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RE: Teaching a sub - 12/20/2012 9:53:26 PM   
jay1371


Posts: 29
Joined: 12/16/2012
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< Message edited by jay1371 -- 12/20/2012 10:10:51 PM >

(in reply to theRose4U)
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RE: Teaching a sub - 12/20/2012 10:08:35 PM   
jay1371


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Joined: 12/16/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

LOL this is stuff we tell all you subby boys ALL THE TIME!! OP just happens to have his brain above his belt & realizes "service to Dommes" might literally mean SERVE-us!



That is exactly what I want. A nice collar and a pat/scratch on the head if I did something that pleases you. Everything else I would consider to be a bonus in the relationship. Serving someones general needs seems much more fulfilling than just serving sexual needs. The list you put up with it kinda make me smile. I think it would be great to be owned and do those kind of things for them. Now if I only knew the emoticon for the happy dance hahaha

P.s if this is posted twice I apologize. The first time I posted it it didn't show up for me

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RE: Teaching a sub - 12/20/2012 10:11:38 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
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Status: offline 		It did post twice, but you're a good egg, so we forgive you.

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(in reply to jay1371)
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RE: Teaching a sub - 12/20/2012 10:15:11 PM   
jay1371


Posts: 29
Joined: 12/16/2012
Status: offline 		Lol thank you very much :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

It did post twice, but you're a good egg, so we forgive you.


(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)
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RE: Teaching a sub - 12/20/2012 10:58:12 PM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		I think you've become the new darling of the Ask A Mistress section, jay

In all seriousness, I really like the way you go about learning. I think you're gonna go far, kid.

(in reply to jay1371)
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RE: Teaching a sub - 12/20/2012 11:57:08 PM   
jay1371


Posts: 29
Joined: 12/16/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity

I think you've become the new darling of the Ask A Mistress section, jay

In all seriousness, I really like the way you go about learning. I think you're gonna go far, kid.


-blushes-

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Teaching a sub - 12/21/2012 10:19:26 AM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity

I think you've become the new darling of the Ask A Mistress section, jay

In all seriousness, I really like the way you go about learning. I think you're gonna go far, kid.

Lol while I agree don't go blowing too much sunshine up his ass, we don't want his head getting big enough to fill out that hoodie!!

Oh & happy dance?

_____________________________

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(in reply to SeekingTrinity)
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RE: Teaching a sub - 12/21/2012 10:46:56 AM   
jay1371


Posts: 29
Joined: 12/16/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U


quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity

I think you've become the new darling of the Ask A Mistress section, jay

In all seriousness, I really like the way you go about learning. I think you're gonna go far, kid.

Lol while I agree don't go blowing too much sunshine up his ass, we don't want his head getting big enough to fill out that hoodie!!

Oh & happy dance?


I'll also take that as advice...and thank you for showing me the happy dance lol

(in reply to theRose4U)
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RE: Teaching a sub - 12/21/2012 11:42:39 AM   
xLaChienne


Posts: 259
Joined: 11/12/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jay1371

I was just curious about the different ways different dominants teach their submissives. mainly the steps you would take, if any, to teach a new submissive with no experience. Examples of discipline, service, and how they are to communicate with you would really help. Also things you might do to learn about your sub or specific questions you may want to know before even considering taking someone as a sub.



I've scrolled through and you have been given some excellent advise.

The thing that strikes Me and that I can say that I appreciate in a prospective partner is one who has shown enough initiative to acquire skills to embody the partner they want to be. Much like taking classes and specializing in a degree field to attain a specific job.

Relationship skills will come when you engage in relationships but all the rest are easily attained through taking some time to be introspective and figure out what it is you want to offer another and seeking out the skills to be able to do exactly that.

I've never taught a partner the skills I wanted them to have - I have directed them to outlets for them to attain them.

As to discipline - I'm more interested in self discipline.

As to communication - learning how to effectively communicate is a skill, easily attained. How a specific person will want you to communicate with them will be varied.

What is important to Me when considering a prospective partner is compatibility on multiple levels. All of the things that make for a good relationship in a vanilla context applies, the kink is just a fun bonus and yes, that has to be compatible as well.

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RE: Teaching a sub - 12/21/2012 12:50:54 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		My dinosaur is showing.

A lot of this is about talking. Even when you're dealing with someone who doesn't have lifestyle experience, it's about things like conveying what words like Dominance mean to you. Submission. Authority. Ownership. Control and power. What feeds you about these things.

In this, you also expose the person to views different than your own. The reason for this is to educate someone about various ways of doing things to determine compatibility. Different levels of formality, protocol, and such. Some people thrive in well structure environments. Others don't.

Teaching a person about something works the same way it does everywhere else. Start at the beginning and work your way up.


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(in reply to jay1371)
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RE: Teaching a sub - 12/22/2012 10:32:42 AM   
SthrnCom4t


Posts: 343
Joined: 9/9/2007
Status: offline 		Excellent advice has already been given. A few character strengths that will make you a sought after submissive -

1) Be strong enough in yourself, to be honest with Her - there is a delicate balance between being flexible and molding yourself to what another wants, and being true to your authentic self. I want to know when something is or isn't working with Otter. I don't solely depend on what he says, I also look for non-verbal cues. Being a 'yes man' is only beneficial to a certain degree. If you are not honest, then you haven't given the Lady accurate information to make a decision. If she is making decisions for the both of you, giving your perspective even when it doesn't align with hers is very important. Also, if you are compromising your own authenticity, eventually the situation will not work for you.

2) Own your actions and understand 'She' owns Hers - Being the Dominant doesn't make one omnipotent, nor does being submissive make a person not responsible 'because someone else told you to do/act/be something. I don't like being up on a pedestal because I'm human and I have flaws. Likewise, if I'm having a bad day and being cranky, I don't want that sending my submissive into a depression because he's taking on the responsibility for my unhappiness.

3) Be picky! You can learn a lot from different people. Pick up what feels right, leave the rest. You'll be a different person six months from now than you are now. There may be a lot more submissive men than Dominant women *in general* but there is a lot more equality when it comes to *quality* people on both sides of the kneel.


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(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Teaching a sub - 12/22/2012 1:25:55 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SthrnCom4t
1) Be strong enough in yourself, to be honest with Her - there is a delicate balance between being flexible and molding yourself to what another wants, and being true to your authentic self. I want to know when something is or isn't working with Otter. I don't solely depend on what he says, I also look for non-verbal cues. Being a 'yes man' is only beneficial to a certain degree. If you are not honest, then you haven't given the Lady accurate information to make a decision. If she is making decisions for the both of you, giving your perspective even when it doesn't align with hers is very important. Also, if you are compromising your own authenticity, eventually the situation will not work for you.

I SOOO approve of this sentiment. I need to know how the commands I'm giving are actually affecting Carol. That gives me the information I need to know if I need to scrap the whole plan, tailor the commands, or tailor her. But she is definitely a part of the equation and I need real information about it or certain doom is the inevitable result.

While I may expect Carol to mold to my desires both inside & out, I need to know accurate information all along the path. Anything else makes the entire thing a house of cards built upon a fiction. For me there's another aspect of this also... honesty. When I ask Carol a question about her internal state I expect a full and accurate dump not some sort of bullshit "what I want to hear" answer. If I wanted her to be/feel/think a certain way I'd have commanded that. If I'm asking a question then the command is, "Answer this question... honestly." As much as I understand that some honest answers are not easy I've never been much interested in "easy" and I have zero interest in a sub that is so lost in their own submission that they cannot obey me.

In my mind "being a yes man" is beneficial up to the point it becomes a problem. I expect Carol to accurately sort out what's just a momentary bit of discomfort and what's an enduring problem and let me know.

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(in reply to SthrnCom4t)
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RE: Teaching a sub - 12/22/2012 3:28:40 PM   
Steadygoing


Posts: 8
Joined: 12/5/2012
From: Manchester, United Kingdom
Status: offline 		I don't have much to add, just decided it would be worth thanking Jay for starting these threads, everyone who gave advice and give a free bump as they are very useful for newcomers to the scene and to me personally.

(in reply to JeffBC)
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RE: Teaching a sub - 12/22/2012 11:13:56 PM   
DeathinRevelry


Posts: 33
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline
quote:

3) Be picky! You can learn a lot from different people. Pick up what feels right, leave the rest. You'll be a different person six months from now than you are now. There may be a lot more submissive men than Dominant women *in general* but there is a lot more equality when it comes to *quality* people on both sides of the kneel.


This. So much this, for everyone! I think pickiness often gets a negative slant put on it, but really, it's a good thing. Not nitpicky, to the extent that you won't take someone who's absolutely right for you just because they happen to have brown hair, but picky in general. Know thyself, know what you want and what you need, and be willing to wait for it instead of leaping at the first collar/dominant that offers.

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(in reply to SthrnCom4t)
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RE: Teaching a sub - 12/23/2012 2:20:53 AM   
PranksterBtch


Posts: 30
Joined: 10/15/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DeathinRevelry

quote:

3) Be picky! You can learn a lot from different people. Pick up what feels right, leave the rest. You'll be a different person six months from now than you are now. There may be a lot more submissive men than Dominant women *in general* but there is a lot more equality when it comes to *quality* people on both sides of the kneel.


This. So much this, for everyone! I think pickiness often gets a negative slant put on it, but really, it's a good thing. Not nitpicky, to the extent that you won't take someone who's absolutely right for you just because they happen to have brown hair, but picky in general. Know thyself, know what you want and what you need, and be willing to wait for it instead of leaping at the first collar/dominant that offers.


^^Great advice. ^^ ...  you're a n00b, and won't know what feels right in some situations, until you try it. Go slow when you meet a new group. When you go to your first party, decide on some activities you are comfortable doing. Maybe serve drinks, wipe down equipment, throw away plates, just ask to be of service. You'll start to figure out the politics of the group real fast, and can find a good mentor who will give you a rundown on participants styles of play. This can help you steer clear of a person, without dissing them (sorry if this is a repeat, I'm multi-tasking and read through quickly).  Have fun!  PB

(in reply to DeathinRevelry)
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RE: Teaching a sub - 12/23/2012 9:42:39 AM   
PrincessDonna11


Posts: 289
Joined: 8/7/2011
Status: offline 		FINALLY A Thread That Makes Sense!

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Teaching a sub - 12/23/2012 3:12:43 PM   
ServiceBoy89


Posts: 63
Joined: 10/19/2012
Status: offline 		jay1371 you can make a harem with dominant women.They love you.You are our idol.Go go Jay. :D

< Message edited by ServiceBoy89 -- 12/23/2012 3:15:44 PM >

(in reply to PrincessDonna11)
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RE: Teaching a sub - 12/23/2012 4:07:55 PM   
FelineFae


Posts: 7756
Joined: 1/23/2009
From: i do wander everywhere...
Status: offline 		i was thinking we could get " Admired Protege' " pinned under his screen name ?

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RE: Teaching a sub - 12/25/2012 10:46:38 PM   
theRose4U


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Joined: 8/22/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineFae

i was thinking we could get " Admired Protege' " pinned under his screen name ?

Only if he fixes newbie mistake #1 & puts some clothes on. Bathroom pic does not equal sexy!! Nakkid profile pic tells us which brain is doing the thinking.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to FelineFae)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Teaching a sub - 12/25/2012 11:08:03 PM   
jay1371


Posts: 29
Joined: 12/16/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U


quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineFae

i was thinking we could get " Admired Protege' " pinned under his screen name ?

Only if he fixes newbie mistake #1 & puts some clothes on. Bathroom pic does not equal sexy!! Nakkid profile pic tells us which brain is doing the thinking.


O.o; didn't mean to offend. I got a suggestion that I should change my profile pic to show my face. Wasn't really going for sexy, more like I hate taking pics of myself and I only have but so many. Most of them in hoodies lol

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 40
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