Actions vs words... (Full Version)

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breagha -> Actions vs words... (1/14/2013 5:11:40 PM)

i have scanned the threads here and if i missed the one relevant to what i'm posting now i apologize. i would be grateful for a link to them if possible.

lately i've been noticing a lot of people around me having issues with the people in their lives saying one thing and doing another. Or saying things that they think the other wants to hear instead of how they really feel. it makes me wonder how we are expected to enter and maintain relationships ( not just romantic ones but all types ) if the people we enter them with cannot be upfront and real with us.

is it really so hard to say what you mean and mean what you say? Honesty goes a long way with me ( and most other people i believe ) so why do we set ourselves up for conflict or disappointment by not sticking to what we say/do?



ARIES83 -> RE: Actions vs words... (1/14/2013 5:44:13 PM)

Lying is weakness in my view.
And not keeping to your word is a form of that as
far as I'm concerned.

About "saying what you mean and meaning what
you say", communication is a skill that requires
practice, some of the problems I think your talking
about arise when people are put in a position of
being rude or comming into conflict they will take
the easy way out by being agreeable or sticking to
commonly accepted responses even if those
responses don't reflect their feelings.
There's nothing to look down on in that, everyone
has different areas of themselves they try to work
on, but having said that, I don't surround myself
with people who's words mean nothing.

-Aries



breagha -> RE: Actions vs words... (1/14/2013 5:56:01 PM)

thank you for your response Aries

i am one of those people that gets called abrasive because i tend to be brutally honest. i always try not to be rude but i don't believe in sugar coating things. i'm also making a definite effort to try to surround myself with people who know the value of keeping their word. apparently it is a failed effort at this moment



Level -> RE: Actions vs words... (1/14/2013 6:15:11 PM)

Dont lose faith.



TheLilSquaw -> RE: Actions vs words... (1/14/2013 6:35:55 PM)

I am told I am often to blunt.
I am simply me.

Example, a female foot model asked me why she wasn't making money on her site the other day.
I had to be honest.
To be blunt with her.
I wasn't trying to be mean or hurtful.

But I won't lie or compromise myself for anyone.
I tell people all the time, don't ask me a question you truly don't want an answer to.

I think far to often people tell people what they think they want to hear.
Well for me I want to hear the truth.
I may not like it.
Hell I may not like you for telling me it.
But at the end of the day I will respect you for it.





breagha -> RE: Actions vs words... (1/14/2013 6:36:29 PM)

i never lose faith or give up. Master wouldn't allow that anyway. i'm just tired of seeing people i care about hurt by people's lack of ability to communicate what they mean effectively



breagha -> RE: Actions vs words... (1/14/2013 6:38:22 PM)



I think far to often people tell people what they think they want to hear.
Well for me I want to hear the truth.
I may not like it.
Hell I may not like you for telling me it.
But at the end of the day I will respect you for it.



[/quote]

my sentiments exactly. at least then i know what i'm looking at/dealing with instead of thinking i have one thing and actually have another



littlewonder -> RE: Actions vs words... (1/14/2013 6:40:06 PM)

because so many people are desperate for a relationship, sex, intimacy, love, kink, whatever it is they want, that they will say or do whatever it takes to get it, even if that means lying out their ass.
It's a mememe society, all about "me", a self gratifying, instawhatever civilization now.


A person with integrity is extremely hard to find these days. When you find one, hold onto him/her tightly. They are as rare as they come.





TheLilSquaw -> RE: Actions vs words... (1/14/2013 6:41:08 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder


A person with integrity is extremely hard to find these days. When you find one, hold onto him/her tightly. They are as rare as they come.




I agree 1000%



breagha -> RE: Actions vs words... (1/14/2013 6:55:48 PM)

i don't think i will ever understand the reason for lying to get what you want. eventually the lie will come unraveled and most likely cause you to lose what it is you had. i guess i understand desperation to get it. maybe i just feel that being yourself and being true to that will bring greater rewards...



littlewonder -> RE: Actions vs words... (1/14/2013 7:06:42 PM)

To those people, that is the reward, even if it is for a short while....a short while is better than not at all I suppose.

Plus some people think that after they are with someone long enough, the other person will change or accept the "real" him/her when the person finds out.



heartcream -> RE: Actions vs words... (1/14/2013 7:19:44 PM)

Our society teaches us from a very young age all about presentation and the hidden agenda's we keep with ourselves and each other. It is super hard to be authentic and not get figuratively smashed in the face.

If you consider only 7% of us humans here in our culture are what you might call 'interveners', people who will step in if another is being bullied, will dare to say things others will not often suffer for their candor.

Then again people who say they are 'brutally honest', or 'honest to a fault' may need to look at what they are actually doing. It is not okay to hurt another or ourselves. Pulling out the "I am only being honest" card in an excuse to be cruel is not cool either.

We walk a fine line all day and night in this world. Best possible option is to be really honest with oneself, be real with ourselves and then decide from there how much we are willing to share of that in a world that seems to not really care, want to know or appreciate the gesture.

Finding others one feels comfy to be oneself around is a vital way to go.



JeffBC -> RE: Actions vs words... (1/14/2013 9:25:13 PM)

Well, you're in fine company here. Not a single person on CollarMe has ever told a lie, shirked a responsibility, failed at a goal, or in any way whatsoever failed to measure up to their own standards of honor.

I'm the exception that proves the rule. They let me stay because Carol looks so great in that picture.

BTW: If people tell you that you are "abrasive" and you blow them off that pretty much explains the abrasiveness thing... and no, it's not your stellar honesty.



jlf1961 -> RE: Actions vs words... (1/14/2013 9:36:57 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: breagha

i never lose faith or give up. Master wouldn't allow that anyway. i'm just tired of seeing people i care about hurt by people's lack of ability to communicate what they mean effectively



As I posted in another thread, I quit my master's program short of my degree.

The overriding Intelligence system in my brain is that of an 11 Bravo, aka common grunt, albeit Airborne. There for, I lack the ability to put cognitive thoughts into words or ideas.

The basic thought of an 11 Bravo is "It looks hostile, lets fuck with it."


I figure that is the reason 2 wives cheated on me, one wife tried to turn me from a goat roper to a yuppie, and one wife refused to move to a town where I was offered a job paying 20 bucks an hour.



sexyred1 -> RE: Actions vs words... (1/14/2013 11:06:39 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: breagha

i have scanned the threads here and if i missed the one relevant to what i'm posting now i apologize. i would be grateful for a link to them if possible.

lately i've been noticing a lot of people around me having issues with the people in their lives saying one thing and doing another. Or saying things that they think the other wants to hear instead of how they really feel. it makes me wonder how we are expected to enter and maintain relationships ( not just romantic ones but all types ) if the people we enter them with cannot be upfront and real with us.

is it really so hard to say what you mean and mean what you say? Honesty goes a long way with me ( and most other people i believe ) so why do we set ourselves up for conflict or disappointment by not sticking to what we say/do?


Well...I guess you have very high expectations of people online.

People lie and actions do not match words for many, many people. That is the reality of life.

You will never change anyone else on the planet, so you can only manage your own expectations and behavior.



NuevaVida -> RE: Actions vs words... (1/14/2013 11:19:31 PM)

People lie for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes they lie to themselves so much that they can't be honest with others.

As for "brutal honesty" - I agree with Jeff here:

quote:

BTW: If people tell you that you are "abrasive" and you blow them off that pretty much explains the abrasiveness thing... and no, it's not your stellar honesty.


I prefer compassionate honesty, myself.



Powergamz1 -> RE: Actions vs words... (1/14/2013 11:48:39 PM)

'I'm brutally honest' often means 'I'm lying to myself about being just like everyone else, andI'm obnoxious'.



littlewonder -> RE: Actions vs words... (1/14/2013 11:55:32 PM)

There are some people I am brutally honest to because I've told them the same things over and over again in a more polite, civil way, but after the 4th time, I'm gonna start to pull out all the stops. Sometimes it's just a requirement with some thick headed people.



jlf1961 -> RE: Actions vs words... (1/15/2013 12:32:27 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Powergamz1

'I'm brutally honest' often means 'I'm lying to myself about being just like everyone else, andI'm obnoxious'.



Actually, the politically correct definition for brutally honest is, I am going to tell you that you are a worthless waste of skin and space and your only redeeming quality is that when you die you will feed bugs.



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Actions vs words... (1/15/2013 3:15:56 AM)

fast reply

How are you supposed to build a relationship with someone who lies to you? Answer: You're not. You're supposed to try and weed these people out. Unfortunately people being dishonest is just a hazard we face as part of social interactions.

That said, I am always a little bit leary of people who announce that they 'tell it like it is'. I've come across a lot of people who use this as a defense for being catty or not thinking about other people's feelings. They are 'brutally honest' even when it isn't appropriate and hurt a lot of feelings, and then use this line to make out that they are morally superior to the person who got offended because, hey, they believe in honesty.

In my experience, you almost never need to be brutal to be truthful. I consider myself an honest person, but I also consider the feelings of the person I talk to and do my best to say things kindly. Often the truth can sting, but the way it is delivered can make a big difference. I've had to tell people some pretty rough stuff but I've never been accused of being abrasive, nor of sugarcoating things.

This was not a stab at the people above who professed their truthfulness, just a general observation about why I'm wary of people who say they are brutally honest.



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