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Going too fast? - 6/17/2006 7:17:24 PM   
GirlyDevil


Posts: 104
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline 		For all of you masters out there, what would you suggest? I'm going to be meeting my master for the first time this week and am very nervous. He immediantly thinks that we are perfect for each other, but we don't even know each other. He's already talking about collaring me and making me his 24/7. I have told him that I'm not ready yet to make that commitment and it seems like he doesn't get it. We have made an agreement for 2 wks., but he thinks that I will be collared at the end. Any suggestions as what I could do or say?
Sub Girl looking for help
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Going too fast? - 6/17/2006 7:23:17 PM   
VikingHouse


Posts: 57
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Las Vegas
Status: offline 		I think that the answer to your dilema is obvious, even to you. Back up, back off, whoa, slow the flow, it seems to Me that he's fairly desperate and that would give Me cause to reflect on his not being able to slow down.
  Since you'll be the one most affected by this decision, I'd hope that you're capable of taking the initiative to block an advance that you aren't comfortable with.
   Just say "NO, not at this moment in time, not until we actually "know" one another a tad better.
M. Gentry
quote:

ORIGINAL: GirlyDevil

For all of you masters out there, what would you suggest? I'm going to be meeting my master for the first time this week and am very nervous. He immediantly thinks that we are perfect for each other, but we don't even know each other. He's already talking about collaring me and making me his 24/7. I have told him that I'm not ready yet to make that commitment and it seems like he doesn't get it. We have made an agreement for 2 wks., but he thinks that I will be collared at the end. Any suggestions as what I could do or say?
Sub Girl looking for help

(in reply to GirlyDevil)
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RE: Going too fast? - 6/17/2006 7:25:31 PM   
GirlyDevil


Posts: 104
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline 		I finally got him to meet me in person at a restaurant, but it seems like after dinner he wants me back at his place to start training me. That's where I'm getting confused as to whether or not break it off before we meet or what

(in reply to VikingHouse)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Going too fast? - 6/17/2006 7:31:34 PM   
VikingHouse


Posts: 57
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Las Vegas
Status: offline 		I haven't read your profile in its entirety, but if you do have the expereince that you speak about, I would hope that you could recognize that he's in a frenzied state and is looking to take possession of you , at least until he gets a nutt. Sorry, but, I don't see this encounter as a healthy one for you.
M. Gentry

quote:

ORIGINAL: GirlyDevil

I finally got him to meet me in person at a restaurant, but it seems like after dinner he wants me back at his place to start training me. That's where I'm getting confused as to whether or not break it off before we meet or what

(in reply to GirlyDevil)
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RE: Going too fast? - 6/17/2006 7:36:27 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		As Gentry said, sounds like you need to back away a bit, at the least.
 
And may I ask why you refer to him as your "master" if you don't even really know him? The reason I ask is, if you're "feeding" into his belief of ownership, when there isn't any, you need to look at that as well.
 
Level

(in reply to VikingHouse)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Going too fast? - 6/17/2006 7:36:43 PM   
DelRey


Posts: 314
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline 		Sounds like real trouble to me.

IMHO If you are not sure, your submission becomes fraudulent. Physical kink must align with mental needs wants, desires and or kink in order for a true connection.

If I said this one statement once, I have said it to subs a thousands times.... "Feelings are never wrong ! if your gut is telling you something you had better wise up and listen"

The first  and foremost RED Flag here is he is not respecting  where you are in this. Just because some idiot says he is master does not mean you should just roll over and take everything he says at face value.

You most likely will read this and fluff it off. I hope I wrong but at the rate you two are erecting this relationship it won't have much of a base to hold it self up.

I'll just watch for the post, "I thought is was too fast, it crashed, or he was wanted in 13 states and took all my money, or I submitted now my heart is broken, now what do I do......(or some other BOO-Hooo story)"

Like I said , I hope I'm wrong

< Message edited by DelRey -- 6/17/2006 7:40:59 PM >

(in reply to GirlyDevil)
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RE: Going too fast? - 6/17/2006 7:40:50 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GirlyDevil

I finally got him to meet me in person at a restaurant, but it seems like after dinner he wants me back at his place to start training me. That's where I'm getting confused as to whether or not break it off before we meet or what


I always had a rule.....no S&M on the first date.

Matter of fact, I usually wouldn't play or have sex with them until we'd had several dates. I used that time to determine if I actually really liked them. If they weren't willing to wait until I was ready, then they weren't the right person for me.

Ask yourself, if this was vanilla would you go over to his house and have sex after your first date?

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to GirlyDevil)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Going too fast? - 6/17/2006 7:43:00 PM   
littlelostbunny


Posts: 141
Joined: 6/15/2006
Status: offline 		I'm not a master, nor do I have any real experience, but my internal red flags and alarms are going off. Like DelRey said, if he's not respecting what you're saying about not being ready to commit, then don't go any farther! The way I see it is that he'll only keep trying to pressure you past what you're comfortable with. Don't let it happen; don't put up with it; put a stop to it!

(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Going too fast? - 6/17/2006 7:50:08 PM   
alwayshiss


Posts: 1
Joined: 6/10/2006
Status: offline 		an agreeement for two weeks, what does that mean? is he local?

(in reply to GirlyDevil)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Going too fast? - 6/17/2006 7:56:45 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Sounds like he wants sex pretty bad. Anyone who is rushing you and not listening to you when you are saying we need to go slow, is someone you may want to think twice about. It sounds like his smaller head is in a real big rush and the bigger one isn't listening....

Be careful

~Lashra

(in reply to alwayshiss)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Going too fast? - 6/17/2006 8:00:38 PM   
talibahh


Posts: 389
Joined: 4/9/2006
From: NSW Australia
Status: offline 		 
GirlyDevil... i am not a Master either, but i have to say i agree with the other posters... red flags abound on this one.
 
And 2 weeks for a collar? Would you accept an engagement ring in 2 weeks, with someone you have only just meet? Just because it's D/s doesnt mean you have to give away any *vanilla* type common sense on this one... follow your instincts... if he's genuine and truly interested, he will show patience and understanding and wait til you are ready... ask him *whats the rush?*...
 
Hope it all works out for you...
tali

_____________________________

"It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time" ~ Sir Winston Churchill

in giving You my freedom, i gain the freedom to be me ...
~ tali ~

(in reply to alwayshiss)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Going too fast? - 6/17/2006 8:03:56 PM   
DelRey


Posts: 314
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

Sounds like he wants sex pretty bad.



LOL,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Do ya think ???    This SOB is going to squirt in his pants on his way to meet her.

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Going too fast? - 6/17/2006 9:29:43 PM   
TolerableCruelty


Posts: 447
Joined: 2/4/2005
Status: offline 		LMFAO DelRey......

And to GirlyDevil... like everyone else said.. you answered your own question.

He's moving faster than you want... so you need to apply the emergency brake. And if he whines about it, or uses the famous "well if you don't, you're not a true submissive" line on you... then its time to release that brake, put it in reverse, and go full throttle away from the fucktard as fast as you can.

T.R.

_____________________________

Never explain~~Your friends do not need it, and your enemies will not believe you

I'm sorry if I've offended you.... but maybe you needed to be offended

(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Going too fast? - 6/17/2006 11:24:40 PM   
subnesaa


Posts: 17
Joined: 6/11/2006
From: Vancouver, Canada
Status: offline 		Hello GirlyDevil,

I am new to this lifestyle, and i am not a dom but rather a sub, however when I came across your post and saw your concerns about things moving too fast, i thought i might encourage you to read the thread "questions about a very new relationship" in the "ask a sub" forum. I have just gone through a devistating experience because things moved to quickly. It is not the same situation as yours but I received much of the same advice you are getting here.  I hope that it might be of some help to you.


_____________________________

~nesaa

'There are no clear paths. Only pitfalls and tripwires and darkness.' -Robert Jordan

(in reply to TolerableCruelty)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Going too fast? - 6/18/2006 6:30:13 AM   
sharainks


Posts: 499
Joined: 12/13/2004
Status: offline 		You should never play or "train" on a first meeting.  It should be enough to meet and find out if enough interest exists to go further.  I can't imagine anything more dismal than making a promise to meet then train and finding that you would rather muck out horse stalls than spend any more time with him.  That alone is a good reason to tell him that you want your first meeting to be public only.  The first meeting can be emotional overload anyway and thats not a good time to play or train.

The first meeting is the time to use all your radar, keep your wits about you, then part and make rational decisions about how it went,  the chemistry, and areas of compatibility.

(in reply to subnesaa)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Going too fast? - 6/18/2006 6:34:29 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		If you are looking for confirmation for what you already know, just read the above posts.

(in reply to GirlyDevil)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Going too fast? - 6/18/2006 7:16:59 AM   
Seekingoneslave


Posts: 10
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline 		In agreement with everyone else here. If you're concerned it's going too fast, chances are it is. If you're not completely comfortable putting your life in that person's hands, don't do it.

A master, dom, top or whatever other term you'd like to use must first be able to control himself and show self-discipline before he can control anyone else. From what you've written, it doesn't appear self-control is his strong suit.

Please let us know that you got out of this situation safely.

(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Going too fast? - 6/18/2006 7:54:59 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		Some times things simply flow right and things do go fast, very fast. BOTH people feel the dynamic, feel the pull to act on it and feel comfortable with moving forward dispite how fast things seem to be going.

Key word 'BOTH', that is obviously not the case here and if he won't listen to the fact that you are not comfortable.... then what elese is he going to not listen to you being uncomfortable with? Red flag dearie, if you ARE still interested, talk to him, try explaining further, but if he won't listen and slow down, run!


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to GirlyDevil)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Going too fast? - 6/18/2006 8:06:23 AM   
spankmepink11


Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline 		Considering  that i go so slowly into a new relationship  that i'm practically in "nuetral",  my opinion is....yes...He's moving  much too quickly.

good luck

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Going too fast? - 6/18/2006 8:20:44 AM   
needtobetold


Posts: 5
Joined: 4/9/2006
Status: offline 		I am not a Master but I wanted to give my opinion as well.....

I am very new to this lifestyle and I have talked to many many Masters before choosing the one who was right for me. He is not local but not too far away and we have been able to take things slowly and build up the relationship part. We have not met inperson yet but we talk quite a bit he has been able to let me learn and discover what I trully want. I look forward to meeting him and learning inperson as well.

But I know that if he had tried to push me into a quick meeting and move straight to the "classroom" I would have bolted.

I think a good Master will know that there is a learning curve with each new relationship no matter how much experience you have in this lifestyle.

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 20
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