Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=-


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- - 12/31/2012 1:14:20 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I'm not Bambiboi but I definitely agree with that stance.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- - 12/31/2012 1:28:25 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		^ I am seeing variations on that theme reinforced by the other replies... which I will get to in a minute.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- - 12/31/2012 1:31:22 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingreality
..........I'd say the bottom line is don't get too hung up on how people classify themselves on profiles. A lot of times, people fill out profiles quickly and some of the answers are related to their mood at that moment. When you read the profile months later, their mood may have changed, but the profile hasn't.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Epytropos
I switch my profile back and forth between bi and straight depending on whether I'm feeling more honest or more irritated . . .

Since there's no 'heteroflexible' or 'kinda gay-ish?' listing, those of us lurking in the gray area are left to either lie about it or attempt to carry across the fact that yes, we have been known to enjoy the company of ……….

So it can be a “mood” thing? If CM had a 'heteroflexible' category, would it apply all the time no matter what mood or is it the mood difference between the two sites?


_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to Epytropos)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- - 12/31/2012 1:37:25 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss
I don't know but men do the same thing. I have seen men on here as straight and over there as "heteroflexible"...........

Personally I see heteroflexible as bisexual. Either you are bi or you ain’t. Unlike the gradient Kinsey chart, I see things in the simplest shades sometimes. But I can see where heteroflexible may seem a more comfortable category for those when socially induced homophobia goes against the grain of their personal passions.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- - 12/31/2012 1:45:16 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
I'm going with different search engines. On CM, you can specifically look for someone by their sexual orientation, so listing as bisexual here brings a lot more crap email………..

That was something I wondered and one of the main questions in my mind when I posted this thread. I wondered if it was due to environmental differences between to the two sites. As I see from replies, Fet’s more flexible categories may be encouraging someone to click bi in the gradient scale that includes heteroflexible where at CM it is only 3 shades; black, gray or white.

As both you and SylvereApLeanan mention, being bi at CM can bring a boat load of crap to your inbox where at Fet Life it is a social declaration not a dating filter. I suspect this may be the at the root difference in listings most often.

Anyone out there listed as bi on Fet but lists straight here on CM to filter out unwanted mail?

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- - 12/31/2012 4:29:54 AM   
lovethyself


Posts: 1818
Joined: 11/4/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss
I don't know but men do the same thing. I have seen men on here as straight and over there as "heteroflexible"...........

Personally I see heteroflexible as bisexual. Either you are bi or you ain’t. Unlike the gradient Kinsey chart, I see things in the simplest shades sometimes. But I can see where heteroflexible may seem a more comfortable category for those when socially induced homophobia goes against the grain of their personal passions.


RS, while heteroflexible is technically bisexual, in the context of writing an honest profile there is a difference. I list myself as bisexual on CM. I haven't really been on Fet, and I don't think I ever even finished fleshing out my profile there. If I could change my profile to heteroflexible, then I would. Not because I don't see myself as being bi, but because I am primarily looking for a Dom, but I am open to being with women. It would be more honest, and not give the wrong impression to those viewing it. If she isn't looking for a female partner, then I could understand her not wanting to list herself as bi here, even if she were open to playing with a women in the right situation.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- - 12/31/2012 5:43:26 AM   
SinFix


Posts: 866
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		I had to check, but I am listed as Bi on both sites. Though I will say, even when my profile here was set up to attract others, I never got more mail because I listed Bi...

(in reply to lovethyself)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- - 12/31/2012 6:12:25 AM   
lovethyself


Posts: 1818
Joined: 11/4/2012
Status: offline 		I'll admit SinFix, I had to check too. I think I've gotten a couple of messages from Dommes, but not a lot by any means. Just a question though. How would you know if the guys that messaged you would have still messaged you if you said that you were straight? Not trying to be arguementative. I'm genuinely curious.

(in reply to SinFix)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- - 12/31/2012 6:20:59 AM   
SinFix


Posts: 866
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		For a brief time I had a different profile, close to the one I had up with the name being almost exactly the same (created cause I had forgotten how to get into the this one, then figured it out so deleted the other) but on the other one I listed myself as straight. The ones that had messaged me before, messaged me again... Most of the guys that I talked to as potentials, most never even looked at my orientation until I had pointed out that I was Bi.. So I am honestly going on an assumption based on my experience, but I truly don't know..

(in reply to lovethyself)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- - 12/31/2012 6:29:37 AM   
lovethyself


Posts: 1818
Joined: 11/4/2012
Status: offline 		No, that's exactly what I was wondering. Having only had the one profile, I wasn't sure if I would be able to tell who would message me if my orientation was different. So, thank you.

Edited for spelling.

< Message edited by lovethyself -- 12/31/2012 7:23:40 AM >

(in reply to SinFix)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- - 12/31/2012 7:09:31 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Original: ResidentSadist

Anyone out there listed as bi on Fet but lists straight here on CM to filter out unwanted mail?


I am listed as bi on both fet and CM but not on date sites like OKCupid because of this:

quote:

Original: SpiritedRadiance

Because listing yourself as Bi on Collarme invites the idiots who cant accept that bi doesnt mean poly... Or wanting of threesomes or... Any other stupidity the men display in spades....


On CM and fet I specify "I'm polyamorous, but need to be the alpha female, so won't be joining established couples."

_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- - 12/31/2012 7:47:08 AM   
Epytropos


Posts: 699
Joined: 7/23/2011
Status: offline 		It's not that I'm more bi or less bi depending on my mood, it's that I'm more or less HONEST depending on my mood. I switch it to hetero when I grow weary of explaining that I'm not looking for male partners, then back to bi when I experience a spontaneous bout of truthsomeness. My orientation is always the same (though naturally my interest level in a given gender does vary over time), it's just the listing that changes. If I kept up a fetlife account, that would require that my whim to switch it here be strong enough to go through and change it over there as well (or vice versa), which might well be forgotten, leading to a discrepancy.

_____________________________

They're only words. Don't dwell on them. They never mean what you think.

I speak only of My Way. Think it not an indictment of Your Way.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- - 12/31/2012 8:49:11 AM   
Spiritedsub2


Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Personally I see heteroflexible as bisexual. Either you are bi or you ain’t. Unlike the gradient Kinsey chart, I see things in the simplest shades sometimes. But I can see where heteroflexible may seem a more comfortable category for those when socially induced homophobia goes against the grain of their personal passions.

I list as straight on CM and as heteroflexible on Fet. I'm open to women, but not nearly as interested in or drawn to them as I am to men, and I don't want to say "bi" and mislead anyone. A sock account I created on CM to browse the forums without being messaged by people who seem to watch me generated a crap ton of messages by listing myself as bi, even though I listed my age as 99!

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- - 12/31/2012 10:45:16 AM   
UnholyBear


Posts: 661
Joined: 10/19/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss
I don't know but men do the same thing. I have seen men on here as straight and over there as "heteroflexible"...........

Personally I see heteroflexible as bisexual. Either you are bi or you ain’t. Unlike the gradient Kinsey chart, I see things in the simplest shades sometimes. But I can see where heteroflexible may seem a more comfortable category for those when socially induced homophobia goes against the grain of their personal passions.



It's only been in the past few years where I have seen the term: heteroflexible be commonly used and it is this term I have a difficult time gaining a clear concept of what they are. As I see it,it indicates that the person is open to encounters with others on a sexual level which is opposite to how they themselves identify their sexual orientation. And yes, in some ways, I do perceive they use these terms to be a label which is a bit more PC then saying they are bisexual or bi curious.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- - 12/31/2012 10:46:24 AM   
SinFix


Posts: 866
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		See, this I just don't see... I have been on this site and on/off others for 1 1/2 yrs and I don't get the bs that others have gotten. Sure I got the influx of one line messages from every Tom, Dick, and Harry but not one ever came off as messaging me solely because I listed myself as Bi... I think it has way more to do with how a profile is written and how that person comes off than the orienatation box that was clicked...

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- - 12/31/2012 11:27:55 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UnholyBear

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss
I don't know but men do the same thing. I have seen men on here as straight and over there as "heteroflexible"...........

Personally I see heteroflexible as bisexual. Either you are bi or you ain’t. Unlike the gradient Kinsey chart, I see things in the simplest shades sometimes. But I can see where heteroflexible may seem a more comfortable category for those when socially induced homophobia goes against the grain of their personal passions.



It's only been in the past few years where I have seen the term: heteroflexible be commonly used and it is this term I have a difficult time gaining a clear concept of what they are. As I see it,it indicates that the person is open to encounters with others on a sexual level which is opposite to how they themselves identify their sexual orientation. And yes, in some ways, I do perceive they use these terms to be a label which is a bit more PC then saying they are bisexual or bi curious.


Me too. Always just seen it as bisexual. The degrees or descriptive gradient for me has always been something like this;
"they are bi curious" = mostly straight but would have same gender sex under special circumstances
"they are bisexual" = would have same gender sex under normal circumstances
"they are very bisexual" = a cherry poppin' chicken-hawk (or taco munching gash grinder) seeking out circumstances to have same gender sex

Seriously, if we are to adopt hetroflexible as a valid term, you better be prepared to explain homoflexible too.

just sayin'

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to UnholyBear)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- - 12/31/2012 2:34:41 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		the new terms became popular when Girls Gone Wild and the song "I kissed a girl" became hot. At least, that's been my experience.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- - 12/31/2012 2:44:19 PM   
seekingreality


Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingreality
..........I'd say the bottom line is don't get too hung up on how people classify themselves on profiles. A lot of times, people fill out profiles quickly and some of the answers are related to their mood at that moment. When you read the profile months later, their mood may have changed, but the profile hasn't.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Epytropos
I switch my profile back and forth between bi and straight depending on whether I'm feeling more honest or more irritated . . .

Since there's no 'heteroflexible' or 'kinda gay-ish?' listing, those of us lurking in the gray area are left to either lie about it or attempt to carry across the fact that yes, we have been known to enjoy the company of ……….

So it can be a “mood” thing? If CM had a 'heteroflexible' category, would it apply all the time no matter what mood or is it the mood difference between the two sites?




Not necessarily. I know a woman, for example, who listed herself as heteroflexible because she had one experience with a woman years ago, but really didn't desire any future encounters. Later she changed her profile to straight.

I think there is a key difference between people who list themselves as bi because they regularly had relations with both sexes, and someone who lists themselves as bi because they had one experience or believe they are simply open to the idea, even if they have never done it.

Again, to me all this means is that the label itself isn't as important as the details around the label.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- - 12/31/2012 2:48:06 PM   
seekingreality


Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Personally I see heteroflexible as bisexual. Either you are bi or you ain’t. Unlike the gradient Kinsey chart, I see things in the simplest shades sometimes. But I can see where heteroflexible may seem a more comfortable category for those when socially induced homophobia goes against the grain of their personal passions.



That's why you need to know what the person who is describing themselves that way thinks. For example, I've known people who labeled themselves as "heterosexual" because they considered themselves open to the idea of having sex with someone of the same sex, even though they never had, and ultimately never did.

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- - 12/31/2012 2:49:12 PM   
StefanandLucinda


Posts: 27
Joined: 11/27/2012
Status: offline 		Maybe she has recently expanded her interests? 

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: -=Listed straight on CollarMe but bi on FetLife=- Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094