AAkasha -> RE: The Dualism of Obedience (6/20/2006 8:54:43 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: cloudboy quote:
ORIGINAL: MisPandora And herein lies the answer to the thread about why we as dominas are disappointed and/or never find what we seek. Once we have someone in service to us that truly lives to be pleasing and obedient....nothing less will ever suffice. We will be endlessly disappointed until someone else comes along who is similarly motivated. Yes, "the problem" isn't in the submissives, its in what you seek. Subs don't want and therefore won't stay with The Unpaid Labor Doctrine for very long. Getting something for nothing IS very corrupting, so its no wonder you will be "endlessly disappointed" when the slave inevitably leaves The Unpaid Labor Doctrine and you are forced to find a replacement. The "Unpaid Labor Doctrine" exists and is quite functional in relationships -- it's called devotion and being in love. It is ironic that it exists a lot in vanilla relationships. When a man loves a woman deeply, he will do anything for her, and he gets a tremendous amount of pleasure doing it. He does not share this devotion with any woman, he does not seek out women to give it to (unless he is desperately lonely); in fact, he often has to be very deeply involved to be this devoted. But once he is, he will go to the ends of the earth to put a smile on the face of the woman he loves. Then there are submissives. They claim to offer this unconditional devotion, but it always has strings attached. The femdom is expected to play those strings to get the desired effect -- submission and devotion. When she does not, she has a malcontent on her hands. Or, she is told she is not a true dominant. Many of these subs are merely fetishists; others, though, do seek a deep level of submission, which I believe is idealized love and devotion. The problem is that you cannot simply *apply* unconditional love and devotion to a woman and expect it to work. First, she must desire it and *value* it (ie, love him back just as deeply). Second, it cannot be just applied onto a relationship at the onset, or else it creates a very creepy stalker vibe. It has to be genuine and come from the heart. You don't just invent devotion of this level. Some subs seek it, and they idealize it in their head, and they want it and want to see it happen in a relationship. In all of my longterm relationships, vanilla or kinky, the dynamic of unconditional love/serving came into place when mutual love/trust was established. He would do anything for me -- anything it all -- if he knew it would bring me some pleasure or solitude. All I need to do is ask. And, it includes suffering or submitting to my sadistic desires, also. Would he do that for any woman? Hell no. Does he consider it "unpaid labor doctrine"? Of course not. He does get something back in return; shared love. Some men are wired to express love and affection through service and have a built in "desire to please" (even vanilla men). Others are on a different spectrum but find partners that fall in that same area. Those that do not believe in this kind of submission have never felt true love. You don't feel *used* when you devote yourself or give unconditionally -- hell no, you feel GRATITUDE for having the opportunity to please the woman you love so dearly. Is your love so bitter? On her birthday, do you feel obligated and resentful because you are expected to give a gift, or do you get excited and joyous that you have the opportunity to celebrate your love for her? For a submissive man, or a devoted man, he seeks to celebrate this love every single day. Akasha
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