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How about profile advice - 1/23/2013 7:21:30 PM

MasterHarte

Posts: 8
Joined: 10/4/2012
From: Bloomfield IN moving to southern Texas
Status: offline

I have been working on this profile for a while now, I know what I want in a woman however getting it out is another
thing. I would like to get the Slave and Submissives no holds bar honest option of what they really think about my profile.
Smoldering and cringing at same time,Lol

Post #: 1

RE: How about profile advice - 1/23/2013 7:32:39 PM

theshytype

Posts: 1600
Status: offline

You misspelled sense where you stated 'sence of humor'.
I'd put more info about yourself in your profile. It doesn't have to be a novel, but maybe a few more items.
I'm not a huge fan of your profile pic only because you look angry in it.

(in reply to MasterHarte)

Post #: 2

RE: How about profile advice - 1/23/2013 7:41:17 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

You sure you know what you are asking? Ok....

First, lead with the photo of you smiling next to the motorcycle. The stern, "I'm a dominant" photo is ok, but I think more women might respond to an intial picture of a happy guy.

Get rid of the picture of the chick. Women do NOT like to see other women in the profile of a guy we might be thinking of getting to know. Especially since you aren't in the picture.

Get rid of the picture of you with your shirt off. Not because of your body, but those tan lines! Actually looks more like you got a bad sunburn. While it may scream, "look at me!" it isn't doing it in a good way, trust me.

This was all before I even read your profile.

After reading your profile, I repeat my comment about your first photo. Someone who wants to lead with love and understanding would be smiling in a photo in my opinion.

You spelled "until" wrong in the first paragraph. I know it seems minor, but trust me, lots of women (me included) feel that if someone can't manage to make sure their profile is grammatically correct without spelling errors they aren't mindful of much else. Think about it, you have all the time in the world to write your profile and to spell check and proof read it. It's your only chance to make a first impression. Make it a good one.

Lose the caps on slave/submission and new friends. They aren't proper nouns and there are some s-types that are into the whole upper lower case speak on a computer. Using caps will make them dismiss you immediately as inexperienced and not give you a chance.

You spelled "sense" incorrectly and as with above, lose the cap on "lighen" or start a new sentence. You have "father/Daughter" when it should be "Father/daughter" or all lower case.

You could write a little more about your "vanilla" activities that you mention on the "list" that you say you are an expert in. We like to see who someone is as a person, not simply as a dominant. On the plus side, you didn't talk all about kink in the introduction section of your profile. So adding the other stuff would just be giving us a better picture of you as a person.

I know it sounds trivial, but be very aware of your spelling and grammar in both your profile and those emails. It can really make a difference. Even if you are a crappy speller, it shows that you take the time to do something correctly. Think about it....you aren't simply zipping off a quick email to a friend, you are either responding to a "potential" or initiating contact with one. It isn't like instant messenger or chat where someone is waiting at that moment for you to type something out. So take your time and do it right. Make yourself shine above others and you will find what you are looking for.

So...I hope I didn't make you cringe too much, or hurt your feelings. You seem like a genuinely nice guy from what you wrote and I wish you luck.

(in reply to MasterHarte)

Post #: 3

RE: How about profile advice - 1/23/2013 7:43:01 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

I like your pictures. I like the variety and the different expressions. I like that you list hobbies and general life type things in your interests.

I would suggest you check spelling and grammar a little more closely to make a good impression on your reader. I'd also like to ask you why you call yourself a Master instead of a Dominant? You don't seem to have too many BDSM interests checked off, it might be me, but have you been doing lifestyle things very long? Not to be rude, but the title of Master might be beyond you at this point. Just a thought. If I wondered, perhaps others will as well. The title of Master seems to designate a higher level of time spent in the lifestyle and of skills acquired. By all means if this is you, then use the term. If it's not, consider calling yourself a Dominant as a more reflective measure of where you are with BDSM.

How about adding more about your general life interests in the written portion? Women like to know who you are outside of kink. I'd also consider adding what you are looking for in a partner besides her being young (which was mentioned in the journal but not in the profile text).

What can a partner expect out of life with you? You seem to be a truck driver, will you take her with on trips? Will she be without you for extended periods of time? Should she be interested in motorcycle rides? Are you active in the local BDSM community? Is she expected to work? Stay at home? You mention being interested in poly, should she be interested in that as well? Is monogamy out of the question? Think about the basic things someone would want to know about life with you.

(in reply to MasterHarte)

Post #: 4

RE: How about profile advice - 1/23/2013 7:48:51 PM

theshytype

Posts: 1600
Status: offline

Wow, you're very thorough! Great eyes!
Shows how much of a skimmer and impatient person I am. I didn't even look at the other photos.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 5

RE: How about profile advice - 1/23/2013 8:02:12 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

LOL. He asked, so I looked at it closely. The pictures and the spelling would have been the biggest issues for me with his profile had he written to me for the reasons I mentioned to him.

I didn't even catch the master vs. dominant thing that lizi did, but then again, I don't differentiate about those titles as much as others (not meaning you in particular lizi) do. It seems that there are so many ways to be whatever, and it is all how a person sees themselves, I base what *I* think they are vs. what *they* call themselves with the text they write.

(in reply to theshytype)

Post #: 6

RE: How about profile advice - 1/23/2013 8:12:32 PM

Sofiaschoice

Posts: 4
Joined: 12/9/2012
Status: offline

I'd agree with the prior comments that I'd add more about you as a person, totally outside BDSM. It sounds like you're looking for more than just casual play time, so you want to make sure that you and this potential partner are a match for more than just kinky fun. I like that you have a variety of pictures of yourself, just don't lead with the one where you look angry. Oh, and read your profile, tweak it, read it again, rewrite it, read it...you get the picture. Keep in mind that your profile might be the first and only chance you get to introduce yourself to somebody so you want to spend time making it as good as you possible can.

Hope your search goes well!

(in reply to theshytype)

Post #: 7

RE: How about profile advice - 1/23/2013 8:20:27 PM

MasterHarte

Posts: 8
Joined: 10/4/2012
From: Bloomfield IN moving to southern Texas
Status: offline

I would like to thank you all for your comments, I do have a problem sometimes with the spelling, I am missing a kindle fire for now, auto correct is somewhat off on it. lol computer blew a hard drive a while ago. I will be working to improve the pictures and activities outside of work also.
I enjoy talking to people and seeing what works best, Hopefully I can work out the bugs and really get a good profile in the end

(in reply to Sofiaschoice)

Post #: 8

RE: How about profile advice - 1/23/2013 8:30:04 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

The pics are good and give a general feel of what you're like. However, the profile text doesn't. What are your hobbies? What kind of woman are you looking for? What activities will you do together?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to MasterHarte)

Post #: 9

RE: How about profile advice - 1/24/2013 3:35:40 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

fast reply

The others have been detailed so there's not much left to say.

But I really think the picture of the woman needs to go. I don't wanna see other women, especially a porn-inspired picture. Makes me think you're looking for someone who looks like that, and most women don't. Don't get me wrong, I don't object to a guy enjoying these sorts of things and I don't think men automatically expect women to look like porn stars, but putting it right up there in your profile (which is a summary of who you are and what you want) gives that impression.
Also by putting it up there you're not appealing to your target audience. You are into submissive women, but you're putting up a picture designed to excite dominant men.

I do think the others are right that some of your later pictures are nicer. The current main one makes you look older than you are - I was surprised by your age when I checked out your profile.

Your text isn't too bad (once the spelling/typing issues are fixed) but doesn't sparkle either.

I'm gonna copy and paste something I typed out on another thread, this is my personal preference for how profiles look. Note - first sell yourself, then state what you want. I wrote this for a sub but I'm sure you can switch my examples around to be a dom.

quote:

Then text: nice and simple!
First paragraph: a little about you as a person. What qualities do you have (avoid 'very obedient' and 'good at oral sex') which make you a good catch? What hobbies do you have? If you want to mention what you do for a living, or a goal you are working towards, this is where it goes. This is where I'd also make a brief mention of whatever these limitations are - no need for details just a heads up so people who can't accept will move on.

Example: Hi, I'm Dave, a 35 year old computer programmer who loves adventure in my spare time. I'm very active and love rock climbing, sailing and camping out, but I also enjoy quiet nights in with a movie or a good book. I lost my left hand in an accident as a child but as you can see, it doesn't stop me trying new things.

Second paragraph: What sort of relationship you are looking for. 24/7? Fuck-buddies? Sub in the bedroom, equals out of it? If you have a specific interest, mention it here but don't be graphic or go on about it at great length. Again, you're just giving someone a heads-up about basic compatibility.

Example: I'm looking for a woman for a long-term relationship who likes to be dominant in the bedroom but equals outside of it. I'm interested in trying bondage and caning though I don't have much experience in this area, so I'd like to find someone who would enjoy experimenting with me. I would really like a lady that I can spoil and make her feel loved.

Third paragraph: Who you are looking for. Bearing in mind the more specific you are, the more chance of putting someone off, so try not to come up with a whole laundry list. Then again, if something is VERY important to you, mention it, better to put people off than to waste a lot of people's time.

Example: I'd like to meet someone aged between 30 and 40 who lives in my county. My ideal partner would enjoy sports and be willing to come traveling with me. I have two dogs that are very important to me so if you are not an animal lover we will probably not be compatible.

And then just tie it off with a simple 'Hope to hear from you' or 'Thanks for reading' or something like that.

Oh, and if you decide to use the checklist of interests, resist the urge to tick 'expert' at more than a couple of things.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 10

RE: How about profile advice - 1/24/2013 2:05:36 PM

seekingreality

Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline

As other have said, the text needs work. You state you are looking for a LTR, but everything in the text is so BDSM-focused that it seems more like you just want some play partners.

You say, "I think I have a good sence of humor and love to make people smile and laugh. Life is too serious, Lighten up and have fun."

However, there isn't really anything light or funny in your profile. It seems very nuts and bolts.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 11

RE: How about profile advice - 1/24/2013 4:33:11 PM

MasterHarte

Posts: 8
Joined: 10/4/2012
From: Bloomfield IN moving to southern Texas
Status: offline

Ok I did do a few new things, Changed some pictures around and got rid of some pictures.
I did get the spelling corrections fixed and added some more vanilla information about me.
I didnt have a lot of time to use my brothers computer as he needed it. My laptop is not working right now
and I cant edit the profile on my Kindle Fire, somehow it wont take the code at the bottom of the screen.
Lets see how I did now. Looking forward to everyones comments.
Thank you all for your help with this, I really want to get a good profile going.
Master Harte

(in reply to seekingreality)

Post #: 12

RE: How about profile advice - 1/24/2013 7:06:30 PM

DomMeinCT

Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

I think it says a lot about you that you asked for feedback, took it with the spirit it was intended, and incorporated it to make a stronger profile.

The new content is good and helps fill you out more as a human, not just a dominant guy.

There are a bunch of typos in the new content (they, successful, Texas, basically, involve, freezing, skiing).

_____________________________

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
~ Carl Jung

(in reply to MasterHarte)

Post #: 13

RE: How about profile advice - 2/1/2013 9:27:12 AM

MasterHarte

Posts: 8
Joined: 10/4/2012
From: Bloomfield IN moving to southern Texas
Status: offline

Ok thank you, I will fix those typos asap.

(in reply to DomMeinCT)

Post #: 14

RE: How about profile advice - 2/1/2013 10:12:26 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

Personally, I always bypassed the guys that named themselves as "Master" or "Sir".

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to MasterHarte)

Post #: 15

RE: How about profile advice - 2/1/2013 8:16:01 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

First he says he's looking for a sub, lower down he wants subs in the plural. I'm not sure if he really is envisioning three women traveling with him in a long haul truck. Plus the assumption is he can 'train' her to drive over the road. You can't force someone to enjoy that as a job.

Most importantly, how do you propose to date and get to know someone when you don't know where you'll be one week to the next? And any time you make it home, you're overtired and irritable? Plus who is going to take care of the house you're building when you expect her to be on the road with you? She's going to be just as tired when she gets home and not interested in doing your laundry, cooking, cleaning.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 16

RE: How about profile advice - 2/3/2013 10:32:32 AM

MasterHarte

Posts: 8
Joined: 10/4/2012
From: Bloomfield IN moving to southern Texas
Status: offline

I have often been asked about CDL training, normally what I do is a ride along for a while, it's an eye opening experience.
The house being build is a work in progress little by little, anyone that is with me will be able to put input into what happens there.
If someone does not wish to go over the road, there are always other options. I am usually home every week or two. Having my Own trucking company helps as there are positions open besides drivers and drivers assistant. As far as the subs go, I will have to fix that. My belief in poly is pretty strong. What I am looking for is slaves, not subs. Everyone working together under one roof for a common goal of success.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 17

RE: How about profile advice - 2/3/2013 5:42:36 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

So basically you want a bunch of girls taking care of your home while you're out on the road and they only get to see you one week a month and they have to now share that time between them all.

Good luck with that.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to MasterHarte)

Post #: 18

RE: How about profile advice - 2/8/2013 4:41:29 AM

DaisyDew

Posts: 5
Joined: 12/15/2012
Status: offline

You want blunt and honesty.
You come across weak in mind and body. After reading your profile and a bit of your journal, I am pretty sure you would be waiting on a submissive. Your profile works if you are looking for a brain dead beagle. Your profile picture give you an appearance of a creeper.

How is this for your profile

_____________________________

-dew

(in reply to theshytype)

Post #: 19

RE: How about profile advice - 2/8/2013 9:59:23 AM

wannapleez

Posts: 358
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline

WOW! This started out so substantive and helpful, and then the month changed and it all went to hell. No wonder they call it Febru-ugly.

(in reply to DaisyDew)

Post #: 20

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