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RE: A Cautionary Tale - 6/20/2006 12:39:08 PM

timeoutgurlie

Posts: 588
Joined: 3/21/2006
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Noah, you cannot compare an adult violating a child in the most twisted ways possible to someone using a 2nd profile to "double check" ona person they're finding interest in.

That was the most ridiculously irrelevant analogy I've ever heard.

Obviously I'm not saying she "accidentally" created a whole other profile, are you mad?

There's really no point in posting to address all of your points because it would take me ages to do so since every other word was ridiculous and had no relationt o my original point. Believe what you will. My whole point is that there's a huge mob mentality on these boards where everyone seems to follow like sheep with whatever idea is put forth. I find it increasingly hard to believe everyone can believe the exact same thing sincerely and feel that, unfortunately, this group is far more judgemental than the majority of the 'vanillas' I've met in my life.

Sad really, I'd expected something akin to 'tolerance' witht his crowd considering the stereotypical judgements made about what we enjoy in our lives/relationships.

That said, of course it's the OP's choice as to whether he personally accepts what this person did or not, I'm in no way arguing that point or saying he should not feel what he feels about it. My only issue is with the apparent 'bashing' of this woman for making a choice that was best for her. If some feelings get hurt for it, so be it. I don't feel it was done with malicious intent and to me that *does* mean something.

She didn't molest children, she wrote a fucking 2nd profile on a website for Christ's sake, get over it.

Edit: This is directed at Noah alone, not the OP.

< Message edited by timeoutgurlie -- 6/20/2006 12:41:14 PM >

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 21

RE: A Cautionary Tale - 6/20/2006 1:58:38 PM

OedipusRexIt

Posts: 634
Joined: 11/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: timeoutgurlie

Noah, you cannot compare an adult violating a child in the most twisted ways possible to someone using a 2nd profile to "double check" ona person they're finding interest in.

That was the most ridiculously irrelevant analogy I've ever heard.

Obviously I'm not saying she "accidentally" created a whole other profile, are you mad?

There's really no point in posting to address all of your points because it would take me ages to do so since every other word was ridiculous and had no relationt o my original point. Believe what you will. My whole point is that there's a huge mob mentality on these boards where everyone seems to follow like sheep with whatever idea is put forth. I find it increasingly hard to believe everyone can believe the exact same thing sincerely and feel that, unfortunately, this group is far more judgemental than the majority of the 'vanillas' I've met in my life.

Sad really, I'd expected something akin to 'tolerance' witht his crowd considering the stereotypical judgements made about what we enjoy in our lives/relationships.

That said, of course it's the OP's choice as to whether he personally accepts what this person did or not, I'm in no way arguing that point or saying he should not feel what he feels about it. My only issue is with the apparent 'bashing' of this woman for making a choice that was best for her. If some feelings get hurt for it, so be it. I don't feel it was done with malicious intent and to me that *does* mean something.

She didn't molest children, she wrote a fucking 2nd profile on a website for Christ's sake, get over it.

Edit: This is directed at Noah alone, not the OP.

I appreciate your passion on this topic. I haven't always agreed with Noah either, but I did see his point, just as I see yours.

I really didn't consider it a big thing. However, I'm a believer in the clear line between right and wrong. I agree her intent was not malicious and that she thought she needed to do that to protect herself.

A lie is a lie is a lie. You're right, it doesn't rise to the level of many, many other things, but it's still a lie. My personal opinion is that, in general, if one of the first things you do to me is lie, there isn't likely to be a second thing...

Please, you and Noah kiss and make up, and give the boards another chance. You're right, there often is a sheep mentality. There are also some fun, funny and interesting people here who've really made me thing.

Is it at all possible you're doing what you don't like - judging? Hope not, as you also have a lot to add to these discussions.

_____________________________

"My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die..."

(in reply to timeoutgurlie)

Post #: 22

RE: A Cautionary Tale - 6/20/2006 2:17:22 PM

timeoutgurlie

Posts: 588
Joined: 3/21/2006
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Sorry, I definitely don't want to derail your thread here. Initially, I felt bad for this woman, and though you said these convos didn't happen through CM, I figured she may be a member anyhow and see this only to see everyone 'gang up' on her. The 2nd post was pretty livid because, as much as I also don't like "lies", this scenario can't be compared with such horrors as child molesting, murder, etc.

Maybe I did judge, if I did, I do apollogize for that. Moreso, sorry for spinning your topic in a different direction. I won't argue in it any more, I promise

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 23

RE: A Cautionary Tale - 6/20/2006 2:25:24 PM

OedipusRexIt

Posts: 634
Joined: 11/15/2005
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No worries here.

Passion really is a good thing. I meant what I said with your previous posts, and you do yourself credit with your most recent post.

I was sincerely interested in people's reactions, and you gave yours honestly. Now go kiss Noah, 'cause he did too!

_____________________________

"My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die..."

(in reply to timeoutgurlie)

Post #: 24

RE: A Cautionary Tale - 6/20/2006 2:44:07 PM

timeoutgurlie

Posts: 588
Joined: 3/21/2006
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Yessir ... or ... Ma'am. I wish they'd post gender options with user's stats. I can't be bothered to check profiles

lol

Thank you for the kind words as well

Edit: Curiosity got the best of me, had to check. Yes, *Sir* it is

< Message edited by timeoutgurlie -- 6/20/2006 2:45:56 PM >

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 25

RE: A Cautionary Tale - 6/20/2006 3:07:05 PM

OedipusRexIt

Posts: 634
Joined: 11/15/2005
Status: offline

Oy...

This argues for a different avatar....

Good thing I'm secure in who I am (grin)...

You're welcome. Stay in the game, you've got moves.

_____________________________

"My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die..."

(in reply to timeoutgurlie)

Post #: 26

RE: A Cautionary Tale - 6/20/2006 3:43:36 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I understand your sympathy timeoutgurlie and your points. We do not owe truth to everyone who crosses our path, especially if they used this truth to harm us. For example if some strange guy follows you and asks if you are alone somewhere, you do not owe this man the truth. If the girl feels this way about checking online acquaintences for their honesty because she doesnt trust it, perhaps she should move to only real life encounters?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to timeoutgurlie)

Post #: 27

RE: A Cautionary Tale - 6/20/2006 4:17:03 PM

timeoutgurlie

Posts: 588
Joined: 3/21/2006
Status: offline

Sorry Sir, the avatar does look masculine, but I *believe* I did see a Domme using the same one. I always question avatars anyhow, sometimes people post an image of the opposite sex because they like it, and then we see it and the brain can just associate the image of a man/woman meaning the user is that sex...until you check a profile, it's a guessing game lol And, thanks again for the encouragement, appreciate it

juilia, it would make sense to look offline too of course, I just gather from many posts that for some it's not an option. I live in a large city, and even for me I wasn't relying on being able to search for anyone in the 'lifestyle', I figured it would happen by fate. Luckily it has for me, but I can see the need for a place like this for people who aren't that fortunate to have what they need fall into their lap, so to speak

lol I can't imagine how hard it would be to trust someone from text on a screen alone, so I can empathize with doing things that could be seen as deceptive if it felt like it would give me more confidence in what I *believed* I'd found.

I double check in real life, I talk to his friends, family, do unexpected 'pop ins' at work or when he's home in the early stages...to some that's being too suspicious, but for me, it's just being protective of myself. Instincts are one thing, and I do trust mine, but not absolutely on his word alone. Once I do my checking, and more concrete things coincide with my instincts, then I can just be peaceful and not wonder. I don't condone things like snooping on an established relationship, but I personally feel it's in my own best interest to do a bit of investigation early on.

I guess it's up to interpretation whether that's insecure, careful or just plain wrong. In the end, I let him know why he had those surprise visits and why I wanted to meet as many people in his life as possible, and he wasn't at all disappointed or offended by it, so for us it worked

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 28

RE: A Cautionary Tale - 6/20/2006 10:03:39 PM

Noah

Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OedipusRexIt

No worries here.

Passion really is a good thing. I meant what I said with your previous posts, and you do yourself credit with your most recent post.

I was sincerely interested in people's reactions, and you gave yours honestly. Now go kiss Noah, 'cause he did too!

Shit. Rex is pimpin' for me now?
I wonder if I'll need a bigger dance card.

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 29

RE: A Cautionary Tale - 6/20/2006 10:24:24 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I would not thinking badly of snooping in an established relationship if you think your partner was lying to you, especially about where they stuck their penis. There are too many nasty diseases out there not to be cautious if you have red flags about someone. I have gotten to the place in my life though, instead of snooping I might just leave if the red flags make me think they are not on the up and up.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to timeoutgurlie)

Post #: 30

RE: A Cautionary Tale - 6/20/2006 11:04:50 PM

timeoutgurlie

Posts: 588
Joined: 3/21/2006
Status: offline

I'd agree with snooping also if you had to do it as a last resort, again, doublechecking is something I *need* to feel certain, it's just how I am lol

I meant snooping as a regular occurrance. I know some people who regularly check their partner's emails, listing in on phone calls, check their cell phones, voicemails, ask where they're going and call there to make sure they went/had been where they said they were, etc., and for them this is how to maintain their relationship. For me, that's a waste of time to even be with someone who you only trust when you know every move they make. I could see myself snooping if I had reasons to be suspicious and was already rather sure something 'bad' was going on, but needing the concrete 'proof' to be sure it wasn't just an insane list of coincidences. If it were a long term and otherwise worthwhile relationship, I'd want to *know* rather than just giving it up without feeling positively sure I was leaving it for the right reasons.

I should have been more clear the first time. Sometimes I assume people *know* what I'm thinking somehow, just one of many faults I'm working on

lol

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 31

RE: A Cautionary Tale - 6/21/2006 6:49:03 AM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

She proved your not a liar or deceptive and in the process showed she was those things herself.

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(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 32

RE: A Cautionary Tale - 6/21/2006 8:51:43 AM

OedipusRexIt

Posts: 634
Joined: 11/15/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

quote:

ORIGINAL: OedipusRexIt

No worries here.

Passion really is a good thing. I meant what I said with your previous posts, and you do yourself credit with your most recent post.

I was sincerely interested in people's reactions, and you gave yours honestly. Now go kiss Noah, 'cause he did too!

Shit. Rex is pimpin' for me now?
I wonder if I'll need a bigger dance card.

Well, let's just say I'm "encouraging". That way, you don't have to cut me in for some of the action, and the federales won't be on my tail...

Did you kiss and make up yet?

_____________________________

"My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die..."

(in reply to Noah)

Post #: 33

RE: A Cautionary Tale - 6/21/2006 11:30:46 AM

sweetbbwsub31

Posts: 331
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: timeoutgurlie

I'm aparently the only one who thinks what she did wasn't horrible.

I doubt she intended to be 'deceitful', but there aren't any ways you can see what someone you're talking to online would do and jumping from online to real life without any security has to be impossible for many people. For her, this is what works, for others a different route.

Just because you disagree/the action isn't right for you doesn't mean those who choose a route other than your own are terrible people

Maybe not a "terrible" person. But someone who is not honest. BDSM relationships are built on trust and in my opinion when the trust is broken from the very beginning...there isn't much to build on.

sub tara

(in reply to timeoutgurlie)

Post #: 34

RE: A Cautionary Tale - 6/21/2006 11:46:42 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali
She proved your not a liar or deceptive and in the process showed she was those things herself.

That's the most succinct and perfect way I've seen it put (and trust me, this scenario happens CONSTANTLY online)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 35

RE: A Cautionary Tale - 6/21/2006 12:22:41 PM

GoddessLillith

Posts: 17
Joined: 6/7/2006
Status: offline

So if she had gotten a friend of her to check you out it would have been better? How?

Most people in R/L also get someone to check their prospective lovers or whatever out, and then get the same person to tell them "all about it" not neceseraly telling the lover about it, or ask around, it is accepted practice. On the internet you don't have that chance always. So she cut out the middle man... AND told you about it, which she clearly could have skipped. None of you guy's done mindfucks to test your slaves/subs/friends? I'm not saying she's all hanky dory, but fuck all with the internet correspondance being what it is these days, I can't blame her realy, especialy when she told you of it. Can't blame you either for not liking it, but that's that.

Just last month I was sitting at a coffee house with a friend when all of a sudden a guy who was applying to be a slave for me comes online and pm's her. I got a bit weirded out, as I had met him and prepaired a lot for a future D/s thing and he had hallelujad about us being exclusive, so I say to her, hey let me see what goes on. The guy not knowing I know her or am sitting next to her proceeds to tell her he is talking to another Dom, and when she asks about it he sends her pictures of me and some of our personal correspondance, like it is nothing to him AND then asks if she'll considder him also for a side thing as he really likes me but knows I can't do 24/7, none of this he had told me, I certainly would have considdered his case. Meanwhile I log on and he comes on to my pm doing all halelujas. I told him to fu** of of course. I didn't do what your dom did, but it is quite the same and on the huge internet we have today I quite get her. She probably has gone through a dosen of the likes of him and found this to be fast way of checking your intentions. So while not being the best way to do it surely, there aren't that many options available are there.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 36

RE: A Cautionary Tale - 6/21/2006 2:13:22 PM

MasterKalif

Posts: 648
Joined: 5/24/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessLillith

So if she had gotten a friend of her to check you out it would have been better? How?

Most people in R/L also get someone to check their prospective lovers or whatever out, and then get the same person to tell them "all about it" not neceseraly telling the lover about it, or ask around, it is accepted practice. On the internet you don't have that chance always. So she cut out the middle man... AND told you about it, which she clearly could have skipped. None of you guy's done mindfucks to test your slaves/subs/friends? I'm not saying she's all hanky dory, but fuck all with the internet correspondance being what it is these days, I can't blame her realy, especialy when she told you of it. Can't blame you either for not liking it, but that's that.

Just last month I was sitting at a coffee house with a friend when all of a sudden a guy who was applying to be a slave for me comes online and pm's her. I got a bit weirded out, as I had met him and prepaired a lot for a future D/s thing and he had hallelujad about us being exclusive, so I say to her, hey let me see what goes on. The guy not knowing I know her or am sitting next to her proceeds to tell her he is talking to another Dom, and when she asks about it he sends her pictures of me and some of our personal correspondance, like it is nothing to him AND then asks if she'll considder him also for a side thing as he really likes me but knows I can't do 24/7, none of this he had told me, I certainly would have considdered his case. Meanwhile I log on and he comes on to my pm doing all halelujas. I told him to fu** of of course. I didn't do what your dom did, but it is quite the same and on the huge internet we have today I quite get her. She probably has gone through a dosen of the likes of him and found this to be fast way of checking your intentions. So while not being the best way to do it surely, there aren't that many options available are there.

Good God, no, I dont do mind games or things like that with potential slaves....I let time take its toll, only time allows for them to make mistakes, show inconsistencies and slip ups....most dissappear way before that...

I dont think she is the poor "victim" here, she is what we all wish to avoid in this lifestyle...gamers, players, and liars who are here to have a laugh or something ridicolous...Im frankly fed up with this behavior.

(in reply to GoddessLillith)

Post #: 37

RE: A Cautionary Tale - 6/24/2006 9:58:26 PM

MasDom

Posts: 375
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline

Almost wish they had a DNA scanner on your internet connection and collar me name.
I know it sounds extreme, but it would make it so much easyier for all of us who want honest deviant relationships,
with no bull from fake people.

Then you wouldnt need to test people.
Its not like I didnt come hear to be honest...

Oh wait I did.

(in reply to MasterKalif)

Post #: 38

RE: A Cautionary Tale - 6/24/2006 10:02:17 PM

Wulfchyld

Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline

Hmmm... be careful what you wish for.

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Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together

(in reply to MasDom)

Post #: 39

RE: A Cautionary Tale - 6/24/2006 10:05:24 PM

MasterR001

Posts: 76
Joined: 3/10/2006
Status: offline

I've been tricked a couple of times myself. It's the cost of trying to find someone.

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 40

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