Saw this on the other side~Interesting ? (Full Version)

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Aneirin -> Saw this on the other side~Interesting ? (1/18/2013 9:25:55 AM)

I saw this on the other side on a profile saying they had pinched it off another profile and reading it yeah, it makes sense so I have brought it up here for you lot to peruse ;

A guide for Subs



poise -> RE: Saw this on the other side~Interesting ? (1/18/2013 9:46:53 AM)

In my opinion, step three should be step one. This would cut out the need to use "real" and "fake" in the rest of the steps.
To me it has too much cynicism in it. I wouldn't want to approach the world of dating with my claws out and hissing.



OsideGirl -> RE: Saw this on the other side~Interesting ? (1/18/2013 10:09:07 AM)

I think most of it is common sense, but I also think it's a pretty pessimistic view point.



WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Saw this on the other side~Interesting ? (1/18/2013 11:02:05 AM)

I think that an acid test/caustic approach is much like a self fulfilling prophecy.



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Saw this on the other side~Interesting ? (1/18/2013 11:23:57 AM)

fast reply

I think I could make a much shorter guide for subs which would make the same general point without the negativity:

1. Don't get so wrapped up in a fantasy you give up on common sense.
2. Have some self-respect
3. Use the same relationship skills you would use for vanilla dating
4. Accept that D/s or not, it takes a lot of looking to find someone who suits you, and a lot of work to make a lasting relationship
5. People lie on the internet

I also did it without using an unreadable pale pink text on a white background.[;)]



JeffBC -> RE: Saw this on the other side~Interesting ? (1/18/2013 11:44:16 AM)

poise: To me it has too much cynicism in it. I wouldn't want to approach the world of dating with my claws out and hissing.[/quote]
WinsomeDefiance: I think that an acid test/caustic approach is much like a self fulfilling prophecy.

What I think is that if I was in the dating market I'd be looking for quite a bit more than a victim-in-waiting. I like Athena's list a lot better with the addition of:

6. Don't give authority to an asshat.



Dominusperquiro -> RE: Saw this on the other side~Interesting ? (1/18/2013 12:00:57 PM)

The "acid test" is a rather pessimistic approach to finding a partner. The part I disagree with most is this "If he makes you uncomfortable in ANY way, dump him, block him immediately!" .. When all one has to work with is "words in a box", blocking someone should they say ANYTHING that doesn't match your idea of the perfect sentence is a bit rash. The comment about "Even if that person was possibly your perfect match, there are tons of other doms out there" was obviously said by a dom who is NOT looking. LOL. It's quite easy to sit back and dispense advice like that when you're secure in the knowledge that you already have a girl at your feet. Having been in both positions, I know what I'm talking about. This same article says to distrust any dom who says he never makes mistakes. So he contradicts himself by saying dump anyone who makes a mistake, but dont trust anyone who doesn't make any mistakes... So yes, be careful, and yes, use common sense. But don't destroy what could be your best chance by blocking any dom who doesn't say every thing perfectly.


"I aim to please. If I don't please you, obviously you weren't my target."



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Saw this on the other side~Interesting ? (1/18/2013 12:01:25 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

6. Don't give authority to an asshat.



Good point. More and more I realise my answers to most questions here boil down to this. So many of the what-ifs are irrelevant if the person in charge has a brain and cares about the person serving.
I suppose I should also have added: 'be the best possible version of yourself' and 'communicate, adapt, repeat'



littlewonder -> RE: Saw this on the other side~Interesting ? (1/18/2013 2:42:57 PM)

I've seen that a thousand times and just makes me go [8|].

It reminds me of castlerealm and says they don't have a single clue what they are doing. They just see bdsm as some kind of romantic notion.



JackDarkster -> RE: Saw this on the other side~Interesting ? (1/18/2013 3:00:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dominusperquiro

The "acid test" is a rather pessimistic approach to finding a partner. The part I disagree with most is this "If he makes you uncomfortable in ANY way, dump him, block him immediately!" ..

This is actually the only part I disagree with, though perhaps this list is more of a warning list than a list of advice. Still, we can't deny the dangers and risks are real. I think it's a good list for a newcomer sub to the scene.



MAINEiacMISTRESS -> RE: Saw this on the other side~Interesting ? (1/18/2013 3:08:06 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

fast reply

I think I could make a much shorter guide for subs which would make the same general point without the negativity:

1. Don't get so wrapped up in a fantasy you give up on common sense.
2. Have some self-respect
3. Use the same relationship skills you would use for vanilla dating
4. Accept that D/s or not, it takes a lot of looking to find someone who suits you, and a lot of work to make a lasting relationship
5. People lie on the internet

I also did it without using an unreadable pale pink text on a white background.[;)]


I would add, make sure they respect YOUR hard limits. Avoid sadistic predators who will cause you trauma, etc etc.

--MM



Aneirin -> RE: Saw this on the other side~Interesting ? (1/18/2013 4:16:21 PM)

I was wondering is there anything like this on this website, as to think there are a lot of complete nutters out there and perhaps it would be useful to formulate some kind of guidance for newbies to read before they get their fingers burned or worse. As given the negative press around this stuff, if websites were seen to be informing new people, exactly what is out there, especially on the other side in the personals section, it might be useful to the website and useful to people that use it.



TheLilSquaw -> RE: Saw this on the other side~Interesting ? (1/18/2013 4:59:40 PM)

The problem with "guidelines" is what works for ME and mine may not work for you and yours.
Also, what I consider safe or sain, well many probably wouldn't.
You are an adult.
Make adult choices.
Make choices that are educated and where you aware of the risk factors.

Learn from other lifestylers that YOU trust and or respect.
Munches, educational events, things of that nature are wonderful learning tools.




graceadieu -> RE: Saw this on the other side~Interesting ? (1/18/2013 10:09:41 PM)

I love this bit: "Various estimates and surveys have placed the ratio of true (i.e., natural) male sexual Dominants to female sexual submissives at about one to ten."

Really? What surveys? And how did they determine who's a "true" Dominant and who's a fake? I mean, really.

<web design snark>Also, gotta love the peach-on-white color scheme that makes it almost unreadable. </web design snark>



Nakhla -> RE: Saw this on the other side~Interesting ? (1/18/2013 10:35:44 PM)

Some good advice, some bad advice, and some very dubious "truths".

quote:

Doms can have Limits too, but its your Limits that count FIRST. Don't let any would-be 'Dom' tell you differently. Don't let any of the wannabe subs tell you differently either. Where Male Dom/fem sub play is concerned, it's ALWAYS LADY'S CHOICE!


Who is the dom in this situation again? I'm getting so very lost.

quote:

Also, think about this personality profile; if this super successful, always-in-control person is really into D/s, he's likely a submissive!


So, um... Good to know I'm super successful! [8|]



Nakhla -> RE: Saw this on the other side~Interesting ? (1/18/2013 10:38:29 PM)

And yes, got to love than font/background combo ( only REAL doms can read it, I'm sure ).



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Saw this on the other side~Interesting ? (1/19/2013 2:04:34 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Nakhla

And yes, got to love than font/background combo ( only REAL doms can read it, I'm sure ).



You know how farmers use a whistle so high pitched only the sheepdogs can hear it? Well now someone has invented a font that only true doms and subs can read. It's going to make the initial filtering through emails and profiles much quicker.



JeffBC -> RE: Saw this on the other side~Interesting ? (1/19/2013 8:42:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: JackDarkster
This is actually the only part I disagree with, though perhaps this list is more of a warning list than a list of advice. Still, we can't deny the dangers and risks are real. I think it's a good list for a newcomer sub to the scene.

Oh I sure as hell CAN deny they are "real". I'll tell you what I read there. It is FAR, FAR from some sort of reasoned sociological research paper (eg: "real"). Rather, it is a bunch of made up bullshit spackled in monkey feces. Such lists... and the white knights who love to wield them like excalibur of old... are one of the biggest things I need to protect Carol against in terms of the BDSM community. I like it that she thinks like a mature, competent adult now. I don't want people to train her to be a victim. As it sits, Carol would be able to schedule a coffee meeting with some stranger without 4 safe calls and a sniper on the roof.

And while we're at it... in all of this protection racket stuff... where's the worrying about the poor doms? If this were actually real then it'd be looking at real human behavior. And female subs have been known to do some pretty freaky shit too in the real world. Ask yourself why such lists are always, always targeted at female submissives.

The bottom line from my standpoint is that any submissive female who had actually read and not laughed at such a list is pretty much doomed to never meet any guy like me. For the sake of this discussion I'll define "like me" to mean "honorable", "dominant", and "self-confident". Here's the deal... I kind of expect to meet someone on more or less even footing. I do not expect to be seen as a predatory abuser from the first moment we hook up. I do not expect to have to deal with miles of concertina wire and minefields wrapped in concentric circles "protecting" her heart. I'd take one look at that and simply walk away. I want someone who is actually ready to have a relationship. Oh... and if I were looking for a sub I'd be hoping she was sort of "submissive" somewhere in her personality.



NuevaVida -> RE: Saw this on the other side~Interesting ? (1/19/2013 9:14:33 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

As it sits, Carol would be able to schedule a coffee meeting with some stranger without 4 safe calls and a sniper on the roof.


You know, the sniper was a no-show for my first meeting with the Mister and I was so scared I almost canceled it. [8D]

I couldn't read the list. The font was so light it hurt my eyes, and it was way too long.

This is coming from someone who pretty much exercised the check list of EVERYTHING that can be done wrong, in the past:

Love and respect yourself
Don't lie to yourself
Be yourself
Use your own common sense
Take a risk

I agree with the others who say the list seemed really negative and pessimistic. The approach I took with the Mister is along the lines of - "He's showing me who he is. I'm going to pay attention, and then I get to decide if who he is, is who I want in my life as a partner." Easy as that, and knowing he was doing the same with me.



MissToYouRedux -> RE: Saw this on the other side~Interesting ? (1/19/2013 1:13:54 PM)

Off Topic, but I want to say I like the new profile pic, Aneirin. [:)]



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