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The First Move - 1/2/2013 2:31:18 PM

OhRose

Posts: 28
Joined: 5/15/2012
From: Canada - Living in England
Status: offline

- Cross-posted, as I realized that it wasn't really necessary to aim it at a single group.

So I've been around this site for a number of months now, and of the people that view me, perhaps 1 in 20 will be of interest to me in D/s sexual sense (I.e. Intelligent Dominant women whose profiles actually make me want to get to know them further). Now around 1 in 10 of those that interest me will send a message. I'm an awkward, shy person generally, especially when it comes to things with an air of intimacy or sexuality and tend to just hope that I'll receive a message if I view the person back (Though this is not the case everytime).

So my question, or questions are thus:

Is it down to the submissive to initiate contact?

Do Dominants shy away from making the first move in the direction of getting to know somebody?

Post #: 1

RE: The First Move - 1/2/2013 2:48:51 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

FYI Cross posting is not allowed on CM so one of your threads may be removed.

As to your question, it's really just an individual thing. Some people prefer to make first contact (note: PEOPLE) and some do not. In my case, I did not make first contact.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to OhRose)

Post #: 2

RE: The First Move - 1/2/2013 3:02:45 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

I am thinking with the number of folks (male and female) chasing dominant womens asses, you will often be lost in the fog of war.

Did you know there was this drop dead gorgeous girl who had a hella crush on me when I was in my late twenties early thirties? She did a fuck of a job of hiding it.

Sorta like a girl winking at me in the dark, well; you know what's on your mind.

I cannot believe that most people, when You are intelligent, interesting, able to cogently vocalize, (and in the case of women, find something interesting besides their gash) and look to comment on that, as well as perhaps a host of other issues, would not be glad to at least hear you out, and maybe strike up a relationship somewhere between block and end-of-the-world coitus uninterupptus.

Maybe pen-pals, friends, occasional hiyas, or even lovers.

But you gotta wanna.

You can and should make any move that is honest and straighforward. If you are first, then you drew white instead of black in the chess game. Don't mean you are gonna win, but it means you will be given control over a good opening move .........

So, in short, Hells to the fuckin Yes, if you find them interesting, hit them the fuck up.

Sumissiv shubmissive.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 3

RE: The First Move - 1/2/2013 3:41:57 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OhRose

- Cross-posted, as I realized that it wasn't really necessary to aim it at a single group.

So I've been around this site for a number of months now, and of the people that view me, perhaps 1 in 20 will be of interest to me in D/s sexual sense (I.e. Intelligent Dominant women whose profiles actually make me want to get to know them further). Now around 1 in 10 of those that interest me will send a message. I'm an awkward, shy person generally, especially when it comes to things with an air of intimacy or sexuality and tend to just hope that I'll receive a message if I view the person back (Though this is not the case everytime).

So my question, or questions are thus:

Is it down to the submissive to initiate contact?

Do Dominants shy away from making the first move in the direction of getting to know somebody?

Anyone can make the first move. If you find someone interesting, message them. If he finds you interesting, he can message you. There are no rules or anything. I personally never initiate contact just because I'm old fashioned and I like when a man makes the first move. But the world is changing. Women initiate contact many times with no problems. It's whatever you wanna do.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to OhRose)

Post #: 4

RE: The First Move - 1/2/2013 3:43:47 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

And since it would seem that she is searching for a dominant woman, she shouldn't have that bit of the stupid chicken dance to contend with.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 5

RE: The First Move - 1/2/2013 4:37:42 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

I'm an awkward, shy person generally, especially when it comes to things with an air of intimacy or sexuality and tend to just hope that I'll receive a message if I view the person back

I used to do this, expecting the Dom to realize he was supposed to make first contact. I came to realize this is ineffective and would send a casual message commenting on something vanilla in his profile.

_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to OhRose)

Post #: 6

RE: The First Move - 1/2/2013 4:39:24 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

~FR~

I very rarely make first contact. I don't need to; the numbers are in my favor. However, if I see a profile or, more often, a journal entry that makes me sit up and take notice, I'm more likely to send a message. My suggestion is that you be more proactive. Some dominant women like to pursue and others prefer to let the subs come to us. You'll have more success if you put yourself out there more.

Using myself as an example, I like it when people take time to read my profile and some of my journal then mention something I've said when they contact me. I'm a proud geek girl, so I love it when people talk nerdy to me! Talk about books or role-playing games. Mention Doctor Who, Joss Whedon, or Laurell K. Hamilton and you'll immediately get my attention. Then ask me a question that requires more than a yes or no answer so I have something to say when I reply. I'm willing to bet you'll have success with this style of approach no matter who you contact.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 7

RE: The First Move - 1/2/2013 5:12:09 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

Either side can initiate contact, but my experience here is that 99% of the time it's the male who makes the first move, male dom to a female sub or male sub to female/male dominant.
As for F/F relationships-I have no clue

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 8

RE: The First Move - 1/2/2013 8:39:34 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Sorry, Rose, but I'm used to M/F and F/M dynamics.

I WILL say that if you DON'T make the first move, you're depending on her to do so. Mebbe wait a few days, and then initiate?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 9

RE: The First Move - 1/2/2013 10:56:36 PM

xLaChienne

Posts: 259
Joined: 11/12/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OhRose
Is it down to the submissive to initiate contact?

Not necessarily. However, what do you have to lose? Someone may not message you back. What do you have to gain? The attention of a woman you find interesting.

quote:

Do Dominants shy away from making the first move in the direction of getting to know somebody?

Not typically. It could be that she got to the part in your profile where you mention that you enjoy reading profiles and that odds are that is why you viewed one. In that she may well think that if you were interested then you would let her know, even with the disclaimer stating that you are hoping that someone will see you viewed them and message.

(in reply to OhRose)

Post #: 10

RE: The First Move - 1/3/2013 1:05:47 AM

RabbitsHeart

Posts: 4
Joined: 6/30/2012
Status: offline

Sometimes YOU have to pursue and it doesn't matter who you are. You could be the D or the s, the woman or the man, the older or younger, the richer or poorer- it doesn't matter who you are or who you want! Sometimes it will be on your plate or nothing will happen, sometimes it will be his/her/their plate or nothing will happen. Do you really want nothing to happen?

My experience as an attractive, nerdy woman has taught me that men need encouragement. The way I pursue is to say to the man I am interested in "You should ask me out on a date." Or something to that effect. I have never regretted saying this.

(in reply to xLaChienne)

Post #: 11

RE: The First Move - 1/3/2013 8:07:24 AM

plesto

Posts: 49
Joined: 7/2/2012
Status: offline

Is it down to the submissive to initiate contact?

Views will vary on this one from person to person. Initiating contact yourself won't do you any harm as long as you follow the general advice given when making contact with someone on any site like this.

Think of your profile as a shop window in a long row of shop windows offering similar things, people may be interesting but it's not going to stop them just looking then moving on. Then think of initiating contact as one of those people who stands outside trying to get people to go into the shop. Once you get them inside you can start trying to get to know them etc.

Do Dominants shy away from making the first move in the direction of getting to know somebody?

Due to the disclaimer you have in your profile about viewing profiles it may put some people off contacting you. They will also typically get a lot of messages themselves so may not feel the need to message someone first.

(in reply to RabbitsHeart)

Post #: 12

RE: The First Move - 1/3/2013 9:20:09 AM

Pyramus

Posts: 397
Joined: 5/14/2010
Status: offline

You already made the first move. You have a profile, right?

(in reply to plesto)

Post #: 13

RE: The First Move - 1/3/2013 9:38:39 AM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

This is a good question. I usually do not mind sending a message to female slaves or subs, but I prefer them to contact Me. I agree with Ron on this one, you like em...go for it!

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to Pyramus)

Post #: 14

RE: The First Move - 1/3/2013 10:03:22 AM

TheBoyDownBelow

Posts: 83
Joined: 7/25/2012
Status: offline

I like when the Dommes are proactive in their quest. It separates them from the Princesses, Queens, and ones with too much entitlement.

(in reply to TNDommeK)

Post #: 15

RE: The First Move - 1/4/2013 5:06:28 AM

Epytropos

Posts: 699
Joined: 7/23/2011
Status: offline

I think the very first thread I created here was this one: http://www.collarchat.com/m_3564781/mpage_1/tm.htm

You may find it relevant to your question. For my part, I don't make the first move more than one time in 100. In my view, the person who approaches does so as a supplicant, and doing so creates a dynamic I find distasteful. Of course, there are most certainly many thousands who disagree with me, as that thread demonstrates, some more virulently opposed than others.

_____________________________

They're only words. Don't dwell on them. They never mean what you think.

I speak only of My Way. Think it not an indictment of Your Way.

(in reply to TheBoyDownBelow)

Post #: 16

RE: The First Move - 1/4/2013 5:50:39 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

I have no problem being forward but online it has seemed that the odds of something going forward are better when someone contacts me. If you are interested in someone, say hello. Worst that can happen is it goes nowhere bit the best that can happen is magic.

Seems a pretty good risk to take!

(in reply to Epytropos)

Post #: 17

RE: The First Move - 1/4/2013 9:13:27 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

So, so far it looks like neither side will send out emails because either they find it not worth their time or because they just don't feel like they should have to lol. It makes me wonder how anyone gets together on here. lol

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 18

RE: The First Move - 1/4/2013 10:03:38 AM

Spiritedsub2

Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

So, so far it looks like neither side will send out emails because either they find it not worth their time or because they just don't feel like they should have to lol. It makes me wonder how anyone gets together on here. lol

I was thinking this. Everyone staying behind their computers carefully avoiding messaging people who interest them, waiting...

I read some of Epytropos's earlier thread that he linked on this one; full of intelligent views on opposing sides of the topic. Also full of articulate, interesting posts by posters who are no longer on the site, I'm sorry to see.

Epytropos, I suspect that your view is the more accurate one when you meet people in real life/face-to-face settings. But online creates a different environment with different consequences. Sending a brief message shows interest without necessarily triggering any kind of dynamic; it just creates a little point of contact where otherwise there would be none in this large pool. I like to message dominant men who seem interesting to me, but then step back and let them take over from there. Some have, some have not. As it should be.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 19

RE: The First Move - 1/4/2013 10:10:53 AM

SinFix

Posts: 866
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

I message people all the time. Mostly just to say how much I enjoy reading their posts, others to comment on something I liked about their profile. The guys that I got the most involved with were ones that I initiated contact with first. I have no problems with it, I figure if they don't like it they won't carry on a conversation with me and we aren't compatible...

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

Post #: 20

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