Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

How much respect is necessary?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> How much respect is necessary? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
How much respect is necessary? - 1/22/2013 7:02:24 PM   
RedTex


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/22/2013
Status: offline 		I'm pretty new to the Lifestyle. I have a Daddy that I like quite a bit. Sexually we are very compatible and I respect his knowledge, experience, and dominance completely in that area. But so many of the things that would be important in a vanilla relationship we are just not on the same page about. (Ex: He "may" still want kids; I'm definitely through having kids!) And some of those things, we are so far off that I find myself unable to respect him in those areas. (Ex: Politics. Very important to both of us, but to me he is just a party hack and to him I need to be schooled.)
So, my question is how much respect is necessary between a sub and her Dom? Can we have a successful relationship if I don't respect him in all areas?
TIA
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How much respect is necessary? - 1/22/2013 7:04:52 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		Just by the areas you mentioned, I doubt it.  However, you can respect someone's views but maintain your own.  If he wants you to change your views, it seems apparent that you aren't willing to do that.  So I think really you are doomed.  Sorry.

(in reply to RedTex)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: How much respect is necessary? - 1/22/2013 7:41:04 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		sounds to me like you two just have a casual kinky relationship. There's really nothing else there imo if you can't respect his thoughts and views and still love him.

I respect Master in every single way I can possibly think of. We don't always see eye to eye on absolutely everything but I can also understand his views just as well as my own and so I can respect him on those choices. He does the same with me.

No respect=no serious relationship.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to RedTex)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: How much respect is necessary? - 1/22/2013 7:52:47 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Sounds like there's at least one dealbreaker in the mix with the question on kids. Politics can be in a neutral zone along with things like religion. I'm not sure why you can't respect each other for having different views on things, people do it every day.

I don't know what else is involved, but I don't see a way around the question on kids. Either you want them or you don't; there isn't a halfway point for either view.

(in reply to RedTex)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: How much respect is necessary? - 1/22/2013 8:00:57 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Nope. It's not a D/s thing.

You have your views and don't intend to change them. He feels he has a right to change them.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: How much respect is necessary? - 1/22/2013 8:11:53 PM   
autumnember


Posts: 185
Joined: 8/30/2012
Status: offline 		The kids issue is a huge one. If he does end up wanting kids ... how will that work?

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: How much respect is necessary? - 1/22/2013 8:19:01 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Only you can answer this.

To me, being politically on opposite sides would be a deal breaker. I need to know we have the same views.

Same on attitudes towards child rearing and animal care. There are people out there who see animals as unpaid workers and when the animal can't perform any more, they have no problem shooting it. My animals are my responsibility forever. And paying for a horse's retirement is not cheap but it is something I would do. I need my life partner to be compatible on as many levels as possible.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to autumnember)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: How much respect is necessary? - 1/22/2013 10:17:10 PM   
graceadieu


Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		I think having compatible life goals are just as important in BDSM relationships as they are in vanilla ones, so the kids issue could be a problem for you guys.

As far as politics etc - some people can just respect that their partner has very different beliefs than them and it's not a big deal. (e.g. I knew a lot of mixed-religion families when I was growing up, and somehow they made that work.) For others it's going to be a deal-breaker. It sounds like you're having a tough time with it. I would too, at least about some things.

I think that as long as you don't respect your partner, for whatever reason, it's going to be hard for you guys to have a serious relationship.

(in reply to RedTex)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: How much respect is necessary? - 1/23/2013 11:25:30 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

sounds to me like you two just have a casual kinky relationship. There's really nothing else there imo if you can't respect his thoughts and views and still love him.

I respect Master in every single way I can possibly think of. We don't always see eye to eye on absolutely everything but I can also understand his views just as well as my own and so I can respect him on those choices. He does the same with me.

No respect=no serious relationship.



The bits I bolded, I agree with.

Hell, I can't even be good friends with someone who has strongly different political views from mine (ie, either far end of the spectrum). They don't have to be the same, but I prefer to hang out with reasonably open minded, moderate, folks.

Similarly with religious and moral issues. Don't have to be the same, but I dislike extremists.

Would be huge deal breakers for me. And yeah, to have any sort of intimate relationship, I have to respect the person.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 1/23/2013 11:28:07 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How much respect is necessary? - 1/23/2013 11:59:21 AM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedTex

I'm pretty new to the Lifestyle. I have a Daddy that I like quite a bit. Sexually we are very compatible and I respect his knowledge, experience, and dominance completely in that area. But so many of the things that would be important in a vanilla relationship we are just not on the same page about. (Ex: He "may" still want kids; I'm definitely through having kids!) And some of those things, we are so far off that I find myself unable to respect him in those areas. (Ex: Politics. Very important to both of us, but to me he is just a party hack and to him I need to be schooled.)
So, my question is how much respect is necessary between a sub and her Dom? Can we have a successful relationship if I don't respect him in all areas?
TIA


Is it that you don't *respect* him in those areas or that you two aren't *compatible* in those areas?

I guess it doesn't really matter when I think about it... in either case I would urge you to leave as this doesn't sound like it'll work out well.

As to a generic "how much respect" to have in a serious romantic partner (as that's the impression I'm getting here) I have to say you have to have respect for them in almost everything... and if you don't, those things need to be really, really minor. Note, not liking what a person thinks or does is not the same as not respecting them. It's one thing to not respect or like someone feeling the need to have to eat all the food on their plate in a certain order and it's another to not respect their basic values or their everyday treatment of others or such.

And to the compatible bit: You can totally respect someone in the important areas and be not at all compatible and need to not be in a relationship with them.

So yeah, like I said at the top, whichever it actually is IMO this isn't a good long-term plan.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to RedTex)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: How much respect is necessary? - 1/23/2013 6:16:46 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedTex

I'm pretty new to the Lifestyle. I have a Daddy that I like quite a bit. Sexually we are very compatible and I respect his knowledge, experience, and dominance completely in that area. But so many of the things that would be important in a vanilla relationship we are just not on the same page about. (Ex: He "may" still want kids; I'm definitely through having kids!) And some of those things, we are so far off that I find myself unable to respect him in those areas. (Ex: Politics. Very important to both of us, but to me he is just a party hack and to him I need to be schooled.)
So, my question is how much respect is necessary between a sub and her Dom? Can we have a successful relationship if I don't respect him in all areas?
TIA


Sounds to me he's not your Dom, and you're hardly his (or anyone else's) sub.

(in reply to RedTex)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How much respect is necessary? - 1/24/2013 5:36:13 PM   
Moonlightmaddnes


Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
Status: offline 		Him wanting more kids and you not is a huge issue in itself. That alone would make me pause.

_____________________________

Submission is a gift that must be earned. It can be given, but never taken


(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How much respect is necessary? - 1/26/2013 4:19:54 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

And some of those things, we are so far off that I find myself unable to respect him in those areas. (Ex: Politics. Very important to both of us, but to me he is just a party hack and to him I need to be schooled.)




The kid issue is a potential deal breaker down the road; I wouldn't even want someone as a fuck buddy who was obnoxious politically.

_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to RedTex)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How much respect is necessary? - 1/30/2013 10:57:10 AM   
Dyfrynt


Posts: 202
Joined: 4/19/2011
Status: offline 		RT, You asked "So, my question is how much respect is necessary between a sub and her Dom? Can we have a successful relationship if I don't respect him in all areas?"

There are few absolutes when it comes to relationships, BDSM or otherwise. Mutual respect is one of the Big Ones though. From your comments you seem to suggest that you really do not respect him for some of his views, and he doesn't much respect you for some of yours. That is very different from disagreement on views. One can disagree with someone's views and still respect them. That does not seem to be the case here.

My suggestion to you is to think about what sort of healthy relationship can there be between two people who do not respect each other? Personally, I do not think a healthy relationship is possible under those circumstances. If the two of you are content to play together and leave it at that, you will probably be fine.

If you are looking for a long term commitment, this relationship is probably not a good idea.

Let me finish with a question for you. It is a good question to ask pertaining to many questions that have to do with BDSM relationships. If you and he were in a vanilla relationship, would you consider him as a potential long term partner?

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: How much respect is necessary? - 1/30/2013 10:56:08 PM   
RedTex


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/22/2013
Status: offline 		I appreciate everyone's input very much. You've pretty much confirmed for me what I didn't want to face, since we have already developed feelings for each other.

As to your question, Dyfrynt, I don't really even know how to answer that. I wouldn't be in a vanilla relationship with anyone for any reason right now.

(in reply to Dyfrynt)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: How much respect is necessary? - 1/30/2013 11:32:16 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		His comment wasn't all that difficult.

Basically, when you consider entering into a BDSM relationship, do it the same way you would vanilla. In other words, before you jump into getting naked and saying, "yes sir/no sir," get to know the person. Go for coffee, walks, dinner, movies. Talk about your lives, likes/dislikes, goals and aspirations in life. Then you will know whether or not these vital differences exist and whether you are compatible as PEOPLE before you get naked.

(in reply to RedTex)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: How much respect is necessary? - 2/2/2013 11:04:45 AM   
Dyfrynt


Posts: 202
Joined: 4/19/2011
Status: offline 		What she said!

_____________________________

Equal in Worth, just Not in Power.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: How much respect is necessary? - 2/2/2013 11:23:56 AM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline 		I won't be much help either I'm afraid.

I'd go along with what most others have said.
There are several points in your post that would be deal-breakers for many people; whether that's a vanilla relationship or a BDSM one.
Kids are a massive one and I've seen some good marriages break apart on that one subject alone.
The same is true for being on the opposite end of the political spectrum too.

I can't abide tudor history (it drives me insane) but my OH is well-versed and very educated on that particular subject.
However, I respect her knowledge in that field where I'm sadly lacking and just don't want to know.
That is completely different to the scenario you are painting with your post.

I really can't see this relationship going further than a casual D/s playtime - at least not for anything long term or permanent.
As for the respect issue you raised?
I think it's a moot point and irrelevant, all other things considered.

(in reply to Dyfrynt)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: How much respect is necessary? - 2/2/2013 3:19:01 PM   
MusicInstr78


Posts: 21
Joined: 1/23/2013
Status: offline 		A slave respects their Master period! Just as any relationship...You won't always agree with everything and that is a good thing, but what bothers me is the kids aspect and if you both aren't on the same page it will not work. Any relationship has to have respect...respect for one another and what they think and believe. I've been with people that are so much like myself in beliefs but not my lifestyle or the intensity and passion and so it suffers. There is never "too" much respect.

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: How much respect is necessary? - 2/2/2013 4:22:51 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		But if the master has zero respect for the slave, things will fall apart just as fast. That's the point: Respect is two sided.

(in reply to MusicInstr78)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> How much respect is necessary? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.113