what about negative experiences (Full Version)

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carmenelektra -> what about negative experiences (1/31/2013 6:17:31 AM)

I am new here and have experienced some ugly bull from a user, stuff not having to do with any lifestyle here

there should be a peer review here, is this the place, if a user is a complete mean jerk, we should be able to discuss them, if we have negative experiences, that is much more important to know then any positive experience.

there has to be a forum for this topic and I do not see it,

so what about the people here whose intent is just to harass and be mean, the people who take ones pics and tells you they will post them everywhere on the web to be an jerk.

seems like this is very important topic that seems off limits, is it, or is it not.




thishereboi -> RE: what about negative experiences (1/31/2013 6:22:36 AM)

It's called blacklisting and it's against the rules of the site for very good reasons.



xLaChienne -> RE: what about negative experiences (1/31/2013 6:22:44 AM)

There are websites for that.

This isn't one of them.




DarkSteven -> RE: what about negative experiences (1/31/2013 6:35:03 AM)

Feel free to blow off steam. But you cannot name that user.

Too much potential for abuse, for example, from people whose advances got spurned.

Also... you're right now at the beginning of a hell of a hard journey. The only way you'll get through it is to focus on the next step. Focusing instead on anger and negative thoughts will prevent your progress.

Good luck. And kick Dennis Rodman for me. [:)]



carmenelektra -> RE: what about negative experiences (1/31/2013 6:37:20 AM)

still, a person is being beyond a jerk, I am sure this site is not that kind of a site, I do not see how pointing out people are simply bad is blacklisting at all, I can not understand what the harm to anybody is to point out the bad actors

it seems very unfair,

I guess the site is also for one sided abuse and I am too submit to the abuse?

I am not talking domination or bdsm stuff, I am talking about rotten people messaging me, how come if a person says something that has no business on this site I can not make a post

that is not blacklisting, it is not making up an insult or being negative,

this site should allow at the least, the truth,

I read the rules, people can not insult or troll here, but they can in messages to me, very not fair and not having an outlet to point this out does make one harbor ill feelings.

and again, this is not about the lifestyle but about people here just to be mean ugly trolls



peppermint -> RE: what about negative experiences (1/31/2013 6:38:16 AM)

Try reading here to find out why bashing other users is not allowed.



carmenelektra -> RE: what about negative experiences (1/31/2013 6:38:39 AM)

thanks, I understand the nature of the game,

you made me laugh, want to meet



DarkSteven -> RE: what about negative experiences (1/31/2013 6:40:29 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: carmenelektra

still, a person is being beyond a jerk, I am sure this site is not that kind of a site, I do not see how pointing out people are simply bad is blacklisting at all, I can not understand what the harm to anybody is to point out the bad actors

it seems very unfair,

I guess the site is also for one sided abuse and I am too submit to the abuse?

I am not talking domination or bdsm stuff, I am talking about rotten people messaging me, how come if a person says something that has no business on this site I can not make a post

that is not blacklisting, it is not making up an insult or being negative,

this site should allow at the least, the truth,

I read the rules, people can not insult or troll here, but they can in messages to me, very not fair and not having an outlet to point this out does make one harbor ill feelings.

and again, this is not about the lifestyle but about people here just to be mean ugly trolls


Stop it.

There are people in this world who will not get along with you. Get used to it.

You are about to start a new life, fresh. This is not the right way to start it.



carmenelektra -> RE: what about negative experiences (1/31/2013 6:43:14 AM)

I am not talking about bashing, I am talking about posting an honest review, based on things they send in messages, I am not talking about a partial quote, I am not talking about the lifestyles

just the trolls, people just here to be mean,

I will follow the link

we are all free and open, seems its best to share positive as well as negative experiences, if the person has positive reviews as well as negative reviews, there is no harm

and again, it can not be bashing if I post the exact text in a message sent to me, there words, not mine, I say its ugly, people can comment on that and if this is a user that does nothing but insult and flame, other users will be able to post the exact texts of messages.

if someone messages me and its has zero to do with the lifestyles, that should be fair game



carmenelektra -> RE: what about negative experiences (1/31/2013 6:45:40 AM)

I am just discussing this, that is all,

my opinion, simple as that, I think I make sense, if not oh well

this is off topic discussion, I do not think people understand my premise.



carmenelektra -> RE: what about negative experiences (1/31/2013 6:57:33 AM)

quote:

If you still believe that blacklists are a good idea then consider the following thought experiment. Suppose that someone made up a malicious and horrible lie about you and posted it to a blacklist on the forum. Would you want us to take it down after you informed us of your innocence or would you be fine with us leaving it up despite your most impassioned pleas that the facts alleged about you were false? It is a pretty safe bet that you would want those false claims removed in a hurry. Now let us suppose that true claims are posted about a real jerk attesting to what a jerk he is. Further suppose that this jerk approaches us with the same passion you did, demanding that the true assertions about him are false and must be remove immediately. Both you and the other user come to us claiming passionately to be innocent but which one are we to believe? When you know the answer to that question, you will know why blacklists are not permitted.


I am not asking somebody to be banned, blacklisted, or blocked from the site,

negative reviews would be countered by positive reviews.

I simply should be able to discuss anything sent to me in my messages, if the person does not want negative comments they have a choice not to send them, not allowing me to discuss my messages in this forum seems like a very bad policy, it changes the character of the site and ignores an issue,

yes if I do not like the policy I can just go away, I blocked the user, they are gone, but they can come back again and again,

and a user's messages sent to me should be fair game if its an exact quote, that is all, imagine if one user had a 100 exactly quoted messages, commented on, that is not a blacklist, its simple reviews. users could post good messages as well

and do not confuse this with banning and blacklists,



Darkfeather -> RE: what about negative experiences (1/31/2013 6:58:09 AM)

Nope, understand you full well. Someone said some things that you found mean or offensive. That happens, this is the internet and here people get bold under the mask of anonymity. The problem arises when you choose to aire you issue out in public. It them becomes an issue of "he said-she said" so to speak, instead of you just blocking them and deleting. If you bring it into public light, you expose the issue to scrutiny, not only on the side of the culprit, but on your role in the issue. This is why these things are best handled in private



DarkSteven -> RE: what about negative experiences (1/31/2013 6:59:43 AM)

Who are you to say that I don't understand your premise?

My sub is a TS. Five years ago, she was where you are now. She had lots of negative voices from within. She worked her way past them. Slowly, she started passing more and more. As she did, she felt better about herself. There were about a dozen times when she didn't want to go ahead. But she pushed herself and did anyway.

You're about to start off fresh. That means a lot of things. Gaining a good rep in the community is vital. She did lots of little things along the way - helping out folks, mentoring others, hosting people here, etc. She is now a vital part of the local community. She feels completely accepted and loved and cared for.

Had she had a piss poor attitude, I wouldn't have asked her to play, wouldn't have dated her. She has gotten where she is largely through her personality, and her attitude.



peppermint -> RE: what about negative experiences (1/31/2013 7:01:13 AM)

I think you need to grow a thicker skin if you want to use the internet.



carmenelektra -> RE: what about negative experiences (1/31/2013 7:11:41 AM)

I do not see how it would be a problem to discuss things in the forum, are we not all here to learn is some way or another,

I take my licks as I see them, this is the first site I have found where I am not free to speak my mind, granted I am not on many other sites.

Who needs thick skin, me, hardly, I would say anyone who is a troll should not be protected, I think reviews would harm nobody, imagine how thin skinned someone is if they can not be criticized in the community they participate in. Especially if they are simply quoted.

all is simple pleasant? but only through the rules that hide the truth.

a simple review without a blacklist, without banning, without blocking, they can be free to do as they please, I can care less, but messages and posts should have a place off topic,

its my opinion, nothing more.

I may be new here but I am not new to life nor the internet, not to message boards, if the owners of the site prefer the rules as they are, no problem, I am just presenting a view point that has nothing to do with a blacklist nor banning,

that is all



carmenelektra -> RE: what about negative experiences (1/31/2013 7:16:25 AM)

Me, I live in Hollywood, I go out all the time, I go out to clubs in the outfits in my profile, from hollywood to san diego to palm springs I am completly out, I do not worry about passing, how I look, because I love me and I have enough men that chase me to make me very comfortable, and turned on in my cute little outfits.

I say you did not understand my premise because I did not say someone should be banned or blocked or blacklisted, further you tell e the story about how your sub worked through things, fine, that is not me, I do go out and my next photo will be me at a bar on tgirl night, pic taken there at the bar, with friends, so I am way past the stage you seemed to suggest.

so yes, you did not understand the premise of a review of users,


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Who are you to say that I don't understand your premise?

My sub is a TS. Five years ago, she was where you are now. She had lots of negative voices from within. She worked her way past them. Slowly, she started passing more and more. As she did, she felt better about herself. There were about a dozen times when she didn't want to go ahead. But she pushed herself and did anyway.

You're about to start off fresh. That means a lot of things. Gaining a good rep in the community is vital. She did lots of little things along the way - helping out folks, mentoring others, hosting people here, etc. She is now a vital part of the local community. She feels completely accepted and loved and cared for.

Had she had a piss poor attitude, I wouldn't have asked her to play, wouldn't have dated her. She has gotten where she is largely through her personality, and her attitude.




TheLilSquaw -> RE: what about negative experiences (1/31/2013 7:33:44 AM)

OP...
The reason there isn't a Negative Experience board but it is because black listing is against the rules. Yes, me saying " Dark Steven and I meet and he was a total jerk and his feet smelled like he just walked through a warm cow pie." Although may be truthful (it's not it's just an example) that is still black listing it's also attacking another user which another rule violation.

I will say that I have gotten some amusing and colorful emails on the other side. A couple of them I have written about in my CollarMe journal. I don't name their names, I give them cute nick names and write about the email exchange. I do not attack them, or even attack their behavior. I simply write about the encounter.

So it's not a violation of the rule for black listing or for attacking another user. It is me sharing MY experiences with other's that follows the rules and guidelines of this site.

So if you wanted to discuss the behavior, not the person THAT would make for a wonderful topic and perhaps open up the door to even more discussions.



ETA: I would strongly suggest using the Block and Hide features. If the emails are vulgar or threatening by all means use the Report button 1st.

However, you are giving so much time and energy to negative experiences and virtual strangers.Do you really want them to have that power over you?



carmenelektra -> RE: what about negative experiences (1/31/2013 7:46:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw

OP...
The reason there isn't a Negative Experience board but is because black listing is against the rules. Yes, me saying " Dark Steven and I meet and he was a total jerk and his feet smelled like he just walked through a warm cow pie." Although may be truthful (it's not it's just an example) that is still black listing it's also attacking another user which another rule violation.

I will say that I have gotten some amusing and colorful email on the other side. A couple of them I have written about in my CollarMe journal. I don't name their names, I give them cute nick names and write about the email exchange. I do not attack them, or even attack their behavior. I simply write about the encounter.

So it's not a violation of the rule for black listing or for attacking another user. It is me sharing MY experiences with other's that follows the rules and guidelines of this site.

So if you wanted to discuss the behavior, not the person THAT would make for a wonderful topic and perhaps open up the door to even more discussions.







thanks for the comment, I am just of the opinion that its only the internet, I can understand why the rule exists, where to draw the line kind of gets obscured, certainly do not need a forum of hate, but that said

I like to speak my , I find it not blacklisting at all, if that person is a positive contributor to the lifestyle and this site, they will have plenty of users to offer "the other view", they will be point out how they contribute, they will have friends, if all they are is an ugly far right troll, that will be easily seen as well

the honest truth is never an attack



carmenelektra -> RE: what about negative experiences (1/31/2013 8:01:33 AM)

so lets say such in such goes to my profile, looks at my pics, than messages me saying nobody wants to see my ass hanging out of my shorts, they tell me I will get my ass hauled to jail and bounced out of the bar, that no man will want me, that I will never be a woman and am a poor example of one.

they follow up with the reply that they have taken my pics and will post them to other sites, and everyone will know where to find me

so lets say there is a forum where I can quote my messages, and comment,

what if one hundred other users post the same thing

what if the administrators see this, look at the account and find they are simple a troll and determine they are against the rules?

where is the harm or damage in that.

Hell if its not allowed in the forums that rule should apply to messages as well. It does not as far as I can tell

sure someone can have multiple account but it will be easy to see the same style over and over,

and again, there is no need to ban the person, its just a place to comment and review, if the rule applies in the forum wtih tens of thousands of posts, it should apply for a few emails that are easily flagged



TheLilSquaw -> RE: what about negative experiences (1/31/2013 8:12:32 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: carmenelektra


thanks for the comment, I am just of the opinion that its only the internet, I can understand why the rule exists, where to draw the line kind of gets obscured, certainly do not need a forum of hate, but that said

I like to speak my , I find it not blacklisting at all, if that person is a positive contributor to the lifestyle and this site, they will have plenty of users to offer "the other view", they will be point out how they contribute, they will have friends, if all they are is an ugly far right troll, that will be easily seen as well

the honest truth is never an attack




I speak my mind all the time.
So do many other posters here.

The honest truth can / is often an attack on the person.

I will use my example again. (again this is just an example I have never meet DS)

"Dark Steven and I meet and he was a total jerk and his feet smelled like he just walked through a warm cow pie."

That is a personal attack and based on MY personal opinion of not only his foot odor but his personality. So it totally biased.

Yes, someone else could post up a rebutal to my post.
But I could also make 100s of socks and post up negative reviews.

It happens ALL the time with online reviews.
Look how easily people make sock accounts and simply write negative reviews to make a person / business look bad.
Or vice versa, make sock accounts to make themselves look good.

AGAIN there are ways to discuss your personal experiences with individuals without violating the rules of the site.

I would also suggest, if you do nothing but post every negative interaction you have including names. People will simply not contact you period. They would be afraid that you MIGHT write something negative about them, even it is only a personal perception of the event(s).








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