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The Impossible Task - 1/4/2013 1:44:05 PM

AthenaSurrenders

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Joined: 3/15/2012
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Is it ever ok for a dominant to give a submissive a task he or she knows to be impossible?

I'm not basing this on any particular order or incident, so feel free to invent your own hypothetical situation or share a real experience to illustrate your point.

I've heard many people state than being given unrealistic orders and tasks can be damaging to a relationship. I can certainly see that point - even a strong person's confidence would be undermined if they were constantly made to feel like a failure, and if punishments were doled out for failure it could well border on abusive.
On the other hand, I've heard people talk of using an impossible order as a tool, perhaps to instill the expectation that the dominants orders should always be attempted, as the obedience itself is the goal rather than the outcome of the task. I dimly remember someone here talking of setting a near-impossible task in order to watch how the submissive tackled it and learn about how she prioritised and dealt with the pressure, and give them something to work on. I can see it being used for 'funishment' scenarios. Can anyone offer any other reasons why they might assign an impossible or at least unrealistic task?

Have you done this, or been on the receiving end? Did it turn out positively? Can it ever be a good thing? If so, where is the line drawn between using it to good effect and just making someone's life very hard for no good reason?

How would/did you react as a sub? Does it make any difference to your answer if the task is a fun or sexy one as opposed to a serious subject? How about if it is obviously impossible vs just very very difficult?

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

Post #: 1

RE: The Impossible Task - 1/4/2013 1:52:08 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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Unless it's done as a funishment thing, I believe that it does harm to the relationship.

I believe that a good dominant sets his submissive to succeed. Setting a submissive up to fail just causes frustration and resentment, and if the submissive ever finds out that she was deliberately set up to fail, her trust in him will be harmed.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 2

RE: The Impossible Task - 1/4/2013 1:58:01 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
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Yes, the Kobiyashi Maru conundrum.

Fail elegantly, and learn that, you can't always win. And a very clear debriefing. Catch them doing right. Know that failure is acceptable in small measures.

There is won't.............and can't, we all have limits.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 3

RE: The Impossible Task - 1/4/2013 2:03:31 PM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

~FRing it~

Intentionally setting someone up to fail is just not okay in my book. To each their own, so Im certainly not judging anyone else. For me personally, it crosses a line for me. I have always operated from the belief that I am ultimately responsible for my submissive's physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Continually setting them up to fail with tasks that I know will be impossible for them to complete violates their mental and emotional well-being IMHO. I guess the only exception to this would be if its all part of a dynamic that both people agree to or its being used as funishment (which Im assuming both people are on board with).

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 4

RE: The Impossible Task - 1/4/2013 2:13:50 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Yes, the Kobiyashi Maru conundrum.

Fail elegantly, and learn that, you can't always win. And a very clear debriefing. Catch them doing right. Know that failure is acceptable in small measures.

There is won't.............and can't, we all have limits.

No no - the Kobiyashi Maru scenerio gave a second ending - cheating wins.

So if you have an impossible task, think outside the box for a solutions

and i have to love anyone who can come up with Star Trek examples.........

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 5

RE: The Impossible Task - 1/4/2013 2:14:46 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

I can't help it-it fits too well.
Forgive me, please

"Are you going to Scarborough fair?
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Remember me to one who lives there
He once was a true love of mine

Tell him to make me a cambric shirt
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Without no seam nor needlework
Then he'll be a true love of mine

Tell him to find me an acre of land
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Between the salt water and the sea strand
Then he'll be a true love of mine

Tell her to reap it with a sickle of leather
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
And gather it all in a bunch of heather
Then she'll be a true love of mine

Are you going to Scarborough fair?
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Remember me to one who lives there
He once was a true love of mine"

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)

Post #: 6

RE: The Impossible Task - 1/4/2013 2:16:07 PM

ARIES83

Posts: 3648
Status: offline

I can think of a few times it could be useful, but
personally I see more practical benifits comming
from tasks that require struggle to complete but
are completable.

I'd be interested in reading peoples experiences
with this as well.

-Aries

_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 7

RE: The Impossible Task - 1/4/2013 2:17:01 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

impossible? No. He's more the type who feels nothing is impossible. He has however, given me orders that he knew would be incredibly difficult for me or just outlandish just to see if I would do it, which of course, I cringe, I take my time, I hem-haw but eventually I get to it or he stops me before I do it because he just wanted to see if I would do it. There have been times when I have cried my eyes out and begged him. It hasn't ruined our relationship yet either.

But now that I posted this....I just know he's gonna get some kind of ideas.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 8

RE: The Impossible Task - 1/4/2013 2:19:47 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Yes, the Kobiyashi Maru conundrum.

Fail elegantly, and learn that, you can't always win. And a very clear debriefing. Catch them doing right. Know that failure is acceptable in small measures.

There is won't.............and can't, we all have limits.

No no - the Kobiyashi Maru scenerio gave a second ending - cheating wins. So if you have an impossible task, think outside the box for a solutions

and i have to love anyone who can come up with Star Trek examples.........

I don't know that cheating won, a different paradigm was envisioned, working outside the box.

But, actions have consequences and it may lead slavegirl into a real motherfuckin nasty Romulon piss-up.............

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 9

RE: The Impossible Task - 1/4/2013 2:23:46 PM

ARIES83

Posts: 3648
Status: offline

Romulan*

_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 10

RE: The Impossible Task - 1/4/2013 2:24:54 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

impossible? No. He's more the type who feels nothing is impossible. He has however, given me orders that he knew would be incredibly difficult for me or just outlandish just to see if I would do it, which of course, I cringe, I take my time, I hem-haw but eventually I get to it or he stops me before I do it because he just wanted to see if I would do it. There have been times when I have cried my eyes out and begged him. It hasn't ruined our relationship yet either.

But now that I posted this....I just know he's gonna get some kind of ideas.

That's because he has a whole hell of a lot more faith in her
(And her various and sundry capacities and capabilities-hehehehehe) than she does

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 11

RE: The Impossible Task - 1/4/2013 2:25:51 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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Post #: 12

RE: The Impossible Task - 1/4/2013 2:34:52 PM

seekingreality

Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

Is it ever ok for a dominant to give a submissive a task he or she knows to be impossible?

I once knew a domme who liked what she called "No win situations." These were tasks that no matter how you did them she would judge you did them wrong. It really never did much for it, because i couldn't take it seriously. It someone asked me to do a task that seriously couldn't be done -- be ridiculous, like, Pick up a car -- I would simply tell that, "Sorry, you are asking for something that is impossible." But if someone continued along those lines, I imagine I could quickly become bored of them and discontinue the relationship.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 13

RE: The Impossible Task - 1/4/2013 2:54:56 PM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

I briefly dated a guy who set stupid/impossible/limit-breaking tasks.

One day it was 'don't wear a bra for work'. Yeah, right. I'm not exactly tiny in the chest department and I work with children. Not appropriate!

He got pissy when I said that broke the 'thou shalt not mess around with my career' limit, and said the next day I was to work all day with a butt plug in. Same response.

So his final idea? Go into a bar near where I live, pick up a guy and have sex with him.

That was pretty much the final nail in the coffin for that relationship. Thankfully! lol

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

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Post #: 14

RE: The Impossible Task - 1/4/2013 3:00:30 PM

mnottertail

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Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Was the guy at the bar any good?

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 15

RE: The Impossible Task - 1/4/2013 4:01:38 PM

orgasmdenial12

Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline

I wouldn't even try. I can't respect someone who gives me impossible orders. I must have faith that the order can be achieved, otherwise I would doubt every order I was given.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 16

RE: The Impossible Task - 1/4/2013 4:02:25 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Its not important that the task is impossible. What is important is why its being done, how she will react and do yoi have the skills to fix it if it backfires.

Telling her that if she was a good girl she would have forced her ass back against the wall and the huge buttplug mounted on the wal but if she loved you her lips would be pressed to the base of your cock and her tounge trying to lick your balls and tell her she is slut for fucking her ass and a whore for gagging on your cock.

For someone that would be an impossibly hot mindfuck. For another woman it would make her feel like a failure.

Setting another woman up for a failure she fears and when she fails showering her with love might be cathartic.

However, in the hands of most its a train wreck...

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 17

RE: The Impossible Task - 1/4/2013 4:09:20 PM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Was the guy at the bar any good?

You were amazing, honey. The best.

Now, about that $50 you owe me....

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 18

RE: The Impossible Task - 1/4/2013 4:35:17 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

Is it ever ok for a dominant to give a submissive a task he or she knows to be impossible?

Absolutely yes, it IS ok if the sub is inclined to get hung up on the fear of failure. To me, it isn't about her always succeeding no matter what I task her with, it's about *trying* her best.

If I think she is hung up on not failing me, my preferred "task" is to fit her out with a hogtie and have her release herself. For those who don't know me, I tie my girl up like I mean it. There is no wishy washy "you're not sposta undo the ropes" kinda nonsensical rules in my D/s - she absolutely can, *IF* she's able to....

So once hogtied, I encourage her to get free; I dare her; I berate her; I fuck with any fears about spiders coming toward her or the house catching fire etc - whatever it takes to *TRY HER BEST* to get free. It's always ended in a mass of sweat and tears and feelings of hopelessness and failure etc and only then do I comfort her and explain the real lesson she's just learnt and how she's passed with flying colours.

First is that I, the Dominant, define success and failure, not her.

Second is that I'm in charge and make the choices in this relationship, not her.

Third, had she gotten free, the failure is all mine for tying lousy knots.

Assuming she hasn't hurt herself in the process, the lesson ends with me explaining that the choices are all mine and that it suits me to leave her bound for the interim. That she's to suck it up and "let it go", let out everything pent up inside and relax as best she can until I decide to release her. Or she can have another crack if she wants.... lol What's always followed has been 2-3 hours of blissful sub-space (and Dom-space).

Despite her only seeing my best poker face, fringe benefit for sado-dom me is getting to watch my favourite naked, squirming female trying to undo a hogtie.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 19

RE: The Impossible Task - 1/4/2013 5:04:22 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

If I think she is hung up on not failing me, my preferred "task" is to fit her out with a hogtie and have her release herself. For those who don't know me, I tie my girl up like I mean it. There is no wishy washy "you're not sposta undo the ropes" kinda nonsensical rules in my D/s - she absolutely can, *IF* she's able to....

If you'll pardon the brief hijack, someone on another thread mentioned hogtying for an amount of time that did not seem reasonable to me. I know everyone is different, but how long do you usually leave your girls in a hogtie? Or, in this scenario, after how long would you release her?

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(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 20

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