quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

Ticia,

PLEASE PLEASE don't see this as a challenge or an attack. It's really just a question based on two things that, to me, seem in direct opposition.

This statement regarding your history with men: 

quote:

met someone in "real life" vanilla..but real all the same.  I did it the "right way"  the "safe way" ...but in the end after we were engaged... I found out he was cheating..a liar..and the worst of scum.  The other "real life" men I have met..have only used me for sex and as a hook-up for when they were bored or just horny...not to mention being date-rape drugged and raped. 

 
And this statement as to why you are confident with this man: 

quote:

 Now, maybe it will be a bit more clear why this relationship doesn't scare me... or why I don't really worry about it not working.  I have a pretty good head on my shoulders..and after the last few months that I had...where I literally fought for my life (he was real life also)...I think I am a pretty good judge of ppl.  He and I have the most in common I ever have with a man.

Is there a different judgment process involved? Didn't the man you were engaged to at one point generate that same confidence? Assuming you had often, if not daily, contact with him can you eliminate consideration of the something similar occurring with a person you've not shared day-to-day physical contact?

I see that nobody will change your mind, nor should they. I only want to point this out to challenge you to consider the possibility so that you will have a plan.

We offer our best thoughts for your success!

quote:

ORIGINAL: mayapple


So Ticia, here is what I'm hearing.

You seem easily influenced by other people and seem to have major self-esteem issues.
While I do look to others for advice on issues in which I am not as well versed..I am not influenced easily.  Contrary to popular belief..that fact that I ask for help.. or for others input doesn't mean that I let it influence me one way or another.  It is easy to look at a few posts on a board..and come to the conclusion you know everything about a person..and everything they face in day to day life..but the fact is...you can't.  I am sure I could piece together posts from others..that would paint any picture of them I wanted..but I really don't have the time or desire to try and dissect anyones life and how they live it.  I do have self-esteem issues..along with probably most every single woman in the universe.. I don't think I am pretty enough..thin enough.. etc..there is some issue that almost everyone has... I am no different.. no better..nor worse. 
You have been hurt many times (including a recent rape) and have sometimes allowed yourself to be mistreated as a sex toy, and even your best friend is someone who has let you down more than once including in regard to this move.
Yes, I was raped.... also sexually molested as a child if that makes any difference.  After I was raped.. I really didn't feel I had much worth.. there wasn't a way at the time for me to get help.. plus the same day I was raped.. my fiance' was caught by me cheating.  So at that point.. I did hit the self-destruct button.. I just didn't want to feel.. or thought somehow the sex would make me feel.. I don't know.. it's hard to explain..but at the time.. it did fulfill something in me.  Perhaps.. I was using them in the same way they used me.. at this point.. it did help me heal.. so it's very possible.
The friend... is a person that I love very much..and I was more hurt that I wouldn't get to see her than she couldn't do this for me.  Actually what is funny.. is she ended up doing me a big favor..and I found out something I wouldn't have known and been prepared for in the first place.  We all have ppl we try to count on in life..and sometimes they let us down.. I will not deny that I am sure I have let many friends down with my actions at some point or another..as well as I am sure most humans have.


You are prone to anxiety attacks.
Yep.. have had a few of these in my life.. usually when I cross a bridge.. I am sure I have drowned in a past life somewhere. 

You are fairly new to BDSM.
Yes.. I am.. although I have been interested in it for a very long time.. I wasn't sure how to actually get into it..that is why I love cm so much.. it's opened that world to me..and in a short time.. I have learned a lot.. some good and some bad..but I never deny that I always have more to learn.

You have struggled with bulimia for four years and look to your Master to help you deal with it and his position is the simplistic one that "it will not be allowed to happen or continue" and that you'll go to the gym and be vegetarians. 
His view is anything but simplistic.. He had a friend that struggled with it also...and knows how hard it is to over come.  He knows it will take time..and lots of patience..and mistakes will happen and relapses..but He also believes in me..and knows that I can beat it. 
Actually.. I was  vegetarian before Sir ever came along.. more so I was vegan.  The only reason I had quit being was that I went slack..and it was hard to cook for 3 ppl in a house with 3 different diets.  So, when I started looking for a Master.. it was always at the forefront that I would eat in this way again.. it just so happened that my Sir was vegetarian.. so it works very perfect. 
Yes.. He is taking me to the gym.. something I hate..but I know is good for me.  I am sure I will have my pouting sessions here and there about it..but I will go..and be better for it.  I just don't much like to do things like that in front of ppl..let alone things that make me sweat and my make-up yucky..that is my only complaint..other than that.. it's all good.
You have never met your Master and have not even known him online very long (how long?).  Within two days of meeting online you two were already planning a future together.\
Yes.. again.. damn.. you are good.  Not really planning a future..more stunned at all we had in common and all that was happening.. maybe confused was more like it.  Sometimes we tried to slow it..but it was like a speeding train that we couldn't... both of us had fears..and were a bit scared...but everthing fell into place in such a perfect fashion that in the end..we decided that for US..this was the way to progress..notice I say US..not anyone else.
When circumstances prevented you from meeting as planned, instead of postponing your move until after getting acquainted, you have actually accelerated the move.
Yes.. we both did that.  Seems we just couldn't wait to be together.. strange I know.. that some ppl are like that.  It's not often we as humans rush to be with someone we love.. He and I must be oddities in this..
You wrestle with thinking you don't deserve him and good things will always go wrong, though you try to tell yourself otherwise.
This has happened to me many times..when I thought things might go good and they didn't.  We all get let down..and I just wondered if others were like that in their feelings..that they kind of got so they always waited for it to drop(shoe).  That is all..nothing more..nothing less.  Does anyone really deserve a perfect life?  Probably not.. we all do bad things.. stupid things..and more..but I do think we all deserve some sort of happiness out of this whole mess.  For me.. it is just hard to believe sometimes that I am finally getting mine..that it's my turn.  Sometimes I am just amazed that He and I found each other..so it does seem too good to be true.. if you knew us well.. you would know how really remarkable all of of our commonalities are..but you don't..simple as that. 

When you have felt anxious about this move (for many sound reasons!) your preferred solution has been to try to ignore your brain (and the feeling of wanting to throw up).
After a while.. I think you can only think so much..only analyze so much..and then you have to turn that part of you off or at least down.  This was after much thinking..and much soul searching.. it was after every bad thing that could happen was examined..and I found that it was only my fears playing in..not fear as in scared.. my fear as in..this is a whole new relationship..and shit.. am I really putting myself and my heart back out there again?..fear.  I think after anyone is hurt from a past ones..they have to learn to trust their heart..and take a risk now and then.. yes.. this is one.. I am not dumb..nor naive in my way of thinking..but I am not going to pass up the love of my life..by sitting here on the sidelines.. while my brain talks me out of it.

You launched the "Things just seem too good" thread a few days ago and kept it going without ever saying on that thread that you and your Master have not yet met.  You received an outpouring of support and encouragement.  Only now when you may be at the point of no return have you let people know on this site that you've not met your Master.  This does not seem to trouble you at all, and leaving aside that enormous issue, I find it troubling that you sought and received so much input without sharing this very significant piece of information (until yesterday on another thread, and now).
Actually, I didn't leave it out.. I just didn't see any reason to put it in.  Again.. I was asking if anyone thinks that way..the other shoe thing. 
Actually, if you or anyone else looks at the way it's attacked on so many threads..I can't see that anyone wouldn't understand me not putting it at the forefront of a question that I ask.  Do those well wishes mean any less now that they know we haven't met? Do these ppl that sent love and care my way..do they not mean it anymore at all..just because of this?   If they do..then anyone that gave them can feel free to take them back.. no harm done.  I am not here to deceive..but I also do not feel the need to share information that does not directly involve the post in which I am speaking.  I take one post at a time.. I answer back..and move on. 
And so faced with all of this...... now you are looking for support in a thread where pretty much all anyone can say at this point is, "Keep yourself busy packing, and good luck to you!" ??
No.. not at all.. what I was looking for..and if you noticed I have stated in this same thread.. is how ppl cope with change sometimes.  I know that it's hard to say goodbye..and move on..and wondered how others dealt with this issue..again..nothing more.. nothing less.  No one has to support my decision to move to be with Him.. that won't change anything one way or another.. though if you have noticed..even when I felt they didn't approve.. I never attacked back..but always thanked them for the concern that I read in their posts to me..and tried to answer those concerns the best I could.
This all seems to me like it is, or should be, much more than a case of moving day jitters. 
Lol..well..it's really not.  I am always nervous when I move..finding boxes..sorting..throwing away..it's just I haven't moved states away before..so the jitters are a bit bigger this time.  Yes.. I am a bit nervous about meeting Him..I won't lie..I would be worried if I wasn't..but I also know..that I trust Him very much..and have no fear that He isn't everything single thing He says He is.

Allow yourself to have doubts.
Been there and done that.. so many times..and still one seeps in here and there..only natural under the circumstances..then what I do.. is remember every talk we have had..and the love I feel coming from Him in every word..and those doubts subside..and I go about my task.

Allow yourself enough time to make a truly informed decision about your future.  (i.e.  MEET THE GUY FIRST!!!!)
Meeting doesn't always make one well informed.  I mean.. most ppl who are married have met beforehand..yet I see many of them fall apart very quickly..secrets kept..affairs started..etc.  I feel that He and I know probably as much or more than most ppl who have met face to face do...talking does that.. it allows that other person in. We don't have anything to do..other than to focus in on each other..and what we are saying.  Oh, I am sure there will be surprises..actually I sure the heck hope so.. or it would be pretty boring.. I don't want to know everything.. I want to discover things about Him as time passes..so that I can fall in love over and over.
Allow yourself time to work through some of your personal issues before you take on every major life stress at the same time:  new relationship, new "career" (as homemaker/sub/stepmom of sorts), and relocation for the first time in your life.
Personal issues are just that.. personal.  Yes, I do have them.. just like everyone else.  I made the mistake of possibly making mine too public..so now they are used against me in this form.  While I don't think that is right.. or fair.. to pick apart things that someone has stated to be bashed against them at a later date.. I also know that with putting myself out there.. I opened that up..and I take full responsiblity for that.

It is actually not too late to pause.
Pause is over.. play is pushed..'nuff said
 

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

I can't say that as a dominant, I'd allow a slave to relocate without having at least MET me. That'd be a risk that I would want to control myself, not leave to the universe.

quote:

ORIGINAL: floorkitten

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

I can't say that as a dominant, I'd allow a slave to relocate without having at least MET me. That'd be a risk that I would want to control myself, not leave to the universe.

This says it all!

floorkitten

quote:

If this is meant to be,
Don't condemn me to be free.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrrPete

I wish you well and safe journey. The only thing that will really cure the jitters
is getting there. The jitters are normal. Visit your Mom as much as you can.

Keep in touch with everyone and let us know how it's going.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tamerofwild1s

as to your off topic request . I will keep her in my prayers
 
 just a side note tho . I don't know how much it will help since I only seem to be a religious man during those moments of ecstacy when I groan out an OHHH god ..... and thats all I'll say about that <wink>