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RE: private vs. public - 6/19/2006 3:10:02 PM

OedipusRexIt

Posts: 634
Joined: 11/15/2005
Status: offline

Compliments to the OP for an interesting question.

My D/S relationships are intensely personal. I almost never play casually, and only rarely scene.

When out in the vanilla world, I consider ourselves as behaving as two mature adults whose sexuality is not readily apparent to other.

Unless we are continuing an aspect of a scene for purposes of making a point, then she's a big girl and can make her own choices...

_____________________________

"My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die..."

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 21

RE: private vs. public - 6/19/2006 3:14:25 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

I respect your views lass but you see I just refuse to be forced to comply with the beliefs of others.. I will not allow other people's ideas on dress beliefs or non agressive behaviour to be forced upon me.. However I can be persuaded with reasonable, rational and not beligerent reasoning or even a request... I'd rather a child of mine see a master leading a slave on a leash that have the child witness some of the mindless abusive crap which the police turn a blind eye to because either the offenders are part of a minority ethnic group or are juviniles..... However I would not lead a slave through a shopping mall on a leash during school holidays, weekends and would not lead her through ammusement parks or other places in which there is a high percentage of kids..

< Message edited by IronBear -- 6/19/2006 3:58:43 PM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 22

RE: private vs. public - 6/19/2006 3:19:42 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

Have to add the reason for her being on a collar and leash and i quote 'a physical link to me and thus her fear of getting hopelessly lost was removed' !!
Could you not have held her hand?
You have a total disregard for others feelings and i find that very selfish.
A Dom does not have to publicly show his position to hold it well. As someone else stated a look, a hand gesture can say it all.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 23

RE: private vs. public - 6/19/2006 3:29:02 PM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld

I despise vulgar displays of public domination. You know your the dominant, no point in convincing the nilla world they will just assume you are an abusive asshole.
...

Now, see there: I don't like ANY vulgar displays in public. Not face-sucking (by any mixture of sexes), not arguing or fighting, not loud and unruly children...not displays of overt D/s.

Perhaps this is because I'm older than most of the people online...perhaps it's cuz I'm a close-minded, prudish bitch. <shrugs> Like everyone else here...I enjoy reading about others opinions...and a good debate is as fun as a good dinner!

Having said all that...what Loki said is a good point. While most of us here don't care TOO much what others think...it's not much fun having people ogle ya like an abusive ogre with an airhead on the end of a rope.

MOO, MNOHO...YMMV
bearlee

PS…OR, if like IronBear suggests, you’re not where a bunch of kids are likely to be…and your Master is bound and determined to humiliate you; a dog collar worn to dinner with both wrists held by a dog’s chain-collar; I suppose ya gotta do, what ya gotta do! LOL… I did. <wince>

< Message edited by Bearlee -- 6/19/2006 3:36:03 PM >

(in reply to Wulfchyld)

Post #: 24

RE: private vs. public - 6/19/2006 3:39:24 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Some call it selfish and others arrogant.. It is a matter of my not giving a rip about public opinion... Under stand this which I am stating for the third time.. I will not allow others to dictate what I can and can not do unless it is something against the law. If some ones objects to some thing I do or believe in that is their right as long as they keep their opinions out of my face. I've ran the gauntlet for being alternative regarding religion and indeed found that force was necessary to deal with some radicles who wanted to torch my home.. I will never set out to upset others but I WILL NOT comply to what they believe I should and shouldn't do..... I think lass this is one case where you and I may have to agree to disagree, with the understanding that if you were local I know we could agree to shop at different time and thus avoid your child seeing what I might do....... You may also, if you read my original post on this see that I was refering to an earlier period. I have no slaves in collars at this time. It doesn't mean that I may not repeat the exercise in the future but I can't see it being a regular situation....As for holding a slave's hand when we are out, slaves are property not girlfriends. Want me to lead my malamute by holding her paw instead of her leash.. there IS NO DIFFERENCE both are beasts and both are property.... QED

I never do anything to prove my dominance. I have no need to. I do however live right outside the square andnever have lived inside the "normal" society square...I am just wondering how you would react if instead of leashing a girl in public you found me doing various business things like paying a bill or waiting for my bank to open wearing a hand gun in a belt holster and another one shoulder holster neither concealed?? My locals have seen that too.....

< Message edited by IronBear -- 6/19/2006 3:52:17 PM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 25

RE: private vs. public - 6/19/2006 3:51:15 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

I am certainly not dictating what you should or shouldn't do but am giving my opinion which unless the law has changed i am entitled to!! As for putting my opinion in your face - well yes maybe so but by stating anything on these boards you invite opinions, praise, flaming etc etc. Imo it is a matter of RESPECT for others that you would try not to offend. It is not only children that would find someone on a collar and lead offensive. I am logical and yes that may be a solution but not the best. Whether you are referring to a slave you have at present or in the past does no change my opinion. As for her not being your girlfriend so you wouldnt hold her hand in a time of need for you? Well maybe thats ur view of a dom but i have certainly had one that held my hand when i had to eat in public in front of strangers. Didnt make him any less of a dom. To me sublety can be the best form of control and if you need to use drastic measures then maybe ur level of control is not what it should be.
I do wonder if this lack of respect or what is appropriate public behaviour here may be a culture thing - Im from Uk, your Australia. I do know that over here you could be arrested for leading someone around on a collar and lead in public ( i checked).
Thank you though for taking the time to read my posts and for replying.
Respectfully

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 26

RE: private vs. public - 6/19/2006 3:56:48 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

One other difference lass is that you are I believe refering to a D/s Dominant which is a completely different kettle of fish from my being a Gorean Master. Were I visiting your neck of the woods protocol rather than the law would dictate what I did. that protocol had naught to do with the lifestyles but to to with not upsetting the those who are the onkly ones who can command my immediate obedience...

< Message edited by IronBear -- 6/19/2006 3:57:56 PM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 27

RE: private vs. public - 6/19/2006 7:05:06 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FRANKINPIP

i see u have 2 slaves is that "normal" do u interact with the 2 at the same time or are they always seperate from each other?
thank you for your reply

This is normal for us and yes we all do interact together. The three of us are a family. We have a strong, healthy relationship full of laughter and fun.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to FRANKINPIP)

Post #: 28

RE: private vs. public - 6/19/2006 7:28:29 PM

Master96

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/13/2006
Status: offline

As for me… I’m not into exhibitionism.

And Taylore, you are a good slave.

Take care,
Master,

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 29

RE: private vs. public - 6/22/2006 1:46:00 PM

mox

Posts: 7
Joined: 5/10/2006
Status: offline

One of my rules is that I don't want to shock vanilla people. So I would adjust my methods according to the place I am.

-Mox

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 30

RE: private vs. public - 6/22/2006 11:14:11 PM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

I don't consider whether or not what I do might "offend" someone else. Heck, the fact that I even exist at all is offensive to some people, and I'm certainly not going to hide from the world over that minor detail!

I have been on a collar and leash on the streets of Cambridge, and on the T. I have worn cuffs and collar to dinner in a mid-priced restaurant. I have worn ankle cuffs beneath my slacks to work. In none of these situations, did I notice anyone looking askance at either myself or my Master, although we did get one guy in Cambridge who congratulated my then-Master on keeping me in my "place."

Basically, I'm with IronBear on this one. If it's not illegal, I am within my rights to do as I please. I'm not going to be aggressive in doing so, and I'm not going to obviously "flaunt" my lifestyle in areas where children are expected to be en masse. But I'm also not going to hide in my home and not live my life on my terms. We are who we are, whether we are in public or in private. We're not going to do a full-blown whipping scene in the middle of Main Street, but we ARE going to maintain the dynamics of our relationship while walking down Main Street.

In my lifetime, I've had to explain a lot of things to my young ones. Not once did I ever have to explain someone on a leash, or wearing cuffs or a collar. It was always why that woman was hitting that kid, or why that man was screaming at that woman, or why that guy holding the cardboard sign on the corner was dirty and had no shoes. Those are the things people should be ashamed of having to explain to their children - not the obviously loving couple that happens to look a little different.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to mox)

Post #: 31

RE: private vs. public - 6/23/2006 6:54:29 AM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

Personally, nothing changes when going from private to public. The mannerism stays the same. If I want something then I tell them to get me what I want. If they do something wrong, I chastise them for it. I'm the authority in the relationship and I remain that way reguardless.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to FRANKINPIP)

Post #: 32

RE: private vs. public - 6/23/2006 8:16:04 AM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld

I despise vulgar displays of public domination. You know your the dominant, no point in convincing the nilla world they will just assume you are an abusive asshole.
...

Now, see there: I don't like ANY vulgar displays in public. Not face-sucking (by any mixture of sexes), not arguing or fighting, not loud and unruly children...not displays of overt D/s.

Perhaps this is because I'm older than most of the people online...perhaps it's cuz I'm a close-minded, prudish bitch. <shrugs> Like everyone else here...I enjoy reading about others opinions...and a good debate is as fun as a good dinner!

I don't think it has anything to do with age Bearlee. Even as a teen and now. I still don't like overt displays in public of any kind. I think it's just the way we were raised.

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 33

RE: private vs. public - 6/23/2006 8:40:53 AM

findmedaddy

Posts: 254
Joined: 5/18/2006
From: Maine
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce

I have been on a collar and leash on the streets of Cambridge, and on the T. I have worn cuffs and collar to dinner in a mid-priced restaurant. I have worn ankle cuffs beneath my slacks to work. In none of these situations, did I notice anyone looking askance at either myself or my Master, although we did get one guy in Cambridge who congratulated my then-Master on keeping me in my "place."

Well, Cambridge....I'm just sayin'

(in reply to Evanesce)

Post #: 34

RE: private vs. public - 6/23/2006 10:34:58 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Some call it selfish and others arrogant.. It is a matter of my not giving a rip about public opinion... Under stand this which I am stating for the third time.. I will not allow others to dictate what I can and can not do unless it is something against the law.

IB, you and I share this viewpoint. You know that from one or two other threads on BDSM in public that went on, and on, and got quite heated.

As far as I'm concerned, I'm happy to allow religious people to offer me pamphlets or preach about their God/s in public, and I expect the same freedom. I don't think my gay friends should have to worry about other people when they hold hands in public, and within reason, I don't think those of us in the lifestyle should have to hide who we are either.

(I can't believe I didn't just pass this by, when I know it's likely to get loud and heated again. Damn, I really may be a masochist...)

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 35

RE: private vs. public - 6/23/2006 10:39:18 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

I do know that over here you could be arrested for leading someone around on a collar and lead in public ( i checked).

Wow, we have goth kids who do it, here in Vancouver, every now and then, and no one really bothers to do much more than maybe glance, and shake their heads.

But, if it's illegal where you live, then certianly no dom should expect a sub to a be part of that.

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 36

RE: private vs. public - 6/23/2006 10:41:20 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mox

One of my rules is that I don't want to shock vanilla people. So I would adjust my methods according to the place I am.

-Mox

"Those who are easily shocked, should be shocked more often..." ~ Mae West

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to mox)

Post #: 37

RE: private vs. public - 6/23/2006 10:43:10 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce

In my lifetime, I've had to explain a lot of things to my young ones. Not once did I ever have to explain someone on a leash, or wearing cuffs or a collar. It was always why that woman was hitting that kid, or why that man was screaming at that woman, or why that guy holding the cardboard sign on the corner was dirty and had no shoes. Those are the things people should be ashamed of having to explain to their children - not the obviously loving couple that happens to look a little different.

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to Evanesce)

Post #: 38

RE: private vs. public - 6/23/2006 11:53:52 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

One of my rules is that I don't want to shock vanilla people. So I would adjust my methods according to the place I am.

-Mox

If you are serious about not shocking or offending others (vanilla or otherwise) then you wilol never be anything more than a tardy will-o-the whisp with no consistancy whatsoever. For to follow your own ideals you must firstly be aware of what shocks or offends others at the time and modift what you do and say in a poor attempt to fit in. You have just submitted to their ideas of what is right or wrong..... This is not what a Dominant of any philosophical bent does. Think hard about this for if this is what you do then you re no Dominant but a puppy trying to please which ever master is present at the time....... I stand by my comment:

quote:

I will not allow others to dictate what I can and can not do unless it is something against the law.

< Message edited by IronBear -- 6/23/2006 11:55:13 PM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)

Post #: 39

RE: private vs. public - 6/24/2006 7:01:08 AM

wandering4u

Posts: 167
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline

It's not about shock or public displays. Bottom line , the relationship is there whatever the public sees. Some prefer obvious means, I personally prefer the a more subtle approach.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 40

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