4U -> RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom (12/15/2012 10:15:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: oddlots347 I guess I am just concerned of how other people might view me, if they hear me being polite and I should not be. Why the hell do you care? Are any of these people going to be controlling your sub? Fucking your girl? In your relationship? No? Then who cares what they think!! Usually the ones saying "he's not dom enough" are saying that to poach your girl...food for thought huh?

NuevaVida -> RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom (12/15/2012 10:23:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: oddlots347 I guess I am just concerned of how other people might view me, if they hear me being polite and I should not be. Oh there will always be people telling you you're doing it wrong. Pffft to that. Do what feels right to you, and be confident in it. There is no universal rule book, only the rules you make.

amaidiamond -> RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom (12/15/2012 10:31:46 AM)
Polite = good for me. If my Owner never spoke to me politely and never thanked me or treated me with basic respect and decency then... well lets just say we would not be in the situation of him being my Owner.

OsideGirl -> RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom (12/15/2012 10:40:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: theRose4U Usually the ones saying "he's not dom enough" are saying that to poach your girl...food for thought huh? We've had a few subs say that about Master because he says please and thank you. Somehow they have this image that a dominant is an over bearing cretin with no regard for those under him. A good quote: "If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals."

MAINEiacMISTRESS -> RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom (12/15/2012 11:09:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida quote: ORIGINAL: oddlots347 I guess I am just concerned of how other people might view me, if they hear me being polite and I should not be. Oh there will always be people telling you you're doing it wrong. Pffft to that. Do what feels right to you, and be confident in it. There is no universal rule book, only the rules you make. It depends upon the relationship you have with your sub. Some subs want to be (mis)treated like slaves, some want to be best (cuddly) friends with you. I have one sub who confided one day that when I use the word "sorry" in the case where I make a mistake (correcting a grammatical error or some other oopsy moment, i.e., "Sorry, I gave you the wrong phone number to call for Chinese take-out.") he says it "ruins the moment", that he prefers the ideal that I am "the DOMINANT and therefore always right, even when in error"...therefore I shouldn't HAVE to use the word "sorry". I'm stuck in the habit of using it around My vanilla acquaintances, but I'm also very interested in getting feedback from subs about what can take them deeper into the moment during our interactions, or make things funner for the both of us. So as a comprimise I have substituted "FUCK IT" instead of "sorry". (For example, "Fuck it, I gave you the wrong phone number to call for Chinese take-out.") We both know I mean "sorry", but his "sensitive ears" don't get subjected to the "torture" of polite treatment. LOL. Do what you need to do to make a happy relationship. Screw what others think. --MM

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