AthenaSurrenders
Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
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quote:
ORIGINAL: saucyangel
Thanks, somr very valid points here.
So, to pick up RedMagic1's point about vanilla compatibility and my OP about questions to ask a prospective Dom, is vanilla compatibility the most important consideration, and are you looking for the same qualities as you would be in a vanilla parter - i.e. for me it's always been intelligence, kindness, ability to communicate, self-awareness, etc. - and add to that a sense that there is a D/s dynamic - and the other things are less important - skills, years of experience - because they can be learned? I realize I'm broadening my original question a LOT, but I often hear things like, it takes at least 10 years to become a good Dom - or a lifetime - and at my age, I can't wait for someone new to bdsm to gain all that education and experience - and in a way I'd be mentoriing him because I've educated myself quite a bit. I hope that makes sense - it's 3:00 a.m lol.
For me, yes. I have a 24/7 relationship but a good 90% of that is filled up with the same stuff that would be happening if we were vanilla. And most of the remaining 10% probably looks vanilla to the outside world, because you may not realise that I'm deferring to his wishes or acting upon his orders while I'm choosing fruit in the supermarket, for example. Even if he is the boss, we still need to have similar life goals and values. Doesn't matter if his domination makes me feel all gooey inside, if he wants 10 kids and I want none, or if hunting is his favourite hobby and I think it's morally reprehensible, one or both of us are going to be unhappy.
And yes, pretty much the same qualities as a 'regular' boyfriend. Except perhaps even more so. I might be able to overlook certain things if they aren't going to directly affect me too much, but if he's going to be making my decisions as well as his, I need to know he is capable of making them, and that I'm not going to be put in a situation that goes against everything I stand for. If you like your boyfriend to be intelligent, why would you settle for a dummy dom?
Experience doesn't matter so much to me - what matters is being honest about experience level. Ultimately every relationship is different and has it's own learning curve. Skills can be worked on. But someone who tries to make out they know more than they do is potentially dangerous. Someone saying 'I've never done that before, I'll need to learn how to do it safely before we try it' gives me a big hint that he is responsible and trustworthy.
Anyway, your initial question - it's fine to like what you like. Do consider getting your own toys (especially if you like insertables or things make of porous materials). And compromise is the magic word here. 'I am really turned on by the thought of having a stash of BDSM toys, do you think we could meet in the middle?' As others have said though, nothing wrong with household implements. Some of the scariest nights of my life involved nothing more than a hairbrush, spatula and clothes pins. (NB If it comes out of the kitchen, it stays out of the kitchen!)
_____________________________
Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?
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Household Implements as Toys? - 
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