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RE: I was right.... right?? - 1/26/2013 8:39:29 PM

Kat713

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Joined: 8/31/2008
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I would be upset, too. I can't stand when I'm trying to get into touch with someone (who I usually talk to quite often) and then they're suddenly acting like they don't want to talk. I get worried about if they're even okay. Because of course sometimes there is a valid excuse (family emergency, etc), but I still believe that at SOME POINT, if that person is important to you and you know they are used to talking to you more (and especially if you have seen all their text messages asking what's up), you could find the time to just send a text or a quick call to let them know what's up.

And if it's not even an emergency but they just decide to ignore you? WTF. Anyway, since we're not in his head and only heard your side of the story, I can't be 100% sure what's going on or if 'you're right', but like some others have said, I think your feelings of frustration were completely legitimate, but maybe you shouldn't have snapped on him like that without knowing his side (although geez, how will you ever figure out his side if he won't talk to you?). But you did apologize and I don't think you said anything too bad...

Please do let us know what happens~!

K.

(in reply to ARIES83)

Post #: 21

RE: I was right.... right?? - 1/27/2013 7:29:43 AM

chadra

Posts: 32
Joined: 2/24/2006
Status: offline

FR

None of us know the whole situation, so I'll go only on what you've written here. It seems counterproductive to guess at what he may or may not have been thinking or what he may or may not have felt or what may or may not be the problem. The fact is that he is failing to communicate when his standard has been to communicate a lot.

So with all that said, it's reading to me like this guy has no issues with blowing hot/cold. In my experience, that's bad news. I say that from simple relationship perspectives. It has nothing to do with D/s or however you define your dynamic.

For me, I don't do friendships that blow hot/cold. Having it occur in a romantic relationship? Dealbreaker.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

(in reply to Kat713)

Post #: 22

RE: I was right.... right?? - 1/27/2013 9:03:26 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

You both sound needy, 30 texts a day seems like
too much.

That's how Master and I communicate while we're both working. We easily do 30 texts a day. It's just conversation and little comments. Since we've been together for 13 years, I'll go with "we actually enjoy communicating with each other" over "you sound needy".

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 1/27/2013 9:38:42 AM >

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Post #: 23

RE: I was right.... right?? - 1/27/2013 9:25:10 AM

orgasmdenial12

Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
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I would totally be pissed off. I actually have a rule where if I text them and they don't reply, I don't send another text. On occasion I might break this and send two on the run, if something cropped up that I need them to know, even if they don't get it till later, but never more than that.

The number of texts people send in a day is purely personal to them, however, when one party is letting the other do all the work, and withdrawing emotionally without explaining why, then there's definitely a problem.

OP, I think you need to take a deep breath and prepare yourself for the brutal reality that his true colours are showing, and that perhaps he is not the right person for you after all. You've made all the overtures, you can't force him to talk to you - now you have to sit back and wait for him to come to you - with some pretty darn good answers too.

Good luck

subbie xxx

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 24

RE: I was right.... right?? - 1/27/2013 9:43:16 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

He says it isn't about your family. As I was reading through the other posts, I began to wonder...seems like this might simply be more about you going away at all. Some people can't handle that. Doesn't make it right, but it is what it is.

If you get to talk, you need to iron all this out before moving forward. If you don't get to talk, then screw him, you deserve better.

Agreed. I once lost a bf after I returned from a trip to Costa Rica that had been planned months before I met him. When I returned, he was distant, and unwilling or unable to articulate the problem.

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Post #: 25

RE: I was right.... right?? - 1/27/2013 9:50:17 AM

evesgrden

Posts: 597
Joined: 6/9/2012
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What bothers me most is that your big question is "was I right".

don't care

don't keep score

Your question should be "What do you think of the way I handled this?" or "how do you think I should handle this" or "what do you think this means".

But were you right?

Even if the answer is "yes", it spells "high maintenance" to me.

Just sayin'

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Post #: 26

RE: I was right.... right?? - 1/27/2013 10:02:25 AM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: laceandpearls

I have know a man for about a year or so.
We finally dated and made things monogamous.
About a month later, he asked me to wear His collar.
I accepted. He then asked if down the road I wanted marriage.
I said yes, then He said when the time comes we will marry.
A formal collaring is scheduled but not finalized. (Some trouble brewing with some family etc)

I get 7 weeks vacation per year from work. I do not get Holidays off except for the day of the Holiday so I work before and after.
I made plans as I have every year to visit family which I havent seen at the Holidays last year. I go every January. My next vacation is scheduled in April.
He knew all this from the very beginning as I made it plain that I have a brother in a nursing home I visit on vacation.

Things were fine til time for the vacation. He became withdrawn. I didnt associate it with my vacation because well.. He said he understood.
The first few days of the vacation he would call and txt. Then as the days go by (I have 9 days off) the calls became nothing with only one txt per day which consisted of. Good morning. That was it. No matter how much I wrote or asked questions He wouldnt answer them.
Still I thought well, he has some troubles with family and has some problems with his back and taking meds for it.

By the fourth day, no txt. no call. The fourth day I looked at how many txts I had sent. 20. He replied with only Morning. Ok. Fine. things like that with only one word reply. He wrote back 9 times.
I wrote one last txt stating along the lines he must be tired or sick and taking some meds as I hadnt heard from him. I wrote I will not txt again until I hear from you. He didnt respond.
Today is the 9th day. FIVE days later he txted me. His only txt: Are you home yet?

well.... I got mad even more than I was before. I wrote back to him, Now see, I really want to say some nasty stuff here. Like, if you would have contacted me for the last 5 days you would know where the hell I am. Am I to expect the silent treatment every time I visit family? As far as I know you could have been dead for 5 days. I sent 20 messages before it dawned on my stupid ass yu are apparently mad because I am visiting family.

either you have lost all use of your hands and cannot call or txt or your vocal cords have been strained or cut.. or maybe even you have taken too much meds to call or let me know how you are. But then who am I to even need to know??? He never asked me how things are?.. hows the family? etc.. Nothing.

He didnt reply back.

This is my first argument with him and it was via txt not even on the phone.. or in person as I am still on vacation.

Now I feel bad.
I was right... wasnt I??

Lace....I am right.

Everything else is a myth.

My guess is, he lost complete use of his hands.

(in reply to laceandpearls)

Post #: 27

RE: I was right.... right?? - 1/27/2013 12:50:46 PM

ARIES83

Posts: 3648
Status: offline

I know there can be healthy relationships with
both parties enjoying that amount of
communication, just look at Linda & John
Mccartney, I think it was 30 years of marriage
with a handfull of days apart.

But does this example that we're commenting
on feel like one of those relationships to you?
The communication wasn't the deciding factor
anyway, it was just a worrying point when
combined with the rest of the story, and
everything together just says to me, that this
relationship isn't one of those epic love stories.

On the one hand you've got some kind of passive
aggressive, withholding type behaviour from the
guy who is probably pissed off about something
but would rather mope a round than talk about it.

But it takes two to tango and without seeing
what the other side has to say, I'm not willing to
say it's all his fault.

So have you and your master had any problems
like this in the past?
Fights over the amount of communication ect...?

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Post #: 28

RE: I was right.... right?? - 1/27/2013 3:25:38 PM

Phoenixpower

Posts: 8098
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

You both sound needy, 30 texts a day seems like
too much.

That's how Master and I communicate while we're both working. We easily do 30 texts a day. It's just conversation and little comments. Since we've been together for 13 years, I'll go with "we actually enjoy communicating with each other" over "you sound needy".

Have to agree with OsideGirl on that one....my ex and I used to text a hell of a lot at times as well....despite him owning 2 companies and me juggling uni and paid jobs at that time....we weren't needy but actually we often barely couldn't talk anyway as usually one of us was not able to speak on the phone due to being in meetings in lectures etc. and so we also ended up with countless sms during those years as at least that way we could update each other on what was going on and what lies ahead....

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Post #: 29

RE: I was right.... right?? - 1/27/2013 3:41:05 PM

Phoenixpower

Posts: 8098
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12
when one party is letting the other do all the work, and withdrawing emotionally without explaining why, then there's definitely a problem.

I could not disagree more....of course it depends on the people involved....but with my ex and me we had many times where one of us was texting way more than the other but we simply kept our text style drama free....the other person responds to if s/he wishes to and if not, then not....i did not feel the need to respond to everything he told me, nor did he....but at the same time we knew the other person read it and we got it off the chest in our busy lifes which we had in those days...

now of course if it becomes necessary to respond then you should get a response but also sometime people can be held up with other stuff in life....

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Post #: 30

RE: I was right.... right?? - 1/27/2013 4:01:14 PM

breagha

Posts: 380
Joined: 7/29/2012
Status: offline

there have been times that i don't hear from Master for 5 days. or more. ( he has a really crazy work schedule ) there have been times that the extent of our communication is a few lines of text. it used to bug the hell out of me. i used to think wow does he really have nothing to say to me? now i just know that is how he is. he prefers to do our talking in a different medium.

i think it is important that you let him know how you feel. what he does with that info though... totally up to him. i also think it is just as important that you try to understand how he might feel. i would have a lot of questions regarding the amount of texting/calling/messaging before this incident before i could say i feel one or the other is correct in their reaction.

(in reply to Phoenixpower)

Post #: 31

RE: I was right.... right?? - 1/27/2013 4:06:54 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83
But it takes two to tango and without seeing
what the other side has to say, I'm not willing to
say it's all his fault.

I'll agree there. He's not communicating at all and she's allowing anger to control how she communicates.

quote:

So have you and your master had any problems
like this in the past?
Fights over the amount of communication ect...?

We've never fought over the amount of communication. We're friends, we enjoy spending time together and have the same sense of humor.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to ARIES83)

Post #: 32

RE: I was right.... right?? - 1/27/2013 5:52:45 PM

Lucifyre

Posts: 1067
Joined: 3/27/2012
Status: offline

Fucking communicate with me.
It's a simple rule really...if there is no emergency, don't blow me off because that tells me I'm not important enough to you to let me know I'm worth your time.
If I'm not worth your time, then don't waste mine because THAT will piss me right off.

Was your reaction appropriate for the situation? Well, that depends entirely on you and how you feel. Were you right? Doesn't matter. What does matter is, do the two of you normalyly communicate on a regular basis, did he have a good reason for not doing so, and if he did, has he communicated that to you? Are you important enough to him for him to tell you something happened? It doesn't even matter what the problem was, he should have had the common courtesy to tell you what was going on...short of his hands not working for some reason or another, there is NO excuse.
I'm all about giving folks the benefit of the doubt, but if people cannot have enough respect for me to communicate thier needs or concerns to me rather than blowing me off then I say fuck them and they are dismissed from my life. I ain't got time for silly ass games.

hth ;)

Lucifyre

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Post #: 33

RE: I was right.... right?? - 1/27/2013 11:10:46 PM

TAFKAA

Posts: 382
Joined: 1/5/2013
Status: offline

Look, if we're to believe what you're saying 100%, then the answer is pretty fucking simple. He's behaving like a fucking child. And a Dom behaving like a fucking child is no Dom. Launch him. It'll only get worse.

(in reply to laceandpearls)

Post #: 34

RE: I was right.... right?? - 1/28/2013 7:44:16 AM

TheLilSquaw

Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

My guess is, he lost complete use of his hands.

Poor guy.
That means no more jerking off.

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Post #: 35

RE: I was right.... right?? - 1/28/2013 1:02:32 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

hmmm lemme see here 20 txt in a day...I prolly dont get 30 txt in a month from everyone. Getting into any sort of emotional discussion is taboo via txt, email whatever. That should be done over a phone call or better yet in person. Simple shit

BadOne

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Post #: 36

RE: I was right.... right?? - 1/28/2013 1:12:24 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

When i'm on vacation, i don't want to communicate with anyone other than the people i am with - which has been an issue in the past. I do think i would be calling the OPs fella and at least asking him whats the story? if you can't get him face to face.

Perhaps he doesn't believe you were visiting family.

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 37

RE: I was right.... right?? - 1/28/2013 1:54:16 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

We text instead of call when apart. Always have. He could easily be up a ladder or on top a roof and I'm not going to distract him by calling ten times.

But we both like a lot of contact. My kid said once it's like we're joined at the hip. Works for me.

But a guy who threw a tantrum because I wanted to spend my vacation visiting a relative in a nursing home is not someone I could respect. I'd have to believe that if it were me in a hospital, he'd be too busy chasing some strange to visit me.

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Post #: 38

RE: I was right.... right?? - 1/28/2013 4:58:47 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I just keep coming back to this and thinking he's not upset that she went away. He's upset that she is not making him a part of her life by taking this vacation without him, without asking him if he wanted to go, not meeting her family, etc... If that is what it's about, then I can completely understand on that point. It can be hard to feel as if you both are living separate lives and the other has no desire to share you with their family, friends, etc....

So we really don't know the other side and what was going on with him.

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Post #: 39

RE: I was right.... right?? - 1/28/2013 5:12:39 PM

LeatherBentOne51

Posts: 89
Joined: 12/28/2012
Status: offline

Sounds like he is jealous of your family, which to me is ludicrous. Is he trying to isolate you in other ways? If so, please use caution.
LBO

(in reply to ARIES83)

Post #: 40

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