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Big head vs. Small head - 1/3/2013 8:22:36 PM

TwistedPfister

Posts: 11
Joined: 12/5/2012
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I just read the thread regarding Queening and smothering (not sure why Queening was capitalized but not smothering, but I'll follow suit until advised to the contrary), and my takeaway from that reinforced my own lifetime's worth of informal research. I'm not sure whether I'll get flamed for being anti-male or not, but it really seems to me that a huge chunk, if not a majority, of the straight submissive men on this site, and maybe in femdomworld at large, seems to be fixated on their own specific list of fetishes, and not any kind of real male/female dynamic that could remotely sustain itself over the course of even a casual relationship.

I mean, how much time can you spend sitting on someone's face comfortably? How many times can you piss on someone, or whip them, or fuck their ass with a strap-on without having some kind of friendship or human connection, unless it's a pro domme thing? And I'm not even talking about sharing vanilla hobbies or love, or anything serious at this point. Even within the context of bdsm and femdom only, I would think that it mostly has to be about that mental chemistry. What are these guys thinking? Even if you find a domme who LOVES face sitting, or watersports or whatever, and even if you DON'T want a serious permanent relationship but just want to play, there must be a limit to how long you can do those things if you don't connect with the other person on some human being, domme/sub level that's more than just about the fetish activity.

I have my fetishes the same as anyone else, but it seems to me that most of the sub males on this site write profiles that are completely defined by them. Over and over, I see subs posting on Ask A Mistress to the tune of "What am I doing wrong?", or "How can I get a domme to answer my messages," when their posts and profiles are incredibly one dimensional, crude, and poorly written. Not that all of the domme profiles are so great either, but jeez! I know that the call of the little head is very strong. I really do understand that all too well. But really, I don't understand what these dudes are thinking when they write this shit. Who is going to respond to a profile with a picture of a cock, a terrible name like PissOnMe41, and some crappy profile that is all about the guy's cock and his love of piss.

Personally, I'm not looking. I have no hope, and my profile does not make for particularly great reading, although it is grammatically correct. But c'mon guys! Represent!!

< Message edited by TwistedPfister -- 1/3/2013 8:24:26 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: Big head vs. Small head - 1/3/2013 8:37:05 PM

naughtynick81

Posts: 890
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline

So any male who talks about what turns them on, it means they aren't looking for a relationship?

quote:

to me that most of the sub males on this site write profiles that are completely defined by them.

Have you checked out many domme profiles lately? It usually just expresses what they want a male sub to do for them. But we never see criticisms about that.

< Message edited by naughtynick81 -- 1/3/2013 8:38:30 PM >

(in reply to TwistedPfister)

Post #: 2

RE: Big head vs. Small head - 1/3/2013 9:03:35 PM

TwistedPfister

Posts: 11
Joined: 12/5/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: naughtynick81

So any male who talks about what turns them on, it means they aren't looking for a relationship?

quote:

to me that most of the sub males on this site write profiles that are completely defined by them.

Have you checked out many domme profiles lately? It usually just expresses what they want a male sub to do for them. But we never see criticisms about that.

No, I'm talking about profiles like these, which are among the first ten profiles that popped up when I searched for sub males at random:

1. This is the entire text for this guy, by the way: Strong fetish for nylons, pantyhose, feet & heels
2. Again, the entire profile is here: Hello Cuckolding is my interest
3. I am a very submissive male slave who has a deep, lifelong interest in total humiliation, with all that is implied with that. A perfect situation for me would be owned by a extremely Dominant couple, with mental torment, advanced testicle torture, chastity, and cuckolding being my life. Toilet slavery is also a deep kink.

These just popped up in the first batch. Again, what are these guys thinking? Other than the pros, I don't remember seeing too many domme profiles that compare to #1 or #2, and very few as shallow as #3. Maybe none, other than the obvious idiot wannabe pro teenager or man troll posing as female.

(in reply to naughtynick81)

Post #: 3

RE: Big head vs. Small head - 1/3/2013 9:06:37 PM

naughtynick81

Posts: 890
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline

You should consider looking at female profiles more. Men aren't the only culprits. You are also forgetting to realise that there is a fuck load more men than women on this site so when you think about it, of course you are going to see it more often in men as there is simply more men.

< Message edited by naughtynick81 -- 1/3/2013 9:11:00 PM >

(in reply to TwistedPfister)

Post #: 4

RE: Big head vs. Small head - 1/3/2013 9:19:00 PM

MissImmortalPain

Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

I have to ask because you are telling men to "represent" why is this thread in ask a mistress?

It seems a great deal as if you are scolding other men in the hopes of showing yourself as a better one? If you believe the other male subs are making themselves look bad with their profiles you should be happy. It means you have a better chance of finding a domme that wants someone serious.

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to TwistedPfister)

Post #: 5

RE: Big head vs. Small head - 1/3/2013 9:22:35 PM

epiphiny43

Posts: 688
Joined: 10/20/2006
Status: offline

After a few disastrous attempts at relationships, one learns to bring up essential elements for a successful long term arrangement fairly early? Certain women have No problem mentioning Travel and Fine Dining. Because they won't give the time of day to men who won't provide these. For a strongly fetishized submissive sexuality, a partner uninterested in their kink will be profoundly frustrating. Just as 'normal' vanilla men with a strong libido should find out how any prospective date or partner feels about actual sex. Note all the train wrecks of relationships that started off 'passionate' but dropped off to once a month, then less as the female figured he was caught, no need to pretend anymore?
Not to diss women, just Dishonest women, same as anyone else who pretends to be what they aren't to get what they really want. The profiles getting panned here are honest, if not particularly charming for those of a different sensibility. The sadness is that so few women actually share the kinks so relationships are rare to non-existant and pros are about the only action these more extreme outliers will see. It's also probably a death knell for real communication when the subbie is so focused on the kink he never sees the person he is interacting with. Few of us will find a perfect fit for all our views and enthusiasms. Actual flexibility in meeting one's needs and curiosity about the partner goes a long way to bridging those inevitable gaps.

(in reply to naughtynick81)

Post #: 6

RE: Big head vs. Small head - 1/3/2013 9:26:16 PM

TwistedPfister

Posts: 11
Joined: 12/5/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain

I have to ask because you are telling men to "represent" why is this thread in ask a mistress?

It seems a great deal as if you are scolding other men in the hopes of showing yourself as a better one? If you believe the other male subs are making themselves look bad with their profiles you should be happy. It means you have a better chance of finding a domme that wants someone serious.

Miss IP, I'm not looking for a domme. I'm here at CM to read the forums and to read profiles. And personally (YMMV), after doing a lot of profile reading, I have found as I've described in the OP. Since I know a lot of really smart men and women, I've often wondered why so many of the sub men's profiles seemed so pointlessly focused on one or two fetishes to the exclusion of any other verbiage that might attract a domme, if indeed that was the purpose of the profile. And so I posted.

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)

Post #: 7

RE: Big head vs. Small head - 1/3/2013 9:36:00 PM

MissImmortalPain

Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

Okay, you aren't looking for a domme, but that doesn't answer my question. Why is this in ask a mistress? We can no more read the minds of random men on the net than you can. Had this thread been placed in ask a sub or general bdsm I think you would get a better answer to your question.

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to TwistedPfister)

Post #: 8

RE: Big head vs. Small head - 1/3/2013 9:40:31 PM

TwistedPfister

Posts: 11
Joined: 12/5/2012
Status: offline

I guess Ask A Sub makes more sense. Since I was reacting to a post that was in this forum, I replied here. Please accept my apology.

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)

Post #: 9

RE: Big head vs. Small head - 1/3/2013 9:47:07 PM

MissImmortalPain

Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

No need to apology, I really was just wondering why it was here.

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to TwistedPfister)

Post #: 10

RE: Big head vs. Small head - 1/3/2013 9:49:06 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

The simple & direct answer to your question is this: porn says we are fetish delivery systems all kink all the time & all about torturing dick.

Now that the why has been covered...a fetish based sub doesn't care that I enjoy organic produce & gardening, they show shock horror & dismay that I have little to no fetish wardrobe & 364 days a year can be seen in jeans or shorts usually sans make-up.
The rare sub that applies (I'm not really looking but when it falls in your lap) seem shocked that I talk to them like a person, ask what they enjoy with their clothes on & invite them to coffee.
I've gotten everything from "I'm not ok with strap ons & whips in public", "you'll wear regular clothes so I won't be embarassed right" to one I flat had to step over & walk away because he insisted on sitting on his knees "showing me his positions" in a crowded cafe.

Yes there is a disconnect. No it won't change any time soon. No as long as porn is as popular as it is this disconnect won't change. But hey the super subs starting posts with whole lists of things they want done make for good entertainment

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to TwistedPfister)

Post #: 11

RE: Big head vs. Small head - 1/3/2013 9:59:01 PM

naughtynick81

Posts: 890
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline

Sex/kinky sexual play is only innocent when it's the woman's idea.

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 12

RE: Big head vs. Small head - 1/3/2013 10:54:21 PM

MissImmortalPain

Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

That is not true, nick. I am a woman and there is nothing innocent about what I do.

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to naughtynick81)

Post #: 13

RE: Big head vs. Small head - 1/3/2013 11:09:14 PM

CynthiaWVirginia

Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwistedPfister

Miss IP, I'm not looking for a domme. I'm here at CM to read the forums and to read profiles. And personally (YMMV), after doing a lot of profile reading, I have found as I've described in the OP. Since I know a lot of really smart men and women, I've often wondered why so many of the sub men's profiles seemed so pointlessly focused on one or two fetishes to the exclusion of any other verbiage that might attract a domme, if indeed that was the purpose of the profile. And so I posted.

TwistedPfister, because they are most likely here to get their groove on without wanting a relationship. Many people have vanilla spouses or significant others, have discovered their own kinkiness and are coming to CollarMe looking for a relief station, someone to cyber with. As you are. They spell out what they are looking for, as you did.

You're married, don't want anything real time, and are here for online relationships/entertainment/masturbation. Though you put a lot more words into your profile than the ones you described, I really don't see much difference between yours and theirs, other than your honesty about being married and spelling out the limits to what you are offering.

I hope your wife is receiving treatment for her clinical depression.

quote:

I mean, how much time can you spend sitting on someone's face comfortably? How many times can you piss on someone, or whip them, or fuck their ass with a strap-on without having some kind of friendship or human connection, unless it's a pro domme thing? And I'm not even talking about sharing vanilla hobbies or love, or anything serious at this point. Even within the context of bdsm and femdom only, I would think that it mostly has to be about that mental chemistry. What are these guys thinking? Even if you find a domme who LOVES face sitting, or watersports or whatever, and even if you DON'T want a serious permanent relationship but just want to play, there must be a limit to how long you can do those things if you don't connect with the other person on some human being, domme/sub level that's more than just about the fetish activity.

Like most women who have come here looking for a relationship, I have brushed off probably thousands of men who wanted me to be their online kink service provider. Some are crass about it while others have more finesse; bottom line is that they were not compatible so I moved on. I'm r/t and Own someone 24/7, and no, I don't sit on his face, flog him, use my Dick Rambone strapon, piss on him, etc., every blessed day. We have friendship, love, and definitely a human connection. (The reason I was interested in him, even with all of his "do me!" sub frenzy going on is that I felt M/s sparkage, and because he wanted to get to know me as a person and as a friend.)

A lot of the guys are advertising for males or females, or for females to hook them up with guys, lol, and I think a lot of them use this place as a glory hole...so...using short demands for what they are here for...might be appropriate if it helps them to find each other and eliminate the ones who are here looking for a relationship.

< Message edited by CynthiaWVirginia -- 1/3/2013 11:10:06 PM >

(in reply to TwistedPfister)

Post #: 14

RE: Big head vs. Small head - 1/4/2013 1:52:44 AM

naughtynick81

Posts: 890
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline

Can anyone else see this problem?

Male sexuality get's prejudged all the time. Guilty until proven innocent!

Here we are against slut shaming or in other words protest to support female sexual liberation. Yet we are telling men to limit theirs and go by rules.

(in reply to CynthiaWVirginia)

Post #: 15

RE: Big head vs. Small head - 1/4/2013 3:44:41 AM

plesto

Posts: 49
Joined: 7/2/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: naughtynick81
Here we are against slut shaming or in other words protest to support female sexual liberation. Yet we are telling men to limit theirs and go by rules.

So you think we should support these males profile that see others as merely fetish delivery systems? All profiles that are of similar nature are generally criticized. The fact is that the male ones generally take up more space and make the loudest noise in terms of messaging and abusive messages when they don't get their own way.

(in reply to naughtynick81)

Post #: 16

RE: Big head vs. Small head - 1/4/2013 3:47:17 AM

plesto

Posts: 49
Joined: 7/2/2012
Status: offline

quote:

: CynthiaWVirginia
You're married, don't want anything real time, and are here for online relationships/entertainment/masturbation. Though you put a lot more words into your profile than the ones you described, I really don't see much difference between yours and theirs, other than your honesty about being married and spelling out the limits to what you are offering.

He has also posted a small bit of information about his vanilla life which is more than most profiles.

(in reply to CynthiaWVirginia)

Post #: 17

RE: Big head vs. Small head - 1/4/2013 5:33:09 PM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

The OP is right. This isn't just a problem with men, I've seen a lot of women's profiles that are similar. While one can be in a D/s relationship 24/7 (although even that's not easy) one cannot do BDSM 24/7. Excrement occurs and life has a way of creating other priorities. not to mention, as the OP stated, while I'm personally kinkier than a roll of used concertina wire, a couple of hours of kink or so everyday and the kink would start to get boring.

One problem within the BDSM community that I've noticed is that people look for life partners based on compatible kink. While compatible kink is necessary, all the other mutual compatibilities that we think of as "vanilla" also need to be there if a successful relationship is going to be built. How many times have you seen vanilla couples who get along very well when having sex, but have nothing else in common? I know I've seen a lot of them in my lifetime.

Being kinky doesn't change anything. In fact it complicates things. For vanillas the menu of sexual likes and dislikes isn't that big. So, if everything else is good, the likelihood of sexual compatibility isn't bad. For us, with our HUGE lists of kinks, finding somebody who is both kink compatible and whom we can stand to find next to us in bed the next morning is a lot more difficult.

(in reply to plesto)

Post #: 18

RE: Big head vs. Small head - 1/4/2013 7:44:01 PM

TwistedPfister

Posts: 11
Joined: 12/5/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HarryVanWinkle

The OP is right. This isn't just a problem with men, I've seen a lot of women's profiles that are similar. While one can be in a D/s relationship 24/7 (although even that's not easy) one cannot do BDSM 24/7. Excrement occurs and life has a way of creating other priorities. not to mention, as the OP stated, while I'm personally kinkier than a roll of used concertina wire, a couple of hours of kink or so everyday and the kink would start to get boring.

One problem within the BDSM community that I've noticed is that people look for life partners based on compatible kink. While compatible kink is necessary, all the other mutual compatibilities that we think of as "vanilla" also need to be there if a successful relationship is going to be built. How many times have you seen vanilla couples who get along very well when having sex, but have nothing else in common? I know I've seen a lot of them in my lifetime.

Being kinky doesn't change anything. In fact it complicates things. For vanillas the menu of sexual likes and dislikes isn't that big. So, if everything else is good, the likelihood of sexual compatibility isn't bad. For us, with our HUGE lists of kinks, finding somebody who is both kink compatible and whom we can stand to find next to us in bed the next morning is a lot more difficult.

That's EXACTLY what I'm getting at, and sort of why I posted in Ask a Mistress. I would think that if a male sub were looking for a domme for almost any kind of relationship, his profile would contain everything that a Match.com profile would have, PLUS the kink. After all, if you were looking to actually meet someone, you would want to know about them, feel safe about them, feel like you might be able to make conversation, etc. It would seem doubly hard for the kinky, because you have 1.) LIFE compatibility and 2.) KINK compatibility to deal with.

I'm not looking, but I have difficulty imagining someone who fits all of my vanilla requirements the way my wife did (pre-illness) AND all of my kinky ones too. Everyone has pretty particular requirements for a real, satisfying and long term relationship, and it's hard to picture someone finding a partner on a site like this by writing a one sentence profile like so many of the submale ones I see on CM.

Obviously, many of the profiles DO have lots of details and are intelligently written and compelling. But so many are not, and I really wonder what those guys are thinking. I can't imagine they are getting any action from those profiles. Have any dommes out there actually responded to a sub male with a one sentence profile that refers only to the guy's interests in kink?

P.S. - Thanks for those who have asked. She has tried every kind of therapy, medication, ECT, hospital stays, you name it. Some folks just don't seem to respond well to existing treatments. We're trying other stuff too.

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

Post #: 19

RE: Big head vs. Small head - 1/4/2013 8:45:26 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

There are a number of profiles that leave one with the impression that people think that the range of folks involved in kink is as limited as what one would see in BDSM porn. This is reflected in some profiles that are kink only. The other side of that is some write profiles like it's bad pay pig script.

While I do think this site is very relationship based, it's also worth recognizing that it is a gateway site for those who are still getting their feet wet, or those not even ready for anything more than the screen. In some circles, CM is seen as nothing but a hook up site, so the profiles have the potential to reflect that.

Still, in all fairness, please keep in mind that My profile was less than stellar for the first six months. All I said on it was that I would fill it out later when I had the time.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to TwistedPfister)

Post #: 20

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