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attraction to Dommes - 1/13/2013 11:20:28 AM   
darkalan


Posts: 4
Joined: 8/27/2012
Status: offline 		Ok everyone..here's the thought I always had and just realized how strong it is. I have complete faith and belief in myself as a Dom. And totally enjoy my role in a session. Even though I had a close but not romantic relationship with my sub and she was extremely attractive to me, I find the Domme's even more attractive. The whole boot, leather, strength thing is outstanding. Now you see the problem...that's not what most are looking for. Teaming up on a sub would be the ultimate turn on. I helped train a friend of my sub in her Domme tendencies. But most Domme's barriers are up and strong and getting past them is difficult. Thoughts?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: attraction to Dommes - 1/13/2013 11:56:33 AM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline 		Huh?

(in reply to darkalan)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: attraction to Dommes - 1/13/2013 12:00:55 PM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darkalan

Ok everyone..here's the thought I always had and just realized how strong it is. I have complete faith and belief in myself as a Dom. And totally enjoy my role in a session. Even though I had a close but not romantic relationship with my sub and she was extremely attractive to me, I find the Domme's even more attractive. The whole boot, leather, strength thing is outstanding. Now you see the problem...that's not what most are looking for. Teaming up on a sub would be the ultimate turn on. I helped train a friend of my sub in her Domme tendencies. But most Domme's barriers are up and strong and getting past them is difficult. Thoughts?


How many have you pissed off by being stuck on the porn idealism of dommes, rather than who they are as people?

Maybe that's a reason they have barriers up.

But i'm just throwing that out there.

_____________________________

I hate when I'm wearing my apple bottom jeans, but i can't find my boots with the fur.

(in reply to darkalan)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: attraction to Dommes - 1/13/2013 12:02:46 PM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		Having read it several times, I think the OP is saying that although he finds sub women sexy, he finds dominant women even sexier.

He still wants to be a dom, but wants a relationship with a dominant woman. He rather enjoys the thought of double-topping a sub.

His problem is that dominant women aren't really looking for dominant partners and he's looking for advice as to how he might circumvent this problem.

I think.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: attraction to Dommes - 1/13/2013 12:08:03 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Edited to add: Hi, darkalan! I'm DarkSteven! We are united in darkness.

Okay. Based on your profile and your question, I suspect that you're considering Dom/sub to consist of sessions only.

I also suspect that you haven't attended play parties. There, you have lots of people playing with lots of other people. It would be easy to hook up with a Domme there. I have been spanking my sub when a friend walked by, and I offered him/her an implement and asked that person to join in. So far, it's always been a grin, and a perfunctory whack or two, but one day I will find someone who really enjoys it.

Also, if you believe that Dommes are leather clad vixens, that reinforces my belief that you've not attended actual parties and are gleaning your knowledge of Dominatrices from porn clips. I agree that trying to find a for-free Domme online who is willing to co-top in a session with two strangers would be murderously hard.

So just attend parties. If there's a Domme there whose energy appeals to both of you, approach her and chat her up. If she likes the two of you, I'd be shocked if she turned down an offer of a casual play session.

NOTE: by "session", I meant bondage, spanking/flogging, perhaps nipple clamps. I would not know where to begin to get a Domme for a sexual session, if that's what you mean.

< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 1/13/2013 12:16:40 PM >

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: attraction to Dommes - 1/13/2013 12:16:32 PM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline 		Yea, cos most Dom men aren't interested in us Dommes as Dommes, they're interested in us being Domme to everyone else but sub to them. The rest is down to whether or not you actually respect women and know how to talk to them as human beings. I suppose the reverse can also be said of Dommes approaching Doms. Relationship wise, most Dom/Domme couples in my experience share a vanilla relationship between them. It works as long as you don't expect them to compromise who they are

(in reply to darkalan)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: attraction to Dommes - 1/13/2013 12:22:11 PM   
darkalan


Posts: 4
Joined: 8/27/2012
Status: offline 		Thanks for your feedback - I agree my writing implied a superficiality in the concept of a Dominant woman. I actually have the utmost respect for everyone in the community and rarely approach people online without very carefully understanding what I believe they are looking for. "Myotherself" said it better than I did and Dark Steven was correct. I do attend some local events and from the beginning and now continue to smile when I take someone for one type of person only to be 100% wrong. I would attend more regularly if it was possible. In any event thanks for the respectful feedback.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: attraction to Dommes - 1/13/2013 12:24:54 PM   
TAFKAA


Posts: 382
Joined: 1/5/2013
Status: offline 		Dude, just find a fellow switch.

(in reply to Alecta)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: attraction to Dommes - 1/13/2013 12:34:56 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darkalan
Dark Steven was correct.


alan, I made three guesses in my post.

1. You are using Dom/sub to refer to sessions.
2. You do not attend parties.
3. You would be looking for a female Top to play nonsexually with your sub along with you.

You clearly refuted #2. So when you say I was right, do you mean #1, #3, or both?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to darkalan)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: attraction to Dommes - 1/13/2013 12:50:14 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		My thought is that I'm not sure what you are talking about. I co-top on a fairly regular basis. Like Steven said, it's usually a case of a Dom/sub couple who want an additional top for playing at parties. I also co-top with the gal that I mentor and have co-topped with My husband on a few occasions. Being poly fidelity, I don't engage in casual sex. When I say "top" I'm talking about flogging, needles, general S/m, etc.

If you are attracted to leather, that's simple. Once you have a sub of your own, buy her the leather and tell her to wear it.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: attraction to Dommes - 1/13/2013 12:59:09 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I know a couple of couples who have been together for many years who are both Dom/Domme. They both have their own subs and neither of them switches. Together they have just I dunno...regular sex if that's what you call it, and they every once in awhile will co-top each other's subs. Some people can make this work. It's not too common though.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: attraction to Dommes - 1/13/2013 1:01:41 PM   
darkalan


Posts: 4
Joined: 8/27/2012
Status: offline 		Good point Lady Pact.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: attraction to Dommes - 1/13/2013 1:25:25 PM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		Not sure I totally understood, but I'm going to jump right in anyway.

Sounds like you have a few options.

Find yourself a switch woman who is happy to play both roles
Create some type of two-dominant-one-sub poly household
Get a sub and befriend a domme who will play with you both (or hire one!)
Get a domme partner and set up an agreement (whether it be poly, open relationship or non-sexual play only) where you can both get your dom side on with other people, alone or together
Get a sub and order her to dress up in the stereotypical 'dominatrix' outfit and strut her stuff



_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to darkalan)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: attraction to Dommes - 1/13/2013 1:56:03 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		*FR*
I am sub. I sometimes wear leather, the whole boots, laced up corset, ect. The look is just a look. I am sub, but weakness is not a part of it. You seem to be stereotyping.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: attraction to Dommes - 1/13/2013 1:56:21 PM   
seekingreality


Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darkalan

Ok everyone..here's the thought I always had and just realized how strong it is. I have complete faith and belief in myself as a Dom. And totally enjoy my role in a session. Even though I had a close but not romantic relationship with my sub and she was extremely attractive to me, I find the Domme's even more attractive. The whole boot, leather, strength thing is outstanding. Now you see the problem...that's not what most are looking for. Teaming up on a sub would be the ultimate turn on. I helped train a friend of my sub in her Domme tendencies. But most Domme's barriers are up and strong and getting past them is difficult. Thoughts?



As others have said, the primary problem is you aren't clear about what you want.

Do you want to find a domme to co-top a female sub for play sessions? Do you want a domme for a romantic relationship outside of your BDSM activities?

Until you can clearly tell others what you want, you won't get it.


(in reply to darkalan)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: attraction to Dommes - 1/13/2013 2:30:27 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darkalan
I find the Domme's even more attractive. The whole boot, leather, strength thing is outstanding. Now you see the problem...that's not what most are looking for. Teaming up on a sub would be the ultimate turn on.

Not all Dommes were leather and boots. As a matter of fact, most of us dislike being judged by some porn fantasy idea of who we're "supposed to be." I just wear comfortable clothes and comfortable shoes. Although I'm working on getting a leather corset someday(I like the smell of leather & think it looks sexy), the comfy shoes will stay.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TAFKAA

Dude, just find a fellow switch.

A "fellow switch?" His profile says he's a Dominant, not a switch.

NBMG



_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


(in reply to darkalan)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: attraction to Dommes - 1/13/2013 3:08:38 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I treat dommes like I treat dykes, exactly as I would a peer. Probably why I get on well with both. I have co topped with hot dommes and its fun.

Now if she starts flirting, its GAME ON! For me, Dommes and switches tend to be my prefered submissive partners. However, I do my best to never make assumptions. Since they,tend,to be forward, if they,have balls, they make,their interest clear, no guessing.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: attraction to Dommes - 1/13/2013 7:17:57 PM   
TieMeInKnottss


Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline 		Since I "know" you a little better than some of the others here ...I am going to jump in... You would probably better finding a Domme female or a switch than a sub. Hey, I was surprised at the number of Dom/me who are interested in other dominants. I think the encounter with the friend of your sub probably kindled that "hey, it is just as much of a turn own to co-Dom..." Yes, this will start you on the "unicorn" hunt but all is possible. Any chance of hooking back up with the "friend" you trained?

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: attraction to Dommes - 1/13/2013 8:41:37 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alecta

Yea, cos most Dom men aren't interested in us Dommes as Dommes, they're interested in us being Domme to everyone else but sub to them. The rest is down to whether or not you actually respect women and know how to talk to them as human beings. I suppose the reverse can also be said of Dommes approaching Doms. Relationship wise, most Dom/Domme couples in my experience share a vanilla relationship between them. It works as long as you don't expect them to compromise who they are

I had a poly of the variety I thinlk you are trying to explain: he's alpha, I'm domme & other GF is sub to him. It only worked because we respected each other & neither was asked to change who they were...ESPECIALLY me being 2nd sub with a whip. Friends used to joke that watching us was like discovery channel seeing lions mate. You knew they would mate but there was usually a lot of roaring & snarling for who would be on top.

Its possible to be a D/D couple but it means being pretty clear on who you are, what you want & where boundaries are. Then move forward from there. If I hesard "I'm a dom & want you as intermediary with my sub" answer would be " ohhh HEEEELL NO". Co-top as stevan laid out is " eh ok" but again its playing with someone elses toys. Being taken seriously by a domme with a sub in tow will almost always be an issue.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to Alecta)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: attraction to Dommes - 1/13/2013 9:22:35 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U
Being taken seriously by a domme with a sub in tow will almost always be an issue.

Which is one reason my D/D relationship with my ex ended. There were other reasons too, but it all ultimately came down to that.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 20
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