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RE: Stress in your slave/sub - 12/30/2012 12:05:52 AM

tazzygirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BambiBoi

I'm a problem solver. When someone brings me a problem, I want to solve it. It turns out that after years of research I've concluded that most women don't want solutions when they present problems: They want sympathy. Or empathy. Or understanding. Or encouragement. Or nods and affirmative guttural noises like " Hmm..mmm.."

I'm clearly not good at the icky soft emotional bits. But I do know that they can help more than logic suggests. That's the thing with dames, sometimes all they gotta do is let it out and a few buckets later there's no way you'd know.

Hmmm... I would have to question your research methods.

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RE: Stress in your slave/sub - 12/30/2012 10:24:38 AM

kiwisub12

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iIt took a lot of years for me to be comfortable with saying no.

Perhaps the Dominant could give the submissive permission to say no .... that way it's his responsibility, not hers.

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RE: Stress in your slave/sub - 12/30/2012 12:25:58 PM

BambiBoi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: BambiBoi

I'm a problem solver. When someone brings me a problem, I want to solve it. It turns out that after years of research I've concluded that most women don't want solutions when they present problems: They want sympathy. Or empathy. Or understanding. Or encouragement. Or nods and affirmative guttural noises like " Hmm..mmm.."

I'm clearly not good at the icky soft emotional bits. But I do know that they can help more than logic suggests. That's the thing with dames, sometimes all they gotta do is let it out and a few buckets later there's no way you'd know.

Hmmm... I would have to question your research methods.

It was actually very hard for me to stop offering what I considered constructive support in favor of emotional support. In truth, like most times, I'm certain a blend is the proper solution. We're talking in such abstraction that a specific answer is really not possible. Is the stress because of a loss in the family (i.e. nothing can be done) or is the stress because of workload (i.e. many solutions are available).

I wished to express how important a long hug is, despite how little it actually changes. It's probably apparent I don't value the weight of emotional support, though comprehension is not a prerequisite of cooperation.

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RE: Stress in your slave/sub - 12/30/2012 12:48:08 PM

WinsomeDefiance

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I've learned to stop being too hard on myself and pushing myself too far - but even so, I do find myself slipping into my "needs a lap to curl up in" mentality. A point where I feel the need for someone to step in and take the stress away and it usually manifests in a strong desire to curl up into a lap and snuggle. So, what Focus posted - made a lot of sense to me. Kind of a self-defeating situation, because when I'm stressed and having the strongest need for help; I'm the least capable of finding the right someone to do just that. So, I take care of business, do what has to be done to minimize the stress and slip into a self- contented daily habit of it where I wonder why the hell I'd want someone bossing me around.

OP, sorry. I guess that wasn't very helpful to your original question.

WinD

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 12/30/2012 1:19:36 PM >

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RE: Stress in your slave/sub - 12/30/2012 4:02:40 PM

Epytropos

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In my experience that depends heavily on the person. At a fundamental level I would assert that stress springs less from external realities like workload and more from internal perceptions of ability and accomplishment. Thus, the key is to address the issues in the person, rather than the symptomatic stress.

Of course, it might not hurt to help them do better with organization and productivity such that there's less to stress over, but I'd be more qualified to teach them to fly.

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RE: Stress in your slave/sub - 12/30/2012 7:49:05 PM

RumpusParable

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Joined: 7/7/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MarineKitten

How do masters deal with things if the have a stressed out submissive? Say she is taking on too much at once, and feels overwhelmed. How do you help her relax, and try to take the burden off?

Well, this actually came up tonight with us.

He was driving himself up the wall with stress on something, made it a bit of a communication problem, and I talked it out with him.

Just the talking helped him deal with it and get his head straight again. From there he took steps to reduce the stress that he could once he was sure what needed done, without my having to tell him to do it.

But yeah, we usually talk stuff over together.

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