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RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/5/2013 4:52:36 PM   
Moonlightmaddnes


Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
Status: offline 		I have bouts of not sleeping too. That really sucks. I have now started waking up at 3 in the morning wide awake for hours. I did read it is kinda normal at this stage though. Strange I never had it happen before, I usually sleep great when I am pregnant.

I have so many little addictions. I have to have coffee then some soda. Mine did make me stop smoking when I was getting really sick alot. I was not pleased at all since smoking is no fun at all to quite but I am a lot healthier now.

Oh sticker shock. I think prices have gone up too. It is depressing to go grocery shopping. There are these beef and green chili burritos I love. They used to be two dollars a package and now they are almost four and they are smaller and less of them. I refuse to pay that much for frozen food. I am home all day I will make my own. My husband loved them but I said they weren't the same. He laughed and said of course not you didn't add the chemicals. LOL It is nice when he makes a point to say how much he likes my cooking though.

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Submission is a gift that must be earned. It can be given, but never taken


(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/9/2013 12:54:01 AM   
ForeverGaia


Posts: 43
Joined: 11/5/2011
Status: offline 		I've never had control of the remote control. He drives most of the time. We listen to his music, watch his shows. I am not allowed to wear underwear, ever.

Of course sexually, he drives the boat all the time.

I have to agree with BambiBoi though, I think if you are going to revoke things; especially things that your submissive/slave holds dear then there is going to be pain felt on the submissive's behalf. It may seem like a small thing to revoke to you, but to your partner it could be a really substantial thing.

Gaia.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/12/2013 3:43:24 PM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		Thanks everyone for the responses.
On what BB wrote, and what Gaia pointed out
about how keenly things are felt by the
punishee, I think that only comes down to how
well you know your partner and whether or not
your concerned about the "punishment fitting
the crime".

I think it all has to be done out of love and the
rest sorts itself out.

This actually made me think of something I read
by littlewonder recently, that over time she has
come to see things how her master sees things
and now things that would have seemed
appropriate to her before, don't besause that is
his view.

Maybe it's stockholm syndrome falling in
love with the person who takes away your
freedom and beginning to think like him?

-Aries


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530 DAYS

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/12/2013 4:47:53 PM   
TimeLimited


Posts: 1095
Joined: 7/4/2012
Status: offline 		I have always had my subs shave everything below the neck. When she forgot one visit, I told her not to shave nor play with herself until given permission. I kept her that way for a week. It drove her nuts expecially when the hairs started to itch like you don't want to know. Communication was frequent when I was not at work the latter half of the week.
When I told her to fetch her shaver, she was back in a flash with shaver and cream in hand. I played with her to near orgasm and quit for several times.
Then I advised her since she was such a pest the last half of the week, the instruction would stay in place for a while longer.
Funny thing, she was very well behaved the rest of the night and all the next week.
I tied her down and corrected her misery on the following weekend visit. At that point, there was no opposition to anything I did that weekend.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/12/2013 6:55:23 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		The first weekend after I moved in with R, he had me sleep on the sofa as a punishment, but what the deal really was was that he had a chick coming to spend the night. I lost respect for him for making up an excuse and was disappointed that he apparently didn't believe that I was fine with him fooling around with other women.

That was the first nail in the coffin.

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(in reply to ARIES83)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/12/2013 7:05:48 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		The problem with holding something out as a reward is that I could easily decide I don't want it that badly. If I withdraw emotionally and close off, he's the one who loses. Not me.

Control because he feels like being in control of whatever is fine. But punishment/reward can backfire.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/12/2013 7:45:47 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		~ Fast Reply ~

I make it a point to not take him for granted. Human nature and all, do we take each other for granted on occasion, but that's always very short lived and self corrected. When life gets in the way for a period of time, he'll tell me we're "getting back to basics" and will tighten the reigns a bit, but he doesn't remove privileges just to make me appreciate them. Hell I'm someone who is always commenting on things I'm grateful for - some of which make him raise his eyebrows in curiosity (like running water, the ability to walk, etc.).

I'm always telling him things I appreciate about him, or things he does that I appreciate.

And yeah, he gets the remote. I usually don't care, unless he's watching some super violent movie. Those put me in a bad mood. But then every once in awhile he'll put on something I love that he doesn't like. It's not a "reward" thing, he's just being nice. :)

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/12/2013 10:19:44 PM   
EsotericLady


Posts: 713
Joined: 1/2/2013
Status: offline 		I enjoy every once in awhile surprising a submissive with a reward he didn't expect.
There are many Dominants who would rather punish then reward. But I think a submissive appreciates being noticed for the good things he does, and
rewards encourage him to obey as well as remain observant.
(Thank you)

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/13/2013 4:26:28 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83
This actually made me think of something I read
by littlewonder recently, that over time she has
come to see things how her master sees things
and now things that would have seemed
appropriate to her before, don't besause that is
his view.

Maybe it's stockholm syndrome falling in
love with the person who takes away your
freedom and beginning to think like him?

-Aries

Occam's razor Son, seek the simplest possible solution. In this case, it's uber easy-it ain't Stockholm Syndrome or any fancy psycho babble BS, it's that he's always right.



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"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to ARIES83)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/13/2013 9:51:08 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

Maybe it's stockholm syndrome falling in
love with the person who takes away your
freedom and beginning to think like him?

-Aries



ha ha....not even close. No Stockholm Syndrome here.

He just has better thoughts and views than I do. They simply make more sense and work better than mine. It's happened so many times that now I just make life easier by just going along with what he wants and how he wants to do something. I just assume it's the correct way. I've yet to be disappointed.



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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to ARIES83)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/13/2013 9:34:59 PM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		Trust me to turn love into a syndrome, but I do
think capture bonding is interesting to read
about.

-Aries

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530 DAYS

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/13/2013 11:33:16 PM   
FreeFromSin


Posts: 38
Joined: 8/3/2012
Status: offline 		I had one blind-date say he was going to get a cage to be beside his bed or in his room for me to sleep in. That I wouldn't be sleeping beside him, and made me feed him dinner---didn't even buy me an entree, or my beverage choice, and had to eat his selected appetizers.

Needless-to-say, I was completely turned off.

Hearing him call his ex girlfriend (one of many) some wh#re or sl$t he used to bang, also floored me.

He was the most selfish person I ever encountered.

Made him do a perfect gentleman date for me as a second date. To teach him chivalry.

Then I dumped him.

Good riddance! Cheapest prick, too.

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The Cat's Meow.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/14/2013 8:27:59 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Master and I have talked about buying a cage. We both would like one. I would like one as a place to kinda chill and relax. I think it would be nice but I like that kinda stuff.

The only thing we disagree with is the size. He wants a small one so I'm cramped...ya know...sadist and all.

I want a big one with a nice pillow and enough room to allow me to read or use my laptop hehe.



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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/14/2013 12:44:00 PM   
Moonlightmaddnes


Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Master and I have talked about buying a cage. We both would like one. I would like one as a place to kinda chill and relax. I think it would be nice but I like that kinda stuff.

The only thing we disagree with is the size. He wants a small one so I'm cramped...ya know...sadist and all.

I want a big one with a nice pillow and enough room to allow me to read or use my laptop hehe.





When I was pregnant with my daughter a friend of ours was sheriff in our county. They had a dresser to give her so we ran over to pick it up. I picked up a few of the drawers and I got yelled at to put those down. I told him I was pregnant not broken I could pick up a dresser drawer. He said oh you want to be a smart ass huh, how about I lock your ass up in a cell for a few days. I smiled and said oh wow a few days of no laundry, no dishes or having to cook? Where do I sign up? He stopped and stared at me for a second then said I would make you do the laundry. LOL

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Submission is a gift that must be earned. It can be given, but never taken


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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/14/2013 1:00:14 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
but he doesn't remove privileges just to make me appreciate them.


I'm about to say something that is bound to make someone scream:

I worked my ass off to be in a position to start my own company. I work my ass off at my own company to make sure it is successful, and in the end live the life we enjoy.

If someone decided to take something away from me that is the product of years of working my ass off, in an attempt to make me appreciate something that I worked my ass off in order to afford......we'd be having some serious words.


< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 1/14/2013 1:04:01 PM >

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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/14/2013 3:52:36 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
but he doesn't remove privileges just to make me appreciate them.


I'm about to say something that is bound to make someone scream:

I worked my ass off to be in a position to start my own company. I work my ass off at my own company to make sure it is successful, and in the end live the life we enjoy.

If someone decided to take something away from me that is the product of years of working my ass off, in an attempt to make me appreciate something that I worked my ass off in order to afford......we'd be having some serious words.


Yeah-but that's why you submit to HIM-because you know him well enough to trust he wouldn't make an idiot move like that

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/14/2013 3:58:45 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana
Yeah-but that's why you submit to HIM-because you know him well enough to trust he wouldn't make an idiot move like that

*chuckles* A lot of ground gets covered and a lot of problems avoiding by "not giving power to an asshat".


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/14/2013 4:27:31 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
I'm about to say something that is bound to make someone scream:

I worked my ass off to be in a position to start my own company. I work my ass off at my own company to make sure it is successful, and in the end live the life we enjoy.

If someone decided to take something away from me that is the product of years of working my ass off, in an attempt to make me appreciate something that I worked my ass off in order to afford......we'd be having some serious words.


Yeah-but that's why you submit to HIM-because you know him well enough to trust he wouldn't make an idiot move like that
That is very true. I'm lucky to be with someone that understands me very well and appreciates how hard I work.

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
*chuckles* A lot of ground gets covered and a lot of problems avoiding by "not giving power to an asshat".


Very true Jeff.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 38
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