RE: Got Prayers? (Or Good Wishes?)

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Duskypearls -> RE: Got Prayers? (Or Good Wishes?) (7/2/2013 8:12:26 PM)
Never doubt we love and care for you, even if for most of us it is at a distance. Everything in life has ups and downs, ebbs and flows and people, situations and even our own selves may feel driven to doubt, fearing expectations unrealistic, which often gives us pause. Neither doubt, nor pause, is necessarily a bad thing and it is not unreasonable for you to have both, from time to time. It is inevitable. We neither need nor expect you to dance for us, whether you are flying high or dragging butt. Come when you feel like coming, stay away when you don't. Speak playfully and humorously when strong and hopeful, and contrarily when not. Worry less, please, about whether or not you feel you meet our needs or expectations, for in regards to you and your situation, we have none, other than our desire you do what you need to do for yourself at all times, without apology or shame. It must be terribly difficult for you at times, as most of us have not had your experience and can only commiserate to a degree, no matter how much we wish otherwise. No doubt, you are in a very lonely club at times. Perhaps it even brings up things for you never before considered, and possibly at the most inopportune times. Under the best of your circumstances, I do not suspect it is easy. Under the worst, wish as I might, I cannot begin to understand. Be kind to yourself, my good fellow, and do let us know if, when and how we may be of service to you, should the opportunity arise, individually or collectively. You are deeply loved, Diana

KMsAngel -> RE: Got Prayers? (Or Good Wishes?) (7/3/2013 12:53:30 AM)
quote: I know my recent emails and texts don’t have the quirky, spunky defiance of earlier editions, when all this was new and the physical toll was still in the future. That makes me worry that I’m wearing folks out and overdrawing on their sympathy. So then I try keeping the rough stuff to myself, but that never works for long. I’m also keenly aware that I owe replies to more wonderful emails (and CM messages!) than I can count, and I apologize for that. though dusky says it far more eloquently: don't be daft, man! spew out the rough, the spunky, the depressed and let us uplift you or just give you a virtual hug.

KMsAngel -> RE: Got Prayers? (Or Good Wishes?) (7/3/2013 1:15:06 AM)
. [image]local://upfiles/417876/3F17C26C7F104D04856C5086B6DCF981.jpg[/image]

Duskypearls -> RE: Got Prayers? (Or Good Wishes?) (7/3/2013 7:29:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KMsAngel quote: I know my recent emails and texts don’t have the quirky, spunky defiance of earlier editions, when all this was new and the physical toll was still in the future. That makes me worry that I’m wearing folks out and overdrawing on their sympathy. So then I try keeping the rough stuff to myself, but that never works for long. I’m also keenly aware that I owe replies to more wonderful emails (and CM messages!) than I can count, and I apologize for that. though dusky says it far more eloquently: don't be daft, man! spew out the rough, the spunky, the depressed and let us uplift you or just give you a virtual hug. See, dc, KMs says the same thing, only in far fewer words. Splendid!

Rasciallymisty -> RE: Got Prayers? (Or Good Wishes?) (7/3/2013 7:32:41 AM)
I second what Dusky and KM's both say....and continue to say prayers.

outlier -> RE: Got Prayers? (Or Good Wishes?) (7/3/2013 8:50:29 AM)
Me Three! I am not going to rephrase what Dusky and KMsAngel have already said, I am just posting to affirm it. Roll on DC.

dcnovice -> RE: Got Prayers? (Or Good Wishes?) (7/23/2013 6:09:07 PM)
Latest update. Apologies to anyone to whom I owe a cmail! Apologies for being so out of touch lately! I’ve meant to write for days but have been either too busy or too tired. More likely the latter. As some of you know, I’m a huge fan of Margaret Edson’s luminous play Wit, which I had the good fortune to see at the Kennedy Center a while back. Judith Light did a magnificent job in the lead and was wonderfully gracious about autographing programs afterward. And my joy in this theatrical triumph was enriched by the delight of having known Edson as a fellow parishioner before she moved to Atlanta. Since my diagnosis, I’ve reread the play several times, marveling afresh at its acute portrayal of the surreal terrain on Planet Cancer. One line, tweaked slightly, has been particularly in my mind lately: “I did not know there could be such [fatigue] on this earth.” (The original reference was to pain, which I’ve been largely spared so far.) And I didn’t. That was a shock, given the sleepiness and low energy I’d endured through the long years of depression, diabetes, and insomnia. But those ailments have nothing on the Big C when it comes to flattening a guy. Actually, it’s the treatment, rather than the cancer itself, that’s been kicking my butt. I barely stirred this past weekend, somehow made it through work yesterday, and had to lie low today. Hoping to return to the trenches tomorrow. Fatigue will top my agenda when I next see my oncologist, at 8:55 a.m. on Thursday. Lest I leave you on a gray note, I should mention that life has included some delights as well: a wonderful visit by my sister; brunch with dear friends from my first year of college; great results from my latest endocrinology blood work; and the discover that complete Vicar of Dibley episodes are available, free, on YouTube. As always, thanks for being there!

ShaharThorne -> RE: Got Prayers? (Or Good Wishes?) (7/23/2013 7:07:48 PM)
I know chemo is a bitch. Just hang in there and complain all you want. We got ears to hear you with, arms to hold you with and hearts to love you with.

Lucylastic -> RE: Got Prayers? (Or Good Wishes?) (7/23/2013 7:15:12 PM)
What a gorgeous sentiment Shahar!! and I have to second it. I left you a message on your phone DC< hugglies

dcnovice -> RE: Got Prayers? (Or Good Wishes?) (7/31/2013 4:11:20 PM)
Latest update. Apologies to anyone to whom I owe a cmail! July 31, 2013 “A little…” Chemo fatigue, I’m sorry to report, still sinks its talons into me. For days now, I’ve found it almost impossible to remain vertical for much more than half an hour. The exception that proved the rule was yesterday. I managed to rise and shine for a CT scan at Georgetown. A kind friend picked me up for my first foray out of the apartment in several days. The best measure of how I felt was my reaction to entering the room with the giant doughnut: “Oh, thank God! I can lie down again.” Another kind friend picked me up after my scan, and I was sorely tempted to say, “Please just take me home.” But I went to the Zoo and made my way to my desk. Miraculously, I did get a few things done, though I felt miserable the whole time. This morning, I was too wiped out even to consider leaving home. I’m hoping to return to the fray tomorrow if only to break the boredom of being stuck here. My oncologist called this morning with the results of the scan. MiMA has shrunk “a little,” he reported, though it’s “nothing to get too excited about.” He was pleased, he said, that “there was no evidence of anything new or worse.” It’s not clear, he explained, whether the scan reflected chemo at work or lingering benefits from radiation. The news, I realized later, is a classic half-full/half-empty lens. Being in a half-empty frame of mind lately, I focused initially on “nothing to get too excited about,” thinking glumly that the phrase could be my official slogan for 2013. But then I thought that even “a little” shrinkage was worth celebrating, given how intractable MiMA’s been thus far. I’m trying to remember how tiny drops of water can erode whole mountains over time, though I do hope things move a bit more speedily in my butt. And I’m certainly grateful for the absence of new bad news. The next step in this journey will be returning to New York to see my surgeon on August 9th. Well, more precisely, it’s a chance for him to see me. He’ll poke and prod a bit, which will help him decide if I should continue with chemo or proceed to surgery. I’ll be glad to have that settled, since not knowing the treatment timeline really complicates planning. And now I’m going back to bed. As ever, thanks for listening!

theshytype -> RE: Got Prayers? (Or Good Wishes?) (7/31/2013 4:48:25 PM)
Yay! That IS good news!

DomMeinCT -> RE: Got Prayers? (Or Good Wishes?) (7/31/2013 8:40:06 PM)
Any victory - large or small - is worth celebrating. Good for you!

SDFemDom4cuck -> RE: Got Prayers? (Or Good Wishes?) (7/31/2013 9:22:15 PM)
"a Little" is a matter of perspective. To that Dr. "a Little" may not be something to get excited about but in your perspective (and ours) it is a huge thing. Shrinking even a little is better than no change. It is even more fantastic than growing. So whoop it up my friend! Yay you! For once, shrinkage is very very good! Whooty whoo!

kdsub -> RE: Got Prayers? (Or Good Wishes?) (8/1/2013 11:39:08 AM)
dcnovice you are a man of strength...an inspiration to us all. Just to add to your load [:)] we are depending on you to show us how to face adversity with courage and...will... stubbornness. Butch

MistressDarkArt -> RE: Got Prayers? (Or Good Wishes?) (8/1/2013 11:48:11 AM)
Still with you, DC :-) {{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}

Politesub53 -> RE: Got Prayers? (Or Good Wishes?) (8/1/2013 4:40:12 PM)
DC, I can only repeat the wishes others have already given.......... Chin up and take it a day at a time. Edited for a schoolboy spelling error.

Rule -> RE: Got Prayers? (Or Good Wishes?) (8/1/2013 7:15:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Duskypearls Never doubt we love and care for you, even if for most of us it is at a distance. Everything in life has ups and downs, ebbs and flows and people, situations and even our own selves may feel driven to doubt, fearing expectations unrealistic, which often gives us pause. Neither doubt, nor pause, is necessarily a bad thing and it is not unreasonable for you to have both, from time to time. It is inevitable. We neither need nor expect you to dance for us, whether you are flying high or dragging butt. Come when you feel like coming, stay away when you don't. Speak playfully and humorously when strong and hopeful, and contrarily when not. Worry less, please, about whether or not you feel you meet our needs or expectations, for in regards to you and your situation, we have none, other than our desire you do what you need to do for yourself at all times, without apology or shame. It must be terribly difficult for you at times, as most of us have not had your experience and can only commiserate to a degree, no matter how much we wish otherwise. No doubt, you are in a very lonely club at times. Perhaps it even brings up things for you never before considered, and possibly at the most inopportune times. Under the best of your circumstances, I do not suspect it is easy. Under the worst, wish as I might, I cannot begin to understand. Be kind to yourself, my good fellow, and do let us know if, when and how we may be of service to you, should the opportunity arise, individually or collectively. You are deeply loved, Diana QFT A very good post.

Rule -> RE: Got Prayers? (Or Good Wishes?) (8/1/2013 7:28:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dcnovice “I did not know there could be such [fatigue] on this earth.” (The original reference was to pain, which I’ve been largely spared so far.) And I didn’t. That was a shock, given the sleepiness and low energy I’d endured through the long years of depression, diabetes, and insomnia. But those ailments have nothing on the Big C when it comes to flattening a guy. Actually, it’s the treatment, rather than the cancer itself, that’s been kicking my butt. I barely stirred this past weekend, somehow made it through work yesterday, and had to lie low today. Hoping to return to the trenches tomorrow. Fatigue will top my agenda when I next see my oncologist, at 8:55 a.m. on Thursday. You probably are on medications that interfere with DNA replication. (I am not in favor of such, but that is besides my point.) Consequently the production of red blood cells is to a very great degree halted. Thus your fatigue is due to anemia. And in fact that is a good thing and likely the biggest factor in slowing the growth of the cancer, for cancer craves oxygen and nutrients and without either it will stop growing. So rejoice in being fatigued.

dcnovice -> RE: Got Prayers? (Or Good Wishes?) (8/4/2013 7:52:27 PM)
quote: So whoop it up my friend! Yay you! For once, shrinkage is very very good! Best laugh of the week! Many thanks. [:)]

dcnovice -> RE: Got Prayers? (Or Good Wishes?) (8/4/2013 7:55:19 PM)
Latest update. Apologies to anyone to whom I owe a cmail! August 4, 2013 Sunday Soundtrack I’ve never been especially musical, though I did once win second place in a parish talent show for singing “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.” Nonetheless, my brain seems to be fertile habitat for earworms, those irksome song snippets that lodge in one’s gray matter. The absolute worst, some years ago, was the Maryland Lottery theme song. Had it lasted a day longer, I’d have lobotomized myself. A close contender is the earworm that’s haunted me all the past week. It’s a snippet from “Alone Again (Naturally)” by Gilbert O’Sullivan: Leaving me to doubt, Talk about God in His mercy For if He really does exist Why did He desert me? You can see how that would be a hard thought both to harbor and to shake. I finally decided that the only way to drive out an ugly earworm was to slip a new one into the ecosystem. So I turned to a favorite old hymn, “Praise to the Lord, the Almighty” (390 in the 1982 hymnal). I focused on two favorite bits: Hast thou not seen how all thou needest hath been granted in what he ordaineth? * * * Ponder anew what the Almighty can do, who with his love doth befriend thee. I knew it would take more than lyrics to feed this new earworm, so I hit YouTube and delighted in a variety of renditions, including one by the congregation gathered in Westminster Abbey to celebrate the 60th anniversary of the queen’s coronation. I’ve always been oddly fond of the old girl, and it touched me that a favorite song of mine was part of her big day. (Whether she chose it herself is, I realize, an open question.) And as I pondered anew, it struck me, not for the first time, that the Almighty has done some wonderful things for me during this medical odyssey—surrounding me with loving family and friends, feeding me literally and spiritually through the generosity of loved ones, seeing me through radiation with relatively minor side effects, giving me caring and skilled medical care and the means to pay for it, deepening my awareness of others’ suffering, peopling my life with medical mavens who help with my countless questions, blessing me with amazing colleagues and a workplace the accommodates my medical needs, and letting me keep my hair and (most days) humor. All that I truly need has indeed been granted. This afternoon, driving home from a lovely picnic and poolside lounging with dear friends, I heard yet another candidate for my Sunday soundtrack—“What a Wonderful World” by the inimitable Louis Armstrong. And my closing song, an old favorite that I stumbled across on YouTube just now, is “I Believe” as rendered by Engelbert Humperdinck. Both brought mist to my eyes and a lift to my spirits. Well, the work week beckons, so it’s time to sing myself to sleep. Thank you, as always, for being part of my joyful song.

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