Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Attaching


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Attaching Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Attaching - 12/29/2012 6:28:43 PM   
FollowingStars


Posts: 32
Joined: 12/24/2012
Status: offline 		I am new to the forums, but have a serious question for other women (or men) of submissive nature. Is it sometimes hard not to attach to quickly to a dominant personality, even if you know you're not ready yet? I run into this issue, and need to know if it's just me...
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Attaching - 12/29/2012 6:36:17 PM   
autumnember


Posts: 185
Joined: 8/30/2012
Status: offline 		No its not just you. It is, however, not a submissive thing so much as a personal thing. I am a person that does not attach very quickly but once i do i am much like a barnacle. I am like that with most though... if i have a friend, i am attached to them otherwise they are just acquaintances. I have few friends though and mostly acquaintances.

(in reply to FollowingStars)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Attaching - 12/29/2012 6:40:06 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Sure. D/s BDSM tends to break through emotional barriers. It also causes tingly genitals which leads to people confusing really liking that person with lusting after that person. (AKA as sub frenzy)

That's why I always recommend dating with no sex or play for awhile before you decide to make a commitment.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 12/29/2012 6:56:38 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to autumnember)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Attaching - 12/29/2012 6:40:22 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		I'm not sure I understand what you mean by "not ready yet." What exactly is it that you attach
to a man that you have no interest in developing a relationship with?

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to FollowingStars)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Attaching - 12/29/2012 6:51:11 PM   
FollowingStars


Posts: 32
Joined: 12/24/2012
Status: offline 		Oside, 'sub frenzy' is my new favorite term now.

Poise, I simply mean I'm trying to move forward slowly, as I'm just coming out of a relationship, so I am not ready for another full partnership yet. That's all. The community is new to me, so I want to talk to people, but am not diving into anything serious at this point.

_____________________________

Don't make someone a priority when they only make you an option.

(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Attaching - 12/29/2012 6:57:59 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		I can definitely understand the desire to move slowly, especially since you are new.
I just always felt that people who aren't ready for relationships usually won't find anything
of substance in another to attach themselves to...you know, they kind of remain aloof.
I think Oside summed it up best, and in her response, I can also understand your question better.
Best of luck!

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to FollowingStars)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Attaching - 12/29/2012 7:04:47 PM   
FollowingStars


Posts: 32
Joined: 12/24/2012
Status: offline 		I at least feel better now, knowing it's not just me. I'll keep boundaries in place and do my bet :). Thank you, all.

(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Attaching - 12/29/2012 7:19:51 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FollowingStars
I at least feel better now, knowing it's not just me. I'll keep boundaries in place and do my bet :). Thank you, all.

Well, think of it this way. If there's a cliche to cover it then it's not just you :)


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to FollowingStars)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Attaching - 12/29/2012 7:30:26 PM   
BambiBoi


Posts: 461
Joined: 8/10/2010
Status: offline 		People coming out of relationships can say in one breath that they mean to take it slow, but sigh bemoaning the less of such a deep connection in the next. Just remember that people engaged in BDSM are people first. Mr. Confident, Dominant, and Charming still worries about money, health, and happiness. That doesn't change because we put on a leather cap or furry kitten ears.

Take an inventory of yourself. Can you truly separate play connection from emotional? Whether its just inky sex or inextricably intertwined with love just plan accordingly.

_____________________________

<3

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Attaching - 12/29/2012 7:32:51 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I don't have any attaching too quickly issues with Dominants.

That is because I can only attach to a person first, whatever they are.

In fact, I find it takes longer to attach now because I know what I am looking for and more importantly, recognize quickly when it is not there.

(in reply to BambiBoi)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Attaching - 12/29/2012 7:33:43 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FollowingStars

I want to talk to people, but am not diving into anything serious at this point.


May I infer that some Doms are pushing you when you don't feel you're ready yet? If you're openly communicating that you're not ready, and he ignores that, I'd drop him.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to FollowingStars)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Attaching - 12/29/2012 7:45:07 PM   
FollowingStars


Posts: 32
Joined: 12/24/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven


quote:

ORIGINAL: FollowingStars

I want to talk to people, but am not diving into anything serious at this point.


May I infer that some Doms are pushing you when you don't feel you're ready yet? If you're openly communicating that you're not ready, and he ignores that, I'd drop him.


Some have. I've been working on setting/holding personal boundaries (a weakness of mine), and doing better, but more it's just the tendency to attach to perceived strength that I struggle with. I'm relatively new to most of this, and just being honest when I say it's hard sometimes to hold to my own lines in the sand, as there is such a large part of me reaching for that dominant partner that doesn't want to wait.

_____________________________

Don't make someone a priority when they only make you an option.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Attaching - 12/29/2012 8:31:19 PM   
RemoteUser


Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline 		Doms can get all happy and fuzzy-fierce over a new toy, too. They make pretty noises and flinch or shiver or squeal or, or, or...

It's like a good meal though. If you're going to devour, enjoy every bite (figuratively and literally).

_____________________________

There is nothing worse than being right. Instead of being right, then, try to be open. It is more difficult, and more rewarding.


(in reply to FollowingStars)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Attaching - 12/29/2012 9:23:06 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		No, it's never been a problem for me. I have always had the exact opposite problem. I always found it hard to attach to anyone at all.

Imo, if you find this being a problem for you, I would stop meeting people until you figure out why this is a problem for you. Is if because you're lonely? My suggestion is to seek therapy to deal with this issue.



_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to FollowingStars)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Attaching - 12/29/2012 10:06:44 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FollowingStars
Oside, 'sub frenzy' is my new favorite term now.

Google it. You'll find a lot of hits, and it might help you to read some of them.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to FollowingStars)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Attaching - 12/29/2012 11:36:21 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FollowingStars
Some have. I've been working on setting/holding personal boundaries (a weakness of mine), and doing better, but more it's just the tendency to attach to perceived strength that I struggle with. I'm relatively new to most of this, and just being honest when I say it's hard sometimes to hold to my own lines in the sand, as there is such a large part of me reaching for that dominant partner that doesn't want to wait.

You should bookmark THIS thread and read it any time you are tempted to over-submit. If you read her story over on fetlife you can find out the joys of submitting to an asshat.

A lot of folks are big into the "right here, right now" thing. It's super-slavey and super-domly. Personally I'd recommend allowing REAL trust & REAL respect to develop as they do and let the dynamic expand accordingly. In the beginning, when someone asks you "Don't you trust me?" the right answer is "No." Ditto with "respect".


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to FollowingStars)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Attaching - 12/30/2012 5:38:39 AM   
TieMeInKnottss


Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline 		I understand what you mean. I too am extremely attracted to dominant personalities (not just Doms ). AS Oside calls it "tingly genitals"
No, you are not alone.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Attaching - 12/30/2012 7:13:56 AM   
FollowingStars


Posts: 32
Joined: 12/24/2012
Status: offline 		littlewonder, just to clarify, I'm not meeting anyone in person at this time, or even submitting to anyone online. I suppose I used the wrong word when I said attach... I should have said be attracted to or drawn to. I am using good guidelines and all and not rushing into anything, I was just wondering about the emotional response I sometimes wrestle with.

JeffBC, thank you for the link. And what you wrote about trust and respect was perfect.

TieMeInKnottss, your understanding helps a lot. It's way better to not be alone :)

_____________________________

Don't make someone a priority when they only make you an option.

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Attaching - 12/30/2012 7:22:47 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I find it the other way round - the Doms get attached to me waaaay before I'm ready to commit to them on any real relationship level.

I've actually finished a new relationship because the other guy dropped the 'L bomb' on the third date

I made Master wait nearly 4 months before we started to slowly move from the purely vanilla 'dating' towards a more D/s relationship. And to be honest, I'm glad I did because we're now not just Master and slave, but good friends too

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to FollowingStars)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Attaching - 12/30/2012 7:23:30 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Tragically, this used to happen to me all the time. A few dabs o the old dominant male cologne and women would be swooning at the first look, and good help em if I cocked an eyebrow at em, they'd faint dead on the spot, stop traffic, end up in the ER, it was awful.
No seriously, this happens all the time, to both sexes, all sides of the kneel.
It's the whole wanting to want and wishing to be wished for. Most of us seek that connection, it's a real real tough thing, especially when one first gets on CM, to keep the heart behind the head.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to FollowingStars)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Attaching Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.092