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RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 12:03:08 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aedonix
The personal attacks and sniping has to cease (although good natured banter is never a bad thing and can actually ADD to a more relaxed and welcoming feeling) and the mob HAS to be disbanded otherwise that mob will drive this place into the ground.



This was a complaint 6 years ago. The place hasn't been driven to the ground yet.

This "mob" people speak of - - I used to feel the same way when I joined. The general consensus was and remains that this not a place for the thin skinned (which I had back then).

Now, years later, I don't see a "mob" - I see a group of people who share the same opinions on a lot of things. It's there prerogative. Just as it's everyone else's prerogative to stand out against the grain if they so choose.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to Aedonix)
Profile   Post #: 161
RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 12:05:10 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida


quote:

ORIGINAL: Aedonix
The personal attacks and sniping has to cease (although good natured banter is never a bad thing and can actually ADD to a more relaxed and welcoming feeling) and the mob HAS to be disbanded otherwise that mob will drive this place into the ground.



This was a complaint 6 years ago. The place hasn't been driven to the ground yet.

This "mob" people speak of - - I used to feel the same way when I joined. The general consensus was and remains that this not a place for the thin skinned (which I had back then).

Now, years later, I don't see a "mob" - I see a group of people who share the same opinions on a lot of things. It's there prerogative. Just as it's everyone else's prerogative to stand out against the grain if they so choose.


I've been here since 2005, it was a complaint then too. CM is still here and kicking.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 162
RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 12:05:14 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhenLoveBeckons

quote:

oh my, that essay of yours must have been mighty provocative.....a "riot"


Depends on your point of view.

Monogamists love it. The more thoughtful and mature poly/casuals agree it is a useful contribution and should be read by novices.

The immature absolutely hate it.



aahh...I remember you. I also remember why people didn't like you and it isn't because you're monogamous and yes you invited me to your group too. I may have joined it but i think I left it because I found it rather boring. Can't say I really remember since I rarely ever go to Fetlife and rarely ever respond in groups.

ETA: Oh and one other thing I don't like about Fetlife....you can't go back and edit your responses like you can here. Once you hit the enter button on fetlife, if you want to add something you have to make another completely new post which just sucks balls.



< Message edited by littlewonder -- 12/28/2012 12:12:49 PM >

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to WhenLoveBeckons)
Profile   Post #: 163
RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 12:10:27 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aedonix
And yes I know this account is still fairly new, and that it has very few posts to it;s credit, it is not my first by any means. I just wanted a new name. I have been around this place for well over 3 years now so have seen a fair bit.

I don't see what your post count has to do with my question. Whether this was your first post ever on CM or you'd been here for CM's lifetime doesn't matter. In each case you would have a perspective on how to improve the forums. Those ideas will appeal to people or not on their own merits not on your post count.

Overall I agree with what you are saying but it isn't limited to the newbies. Several of us "inner clique" folks have posted that they are also "chased away" by the mob mentality... or at least certain topics are chased away. I see it a bit differently than you though.

If I walked into a big hockey bar in some city and loudly started maligning the local team and, in general, failed to "fit in" then I would absolutely expect those pitchforks and torches. So from my standpoint I adjust my behavior (topics) to be appropriate to the venue I'm in. I'd call that "common courtesy" on my part rather than oppression on the part of the "bar patrons".

But yeah.. it would be good if we looked at someone's post count and saw it as "low" and thought to ourselves, "Wow, this person may not have had time to settle in yet so we should probably help them to do so while cutting them a little slack."

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Aedonix)
Profile   Post #: 164
RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 12:15:35 PM   
Aedonix


Posts: 82
Joined: 8/26/2011
From: the UK
Status: offline 		For some post count matters, and that line at the end was addressed to them. You Jeff strike me as reasonable and look at things such as that objectively. and yes i do agree with your analogy of the sports bar and if you walked in and started doing things like that you should EXPECT that kind of response. I would also hope though that there would be that one individual there who would pull you out by the shirt colla and give you a calm talking to and say "That isn't how we do thing here.. maybe you shoudl try THIS tactic instead" walk back in with you and say to the patrons "Me and my new friend Jake here have had a little talk, and he sees the error of his ways.

maybe a bti idealist of me I know. but we all began ignorant and thru time and people like that one guy who pulls you out, we all learned.

_____________________________

if you would learn how to live, do not ask the question; its answer is not in the question but in the answer, which is not in words; do not ask how to live, but, instead, proceed to do so.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 165
RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 12:19:31 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aedonix

~Fast Reply~

I have seen many issues and several good solutions such as Sticky topics at the top of each forum where the most commonly asked questions reside which are left open to new posts indefinitely, that gets rid of the repeated sub vs. slave type topics which appear every other day

I would also suggest that while WhenLoveBeckons may get some peoples fur rubbed the wrong way with the way he is choosing to say what he is saying, he is actually RIGHT. The Mod team need to concentrate more on the mobs and less on the individuals. it is those mobs who scare off the new people. If i were to walk into a bar and all the locals who spent hours very day propping that bar up suddenly got up, went to the walls and grabbed their torches and pitch forks and approached me saying "We don't know you so you aint welcome here" I would turn and leave too.. That is essentially what the mob mentality on this site does here. Yes old posters are leaving, and the new ones are being chased away too. if tha is allowed to continue this place will be dead saved for some crusty old timers who ain't happy unless they got something to complain about. and even they will get bored and leave because no new people will come in for them to chase off as CM's reputation will make sure that doesn't happen anymore. they simply give CM a skip and go straight to the likes of Fet Life etc.

as for the rest of the points brought up.. I don't feel I really have much that is useful to contribute to them as far as solutions go so I will refrain from replying to those points just for the sake of replying, but what I will say is..

The levels of topics and conversations on this forum is not something that can be fixed by one person, or even a small group. it is going to have to be something which is a group and joint effort by both the regulars and the Mod team to achieve. If you want to set a new standard then everyone has to be on the same page. The personal attacks and sniping has to cease (although good natured banter is never a bad thing and can actually ADD to a more relaxed and welcoming feeling) and the mob HAS to be disbanded otherwise that mob will drive this place into the ground.


And yes I know this account is still fairly new, and that it has very few posts to it;s credit, it is not my first by any means. I just wanted a new name. I have been around this place for well over 3 years now so have seen a fair bit.




So...mobs. What are they? Is it anytime that people have a similar opinion and are vocal about it? Are people here allowed to have the same opinions as each other? Are similar opinions not expressed much the same?

I'll confess, whenever I see the mob theory it confuses me because I don't see that. I see people saying what their opinion is, if it happens to match others then it matches, but it still belongs to the individual posters. Seems rather conspiracy theory minded to call people of like sentiments a mob.

It does carry some weight when several posters reiterate the same POV, isn't that in and of itself a valuable piece of information?

I don't know, i kind of like the fact that people aren't coddled here and are called on BS when it happens. I'm an adult, I'd rather be in a place that treats people like they are adults and can handle the truth, even if it's not what they want to hear.

(in reply to Aedonix)
Profile   Post #: 166
RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 12:21:49 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

You won't get interesting new people if shit that drove the interesting 'old' people off, continues.

Personally, I think some of it is even the way it's marketed. Look at the adds, on the right of the screen, when you go to collarme.com. Imagine the sort of people those adds attract. Then, imagine trying to have an intelligent conversation with that sort of person.

When they pop in over here they post stupid bullshit. When they get called on their stupid bullshit, they toss a tantrum and disappear. Hell, we can't even have fun with the damned creatures before they disappear anymore. And now, when you get a persistent troll, they are wrapped up in cotton swaddling clothes and run amok spewing their stupidity all over the place. As long as they stay within TOS, they can continue to spew.

I don't like to wade through thread after thread of troll spewage just to find the occasional nugget.

EXACTLY!! As usual saying what I think better. Troll nuggets are getting old real fast & the smell comes through the swaddling clothes as acceptance & open-ness (while other opinions on topic get removed). Ummm wow SMH

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 167
RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 12:26:20 PM   
WhenLoveBeckons


Posts: 26
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		@lizi ...

quote:

It does carry some weight when several posters reiterate the same POV, isn't that in and of itself a valuable piece of information?


Like I'm a troll, a wannabe, a waste of time? ;)

910 people in my group would disagree, not to mention all those who have appreciated my contributions to other groups.

When I speak of the "mob mentality" I'm thinking of the lynch mob ... those people who judge others based on popularity, or lack thereof. The immature who never outgrew their high school clique-mindedness. Insecure types who need the power of the mob to inspire them to acts of cruelty.

(in reply to WhenLoveBeckons)
Profile   Post #: 168
RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 12:29:13 PM   
Salinedion


Posts: 198
Joined: 5/25/2012
Status: offline 		I'm a guy who joined this year, posted a lot and then fell away. I believe that forums like this serve many good purposes, but here's why I'm not here any more:

1) few good posts from new people to respond to. It's all either illiterate, barking mad, or very half-baked. That's nobody's fault, but one wonders where the interesting people of days gone by have wandered off to.

2) Like the rest of the world, apparently, the whole forum idea feels dead in the water to me. Whether it's the investment boards, Lonely Planet, or the even the well-trafficked Experience Project, posts are way down and the habit has waned. One thing that killed my taste for the forum medium is the long response with a million quote boxes followed by the painstakingly arguing each point -followed up by someone quoteboxing THAT and then adding their own minor point. It just wears out my scroll wheel and makes me think the writer is bone lazy and has his head up his own ass. CollarMe is the quote-boxest place on the web. Hey, to each their own.

3) The regulars here are def. cliquish, group thinking, and humorless. It's boiled down to a bunch of BDSM Church ladies high fiving each other and oddly, quashing any sexual talk. If you're a male dom wandering in here, the punishment quotient is tripled. Love you guys, and think you're doing the Lord's work, but that's my take and why I wandered off. That Miami lady had that funny post about whether or not she should tell her co-worker that she was drippy drag, and it inspired me to give you my honest and unhostile opinion instead of just slinking off. Please consider me a focus group of one, since most leavers aint gonna send you a likewise memo. Obviously, you should and will do exactly what you want. Bottom line: After I got back from my month long honeymoon in Paris, I didn't even think of checking in here for a fair few weeks. CM has gone from a check twice a day site to a check twice a month site. I'm glad you're all still here, and I'm glad I'm sorta not.

4) Moderation seems fair, but done per usual by the usual OCD control freak former school hall monitor types who are the only saddo's who'd volunteer for such a thankless task. I was censored only once, when I joked that on Thanksgiving that I might possibly blow a doobie and few others below me had the terminity to likewise entertain. Just more dullard Church Lady bullshit, but certainly no hard feelings. As the great Julio Inglaisis said about his fan club (and took a lot of shit for saying): "Surely, if they're doing this, there must be something seriously missing in their lives".

I hope this site is here a year from now and you all have a great and (gasp!!) sexy New Year.

_____________________________

I hate the 'reply to' note at the end of the post. Just assume I'm posting to the board at large and not the person above me unless I say diff, OK?

(in reply to Aedonix)
Profile   Post #: 169
RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 12:38:13 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		~fast reply~

I know I'm not the board police but if at all possible I'd like to avoid this thread turning into a personal referendum on WhenLoveBeckons. Yes, he has a controversial and deliberately inflammatory stance and he ran afoul of social rules here. We all get that. I fear, though, that this could turn into an endless rat hole which, at least for me, would be unfortunate.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to WhenLoveBeckons)
Profile   Post #: 170
RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 12:45:13 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhenLoveBeckons

@lizi ...

quote:

It does carry some weight when several posters reiterate the same POV, isn't that in and of itself a valuable piece of information?


Like I'm a troll, a wannabe, a waste of time? ;)

910 people in my group would disagree, not to mention all those who have appreciated my contributions to other groups.

When I speak of the "mob mentality" I'm thinking of the lynch mob ... those people who judge others based on popularity, or lack thereof. The immature who never outgrew their high school clique-mindedness. Insecure types who need the power of the mob to inspire them to acts of cruelty.


I didn't post to you, I wasn't referring to you in any way. In fact, my interpretation of VideoAdminTheta's request to not make this thread about any one poster is that I am ignoring you.

(in reply to WhenLoveBeckons)
Profile   Post #: 171
RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 12:53:42 PM   
VideoAdminTheta


Posts: 3967
Joined: 10/24/2009
Status: offline 		If you notice, I am removing posts that break TOS. If you think something said may break TOS, please don't respond to it.

I would really appreciate that.

Thank you

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 172
RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 12:54:12 PM   
merge9


Posts: 95
Joined: 6/11/2012
Status: offline
quote:

Actually, the owners have to decide to make this site something other than a cash cow. They need to generate policy that rewards intelligence and civility, while punishing bullies. Then it is up to the mods to implement the policy, while the owners ensure the mods do the job that needs to be done.

They're basically going to have to bite the bullet, because the people they chased out aren't coming back. No incentive to even try. That means starting from scratch, with the new people who show promise.

Personally I think they've burnt their rep so bad the job can't be done, but kudos if they try anyway.

They certainly would have to do something about the collarme side. It is tasteless and crass and does very little to encourage a higher class of clientele who could contribute something useful to the discussion on this side.


Just how is collarchat, the site with no ads, generating cash?

(in reply to WhenLoveBeckons)
Profile   Post #: 173
RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 12:55:46 PM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		This discussion got an extra 6 pages of posts since
I last looked, thats gotta be worth something as far
as discussion activity

Apart from that Jeff, the idea that this isn't the place
for sensible discussion isn't really true imo, I can
think of quite a few sensible, experienced, intelligent
posters that contribute, sure a lot of good ones have
left but a few new ones have joined too.

It's just you gotta take the good with the bad I think,
I can't see any good point in saying you have indepth
topics you'd like to discuss but since this place is a
bar, your going to discuss them on fet or at home...

-Aries



_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to WhenLoveBeckons)
Profile   Post #: 174
RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 12:58:46 PM   
WhenLoveBeckons


Posts: 26
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

t how is collarchat, the site with no ads, generating cash?


I've already explained that. Collarme feeds collarchat. Do a better job of improving the clientele using collarme and collarchat has a chance to benefit.

(in reply to WhenLoveBeckons)
Profile   Post #: 175
RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 12:59:56 PM   
VideoAdminTheta


Posts: 3967
Joined: 10/24/2009
Status: offline 		I am very sorry, but I must lock this thread until I can get a few things managed.

I will work on it until it is done. I promise.

EDIT: I am unlocking the thread, but am still working on cleaning it up. Hopefully I have gotten those post that are TOS offenses and that are generating a hijack and the need to continue to remove post as they are posted.

I really am sorry about the need to work this way, but if I am cleaning and members are posting at the same time, continuing with post I may have to remove, I have to lock it.

< Message edited by VideoAdminTheta -- 12/28/2012 1:34:52 PM >

(in reply to WhenLoveBeckons)
Profile   Post #: 176
RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 1:48:19 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VideoAdminTheta
I really am sorry about the need to work this way, but if I am cleaning and members are posting at the same time, continuing with post I may have to remove, I have to lock it.

Well, from me anyway, no worries. I think the "moderation problems" thread has nothing to do with temporarily locking a thread while you do some housekeeping. That's just good common sense.

And for the record... while many people have mentioned some improvements we'd like to see to moderation I'd hate for all you mods to start thinking that every single thing is under a spotlight. You have a job to do and it's always going to piss some people off from time to time. Thanks for doing it even as we try to offer constructive criticism.

PS: That's me... an inside-clique member (or so I'm told) sucking up to the mods so they'll coddle me when I post something against TOS. [/sarcasm]

< Message edited by JeffBC -- 12/28/2012 1:49:45 PM >

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to VideoAdminTheta)
Profile   Post #: 177
RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 2:28:57 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ph7oZnBH05s

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 178
RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 3:07:22 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		Sheez Ron. I kind of expected you to pop in with a suggestion that collarme would rise to a new heights of glory if every sub would drop by your house and blow you once a month or so.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 179
RE: The decline of collarme - 12/28/2012 3:10:29 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Yeah, and I probably said that same thing 8-10 years ago, and not having one girl blow me from this fuckin joint in that decade, I can assure you that CM was in decline for me at the outset.

If they ain't wrapping their tongues around it and air starting it like one of those lime green lawnmowers (replete with the full throated 2 cycle sounds)........it certainly is not in any sort of ascendency.

You can quote me.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 180
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