Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop any specific hints to let them know ur dom or sub?

Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop any specific hints to let them know ur dom or sub? (Full Version)

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jakejev -> Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop any specific hints to let them know ur dom or sub? (1/23/2013 9:26:30 PM)
Let's say you're meeting people through regular dating (not the BDSM community or anything) just going out in the vanilla world, coffee, bars, gym, etc. Are there any hints that a dom or sub can or usually drops to let others know they're talking to someone from the lifestyle or at least that they have an inclination for BDSM or kinky stuff? Doms, what do you do? Subs, what do you do?

LafayetteLady -> RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop any specific hints to let them know ur dom or sub? (1/23/2013 9:52:49 PM)
Yes, there is a secret handshake and a code word that is used. No one told you what it was when you signed up?

theRose4U -> RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop any specific hints to let them know ur dom or sub? (1/23/2013 10:22:57 PM)
Because your other post you admitted was wank fodder...why do you care?? This isn't gays trolling bus station & airport restrooms. Most of us here manage to conduct ourselves appropriately in public & save "trolling" for kink specific functions. This my favorite saying: "I'm looking for cock a doodle do, not any cock'll do" trolling bars at closing time for subs is horney thinking, not reality!

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop any specific hints to let them know ur dom or sub? (1/23/2013 11:08:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jakejev Let's say you're meeting people through regular dating (not the BDSM community or anything) just going out in the vanilla world, coffee, bars, gym, etc. Are there any hints that a dom or sub can or usually drops to let others know they're talking to someone from the lifestyle or at least that they have an inclination for BDSM or kinky stuff? Doms, what do you do? Subs, what do you do? No I've never really dropped any hints. There's no set point at which you become 'from the lifestyle' - ie no set level of kinkiness you have to meet. As such you could hint to me that you're into all sorts of super dark kinky stuff and get me all excited only to find out three weeks later that means you want to eat whipped cream of my nipples. Very disappointing. That said, you and I are a similar age. I've found that all of my friends and everyone I've dated has been pretty open minded when it comes to this. Even those that didn't see the appeal weren't horrified by it. I'd have no problem telling someone on a first date that I was kinky. I guess I've just never found it scary to tell someone I like what I like so I don't feel I need to protect myself by secretly figuring out if someone is kinky before I reveal myself. And how many people our age haven't experimented with handcuffs or a light spanking? It's pretty mainstream, and so from there you can have the conversation about what else you like. PS. Be careful that you're not coming off as creepy by trying to hint about this to strangers in bars. I think I'd be nervous of a guy trying to make subtle hints about tying me up or using me, or a guy trying to discreetly turn the conversation towards sex, much more so than if you just came out with 'I'm a dom'.

descrite -> RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop any specific hints to let them know ur dom or sub? (1/23/2013 11:24:32 PM)
Have to disagree with Athena. I've said it, straight up, on a date, and it worked against me. Of course, it often works. But it would be nice to have the kink equivalent to the JesusFish. That would be very helpful.

TwoHeartsBeatOne -> RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop any specific hints to let them know ur dom or sub? (1/23/2013 11:33:40 PM)
@descrite.... What's a JesusFish?

descrite -> RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop any specific hints to let them know ur dom or sub? (1/24/2013 12:21:53 AM)
http://www.superchrist.com/images/fish_black.gif

RemoteUser -> RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop any specific hints to let them know ur dom or sub? (1/24/2013 12:35:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: descrite http://www.superchrist.com/images/fish_black.gif Cap'n Highliner??? [image]local://upfiles/1208133/7DF914B3348747B4B4030FF6D2BC1379.jpg[/image]

TAFKAA -> RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop any specific hints to let them know ur dom or sub? (1/24/2013 12:43:45 AM)
Well I operate on the paradigm that almost all women are submissive, whether they know it or not. Consequently, all I do is be me. That either turns them off completely or they respond with wild abandon and confess their desire to be my sex slave. For subs, I imagine it's easier. Given that subs respond to the same things which attract the majority of women, they'll tend to be attracted to dominant men anyway. Consequently, their task is to determine if there's substance behind the intolerant asshole exterior. That'll handle the D/s thing, but you're on your own with the sadist/masochist deal unless you're capable of making "getting out the whip" references and watching their body language in response.

TwoHeartsBeatOne -> RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop any specific hints to let them know ur dom or sub? (1/24/2013 12:46:25 AM)
LOL, thank you for the laugh! I know the symbol, but didn't connect it to JesusFish. LOL Me - a duh!

LadyPact -> RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop any specific hints to let them know ur dom or sub? (1/24/2013 1:08:14 AM)
OP, have you ever heard of flagging? Also known as the handkerchief/hanky code or bandana code. While originating from the gay leather culture, in more recent years it's also been common in the het and pansexual arenas. By far more often recognized by leather folks than your average BDSM person. A "flag" is a folded hankkerchief that is visible in the back pocket. Depending on which side it is worn, it tells others if they are a top or a bottom. The color of the handkerchief advertises what the person is looking for. It used to be really simple. About twelve different colors that were easily identified. I've seen some lists recently that go into certain designations for colors like olive or puce. Just a word of caution here. Flagging isn't necessarily universal. It can vary from region to region and even differentiates if you are gay or straight. Some of the colors have been known to mean different things in different areas. For example, if you flag red on one coast, you're looking for blood play. On the other coast, it means you are looking for anal. See what is happening in your local scene before advertising for the wrong kink.

EsotericLady -> RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop any specific hints to let them know ur dom or sub? (1/24/2013 1:16:02 AM)
Hahahahahahaha! So THAT'S why it never works for me. I can never remember the code word!!! Grrrr!! quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady Yes, there is a secret handshake and a code word that is used. No one told you what it was when you signed up?

Cilicia -> RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop any specific hints to let them know ur dom or sub? (1/24/2013 3:53:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: EsotericLady Hahahahahahaha! So THAT'S why it never works for me. I can't even remember the 5 different curb colors in California, let alone the dozen D/s flags... However, what works for me when I see a sexy lady in the supermarket carrying a large cucumber, is whether she likes her large sweet potatoes whipped or raw. OP. Try it. Works for me!

DarkSteven -> RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop any specific hints to let them know ur dom or sub? (1/24/2013 5:48:49 AM)
I had a profile on a vanilla site and said "I like to take control in bed". Nice and simple. If I kiss a vanilla, I'll swat her ass when I do it, or else grab her hair and gently but firmly pull her head back while I kiss her.

Moonlightmaddnes -> RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop any specific hints to let them know ur dom or sub? (1/24/2013 6:05:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven I had a profile on a vanilla site and said "I like to take control in bed". Nice and simple. If I kiss a vanilla, I'll swat her ass when I do it, or else grab her hair and gently but firmly pull her head back while I kiss her. Did you get a lot of response? LOL Cilicia- Me either. I could see myself using the wrong hanky and going wait, wait, wait lemme try this hanky instead. Oh crap that mean I want to be whipped?!?! Run. :)

servantforuse -> RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop any specific hints to let them know ur dom or sub? (1/24/2013 6:16:33 AM)
A couple of years ago a bartender mentioned to me that she had to clean her house when her shift was over. I mentioned that there were some out there that would do that for her. Before leving I left my number and a note ' house cleaning servant '.. A week later I was cleaning for her and her roommate as well as doing other things.

TheLilSquaw -> RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop any specific hints to let them know ur dom or sub? (1/24/2013 9:08:25 AM)
OP, I do not drop verbal hints. Although when people ask me what I do for a living and I said "I own fetish sites." Well THAT kinda says a lot. Lol I also have a tattoo that makes it pretty obvious that I enjoy certain kink related things. I also do drop nonverbal cues though and I do that unconsciously. Example: I am known for flicking my shoe off and on part way when sitting. I used to think I just did it as kind of a restless tick, about 2 yrs ago I realized I did it because I like being a foot tease. I tend to meet a lot of kinky and or lifestylers in vanilla setting. My primary partner says, "Babe you just set off the kink dar"

SpyUnderCover -> RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop any specific hints to let them know ur dom or sub? (1/24/2013 12:18:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TAFKAA Well I operate on the paradigm that almost all women are submissive, whether they know it or not. Consequently, all I do is be me. That either turns them off completely Hmm ... maybe that means that not all women are submissive ... I'm inclined to "hint" in a way similar to DarkSteven, by saying I like to take control in bed. Or I might make a joke about making him beg, or whatever, and see how he responds. Spy

littlewonder -> RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop any specific hints to let them know ur dom or sub? (1/24/2013 2:47:42 PM)
No. I just looked for dominant personality men, whether they knew or were into bdsm or not. It just didn't make a difference to me. I'm into personalities, not kink. I would just get to know them through regular, normal conversations. Over time, you just get to know what they're into be it hobbies or sex. And the first time you kiss you can pretty much tell what they are into sexually, at least that's how it's always been for me.

kalikshama -> RE: Looking for kinksters in vanilla world, do u drop any specific hints to let them know ur dom or sub? (1/24/2013 3:09:30 PM)
I am completely out as kinky on my OKCupid profile. OKC is very BDSM friendly, BTW. Someone doesn't need to be "husband material" for me to sleep with him, he just needs to be sponge-worthy. When it gets to the point where we are talking about sex, I'll bring it up. I'm out to my friends and they have hooked me up with kinksters. Anyone who reads the titles of the books in my bookcase can figure out that I am kinky.

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