Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Interesting Article about Rude Behaviour Online


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> RE: Interesting Article about Rude Behaviour Online Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Interesting Article about Rude Behaviour Online - 12/24/2012 11:28:58 AM   
Marc2b


Posts: 6660
Joined: 8/7/2006
Status: offline
I think this paragraph pretty much nails it:

quote:

"My pet theory about why people behave so rudely is that online commenting is treated, by most people, like a pub conversation- they don't necessarily expect to be taken seriously and the social rules are fairly relaxed," Marshall wrote. "And yet, because comments appear in cold text without important cues like friendly body language, they can easily seem more offensive than if they would otherwise."


I would add to it, though, that in the absence of body language and other cues (eg tone of voice) people tend to fill in the blanks with their own preconceived notions, biases, and prejudice. As a result, they are not really responding to the person behind the words they have just read but to a fictional character they've created in their head.

Marc - the commie, nazi, atheist, Christian, woman hating, pussy whipped, American flag waving, America hating, doesn't car if babies die, anti-choice, NRA ass kissing, anti-gun rights, racist, race traitor and all around shithead - 2b

_____________________________

Do you know what the most awesome thing about being an Atheist is? You're not required to hate anybody!

(in reply to nakedfreedom)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Interesting Article about Rude Behaviour Online - 12/24/2012 11:38:26 AM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kirata

I need to pick this nit. The social consciousness that inhibits a non-inebriated person is a part of them, a part of who they are. When it is numbed, when they are drunk, you are not seeing them being "more honestly themselves," you're only seeing a part of them, a part that is not allowed free reign when they are most fully themselves.


I get what you're saying, K, but I must pick a thread out of that nit.

What you see in an inebriated person, is all of them, except the part the alcohol impairs. That part normally browbeats the other parts into what the social consciousness part knows will be more agreeable to the environment. The social consciousness itself is actually not very much impaired by the alcohol. It's the moderating part that is most severely impaired.

In short, you're seeing all of them, allowed free reign from one part that normally makes them tolerable.

As I said, I'm like this with 0.25 BAC, which is enough to lose consciousness.

IWYW,
— Aswad.


_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do.
" -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


(in reply to Kirata)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Interesting Article about Rude Behaviour Online - 12/24/2012 11:42:35 AM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

ahhhh.. so if i start dating a guy and want to see his honest self, I should get him drunk... ok, got it!..


Or you could meet him online.

The forum side of CM is the place to get an impression of what you're getting, methinks.

IWYW,
— Aswad.


_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do.
" -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


(in reply to tj444)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Interesting Article about Rude Behaviour Online - 12/24/2012 11:47:09 AM   
tj444


Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aswad

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

ahhhh.. so if i start dating a guy and want to see his honest self, I should get him drunk... ok, got it!..


Or you could meet him online.

The forum side of CM is the place to get an impression of what you're getting, methinks.

IWYW,
— Aswad.


yes, that would be the easier, more expedient way but not everyone posts on the forums.. if they do tho, I definately check out their previous posts..

_____________________________

As Anderson Cooper said “If he (Trump) took a dump on his desk, you would defend it”

(in reply to Aswad)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Interesting Article about Rude Behaviour Online - 12/24/2012 12:16:17 PM   
stellauk


Posts: 1360
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: metamorfosis

The article doesn't mention character at all. It talks about behavior.


I'm responding in the context of the thread as a whole.

quote:

ORIGINAL: metamorfosis
No, there is another difference: the anonymity of the medium.


Okay, granted, but I don't think the anonimity is absolute or total. Everyone of us here are presenting ourselves as an online persona which either accurately represents us or not, as we so choose. But even when we're trying to give the appearance of being someone completely different we still give off clues as to who we are through how we interact and communicate online.

quote:

ORIGINAL: metamorfosis
Yes, they pick up on emotion. No, not as well as when they hear your voice or see your face. ETA: That was one of the points of the article, an explanation for the perceived rudeness of online behavior.


But the main premise is based on a loss of identity, and given that different people perceive us differently and also differently to the way we perceive ourselves I can't see how that is the case. To me the identity might be perceived differently, but it still exists.

quote:

ORIGINAL: metamorfosis
But there's even a major difference between communication face to face and communication face to face, so to speak. If you're speaking in a bar on a Friday night, you behave a certain way. If you're speaking at work, you behave another. At home, another. The fact that people behave differently on the internet doesn't necessarily mean they're behaving badly.


That to me is because language is heavily influenced by culture. We're all using the English language here, but you will notice a difference in what different people accept and don't accept and how they behave based on their local culture. Also rude behaviour is bad behaviour to me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: metamorfosis
Or, their definition of the terms "rudeness" and "effective communication" differ from yours.


Yes and no. I think most people seeing someone call someone else a wanker would be seen as rude.. But we all differ in our boundaries as to what is rude and what isn't.

quote:

ORIGINAL: metamorfosis
Are you saying that if someone takes offence to what you say, it must be your fault?


Not necessarily, because words carry intent and its always possible to misunderstand, but generally speaking if you cause offence intentionally or not caring about the feelings of the other person then yes, it is down to you.

This is especially true on a message board like this one, because you're not just addressing another person, but your words are public and have an audience. This I feel is the thing about free speech, the 'free' always carries some sort of responsibility.

quote:

ORIGINAL: metamorfosis
I mostly agree. However, I do like JeffBC's suggestion of a "rant" button instead of a "report post" button for those who don't have the discipline to use the "block" button.


I also think this is a good idea. My previous post was giving just one reason for rude behaviour online, I'm sure there's others and some I don't necessarily agree with. If people didn't disagree or argue then there'd be no opportunity to learn and nothing against which to check your assumptions.

Pam



_____________________________

Usually when you have all the answers for something nobody is interested in listening.

(in reply to metamorfosis)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Interesting Article about Rude Behaviour Online - 12/24/2012 1:26:17 PM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Moonhead

Have you never worked in retail?


Actually, no.

quote:

They don't pay clerks to be human.


Sorry, I live in Norway. We do.

IWYW,
— Aswad.


_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do.
" -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


(in reply to Moonhead)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Interesting Article about Rude Behaviour Online - 12/24/2012 2:59:55 PM   
Kirata


Posts: 15477
Joined: 2/11/2006
From: USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aswad

In short, you're seeing all of them, allowed free reign from one part that normally makes them tolerable.

Subject to clarification, you appear to be claiming that we are seeing all of a person when part of them is absent.

I can't see getting that one off the ground. Choice of words perhaps?

K.

(in reply to Aswad)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Interesting Article about Rude Behaviour Online - 12/24/2012 3:02:53 PM   
Kirata


Posts: 15477
Joined: 2/11/2006
From: USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Moonhead

Have you never worked in retail? They don't pay clerks to be human.

If you had said a government bureaucracy, I'd have gone with it. But retail? Where are you talking about?

K.

(in reply to Moonhead)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Interesting Article about Rude Behaviour Online - 12/24/2012 4:28:57 PM   
Powergamz1


Posts: 1927
Joined: 9/3/2011
Status: offline
Nominated for post of the day
quote:

ORIGINAL: Marc2b

I think this paragraph pretty much nails it:

quote:

"My pet theory about why people behave so rudely is that online commenting is treated, by most people, like a pub conversation- they don't necessarily expect to be taken seriously and the social rules are fairly relaxed," Marshall wrote. "And yet, because comments appear in cold text without important cues like friendly body language, they can easily seem more offensive than if they would otherwise."


I would add to it, though, that in the absence of body language and other cues (eg tone of voice) people tend to fill in the blanks with their own preconceived notions, biases, and prejudice. As a result, they are not really responding to the person behind the words they have just read but to a fictional character they've created in their head.

Marc - the commie, nazi, atheist, Christian, woman hating, pussy whipped, American flag waving, America hating, doesn't car if babies die, anti-choice, NRA ass kissing, anti-gun rights, racist, race traitor and all around shithead - 2b



_____________________________

"DOMA is unconstitutional as a deprivation of the equal liberty of persons that is protected by the Fifth Amendment" Anthony McLeod Kennedy

" About damn time...wooot!!' Me

(in reply to Marc2b)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Interesting Article about Rude Behaviour Online - 12/24/2012 5:49:25 PM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kirata

I can't see getting that one off the ground. Choice of words perhaps?


Yes. "All the rest of them" would've been better.

Thank you for asking.

IWYW,
— Aswad.


_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do.
" -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


(in reply to Kirata)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Interesting Article about Rude Behaviour Online - 12/24/2012 7:00:56 PM   
TwoHeartsBeatOne


Posts: 479
Joined: 10/30/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

Fast Reply to the OP.

You come onto a site that is chock full of fucking Sadists and complain about a bunch of meanieheads?

What the FUCK


Hillwilliam,

I almost always love your posts... and thank you for that, but...

When I was a newbie, I went out of my way to communicate with the sadists with the most terrifying profiles. Why? To understand. What I experienced was the most open, forthright and gentle personalities I've yet to encounter.

And, this may be where the twue or wannabe element comes in to play. While not in any way an expert, I can report that my experience was lovely. These men understand that they have a "dark" need. Their sense of responsibility, of vulnerability and of respect for the masochist, seems to have risen in direct correlation with the intensity and risk of their activities.

They have to know about physical and mental health issues. They have to earn an off the charts level of trust.

IMO, sadists are NOT jerks. They earn trust, hone their sadistic skills, constantly improve communication skills, are dedicated to "knowing" their masochist and strive to keep mastery over their emotions and actions.

I like sadists. Their kink challenges them to look hard at themselves and to make choices about how to handle urges. Any person who comes to a place of self-knowledge and self-acceptance is going to relate more honestly with others.

They are also aware of the stigma - criminal minded, serial killers... and of the assumptions made about them as an "on the edge" group.

Sadists deal with others who've given Consent. Just like the rest of us. That's nice.

To connect this to the OP... the behaviors online that erode the general standards of trust in the BDSM community, or here on CM, specifically, hurt the most vulnerable among us, more.


_____________________________

"Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.”
― Anaïs Nin

(in reply to Hillwilliam)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Interesting Article about Rude Behaviour Online - 12/24/2012 8:57:41 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
If someone thinks everyone online is rude and fake, why do you continue to come online then? When you go out somewhere where you think everyone is rude do you continue to go there? Or do you just need something to complain about to make yourself feel better?


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to nakedfreedom)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Interesting Article about Rude Behaviour Online - 12/25/2012 7:34:23 AM   
Zonie63


Posts: 2826
Joined: 4/25/2011
From: The Old Pueblo
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kirata


quote:

ORIGINAL: Moonhead

Have you never worked in retail? They don't pay clerks to be human.

If you had said a government bureaucracy, I'd have gone with it. But retail? Where are you talking about?

K.



I'm not sure what Moonhead may have been referring to, although in general, I've noticed a diminishing level of civility and manners from those in service jobs.

I've never worked in retail, although I have worked in customer service call center environments, and part of the problem is that they don't really want the individual workers to have any choice or make any decisions on their own.

I've seen a similar culture in retail; the line clerks can't do anything beyond the norm unless they call a supervisor, which holds up the line even more. I saw this yesterday. Someone was trying to use a gift card and the clerk didn't know what to do. In the other line, the clerk was in an involved conversation with the customer, who was showing the clerk ads and pricees, which apparently weren't ringing up correctly on the cashier's computer system (or not at the sale prices which the ad said). You're basically at the mercy of whatever the computer says, and you can't do anything unless the computer says it's okay. Maybe a supervisor can override - maybe not, but either way, it's a bigger pain in the butt.

I suppose bureaucracies might be somewhat similar as far as a lack of humanity goes, although to be honest, I notice very little difference between private sector bureaucracy and public sector bureaucracy. Dealing with the electric company, the gas company, or any large corporation is strikingly similar to dealing with a government bureaucracy - as if the people who designed both public sector and private sector hierarchies must have gone to the same schools.

In fact, dealing with the Motor Vehicle Department seems a relatively more pleasant experience than dealing with the privately-owned electric company. (Not that the MVD is any great shakes, but still, they're better than the private sector these days.)

But if anyone is wondering why people are rude, whether online or offline, just take a look at what people have to deal with on a daily basis. Just dealing with heavy traffic day in and day out is enough to sour one's disposition a bit. Dealing with bureaucrats, customer "service" reps on the phone - and even if they give you the obligatory "courtesy," you can tell that it's forced and insincere.

And I absolutely hate big box stores where you have to walk through a hellish labyrinth just to be able to find something, all the while fighting crowds and kids running all over the place. Then, even if I finally find what I'm looking for, I have trouble finding the way out. (I don't need a GPS system for driving, but I wish they would have one for retail stores, because that's what I really need. The other day, I almost lost it inside Wal-Mart, about to yell at the top of my lungs, "How the FUCK do I get out of this fucking place???!?")

No wonder people are rude. There's only so much that people can take before they finally crack up.

(in reply to Kirata)
Profile   Post #: 53
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3]
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> RE: Interesting Article about Rude Behaviour Online Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.090