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How to find someone whom to submit to? - 12/25/2012 3:10:02 AM   
pavels


Posts: 6
Joined: 5/15/2012
Status: offline 		Hi All,
I am a regular guy living in vanilla relationship. BDSM attracts me as a submissive person. But in the real life I strongly prefer equal rights. I would like to find someone who would help me gain some experience. But when meeting someone who seems to be Dom, we do not understand each other. Dominant personality usually goes into their regular lives and they tend to be dominant all the time....i do not like that.

....who can I find then? Shall I look for switch people then?

Thanks for any thought ;-)
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? - 12/25/2012 4:11:16 AM   
LockMePretty


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/30/2011
Status: offline 		Maybe look for someone you can connect to on a vanilla level and then move into kink?

(in reply to pavels)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? - 12/25/2012 4:43:43 AM   
Muttling


Posts: 1612
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline 		On line, it sounds like everything is black n white with roles in kink relationships. This is rarely the case.

LOTS of people have equal relationships outside of play and have vanilla sex apart from play as well. This tends to be more common than true 24/7 couples, but there are certainly 24/7's as well.

Don't think that you can't have the balance that you are speaking of, I am gifted to have found a woman who is my wife as well as my Miss and so much more that it would take many pages to describe.

(in reply to LockMePretty)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? - 12/25/2012 4:49:32 AM   
TieMeInKnottss


Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline 		Ok, I am no expert but I AM AWAKE...sounds to me like you want to be sexually dominated..start & stop at the bedroom door. There are many like that but typically they will use terms like "top" and "bottom". And, just FYI, many of us who love to be dominated 24/7 & those who like to run around and manage a sub's life 24/7...are very into equal rights. In fact, maybe more so than people who just pay lip service to it. We believe that everyone has the right to make his/her mind up on what we like sexually.

(in reply to LockMePretty)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? - 12/25/2012 10:40:21 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Good luck. You're already in a relationship. Highly unlikely you will find someone unless their ethics and morals are as low as yours.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? - 12/25/2012 10:50:45 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Does the person you are in a vanilla relationship with know that you want to play with somebody else? The answer to that question is going to have a lot to do with your results.


_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? - 12/25/2012 1:00:19 PM   
domincalifornia


Posts: 88
Joined: 6/7/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pavels

Hi All,
I am a regular guy living in vanilla relationship. BDSM attracts me as a submissive person. But in the real life I strongly prefer equal rights. I would like to find someone who would help me gain some experience. But when meeting someone who seems to be Dom, we do not understand each other. Dominant personality usually goes into their regular lives and they tend to be dominant all the time....i do not like that.

....who can I find then? Shall I look for switch people then?

Thanks for any thought ;-)


First, if you are in a vanilla relationship, I wonder why you are searching for someone else.

But put that aside.

BDSM isn't black-and-white. People don't fit into tidy little boxes. There are plenty of dommes who prefer not to be dominant outside of BDSM. So don't focus on titles or labels. Just look for someone who fits with what you want.

< Message edited by domincalifornia -- 12/25/2012 1:02:01 PM >

(in reply to pavels)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? - 12/27/2012 12:14:13 AM   
pavels


Posts: 6
Joined: 5/15/2012
Status: offline 		Thank you all for your ideas and opinions.
The point is that bdsm has been in my mind since my childhood, but i was not able to find anyone to go for it. All my partners were vanilla. Problem is that all Tops I met ever since were as already said before trying to be dominant in their real life. I just want to try. With my partner we love each other, but our opinion is that it is very difficult to stay with the only partner for the whole life.
We agreed, we can have someone else....time to time...but we will never talk about it. Then it is fine for both. I have never done that, but now I think of trying at least to experience it.

(in reply to domincalifornia)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? - 12/27/2012 5:54:10 AM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline
quote:

We agreed, we can have someone else....time to time...but we will never talk about it.


Don't expect many women to take your word for it. Most women of quality, especially dominant women, will want to, at the very least, speak with her if not talk with her. Dominant women don't generally like to play second fiddle to another woman unless you are paying cash.

< Message edited by searching4mysir -- 12/27/2012 5:55:06 AM >

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM


(in reply to pavels)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? - 12/27/2012 7:01:45 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pavels

Thank you all for your ideas and opinions.
The point is that bdsm has been in my mind since my childhood, but i was not able to find anyone to go for it. All my partners were vanilla. Problem is that all Tops I met ever since were as already said before trying to be dominant in their real life. I just want to try. With my partner we love each other, but our opinion is that it is very difficult to stay with the only partner for the whole life.
We agreed, we can have someone else....time to time...but we will never talk about it. Then it is fine for both. I have never done that, but now I think of trying at least to experience it.


That makes it easy. This is just exploring curiosity. Just go pay a pro to find out.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to pavels)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? - 12/27/2012 12:10:20 PM   
ClassAct2006


Posts: 318
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline 		Yes, that struck me too. I am a feminist. I work. I run a family and large house. I have only ever been submissive in relationships. I have always been with a dominant man who believes in equality for women both under the law and fairness at home.

On the question of jus wanting it in bed and with a woman on the side well that's always harder to find. Most people tend to want someone who is 100% theirs and they can be open with and not just a bit of sex on the side. If I just wanted that I might as well charge. However there are married people who want what you do so there would probably be someone to suit you. Just keep looking.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

Ok, I am no expert but I AM AWAKE...sounds to me like you want to be sexually dominated..start & stop at the bedroom door. There are many like that but typically they will use terms like "top" and "bottom". And, just FYI, many of us who love to be dominated 24/7 & those who like to run around and manage a sub's life 24/7...are very into equal rights. In fact, maybe more so than people who just pay lip service to it. We believe that everyone has the right to make his/her mind up on what we like sexually.


(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? - 12/27/2012 2:29:15 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Like DS said, pay a pro.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to ClassAct2006)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? - 12/27/2012 10:37:05 PM   
TheDarkSaint


Posts: 20
Joined: 1/20/2011
Status: offline 		Pay a pro...





Pay a Pro..

Then and, only then. If this is what you feel you need. It is time to start sounding out your woman .

I suspect from your post here (Just guessing) that you think your woman may not be too receptive to this?













(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? - 12/28/2012 12:53:15 AM   
DonRosti


Posts: 28
Joined: 12/14/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pavels

Hi All,
I am a regular guy living in vanilla relationship. BDSM attracts me as a submissive person. But in the real life I strongly prefer equal rights. I would like to find someone who would help me gain some experience. But when meeting someone who seems to be Dom, we do not understand each other. Dominant personality usually goes into their regular lives and they tend to be dominant all the time....i do not like that.

....who can I find then? Shall I look for switch people then?

Thanks for any thought ;-)



(in reply to pavels)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? - 12/28/2012 12:55:49 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		You know... it's not my place to say and they do allow us to discuss Fetlife on here but actual advertising collateral seems a bit... gauche.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to DonRosti)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? - 12/28/2012 1:51:13 AM   
DonRosti


Posts: 28
Joined: 12/14/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

You know... it's not my place to say and they do allow us to discuss Fetlife on here but actual advertising collateral seems a bit... gauche.




(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? - 12/28/2012 4:42:09 PM   
seekingreality


Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: searching4mysir

quote:

We agreed, we can have someone else....time to time...but we will never talk about it.


Don't expect many women to take your word for it. Most women of quality, especially dominant women, will want to, at the very least, speak with her if not talk with her. Dominant women don't generally like to play second fiddle to another woman unless you are paying cash.


I have met numerous lifestyle dommes who were polyamorous and were fine with a sub having multiple partners as well.

(in reply to searching4mysir)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? - 12/28/2012 6:50:27 PM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingreality


quote:

ORIGINAL: searching4mysir

quote:

We agreed, we can have someone else....time to time...but we will never talk about it.


Don't expect many women to take your word for it. Most women of quality, especially dominant women, will want to, at the very least, speak with her if not talk with her. Dominant women don't generally like to play second fiddle to another woman unless you are paying cash.


I have met numerous lifestyle dommes who were polyamorous and were fine with a sub having multiple partners as well.


behind their primary partner's back? Even in poly, everyone is in on it and consents.

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM


(in reply to seekingreality)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? - 12/28/2012 8:44:10 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Have you thought of looking for BDSM meetings/groups in your area so that you and your partner can attend and possibly find what you both may seek?

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to LockMePretty)
Profile   Post #: 19
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