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Do you understand the consequences ? - 1/9/2013 3:23:22 PM

VioletViolence

Posts: 169
Joined: 1/30/2012
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I'm wondering if many subs do research into their kinks and figure out if they have any consequences, whether physical or mental. The more I read through many male sub profiles and get messages from them, the more I wonder if they've ever actually thought through the consequences of the type of play they're looking for. I don't browse female sub profiles, but I'm thinking some of them may have a similar problem. I understand that most of these people are really just living in fantasy and will never experience the things they dream about, but for me if I came across a scat video and was turned on by it, I know I'd still be wondering in the back of my head "Would I get sick from that? Whether right away or later from all the bacteria. Hmm, I wonder..." I mean, being curious is one thing, but stating outright that it's something you require in a relationship before you've ever even experienced it seems odd to me.

Post #: 1

RE: Do you understand the consequences ? - 1/9/2013 3:43:59 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

On line is full of fantasies... from the spank me kind to the kill me kind... and everything in between. But, you might also be surprised at how many people have actually fulfilled some of their fantasies and are looking to kick them up a notch.

A common one among many subs is being used by many - whored out - party favor. All sounds simple, the dominant/top/owner is in charge. Yet, in the back of my mind, I want to ask.... what about diseases? When I do ask, I typically get told... well.. thats what blood tests are for.. duh. And that simply makes me shake my head. You could fuck someone tonight, get blood tests tomorrow, fuck someone else, and the disease you caught from the first one wont have shown up in the blood tests.

_____________________________

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(in reply to VioletViolence)

Post #: 2

RE: Do you understand the consequences ? - 1/9/2013 4:16:16 PM

FelineFae

Posts: 7756
Joined: 1/23/2009
From: i do wander everywhere...
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i don't think many will confess to having leaped before they looked.

i love corsets, have corset trained for fair spans of time, and hope to do so again one day. i had looked into it, and had not found anything that seemed troublesome. i still enjoy finding new material on the subject.

Then my endo' flaired up and got me to thinking if it's wise to squish your middle when you have rougue uterine cells building spiderwebs inside that area? i still wear them occasionally, just not as one would in tight-lacing.

We live and learn.

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(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 3

RE: Do you understand the consequences ? - 1/9/2013 5:35:21 PM

TieMeInKnottss

Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
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I completely agree and I AM a sub. Honestly, the ones that seem so extreme I figure are not really looking (whether scammers, wannabes, crazies..does not matter). I feel the same way about doms, I wonder if some of these guys appreciate the risk they take (being responsible for someone else ). A Dom friend of mine always told me to not trust any Dom who refused to believe or prepare for something going wrong!

(in reply to FelineFae)

Post #: 4

RE: Do you understand the consequences ? - 1/9/2013 5:59:44 PM

imdmb

Posts: 121
Joined: 9/3/2009
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from what i understand AIDs can hide for up to eight months, a lot of scary shit out there

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this is all my own opinion! dont take it as anything but what i have experienced personaly! this is what has happened to me! results may vary!
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Post #: 5

RE: Do you understand the consequences ? - 1/9/2013 7:01:55 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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You're overthinking it. They're not even aware that their profile will drive women away - they certainly haven't progressed to the logical consequences if it ever DID happen.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to imdmb)

Post #: 6

RE: Do you understand the consequences ? - 1/9/2013 7:30:22 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

The reality is that those with zero experience who are demanding truly edgy play aren't planning to ever meet. It's all fantasy. Most tops here can tell you of meeting someone who claimed to love pain, and safeworded after the first slap because they didn't realize it would hurt.

If anybody really offered them this chance, the majority would back out. Which is why when dommes agree to meet for coffee, they get stood up so often.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 7

RE: Do you understand the consequences ? - 1/9/2013 8:16:54 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: imdmb

from what i understand AIDs can hide for up to eight months, a lot of scary shit out there

Let's not forget the stories of doms fluid bonded to a sub cheating without protection (because #2 is "the only one") much to the suprise of bed mates 3& 4 all while fluid bonded to sub 1

ETA: as for fantasy discussion, I once had a potential scream at me for ruining his masterbation with talk of reality & danger. Boo hoo hoo bad me

< Message edited by theRose4U -- 1/9/2013 8:20:58 PM >

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(in reply to imdmb)

Post #: 8

RE: Do you understand the consequences ? - 1/9/2013 10:08:05 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

This is why I've always been glad I never had fetishes. I was always simply looking for a loving relationship with a dominant man who would simply control our lives together. Someone, that I could trust with everything and not have to be worried all the time. Do I get scared sometimes and have thoughts in the back of my mind of some things he likes to do? Yup. But over time when I would voice those concerns to him, he would explain to me how he already learned about all that and he already knew the ins and outs. So over time, I just learned to trust him, even if I do have thoughts in the back of my head.

So once again, when I see people with lists of fetishes my mind starts thinking that they're really not looking for anything more than for someone to fulfill that fantasy they have had in their head since they were a child. They have never bothered to really look into it because that would ruin the fantasy then for them.

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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 9

RE: Do you understand the consequences ? - 1/9/2013 10:48:50 PM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

It's the Internet. No one is as slutty, or as bad-ass as they portray themselves to be.

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(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 10

RE: Do you understand the consequences ? - 1/9/2013 11:22:33 PM

seekingreality

Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VioletViolence

I'm wondering if many subs do research into their kinks and figure out if they have any consequences, whether physical or mental. The more I read through many male sub profiles and get messages from them, the more I wonder if they've ever actually thought through the consequences of the type of play they're looking for. I don't browse female sub profiles, but I'm thinking some of them may have a similar problem. I understand that most of these people are really just living in fantasy and will never experience the things they dream about, but for me if I came across a scat video and was turned on by it, I know I'd still be wondering in the back of my head "Would I get sick from that? Whether right away or later from all the bacteria. Hmm, I wonder..." I mean, being curious is one thing, but stating outright that it's something you require in a relationship before you've ever even experienced it seems odd to me.

Personally, I don't have specific activities I require. There are some things I like. But even those things I don't necessarily like with every woman; it's all about the energy between us.

And, yes, I agree it's weird to have a "requirement" of something you've never done. Because the reality is you never really know how you'll react to something until you do it.

That said, I certainly research the medical and health consequences of any activity before I undertake it.

(in reply to VioletViolence)

Post #: 11

RE: Do you understand the consequences ? - 1/10/2013 12:26:43 AM

Alecta

Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline

What's it matter? It's unlikely they'll ever get far away from their computers enough to try half of that stuff out anyway.

But that's where I see it as the D's responsibility to find out, inform and assess the risk. If a D is willing for their s to take the risk and the s is willing to serve that kind of D then that's consent too.

(in reply to VioletViolence)

Post #: 12

RE: Do you understand the consequences ? - 1/10/2013 4:30:08 AM

ForeverGaia

Posts: 43
Joined: 11/5/2011
Status: offline

I admit to being a leap before I look kind of girl. Good thing I have a good Master who knows his stuff.

Gaia.

(in reply to Alecta)

Post #: 13

RE: Do you understand the consequences ? - 1/10/2013 5:27:32 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

This is why I've always been glad I never had fetishes. I was always simply looking for a loving relationship with a dominant man who would simply control our lives together. Someone, that I could trust with everything and not have to be worried all the time. Do I get scared sometimes and have thoughts in the back of my mind of some things he likes to do? Yup. But over time when I would voice those concerns to him, he would explain to me how he already learned about all that and he already knew the ins and outs. So over time, I just learned to trust him, even if I do have thoughts in the back of my head.

littlewonder, that's just such a nice, simple way of describing what most submissive women are looking for. A man, a relationship. Trust. Obedience and submission. Beautiful.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 14

RE: Do you understand the consequences ? - 1/10/2013 6:04:44 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

I think a lot of people don't care much about research. It seems that even starting to think about consequences and possibilities is beyond some when they have deep emotional needs or powerful desires.

Working with the public in the medical field, I find myself shocked continually on how lackadaisical attitudes are about personal responsibility and health. Oh...you have diabetes and couldn't bother to care for yourself, and now you're having a leg amputated? Alright then, it's your choice, but had you taken the slightest interest in being proactive this might not have happened and you'd be walking home today instead of in a wheelchair. Oh...you had one leg amputated from uncontrolled diabetes and now you're having the other one amputated for the same reason? I see.
Or the AIDS patients screaming at others from their rooms because they're filled with anger and self-loathing at what they've done to themselves. Obviously I"m only talking about the people who got themselves into the situations they find themselves in, not the ones who have had accidents or had wrong done to them by another.

It seems that many people are motivated by what they want, and their world begins and ends there. Seems like powerful desires for certain things creates a kind of tunnel vision in people's sexual/emotional lives.

(in reply to VioletViolence)

Post #: 15

RE: Do you understand the consequences ? - 1/10/2013 7:28:54 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz
It's the Internet. No one is as slutty, or as bad-ass as they portray themselves to be.

ROFL
Carol is quite a bit "sluttier" than she portrays herself to be.
I know of two guys who are quite a bit more bad-ass than they portray themselves to be.

Most everyone I have actually met from CM was pretty much as advertised. "Posting on the internet" and "having integrity" are not mutually exclusive.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 16

RE: Do you understand the consequences ? - 1/10/2013 10:00:43 AM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

This is a good question, op. I have had people email me and ask for the most dangerous of things, and I'm like really??? There is no way they have thought this through. I'm always the type to think, what can go wrong? I guess in that regard I'm a pessimist. But I would assume that's a good thing for all involved.

< Message edited by TNDommeK -- 1/10/2013 10:01:09 AM >

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(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 17

RE: Do you understand the consequences ? - 1/10/2013 10:04:07 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Why do you think I'm constantly harping about RACK?

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to VioletViolence)

Post #: 18

RE: Do you understand the consequences ? - 1/10/2013 10:08:36 AM

MissAsylum

Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

This is a good question, op. I have had people email me and ask for the most dangerous of things, and I'm like really??? There is no way they have thought this through. I'm always the type to think, what can go wrong? I guess in that regard I'm a pessimist. But I would assume that's a good thing for all involved.

This.

Just speaking for myself, it just feels that if somebody throws enough money at me, then they believe that I'll do what they want- be it sexual in nature, or extreme medical procedures.

If I had a dollar for every time somebody actually wanted me to take their testicles out...I would never have to work again.

I'm 23 and a pro domme, not Doogie Howser.

_____________________________

I hate when I'm wearing my apple bottom jeans, but i can't find my boots with the fur.

(in reply to TNDommeK)

Post #: 19

RE: Do you understand the consequences ? - 1/10/2013 10:21:17 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

It's not just subs - I've lost count of the number of dom profiles I've seen which outline the most ridiculous scenarios for 'real life'.

I think a lot of people get carried away with the porn-induced idea of kink and forget that the kink is there to spice up the vanilla, not replace it.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to VioletViolence)

Post #: 20

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