Serving from affection (Full Version)

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ForeverGaia -> Serving from affection (1/23/2013 3:48:54 AM)

Hello all,

I was reading a thread the other day and someone mentioned they serve their Master from affection, which got me to thinking.

I love my Owner and strive to see him happy, that is my goal. What he wants, he gets. Though some things he asks of me pushes me, sometimes beyond what I think I am capable of giving him. I'm not perfect and some of the things he asks me to do, I do them grudgingly.

The other day I was fulfilling a task for him and thoroughly hating it and wanting to be anywhere in the world but doing that job. I was thinking that I'm not completing this task because I have affection for him, I'm doing it right now because it's my job. It's my job to shut up and obey, even if I really don't want to.

I know deep down that my affection for him, my love and want to see him happy is a massive motivator in me actually serving him, but when it comes down to doing a job you don't want to do... is it service for service's sake (as in it's your job to put up and shut up), or is it serving from affection and there's never an issue because your affection overwhelms all else?

Gaia.



kalikshama -> RE: Serving from affection (1/23/2013 4:32:57 AM)

This reminds me of when I was in the long term volunteer program at the Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health, called the Karma Yoga program:

Krishna explains that work done without selfish expectations purifies one's mind and gradually makes an individual fit to see the value of reason. He states that it is not necessary to remain in external solitude, or remain actionless, in order to practice a spiritual life, since the state of action or inaction is primarily determined in the mind.

Also known as seva - Selfless service or Seva (a Sanskrit word) is a service which is performed without any expectation of result or award for the person performing it.

My task for the day was weeding sidewalk cracks, and I was REALLY bored and hating it, and since this was August in Massachusetts, hot and sweaty, when a guest leaned down to touch me on the shoulder and whispered, "Thank you." That reframed my experience.



Toysinbabeland -> RE: Serving from affection (1/23/2013 5:08:29 AM)

Remember that when you are lucky enough to be owned by one you love that it is not that you ” have” to do a task, it is that you ” get” to do it.



EsotericLady -> RE: Serving from affection (1/23/2013 6:13:34 AM)

Hello Gaia!

In my opinion, everyone has limits that even affection doesn't overwhelm.

For example, I hope a submissive wouldn't agree to be tied to a spit and roasted over a fire all due to the love of his Mistress! LOL

On the other hand, I would hope if he was instructed not to have an orgasm for a week, no matter how much he hated not to, he would love his Mistress enough not to have one.

(Thank you)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverGaia

... It's my job to shut up and obey, even if I really don't want to.

... is it service for service's sake (as in it's your job to put up and shut up), or is it serving from affection and there's never an issue because your affection overwhelms all else?

Gaia.




theshytype -> RE: Serving from affection (1/23/2013 6:17:34 AM)

I never consider it a job. I'm not a service-oriented person. If it was just a job, I'd quit.
Everything I do for others is purely for the joy of seeing or knowing someone is happy.



TheLilSquaw -> RE: Serving from affection (1/23/2013 6:27:14 AM)

I've NEVER done anything for my partner because I thought of it as my job.
I've done it because even if I didn't want to do that act itself...
The reality is I do it because it's HIM that asked.
So it is about affection not obligation.
For ME the moment I feel obligated or look at doing something for him as a job.
It's time to have a serious conversation.





OttersSwim -> RE: Serving from affection (1/23/2013 7:19:32 AM)

Service is love made manifest.

How lucky we are that we have built into our relationships such clear ways to express love and dedication to the other. :)



littlewonder -> RE: Serving from affection (1/23/2013 9:34:23 AM)

Both

It usually starts out that I want to do it out of affection for him, but then I come to find out I hate doing it but I'm his slave, I do it because I'm his slave, no other reason. But then as I continue, I come back to realizing why I'm doing it....because I love him.

But once in awhile there is a chore that I may absolutely hate hate hate doing and I just do it because I obey and do as I'm told. There's no affection there (yeah there is...who am I kidding? LOL. I always love him), but the entire time, I'm gritting my teeth and just wanting to get done with it.

Life isn't all all rainbows and sunshine. Like anything in life, sometimes you just have to get stuff done that you don't like.



littlewonder -> RE: Serving from affection (1/23/2013 9:36:25 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

This reminds me of when I was in the long term volunteer program at the Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health, called the Karma Yoga program:

Krishna explains that work done without selfish expectations purifies one's mind and gradually makes an individual fit to see the value of reason. He states that it is not necessary to remain in external solitude, or remain actionless, in order to practice a spiritual life, since the state of action or inaction is primarily determined in the mind.

Also known as seva - Selfless service or Seva (a Sanskrit word) is a service which is performed without any expectation of result or award for the person performing it.

My task for the day was weeding sidewalk cracks, and I was REALLY bored and hating it, and since this was August in Massachusetts, hot and sweaty, when a guest leaned down to touch me on the shoulder and whispered, "Thank you." That reframed my experience.



aaahh...yes, I remember this and when I'm doing things I don't like or want to do or would rather be elsewhere, I do tend to put this at the forefront of my mind since I'm kinda big on the satvas. The satvas help to keep my mind and life balanced.

Thanks for bringing this into the conversation.



ForeverGaia -> RE: Serving from affection (1/23/2013 12:35:57 PM)

Thanks to all for responding, it's been an interesting process pushing it through my brain.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw

I've done it because even if I didn't want to do that act itself...
The reality is I do it because it's HIM that asked.
So it is about affection not obligation.



My question for you TheLilSquaw is - if he asks, do you feel obligated to do a task, even if you don't like the act itself?

Gaia.



NuevaVida -> RE: Serving from affection (1/23/2013 7:05:31 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Toysinbabeland

Remember that when you are lucky enough to be owned by one you love that it is not that you ” have” to do a task, it is that you ” get” to do it.


This certainly isn't my way of thinking... I don't think, "Yay, I get to scrub the toilet!!" It's a chore, it has to be done, and I do it. I don't do it out of affection, I do it because I like a clean toilet, and so does he.

Now yes, I do what I do because I love him. No doubt. But like others have said, sometimes I just do something because he wants it done. In the big picture, it all comes from a place of love, but there are some individual things that yeah - I'd probably rather not do.




Moonlightmaddnes -> RE: Serving from affection (1/23/2013 7:18:52 PM)

I do. We are not 24/7 but I do always serve him. I love him dearly and I strive to make him happy. I also know he adores me and even though he torments me at times for his own enjoyment he would do anything for me. He came home from work and he told me his co workers were jealous to learn I get up and make his coffee and lunch every day. They grumbled that their significant other made them fend for themselves and he was able to smile and brag about me for a bit.

There are things he tells me to do that I do not enjoy, but I do them because I love him. Nothing makes me melt like seeing him smile when he is proud of me for doing something he knew I did not like and really did not want to do, but I did it anyway.



AAkasha -> RE: Serving from affection (1/23/2013 7:19:04 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida


quote:

ORIGINAL: Toysinbabeland

Remember that when you are lucky enough to be owned by one you love that it is not that you ” have” to do a task, it is that you ” get” to do it.


This certainly isn't my way of thinking... I don't think, "Yay, I get to scrub the toilet!!" It's a chore, it has to be done, and I do it. I don't do it out of affection, I do it because I like a clean toilet, and so does he.

Now yes, I do what I do because I love him. No doubt. But like others have said, sometimes I just do something because he wants it done. In the big picture, it all comes from a place of love, but there are some individual things that yeah - I'd probably rather not do.





I little bit off topic, but sort of in the same vein as what Toys was saying. A way to turn any "Have to do task" to a process of gratitude is to meditate on the thought process, "At least I have a toilet to scrub" (many do not even have a toilet), ie, as people commonly joke, first world problems. Or, more to Toys' point, "I have a D/s relationships that many people would envy and for which I am grateful, and so cleaning this toilet is a gift."

I'm not the domestic one in my relationship but I have to use this line of thinking/reprogramming a lot when I am having a crappy work day or a bad situation with a client; ie, I'm grateful to have a job, to work for myself, to be paid for what I do, this to shall pass, blah blah. As a control freak (who would've guessed), I have to constantly keep emotions out of work and not allow things to fester.

Akasha



NuevaVida -> RE: Serving from affection (1/23/2013 8:51:12 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


I little bit off topic, but sort of in the same vein as what Toys was saying. A way to turn any "Have to do task" to a process of gratitude is to meditate on the thought process, "At least I have a toilet to scrub" (many do not even have a toilet), ie, as people commonly joke, first world problems. Or, more to Toys' point, "I have a D/s relationships that many people would envy and for which I am grateful, and so cleaning this toilet is a gift."




Oh it's certainly not a gratitude issue here, but I do understand where you're coming from. I'm grateful, every day, for everything in my life - heck I'm grateful for things like lungs that work and water to drink, etc. So yes, overall I am grateful for a modern plumbing system. And I'm as grateful to be in this relationship as he is.

But I really have no emotions - positive or negative - about cleaning a toilet. Unless I have some cool music on, then I'm grooving to the music while cleaning. [:)]




littlewonder -> RE: Serving from affection (1/24/2013 3:32:10 PM)

quote:

He came home from work and he told me his co workers were jealous to learn I get up and make his coffee and lunch every day. They grumbled that their significant other made them fend for themselves and he was able to smile and brag about me for a bit.


This reminds me of my daughter. She's not into bdsm as far as I'm aware of. But yet she packs a lunch for her boyfriend every morning for him to take to work. He never asked her, she just likes to cook and she likes to feed him. She also makes him dinner every night and treats and all that. When I found out, I thought it was adorable.




Moonlightmaddnes -> RE: Serving from affection (1/24/2013 4:13:45 PM)

That is adorable. :)



Aynne88 -> RE: Serving from affection (1/24/2013 8:09:05 PM)


I am not a slave but I am in a long term committed relationship. He works as a general contractor. This week he has been outside all day every day we live in Maine it's ridiculously cold, he does it for us. Does he love it? Hardly. I wake up at 6 and bring him coffee, lay out his clothes and pack his lunch. While he showers I start his truck so it's warm when he gets in it. This is I guess serving from affection but it's more respect to me. Just as he takes the garbage to the dump for me, changes the oil in my truck, and all those other things that are so not BDSM related but reinforce our love for each other. He comes home absolutely freezing to a hot meal and usually a massage and some quiet time til he is ready to talk. A lot of what we do it mutual respect and stems from being together forever and knowing what we need from each other.



NuevaVida -> RE: Serving from affection (1/24/2013 8:41:22 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne88


I am not a slave but I am in a long term committed relationship. He works as a general contractor. This week he has been outside all day every day we live in Maine it's ridiculously cold, he does it for us. Does he love it? Hardly. I wake up at 6 and bring him coffee, lay out his clothes and pack his lunch. While he showers I start his truck so it's warm when he gets in it. This is I guess serving from affection but it's more respect to me. Just as he takes the garbage to the dump for me, changes the oil in my truck, and all those other things that are so not BDSM related but reinforce our love for each other. He comes home absolutely freezing to a hot meal and usually a massage and some quiet time til he is ready to talk. A lot of what we do it mutual respect and stems from being together forever and knowing what we need from each other.

And that, to me, is what love looks like.



Aynne88 -> RE: Serving from affection (1/24/2013 8:53:14 PM)



Thanks Nueva <3 xo



NuevaVida -> RE: Serving from affection (1/24/2013 10:15:29 PM)

[:)]



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