Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges?

Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (Full Version)

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ARIES83 -> Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/4/2013 11:57:49 PM)
For those people who have had reward/denial in their D/s in some way. Have you had something that was previously taken for granted like say, sleeping in the bed and had it become a privilege that can be taken away? Or say having a bath (if you like baths) as being conditional on behaviour? I imagine having to take showers when you like baths and there's a perfectly good bath there would get pretty annoying. Could be anything, the thing I'm curious about was what have you experienced along those lines of "taken for granted" being turned into a privilege? And in what were your thoughts about it, how was it used, how effective or ineffective is it to you? I'm not fishing for ideas[;)], just wondering about peoples thoughts/experiences. I know some D/s couples here don't have any punishment/reward aspect and are more like... Obedience are the rules, you either play by the rules or you don't play. But I prefer having a discipline structure, I don't do sado/maso stuff really so maybe holding a partner to a standard using reward and denial is how I spice things up... Maybe it's mental bondage (whatever that is). What are peoples experiences with this sort of thing? I was wondering more about the mundane day to day type of stuff like being allowed chocolate as a reward rather than the romantic dinner at their fave restaurant type of thing. I remember reading someone on here has their coffee intake controled, that's along the lines of the taken for granted being subject to control, but I have a feeling in that case it's more limit on consumption, rather than a privilege to be taken away. -Aries

BambiBoi -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/5/2013 1:39:37 AM)
When I was a dominant in a previous life I used some similar tools. The problem was that the medicine was too strong. Admittedly my submissive was more sensitive than the average bear, but when the removed privilege related to me, it hit her very hard. There was a small moment where she was taking a few of my kindnesses for granted. So to make a point I told her she'll be getting her own car door for the rest of the evening. That seemed so small to me, but she was in tears by the end of the night. But she was no softy. When it came to her collar and submission being displayed, or all manner of intense kinks, she was fine. She had no problem putting her nude nips to the cold winter glass window, but was devastated by not being allowed to shower with me. So my warning is make sure the funishment/rewards are not too personal. My submissive would be corrected, but not hurt if she got carrots instead of chocolate. But as mentioned above, I could shatter her heart with a carefully poked pin.

myotherself -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/5/2013 2:09:58 AM)
Master will occasionally remove privileges if I've annoyed him in some minor way. Usually it's something like no alcohol for a week, or I'll have to increase the amount of exercise I do every day (but not to silly levels), or I have to miss a favourite tv programme. For major infractions the punishment is more severe, but that's fodder for another thread. We don't do 'funishment' as neither of us really sees the point. We don't do role play or any of that stuff, and any rough stuff is part of our lovely S&M dynamic [:)]

graceadieu -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/5/2013 6:47:02 AM)
There are quite a few things that I took for granted before our 24/7 dynamic that are no longer up to me, e.g. getting to decide what I watch on TV, to use myotherself's example. But that kind of thing is usually not about reward or punishment, but control. The only privileges he really uses in a carrot/stick way very much are sexual in nature.

myotherself -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/5/2013 6:52:26 AM)
Inspired by Grace's post and as a follow-on to my earlier post, Master and I plan to move in together later this year. He has already made it clear that there are some tv programmes that I like that won't be allowed in the house while he's there. Not a punishment thing, just a control thing I guess. I suppose I'll have to invest in a TiVo box and watch it while he's out [:D]

graceadieu -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/5/2013 7:21:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: myotherself Inspired by Grace's post and as a follow-on to my earlier post, Master and I plan to move in together later this year. He has already made it clear that there are some tv programmes that I like that won't be allowed in the house while he's there. Not a punishment thing, just a control thing I guess. I suppose I'll have to invest in a TiVo box and watch it while he's out [:D] Yeah, I usually only get to choose if he's sleeping or not home. I definitely Netflix some stuff, lol.

autumnember -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/5/2013 7:57:27 AM)
I was in a relationship where i lost the privilege of sleeping in his bed and i had to sleep on the floor at the foot of his bed. It was very effective for me because i felt miserable but when he patted his bed and told me to come up .. well i can tell you that it was the best feeling i have likely ever had. I also got a bit too uppity and was no longer allowed to sit on the furniture for awhile. That was uncomfortable and again wonderful when i was invited back up.

Moonlightmaddnes -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/5/2013 9:07:49 AM)
I have never lost the right to sleep in bed. The times we moved and we arrived before our furniture and we both slept on the floor were enough for me! But back when I smoked he would take my cigarettes. One time he took all my pop with him to work and I had to suffer with water all day[&o] But that was back when I was young. He does not take things away anymore. Not sure if we have been married long enough I can get everything right or not though.

DesFIP -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/5/2013 10:58:02 AM)
If I had to sleep on the floor, I'd get no sleep and be of no use the next day. But I never had control of the remote. He views that as a gender division thing, men own the remote and weekends are devoted to football.

littlewonder -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/5/2013 11:12:45 AM)
haha...everything in my life with Master has become a privilege and not a right lol, from not being allowed to use furniture without his permission to not being allowed to drink coffee without his permission from using the bathroom and just about everything else in my life. Yeah there were times I was pissed off....especially with the coffee lol, but most things I just accepted as me being his slave and he has that right to do as he wishes, not I. I don't think I ever take anything for granted with him anymore, even his staying with me. I know at anytime I could royally piss him off for something that would make him say he no longer wanted to be with me. I know it would take a lot to piss him off that bad and it's highly unlikely to ever happen but I don't take even that for granted. I love him too much for that. My taking him for granted is actually something that is always always on my mind. I try to keep it in the forefront of my mind so that we never get stuck in that rut like I hear a lot of couples who have been together for 10 years or more. I never want to get like that where we just shrug our shoulders and just basically become like two people like passing ships in the night. This is something extremely important to me in a relationship. Yeah, ok, there are times when life catches up with us but it's not a permanent thing. Sometimes life just happens. I think it's sad when I see so many couples where they just assume things with each other and they lose sight of each other. ETA: haha ...the remote control...control lol. Yeah, I never have control of it when he's here. He likes his baseball and when the Ravens are playing at home and certain movies that I find boring or watching something that he knows I hate just to watch me cringe or roll my eyes hehe. But there are times, especially when there's nothing on tv except maybe something he knows I like, where he will turn it on for me to watch. [:)] He's so cute. [:D]

myotherself -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/5/2013 11:35:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder He's so cute. [:D] With Master and I, a statement like that would provoke an immediate loss of privileges [:D]

littlewonder -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/5/2013 11:39:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: myotherself quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder He's so cute. [:D] With Master and I, a statement like that would provoke an immediate loss of privileges [:D] haha...he'd just say "I'll show you cute". [sm=crop.gif][sm=lol.gif]

OsideGirl -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/5/2013 11:49:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP If I had to sleep on the floor, I'd get no sleep and be of no use the next day. Me too. Plus he'd be more miserable than I would because he loves to snuggle. I lost control of the remote the moment we moved in together. I record what I want to watch and watch when he's not home or asleep. He always drives. And I have to ask permission to consume alcohol because he wants to know if I'm going to be impaired. It's all for control, not as reward/punishment.

anaturalsubmiss -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/5/2013 12:02:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl I lost control of the remote the moment we moved in together. Now that's power exchange!

metamorfosis -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/5/2013 12:10:04 PM)
Cool topic. Unfortunately, I don't have much else to contribute. Pam

ClassAct2006 -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/5/2013 12:57:48 PM)
I never really saw the point of being cruel (and I don't have my sleep interfered with) but of course things can be controlled as that's at the heart of it all.

littlewonder -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/5/2013 1:13:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ClassAct2006 I never really saw the point of being cruel (and I don't have my sleep interfered with) but of course things can be controlled as that's at the heart of it all. It's called sadism. Some of us get off on it.

Moonlightmaddnes -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/5/2013 4:13:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder haha...everything in my life with Master has become a privilege and not a right lol, from not being allowed to use furniture without his permission to not being allowed to drink coffee without his permission from using the bathroom and just about everything else in my life. Yeah there were times I was pissed off....especially with the coffee lol, but most things I just accepted as me being his slave and he has that right to do as he wishes, not I. I don't think I ever take anything for granted with him anymore, even his staying with me. I know at anytime I could royally piss him off for something that would make him say he no longer wanted to be with me. I know it would take a lot to piss him off that bad and it's highly unlikely to ever happen but I don't take even that for granted. I love him too much for that. My taking him for granted is actually something that is always always on my mind. I try to keep it in the forefront of my mind so that we never get stuck in that rut like I hear a lot of couples who have been together for 10 years or more. I never want to get like that where we just shrug our shoulders and just basically become like two people like passing ships in the night. This is something extremely important to me in a relationship. Yeah, ok, there are times when life catches up with us but it's not a permanent thing. Sometimes life just happens. I think it's sad when I see so many couples where they just assume things with each other and they lose sight of each other. ETA: haha ...the remote control...control lol. Yeah, I never have control of it when he's here. He likes his baseball and when the Ravens are playing at home and certain movies that I find boring or watching something that he knows I hate just to watch me cringe or roll my eyes hehe. But there are times, especially when there's nothing on tv except maybe something he knows I like, where he will turn it on for me to watch. [:)] He's so cute. [:D] No coffee???!!!!!??? gasp!! Oh the horror. I would die! LOL When I was in the first trimester and too much caffeine can cause a miscarriage I got Folgers decaf, it was close enough to the real thing. Now that I am seven and a half months I have a cup of regular. I am pretty sure the remote control issue is a guy thing. Mine will be snoring and I will ever so carefully lift it off of his lap and it never fails, his eyes pop open. He does not watch sports but that top gear and military shows.

Moonlightmaddnes -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/5/2013 4:15:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder quote: ORIGINAL: myotherself quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder He's so cute. [:D] With Master and I, a statement like that would provoke an immediate loss of privileges [:D] haha...he'd just say "I'll show you cute". [sm=crop.gif][sm=lol.gif] I got smacked for suggesting we go to the mall. I do not know why that was such a terrible suggestion, I mean really the Saturday before Christmas who would spend their last saturday before Christmas at the mall besides us??? LOL

littlewonder -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/5/2013 4:37:06 PM)
haha Yeah...I was addicted to coffee because of my former job, having to wake up early and it was just a friggin long day at a place I hated. But it was also affecting my sleep, thinking and everything else. So once I quit my job and I moved here, he basically cut it out. I'm still allowed it when I ask him for permission. It's usually still no except when we go out for breakfast or something like that. Most nights I still don't sleep well but I'm still getting to bed a little earlier than before except lately. I'm going through another episode of insomia. As for the mall, I used to absolutely love going shopping but once the economy went downhill and I became sticker shocked and no I go and just wonder what the hell I'm doing there lol. Master and I will go together when there's something he really needs or something I need to get with his help but otherwise, yeah you're not getting him to one lol. When I suggest it he just says "have fun!" [X(]

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