|
TwoHeartsBeatOne -> RE: what about negative experiences (2/1/2013 4:46:02 PM)
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: carmenelektra
I am new here and have experienced some ugly bull from a user, stuff not having to do with any lifestyle here
there should be a peer review here, is this the place, if a user is a complete mean jerk, we should be able to discuss them, if we have negative experiences, that is much more important to know then any positive experience.
there has to be a forum for this topic and I do not see it,
so what about the people here whose intent is just to harass and be mean, the people who take ones pics and tells you they will post them everywhere on the web to be an jerk.
seems like this is very important topic that seems off limits, is it, or is it not.
Hi carmenelektra,
To answer your original question/assertion...
I'm sorry that you were hurt. It happens to all of us. The internet is a part of our lives now and just like every other part of life... there is no protection from "bad" people.
Except... the part we do control - the way we choose to attach meaning to our experiences. Here's what helps me keep my own "happy" in the face of some undeserved, vile behavior flung my way:
1) Take action. Roll eyes, block, hide, delete... and if appropriate... report. While doing this, say to myself, "At least I get to walk away. LOL That person doesn't get to avoid their own presence!"
2) Honor your feelings. If "they" hit a nerve... I give myself a minute to just feel plain old angry with them. That's my minute. I think of anger in the same way I think of pain, or fear - they are signals that I need to take care of myself in some way. That may mean adjusting my own behavior or thoughts in such a way as to restore my own peace of mind. In short... choose boundaries or limits or standards that take better care of me. I cannot control others, but I can control the labels I give to experiences. So, I focus on that.
3) Yes, write about it if that helps you. This part requires a bit of creativity, or none. I've deleted a journal entry after keeping it up for a month. It made me feel better to post it and when the scales tipped from "I care about this" to "let that crap disappear into the past," I removed it. All I did was copy and paste the email the liar sent me, replaced his name with [signature], and responded to it, point by point. That does not violate terms of service. I doubt anyone cared about it except me, but I count and my choice of how to react satisfied me.
4) There is a thread here for emails that are, shall we say, "precious." You simply cannot identify the person by name. (I think it's under "Humor," but that doesn't mean the emails are cute - it means we laugh at the writer.) Many of us have found that the same temper tantrums were repeated and sent out to many. You'd be surprised how easy it becomes to recognize who it is. This option also offers a chance to express empathy towards others who have also been hurt unjustly. It's empowering. :)
5) Meet people in real life. That is another avenue where "gossip," the old faithful of communication, flourishes. It's a small world and these people that are so hurtful become known, reviled and excluded.
6) Accept that we are in someone else's "house" here on CM. It's a group, with a leader and that person has earned the right to set rules that protect CM. That's not like a friend who might stick up for me. That's me visiting a stranger's house and respecting their right to set their rules under their roof.
I am always free to do the same in my own house - and I do. If a suggestion is made by a guest in my home about how I can improve my home, that's cool. If a suggestion is made by a guest in my home about how I can improve my home AND I still have to accept legal and/or financial responsibility for that improvement, I expect the person who makes the suggestion to defer to my decision. They are free to like it, or not: to stay or to leave. Even if it is not a good decision I've made, it's my home and I get to make mistakes in my own home. I am the only one responsible for my home.
So, you see, it's not that you are wrong to feel hurt. It's not that you shouldn't stick up for yourself. It's not that others haven't thought or felt what you assert.
It's that the solution you suggest is not a new idea - it's simply an ineffective one. Anyone who has been in the position of having to judge between two opposing "stories" can attest to the fallibility of getting that right every time.
Personally, I do not even know who owns CM, but I know I have no right to compel them to please me in any way.
I can almost hear you... "but, if they did it my way, it would be better." Obviously, CM disagrees that the solution you suggest is better for them. Again, we are visitors in CM's house.
Lastly, other newbies have faced the ire of message board posters AND they found that showing that they needed over 100 posts to get that there just may be something they aren't seeing, that they disagree but will think about it AND expressed gratitude for the time and attention given their question or position... has the power to turn contention into understanding and a chance to begin anew.
That power is yours to access if you so choose.
Again, this thread experience offers you a choice in how to proceed from here. Like others have told you... not a great beginning... most beginnings do NOT go smoothly. Not everyone will like you, accept you or appreciate you. Join the club, you know?
Be well.
|
|
|
|
