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Chronic Illness & D/s Life Changes - 12/30/2012 6:24:37 PM

Salacious40

Posts: 26
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline

Good evening. I'm reaching out for something but not quite sure what I am hoping to read. Perhaps a word of advice, a suggestion or to read about others who have gone through a similar experience.

After receiving confirmation of a medical diagnosis of MS, I lost my enthusiasm. Though I know how fortunate I am to have had it diagnosed early enough to slow down the progression (if the medication works) and the physical effects have been minimal compared to others, it has taken a toll on my spirit. I'm under the care of a great group of doctors who are helping but I've felt that with this diagnosis I have lost a sense of myself.

I want the original "me" back. I can't seem to find my enthusiasm for a D/s dynamic as I used to enjoy.

For those who have a chronic illness, do you have advice how to reconnect to the person you were before your world changed?

Post #: 1

RE: Chronic Illness & D/s Life Changes - 12/30/2012 6:26:03 PM

Baroana

Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline

Ouch. My sympathies.

(in reply to Salacious40)

Post #: 2

RE: Chronic Illness & D/s Life Changes - 12/30/2012 6:29:34 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

You just found all this out. Right now, take some time for yourself, to come to terms with it, to get your life in order, to figure out how you have to make life changes, etc....don't worry about d/s right now.

When you are more comfortable with your life and your illness, the more you will find it easier to return to d/s. I'm assuming right now that you are single. When the right relationship comes along, things will just fall into place.

Good luck to you!

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Baroana)

Post #: 3

RE: Chronic Illness & D/s Life Changes - 12/30/2012 6:37:31 PM

aldorax

Posts: 39
Joined: 3/23/2008
From: MD/DC/VA
Status: offline

Wow. *hugs* My sympathies and prayers.

FWIW saying, I suggest taking time to deal with this new situation and internalize it first as to what it means for your life and capabilities. Then start to get back into the world of kink, but do so on your terms and what works for you on a given day. In my case, this year I got diagnosed with 2 bad discs in my back -- so I've not played in any way that would aggravate it or force me to stop a scene due to debilitating "bad pain." Will I be back to my old self completely? Maybe, maybe not. Will I miss some things? Probaby. But I have just adapted a bit and will take things day by day, scene by scene.

I know an ex used to suffer from migraines. We'd plan for a fantastic scene on a Saturday night, and just as we were heating things up, we had to stop because she was in such agony (even with meds) and I'd end up putting her to bed early with an icepack on her head. Same thing with my back this year before I decided not to do certain things that might cause me to end early. So you just need to take it step by step and try not to get TOO frustrated if you can't instantly get back to your old self.

Not sure if this helps any, and I know it's not the same situation as you're in, but that's all I got right now for ya.

< Message edited by aldorax -- 12/30/2012 6:38:44 PM >

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 4

RE: Chronic Illness & D/s Life Changes - 12/30/2012 6:38:12 PM

Salacious40

Posts: 26
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline

Thanks, Baroana, it does suck royally.

littlewonder - Maybe that's my problem, I'm in denial and hoping if I can hold on to something I know gave me joy I won't have to deal with the rest. Thanks for your feedback.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 5

RE: Chronic Illness & D/s Life Changes - 12/30/2012 6:43:03 PM

Salacious40

Posts: 26
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline

aldorax - you nailed it in one word "frustrating". Patience has never been my strong suit! I empathize with your disc problem and what you're going through in modifying things because of the back pain. I do hope it gets alleviated soon. Thank you for sharing your story and the supportive words. It means a lot.

(in reply to aldorax)

Post #: 6

RE: Chronic Illness & D/s Life Changes - 12/30/2012 6:50:56 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I understand about being in denial and kinda what I figured. That's why you need to take some time and concentrate on all of this right now and not d/s. Figure out your life first because you know you will need to make changes. Get used to those changes and you will find your life will become easier when it comes to d/s. It won't be as hard for you to figure out how to integrate the d/s because you will have already become used to your new life.

And when you meet someone it will just happen naturally. Master and I have found that as we get older, we both have our fair share of aches and pains. We've both had to change the way we play and just do things in general on a daily basis. we're not young puppies anymore. It's normal as you get older so unless you're gonna be dating young ones who are still in their prime, anyone you start dating is gonna most likely be in the same place you are. Keep that in mind.

Work on getting a healthier life first.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Salacious40)

Post #: 7

RE: Chronic Illness & D/s Life Changes - 12/30/2012 6:54:15 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

When I suspected something serious was going on my D/s hat & participation here went in the closet for a bit. When my issues ended up fibro, celiac & the bastard cousins of "managable auto immune disease" I did let out a breath (MS & cancer were the other choices). Since I've had to change my diet, schedule, location (I was down wind from chemical plant), exercise program & every food i touch from now on...I allowed myself time to just be selfish. Yep it is all about me until the managER can manage themselves in my mind we have no business in the pool.

That being said I'm feeling better, doing better, managing better...so if cutie patooty sub that likes gluten-free cooking, hiking, hot springs & dogs yep i give em a perv!
Any serious diagnosis takes time to adjust & grieve the "easy life you used to have" (yeah sounds funny after tons of tests, pain & questions). Educate yourself on how your disease will affect your end of the whip. Learn what wrks for you & modify expectations. Get on net forums & just ask... wheelchairs for example 1st is what happened #2 is does your dick/vagina still work...much like here the direct inappropriate question of strangers weeds the newbies.

Hopefully you're still in early stages where accomidations to life & home can be done gradually. PM if you just need to talk.

< Message edited by theRose4U -- 12/30/2012 7:00:56 PM >

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 8

RE: Chronic Illness & D/s Life Changes - 12/30/2012 7:12:29 PM

Salacious40

Posts: 26
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline

littlewonder - I will definitely keep it in mind! Besides the denial, figuring out how to adjust a possible future of limitations is overwhelming at times. I guess I have to learn acceptance of it as well as the limitations and then figure out how to make it all work out. Thanks again for the sounds advice.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 9

RE: Chronic Illness & D/s Life Changes - 12/30/2012 7:14:02 PM

MissImmortalPain

Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

As someone else who is in chronic pain the only thing I can really tell you is that just because your body has changed it does not mean that you have. Yes, there are limits, but you are still who you were before. For awhile after I lost my leg I felt as if all power had been taken away from me. I am, after all, a cripple. I had to make myself realize that just because my body had changed it did not mean my mind had. That I could still control what goes on around me. I can still live my life the way I want and you can too. Remind yourself everyday that you are still able to do many things and that you will overcome what you can not do.

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to Salacious40)

Post #: 10

RE: Chronic Illness & D/s Life Changes - 12/30/2012 7:21:12 PM

Salacious40

Posts: 26
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline

Your words and story are really appreciated, theRose4U. Thank you for sharing it. With all you're going through with fibro, celiac & the "manageable" auto immune things, it seems that you've learned to adjust your world well. I hope I can be like that as well.

As I've been educating myself on the disease as well as learning how to make those adjustments, I'm trying to hold onto whatever I can that I know makes me forget. I'm not doing very well at it.

You wrote about grieving...my goodness that is exactly what I feel like I'm going through. I'm stuck in my own pity party and seem a bit desperate to find something to get me out of it.

It might not be such a bad idea to go into my own closet and retreat for a bit to get life, this new life of mine, back on some sort of track.

Thank you again for sharing your story, it helps not to feel so alone.

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 11

RE: Chronic Illness & D/s Life Changes - 12/30/2012 7:25:24 PM

Salacious40

Posts: 26
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline

MissImmortalPain - I kept trying to tell myself I am no different than I was last week when I didn't know. I couldn't seem to convince myself. Your words were insightful and inspiring. Thank you for telling your story, it resonated a great deal.

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)

Post #: 12

RE: Chronic Illness & D/s Life Changes - 12/30/2012 7:27:51 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

Many have said here that you need to allow time to process this life altering issue,I fully agree!!!..Many have said that educating yourself is absolutely necessary I fully agree!!!..The more information you have will help you cope.Life throws us so many challenges that at times we become overwhelmed. By taking control as much as possible one finds that though adjustments need to be made, they are doable,and then we can go back to what makes our lives joyous. I remember a poster long ago who got a diagnosis of diabetes,he was thrown for a loop at the time, but then you could see by his postings that his spirit came back and his Dominant nature had reasserted itself.He was and is a well respected poster.I hope that when the time is right, that you too will find your joy back in life..if you cant change something then make it your own...

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to Salacious40)

Post #: 13

RE: Chronic Illness & D/s Life Changes - 12/30/2012 7:37:45 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Salacious40

Your words and story are really appreciated, theRose4U. Thank you for sharing it. With all you're going through with fibro, celiac & the "manageable" auto immune things, it seems that you've learned to adjust your world well. I hope I can be like that as well.

As I've been educating myself on the disease as well as learning how to make those adjustments, I'm trying to hold onto whatever I can that I know makes me forget. I'm not doing very well at it.

You wrote about grieving...my goodness that is exactly what I feel like I'm going through. I'm stuck in my own pity party and seem a bit desperate to find something to get me out of it.

It might not be such a bad idea to go into my own closet and retreat for a bit to get life, this new life of mine, back on some sort of track.

Thank you again for sharing your story, it helps not to feel so alone.

No prob feel free to PM if ya need it. Grieving is the only word for it. I will never eat "normally" again or go without pills. Christmas discovered that m&m's (fave thing since baked goods are out) now has wheat in it!! Its all part of finding the new path.
Would strongly recommend a functional medicine doc (along with everyone else). Discovering where MY LIMITS were with mine made all the difference. Its "ok this is how we manage a,b,c" not "you have x diagnosis here's your prescription there's no hope". Funny thing about degenerative diseases is you can slow the progression if you don't fall hook line & sinker for the "medical end result". I ski with a number of people with MS, know those that ride horses & motorcycles. Its all about whether you have a disease or whether it has you.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to Salacious40)

Post #: 14

RE: Chronic Illness & D/s Life Changes - 1/1/2013 6:47:48 AM

Salacious40

Posts: 26
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline

I think everyone is right, I need to focus on my situation first to put things in priority instead of desperately trying to grasp onto something that I wanted to bring me back to where I was before. Thank you so much, TemptinNviceSub.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 15

RE: Chronic Illness & D/s Life Changes - 1/1/2013 6:49:24 AM

Salacious40

Posts: 26
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ts all about whether you have a disease or whether it has you.

I'm going to keep this with me, theRose4U, it's perfect.

Thank you.

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 16

RE: Chronic Illness & D/s Life Changes - 1/1/2013 7:40:18 AM

Moonlightmaddnes

Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
Status: offline

Hugs, I have autoimmune crap going on too. It does suck. And when I get better things are ok then usually without warning I get symptoms again. When I am having symptoms we usually do nothing or very little.

_____________________________

Submission is a gift that must be earned. It can be given, but never taken

(in reply to Salacious40)

Post #: 17

RE: Chronic Illness & D/s Life Changes - 1/1/2013 8:13:03 AM

lmpishlilhellcat

Posts: 500
Joined: 8/25/2011
Status: offline

Not only do you need time to process, but you have to figure out how to live your life with a new disability. Yes, the medication is working, but you are still going to have to make adjustments. Eventually when you get comfortable with a new routine and those adjustments, you are then going to have to figure out this fits into how you play and interact with another.

_____________________________

Your IQ test results came back negative.

(in reply to Moonlightmaddnes)

Post #: 18

RE: Chronic Illness & D/s Life Changes - 1/1/2013 1:16:09 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Salacious40

Good evening. I'm reaching out for something but not quite sure what I am hoping to read. Perhaps a word of advice, a suggestion or to read about others who have gone through a similar experience.

After receiving confirmation of a medical diagnosis of MS, I lost my enthusiasm. Though I know how fortunate I am to have had it diagnosed early enough to slow down the progression (if the medication works) and the physical effects have been minimal compared to others, it has taken a toll on my spirit. I'm under the care of a great group of doctors who are helping but I've felt that with this diagnosis I have lost a sense of myself.

I want the original "me" back. I can't seem to find my enthusiasm for a D/s dynamic as I used to enjoy.

For those who have a chronic illness, do you have advice how to reconnect to the person you were before your world changed?

Since you've got no profile (to be found), I'll assume from your screen name that you're aged about 40. I can tell you that by age 40, and certainly by 50, the majority of us are dealing with some sort of personal, life changing condition. And I'm 58, btw....

I have no knowledge of MS or its ramifications beyond the old Cassisus Clay ad of circa 1980 (on behalf of a Dr Jonah Salk?) but you have my sympathies, nonetheless. But what stands out to me from your post is that you haven't yet reached the stage of acceptance.

"Acceptance" is the realisation that you only get one life and one body for a finite time and you need to make the most of it no matter what. Easier said than done, of course, because it does take time to get your head around all manner of "why me?" and "life isn't fair" sub-stages.

At some point, you ultimately make a decision - usually sub-consciously then an awakening. That this has happened to you, there's nothing you can do about it beyond maybe treating symptoms and following medical advice etc, and that your life otherwise, isn't over. So you decide (pride and a stubborn streak helps here; it has with me); that you can wallow in self-pity and generally make yourself and everyone around you miserable and not wanna know you or you tell "unfair" life to go fuck itself and you're staying to the end no matter what, and make the most of it as best you can but with likely allowances for some limitations.

In a physical sense, you won't get back what you've lost - kinda like losing an entire limb. But spirit and enthusiasm etc, well...., if you had it before, it comes back - absolutely! Its current absence is all part of the healing process and you're just not ready for it, *yet*.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to Salacious40)

Post #: 19

RE: Chronic Illness & D/s Life Changes - 1/1/2013 2:00:26 PM

anaturalsubmiss

Posts: 49
Joined: 12/26/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Salacious40

For those who have a chronic illness, do you have advice how to reconnect to the person you were before your world changed?

I have Chrohn's disease, so, I simply say that the back entrance is closed.

(in reply to Salacious40)

Post #: 20

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